The sun came up as usual, and as it entered the bedroom window, it
first illuminated a black synthesizer, a bit scratched up, with two
stompboxes duct-taped across the top panel. It then perused a television
and a stack of anime tapes. Reaching the floor, it lightened the area
around several video gaming systems before reaching the foot of the bed.
The sun seemed to pause over the bed, warming the face of the
sleeping teenager within. This in itself is a rather boring and bland
way to open our story, but what would happen afterwards is what would
make this interesting.
NOTHING happened.
The sun shone some more, and still the teenager did not move. His
breathing was deep and regular, and the trained eye would pick out that
his eyes were twitching slightly as he experienced REM sleep, as he had
been for most of the night.
And still, NOTHING happened.
The boy's mother entered the room, complaining about the mild
smell that was starting to creep into the other rooms, when she found
that he wouldn't wake up. Of course, she thought he was kidding around,
but after she pried his eyelids open and dumped cold water on his head
(not simultaneously), she started to get concerned
because NOTHING was happening.
If she knew however, that the dreamrealms really and truly
existed, then she might not be as worried. However, this is not her
story. If it was,
then NOTHING would happen. And that would be BORING.
And so, we begin:
====================
Mirror in the Dark Productions presents:
DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR
(a work of Pokemon non-fan-fiction by Echo Albarn)
==========
Flashing images appeared before the closed eyes of one Joshua
Ransom. Nonetheless, he made sense of these images, and to his own mind,
formed a coherent reality. That reality suddenly cued up this image:
Darkness. The doors would soon be opening. He could already hear
the dull roar that was the celebratory cry of thousands of Obsessovia
Pokefanicus, the standard Pokemon Arena fan. The doors burst open, and
sunlight flooded in, blinding him for a moment. He could hear the
electric guitar that began his entrance music. Josh touched the
pokeballs at his waist for reassurance, waiting just before the music
launched into the main riff of "Today" to make his appearance on the
field of combat. As the Smashing Pumpkins tune continued, Ransom made
his way to the center of the recatngular ring to shake hands with his
opponent, a little kid with black hair and a red and white baseball cap.
The referee announced into the loudspeaker: "Ketchum: zero, Ransom:
zero. Begin match."
The kid pulled out a pokeball, twisted his baseball cap backwards
and prepared for a fight. "Bulbasaur! I choose you!" he yelled in a pre-
pubescent voice. Ketchum then chucked the ball towards the center of the
arena, whereupon a Bulbasaur appeared in a flalsh of white light.
"Bul...Bulbasaur." was its only comment.
Josh fingered the balls at his waist, thinking for a moment about
which pokemon to choose. In one fluid movement, he spun, came up with a
pokeball in his left handm and tossed it straight up into the air. The
ball was lsot to sight in the sun when Josh called out, "Fearow! Dive
bomb that sucker!"
Out of nowhere, it seemed, a large Fearow plummeted towards the
ground at an incredible speed, aiming directly for the Bulbasaur.
Ash, being a not-shabby trainer, was able to react in time.
"Bulbasaur, Vine whip!"
However, his poor choice in tactic would be the highlight of
blooper reels for years to come. The Bulbasaur whipped at the Fearow,
catching it around the neck. And pulling it in.
The imapct of bird and amphibianplantthing on wet grass was not a
sound for the fainthearted to hear. It was rather like 'toggg', with
none of the hollow echoing effect. The two pokemon lay on the ground,
both dazed. In a few seconds, however, Fearow stumbled to it's feet with
a dizzy "row?". Josh jumped into the air, fist raised in triumph.
"Ketchum: zero, Ransom: one."
"Bulbasaur, return! You're gonna pay for this one, mster!"
Josh smiled. "Let's go."
Josh's smile immediately faded when Ash called up his Squirtle.
"Fear?"
"Squirt!"
"Hoo-boy."
Fearow took to the air again, possibly to repeat what had happened
in the previous match, but it was immediately floored by a deftly aimed
water cannon.
"Fearow, return. There's nothing more you can do."
The empty pokeball was now full, as Josh pulled out another of
his favorites.
