Rain
Warning: Drabble, Angst-filled, and contains Dan
POV: First Person, Dan Scott
Disclaimer: As much as I wish differently, I do not own One Tree Hill.
Author Notes: This is one fandom that I'm far to shakey on to even be writing anything in. I've only seen like ten episodes, but the most recent one (what is the name?) caught my attention. Well, Nathan and Lucas did too, but hey. Dan's one of those character that you love to hate, but I just wonder about him really. Is that snarky manner of his an act or real? You decide. This is just my venture into Dan's character. Please review.
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.
What have you done my child?
Everything..."I hope you have your pants on."
I turn, already knowing that it's Keith. I saw him coming to me when he made his excuses to Karen and Lucas. I could already feel his anger at me when he heard me talking to the 'Whatever-his-name-was' scout from Duke. The worst thing was, I knew he was indifferent to me when I slammed him up against the wall in the jail.
Yet I turned.
I know I suprised him, the windows are tinted so he couldn't see my face before. He couldn't see the longing on my face. He can't see the fear on my face. He can't see my tear filled eyes that about to crash over the dam. He can't see the love in them.
But now he does.
And I know it scares him.
I desperately try to pull some, any, snarky response out of that uneducated brain of mine. Yet, I can't. All I can think about is how much I wish I could redo my life. How much I miss watching Lucas growing up, watching him through cafe windows as he skipped by while beaming that beautiful smile up at Karen. How much I miss holding Karen in my arms and just telling her that I love her and would spend the rest of my life with her. Even if it meant giving up basketball for her. Because she was worth it. Because he was worth it.
God, how pathetic am I?
The moment I Karen told me she was pregnant, I freaked. I ran, ran as far as I could. I was too young to be a father. I was still a selfish child, how could I raise a child of my own. I met Deb and tried to lose myself in her and stop thinking of Karen. Stop thinking of my unborn child. Stop thinking at all.
I did.
And then, Deb was pregnant as well. So I was stuck with a choice. Deb or Karen? I wanted to pull Karen to me and say, 'Forgive me. I love you and our child. Let's get married.' However the opposite came out of my mouth. I proposed and shortly thereafter, I married Deb. I tried to forget Karen and my son, who she was going to name Lucas. I tired so, so hard. Losing myself in drinking, partying, and everything else.
I couldn't.
I watched Lucas' first few moments entering this world. I gazed into his blue, blue eyes and saw such a pure and untouchabe thing that all I would ever do would sully it. I turned from the viewing area and quickly left, making sure Karen never saw my hopeful eyes as she cooed over her newborn. It was then that I knew what I had to stay away from them, as far as possible.
But that didn't keep me from watching.
Sometimes I would take Nathan to the park when he was little and watch as he ran around and played with the little kids. Sometimes, I would see a little blonde boy with blue eyes running in his place. Then I would shake my head, and call Nathan, and we would leave.
I never saw the little blonde haired and blue eyed boy watching my with sad eyes before he would go back to playing in the sand.
One day, when Nathan was three he told me about a friend of his at the park. His friend's name was Luke, and he didn't have a daddy, only a mommy. Because his daddy didn't love him. And that Luke had an Uncle Keith just like Nathan had. Luke also had blonde hair and blue eyes. Myworld nearly fell apart at that. My eldest son, Lucas Scott believed that he had never loved him. But that little boy was wrong, so, so wrong.
I never took Nathan back to the park.
I began to command Nathan's life with glowing examples of my own and knew the moment I began talking about basketball I was driving his son away. Nathan would soon become to hate his snarky, critical, commanding father. He would pull away from me becoming exactly what I wanted him to be.
Like anyone but me.
And because of that, I was proud of Nathan.
I still watched from the shadows as Lucas grew up. I was elated when his son took up basketball. I drank a can of Coke the day Lucas made his middle school team. I was so proud when Lucas had won his first basketball game from a dark corner of some small name gym. I watched as Lucas arrived to Tree Hill High School from my black sedan from the corner of the parking lot.
I watched as my sons were pitted against each other.
I watched as they progressed through high school. Growing from enemies to friends, and becoming close like he had always dreamed of. They were becoming like brothers. When Nathan had told Lucas how to get passed the other player and win the game. I almost smiled. There were those brothers that he had seen on the playground once. Closer than anything, but just as caring.
And now I was watching from the shadows again. Watching my broken family. Watching as everyone came together because of me. Watching as everything became the way it should have been all along. Watching as everyone became what they sould be. Watching as they left me.
And for that, I was glad.
"They aren't your family anymore."
I knew that, but wished it wasn't true. I wished that I could just turn back time and choose Karen and Lucas. But wishing never changed a single thing. If it did, everything would have been made right a long time ago.
So, I turned the key in the ignition and began to drive off from the cafe as the rain pounded through my open side window. I never closed my window as the rain poured through, soaking the interior of the car, my jacket, my pants, my shirt, and my face. But I deserved it if I caught some cold and died of it. Everyone would have been better off if I had died long ago.
I also let the rain in with another reason.
So no one would notice my tears.
-End
That's it folks, please review.