"Ketchum: one, Ransom: one."
"Jigglypuff! Knock his ass out!"
Swiftly, He placed very large headphones on his head, cranked up
"Globe Alone", and threw the pokeball. Jigglypuff popped out, took one
look at all the people in the stands, and...
...got stage fright, leaving it wide open to be clocked in the
head by a high-velocity stream of water.
"Ketchum: two, Ransom: one."
Ransom, sighing, pulled the headphones off and wiggled his fingers
in his ears for a moment, trying to regain some of his hearing. He then
recalled Jigglypuff and cleared his throat.
There was dead silence in the arena for a moment, then, rearing
back like Hideo Nomo, Josh Ransom pitched the pokeball.
"HITMONCHAN," he yelled, "LLLLLLLEET'S GET READY TO
RUMBLLLLLLLE!!!!"
Michael Buffer, sitting in the stands, threw a bag of popcorn at
him.
Undeterred, Josh and Ash squared up for the next round.
The Hitmonchan, affectionately called "Jackie", shuffled out to
the center of the field, bobbing and weaving the whole way.
Squirtle was no more than a punching bag before Jackie.
And of course it came down to the deicding battle.
Once more the shock of being in the championship match descended
upon Josh Ransom. He began to quiver a bit, and Jackie noticed.
"Chan?" it asked.
Josh made an ultra-cool motion with his hand, just to show how
solid he was at that moment.
"Chan!" was its response as it realized that everything was
a-okay.
Ash, rather peeved by now, glared at his opponent and briefly
looked to the stands, searching for the moral support of his friends.
They cheered and yelled his name, buoying his morale for a few
crucial moments.
As if it were an actual anime film, the dream went into
splitscreen for a moment. One pair of Japanese eyes, and one pair
American, glaring at each other. For effect, a tumbleweed rolled across
the field. Then Ash made his move. Instead of pulling out a pokeball, he
merely pointed down the length of the field. With all the bluster a ten-
year-old can muster, he yelled, "PIKACHU! I CHOOSE YOU!"
Josh smirked at his opponent, saying, "All right, whelp. It's on."
The pikachu, a rather intelligent member of the species (that's
not saying much, however), charged under the influence of it's Agility
attack.
Josh began to call out specialty attacks that he had created.
"Hitmonchan, Ali, now!"
Jackie began to bob and weave crazily, occasionally tossing a
punch or two, into the snout of the chraging rodent, before leeting
loose with a flurry of punches.
"Thundershock!"
"Rubber Glove!"
This attack had Hitmonchan inflate his boxing gloves to a
huge size, whereupon they'd block any incoming electric blast, again
trumping Pikachu.
The picachu looked rather tired out by this time, and it was
wobbling about, as it attempted to pull off a comeback victory.
Ransom would have none of that.
"Jackie, Hasek him!"
Jackie complied, flopping bodily onto the pikachu and flailing
about at an invisible puck. When he was done, Pikachu was in rough
shape.
THe referee stood up. "The match goes to..."
"US!"
The crowd gasped. Standing at the top of the scoreboard,
dramatically illuminated by the spotilights in the arena, it's none
other than Team Rocket.
Jesse and James, followed by a parachuting Meowth jump down to
the turf. They clear their throats, and begin their entrance.
"To protec-SHHHBOOOOOOOOOM!
Luckily, Josh had pulled out an anti-personnel rocket launcher
from some unknnown location and had just nuked Team Rocker. The crowd
cheered, and the Rocket murder charges were dropped.
Josh was the champion, my Friends.
===END===
===AUTHOR NOTES===
I wrote this because I could. There's just a time in every
writer's life where you want to write something and not give a damn
about spelling, grammar, or plot. The times you want to be a self-
insertion, and screw around with the worlds. The times you want to
insert useless cameos and blatant plugs. And most definetely, the times
you want to blow up some member of the cast just on principle. This is
one of those times. None of my other fics are like this, nor will they
ever be.
-Echo Albarn, blatantly Self-Inserting and not editing in July
of 2000.
====================
"Delusions of Grandeur" (C) 2000: Mirror in the Dark Productions.
====================
first illuminated a black synthesizer, a bit scratched up, with two
stompboxes duct-taped across the top panel. It then perused a television
and a stack of anime tapes. Reaching the floor, it lightened the area
around several video gaming systems before reaching the foot of the bed.
The sun seemed to pause over the bed, warming the face of the
sleeping teenager within. This in itself is a rather boring and bland
way to open our story, but what would happen afterwards is what would
make this interesting.
NOTHING happened.
The sun shone some more, and still the teenager did not move. His
breathing was deep and regular, and the trained eye would pick out that
his eyes were twitching slightly as he experienced REM sleep, as he had
been for most of the night.
And still, NOTHING happened.
The boy's mother entered the room, complaining about the mild
smell that was starting to creep into the other rooms, when she found
that he wouldn't wake up. Of course, she thought he was kidding around,
but after she pried his eyelids open and dumped cold water on his head
(not simultaneously), she started to get concerned
because NOTHING was happening.
If she knew however, that the dreamrealms really and truly
existed, then she might not be as worried. However, this is not her
story. If it was,
then NOTHING would happen. And that would be BORING.
And so, we begin:
====================
Mirror in the Dark Productions presents:
DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR
(a work of Pokemon non-fan-fiction by Echo Albarn)
==========
Flashing images appeared before the closed eyes of one Joshua
Ransom. Nonetheless, he made sense of these images, and to his own mind,
formed a coherent reality. That reality suddenly cued up this image:
Darkness. The doors would soon be opening. He could already hear
the dull roar that was the celebratory cry of thousands of Obsessovia
Pokefanicus, the standard Pokemon Arena fan. The doors burst open, and
sunlight flooded in, blinding him for a moment. He could hear the
electric guitar that began his entrance music. Josh touched the
pokeballs at his waist for reassurance, waiting just before the music
launched into the main riff of "Today" to make his appearance on the
field of combat. As the Smashing Pumpkins tune continued, Ransom made
his way to the center of the recatngular ring to shake hands with his
opponent, a little kid with black hair and a red and white baseball cap.
The referee announced into the loudspeaker: "Ketchum: zero, Ransom:
zero. Begin match."
The kid pulled out a pokeball, twisted his baseball cap backwards
and prepared for a fight. "Bulbasaur! I choose you!" he yelled in a pre-
pubescent voice. Ketchum then chucked the ball towards the center of the
arena, whereupon a Bulbasaur appeared in a flalsh of white light.
"Bul...Bulbasaur." was its only comment.
Josh fingered the balls at his waist, thinking for a moment about
which pokemon to choose. In one fluid movement, he spun, came up with a
pokeball in his left handm and tossed it straight up into the air. The
ball was lsot to sight in the sun when Josh called out, "Fearow! Dive
bomb that sucker!"
Out of nowhere, it seemed, a large Fearow plummeted towards the
ground at an incredible speed, aiming directly for the Bulbasaur.
Ash, being a not-shabby trainer, was able to react in time.
"Bulbasaur, Vine whip!"
However, his poor choice in tactic would be the highlight of
blooper reels for years to come. The Bulbasaur whipped at the Fearow,
catching it around the neck. And pulling it in.
The imapct of bird and amphibianplantthing on wet grass was not a
sound for the fainthearted to hear. It was rather like 'toggg', with
none of the hollow echoing effect. The two pokemon lay on the ground,
both dazed. In a few seconds, however, Fearow stumbled to it's feet with
a dizzy "row?". Josh jumped into the air, fist raised in triumph.
"Ketchum: zero, Ransom: one."
"Bulbasaur, return! You're gonna pay for this one, mster!"
Josh smiled. "Let's go."
Josh's smile immediately faded when Ash called up his Squirtle.
"Fear?"
"Squirt!"
"Hoo-boy."
Fearow took to the air again, possibly to repeat what had happened
in the previous match, but it was immediately floored by a deftly aimed
water cannon.
"Fearow, return. There's nothing more you can do."
The empty pokeball was now full, as Josh pulled out another of
his favorites.
"Ketchum: one, Ransom: one."
"Jigglypuff! Knock his ass out!"
Swiftly, He placed very large headphones on his head, cranked up
"Globe Alone", and threw the pokeball. Jigglypuff popped out, took one
look at all the people in the stands, and...
...got stage fright, leaving it wide open to be clocked in the
head by a high-velocity stream of water.
"Ketchum: two, Ransom: one."
Ransom, sighing, pulled the headphones off and wiggled his fingers
in his ears for a moment, trying to regain some of his hearing. He then
recalled Jigglypuff and cleared his throat.
There was dead silence in the arena for a moment, then, rearing
back like Hideo Nomo, Josh Ransom pitched the pokeball.
"HITMONCHAN," he yelled, "LLLLLLLEET'S GET READY TO
RUMBLLLLLLLE!!!!"
Michael Buffer, sitting in the stands, threw a bag of popcorn at
him.
Undeterred, Josh and Ash squared up for the next round.
The Hitmonchan, affectionately called "Jackie", shuffled out to
the center of the field, bobbing and weaving the whole way.
Squirtle was no more than a punching bag before Jackie.
And of course it came down to the deicding battle.
Once more the shock of being in the championship match descended
upon Josh Ransom. He began to quiver a bit, and Jackie noticed.
"Chan?" it asked.
Josh made an ultra-cool motion with his hand, just to show how
solid he was at that moment.
"Chan!" was its response as it realized that everything was
a-okay.
Ash, rather peeved by now, glared at his opponent and briefly
looked to the stands, searching for the moral support of his friends.
They cheered and yelled his name, buoying his morale for a few
crucial moments.
As if it were an actual anime film, the dream went into
splitscreen for a moment. One pair of Japanese eyes, and one pair
American, glaring at each other. For effect, a tumbleweed rolled across
the field. Then Ash made his move. Instead of pulling out a pokeball, he
merely pointed down the length of the field. With all the bluster a ten-
year-old can muster, he yelled, "PIKACHU! I CHOOSE YOU!"
Josh smirked at his opponent, saying, "All right, whelp. It's on."
The pikachu, a rather intelligent member of the species (that's
not saying much, however), charged under the influence of it's Agility
attack.
Josh began to call out specialty attacks that he had created.
"Hitmonchan, Ali, now!"
Jackie began to bob and weave crazily, occasionally tossing a
punch or two, into the snout of the chraging rodent, before leeting
loose with a flurry of punches.
"Thundershock!"
"Rubber Glove!"
This attack had Hitmonchan inflate his boxing gloves to a
huge size, whereupon they'd block any incoming electric blast, again
trumping Pikachu.
The picachu looked rather tired out by this time, and it was
wobbling about, as it attempted to pull off a comeback victory.
Ransom would have none of that.
"Jackie, Hasek him!"
Jackie complied, flopping bodily onto the pikachu and flailing
about at an invisible puck. When he was done, Pikachu was in rough
shape.
THe referee stood up. "The match goes to..."
"US!"
The crowd gasped. Standing at the top of the scoreboard,
dramatically illuminated by the spotilights in the arena, it's none
other than Team Rocket.
Jesse and James, followed by a parachuting Meowth jump down to
the turf. They clear their throats, and begin their entrance.
"To protec-SHHHBOOOOOOOOOM!
Luckily, Josh had pulled out an anti-personnel rocket launcher
from some unknnown location and had just nuked Team Rocker. The crowd
cheered, and the Rocket murder charges were dropped.
Josh was the champion, my Friends.
===END===
===AUTHOR NOTES===
I wrote this because I could. There's just a time in every
writer's life where you want to write something and not give a damn
about spelling, grammar, or plot. The times you want to be a self-
insertion, and screw around with the worlds. The times you want to
insert useless cameos and blatant plugs. And most definetely, the times
you want to blow up some member of the cast just on principle. This is
one of those times. None of my other fics are like this, nor will they
ever be.
-Echo Albarn, blatantly Self-Inserting and not editing in July
of 2000.
====================
"Delusions of Grandeur" (C) 2000: Mirror in the Dark Productions.
====================