A/N: So some of you may recall my oneshot This Love Is Ours, that I wrote back in Feburary. In one of the reviews I got for that oneshot, I was asked to do an entire series of oneshots to the songs on Speak Now. Given that most of the songs on that album are break-up songs, and that 40 Days was my focus, I just couldn't see giving myself over to that. Ironic, right? Considering I'm not juggling Lonely Ones, Say, Heartbeat, and Redemption (and NaNoWriMo is on the horizon…).
As it is, I heard Red yesterday and the words just hit a chord in me. My plan right now is to do the whole album (including any possible bonus tracks), however that may change if the song doesn't lend itself to an idea. And, as stated on twitter earlier today (Oct. 5th) I will NOT be writing a oneshot to Ronan. Partially because I feel that taking such a personal song and turning it into a oneshot would be disrespectful to what it stands for, but also because I refuse to put our couple through that. There's a lot of subject matter I WILL take on, but taking a child away from Ezra and Aria (or from each other) is something I just don't have the heart to do. I don't take death lightly (as evidenced by Help Me Remember).
"Red" Oneshot Series
Burning Red
Snow blanketed the entire city, and it was still coming down in a white sheet as she stared out the windows of the airport terminal. The darkness of the sky made her realize just how lonely she was, regardless of the ring on her finger. All she wanted to do was get back to Rosewood for Christmas.
She watched as the lights of her airplane blinked on the runway between snowflakes, and then turned her attention down to her phone as she had pulled it out of her pocket. As she had seen only two minutes before, there was no service. It seemed to be that there would be no chance of calling home to at least say 'merry Christmas'. she sighed, wishing for the snow to dissipate. Still, it continued to fall.
She'd spent four hours in line at a service desk trying to get anything out of the airport that she was stuck in. Instead, she'd been rejected over and over as the snow continued to come down and told that she'd be better off to snatch up one of the rooms in the hotel across the street.
But Aria was a stubborn person, and she had been determined. By the time she'd actually given into the fact that she wasn't going anywhere, she was left with the humbling fact that the hotel rooms she'd previously been told to snatch up, had been taken. She was stuck in the airport for the night.
She stared longingly at the bits of the runway that she could see for a few moments longer before she turned around and walked over to where she'd left her luggage next to a chair. She sunk down into it and rested her left elbow on the arm rest before dropping her head into her hand and heaving a sigh.
"This is why I have a plane," she muttered under her breath to herself. "Why did you let them give you a plane, Aria?" She muttered to herself in the same tone her father had used when it had been offered to her. "So I don't end up like this." she grumbled.
The last five years had been pretty good to her. She had gone to UCLA as she had told Ezra she'd wanted to, and she'd graduated with high honors. What was even better was that her freshman English professor had seen her raw talent and further helped her to cultivate it. He'd entered her final paper that year into a contest without her knowing, and she'd won five thousand dollars.
It had taken her a long time to commit to the idea of ever getting anything published after that, even after having been told that she was capable of achieving amazing things. She'd been furious with her teacher, but he'd stuck on her and continued to push her to explore her options. When she'd finally come to him with a story, he'd helped her pitch it to a publisher.
After that, her world had flipped around drastically. The publishers pushed it through with very little editing, and by the time she'd finished her junior year, studios were in talks with her about turning the book into a movie. She'd fought tooth and nail for involvement in staying with the movie from script to screen, and insisted it be made her way or not at all.
She'd been floored when the studio had actually agreed to it. After that, she'd decided to take her senior year off so she'd be fully focused on the movie. Meanwhile, her bank account swelled with money from the sales of her book and she was asked to write a sequel once the movie was over.
She retrieved her laptop from her carry-on, and then opened it up and loaded up her home screen. She watched as the screen went black from logging in, and then lightened up with a word document open on top of the screen.
The cursor blinked black and white next to the words Chilling Blue. It had remained that way for the past three weeks, ever since her publishers had requested a second book after how well the first had been capitalized on. Of course, how was she was supposed to write a follow up to the story that she didn't have an answer to? Regardless of how great a help her former professor could be, he wasn't Ezra, and she wasn't sure how she was supposed to continue beyond what she had started out with.
Burning Red had been her baby from the minute she'd arrived in LA. What had initially started out as her own journal entries had eventually turned into her telling a story to the entire world, with slight modifications. It was all about a girl, Taylor, who had been hired at a law firm in the mail room. Ultimately, she dreamed of having a career as a lawyer, but she had a long way to climb at the age of seventeen. She'd made fast friends with one of the first year associates, Eli, and then gone on to date him over the course of two years while she worked her way up to being a paralegal.
The story came crashing down in its climax when Eli and his senior partner, Gabriel, had exited the firm with the intention of starting their own firm in a different city. Eli had begged Taylor to go with him, but she'd already sat for the LSATs and was set to start law school in a few short months. In the ending chapter, Taylor had received a letter from Eli telling her he was settled in Washington DC, and Taylor was left holding his letter in one hand while she held a positive pregnancy test in the other, and dozens of choices to make.
"Writing the next great american novel?"
Aria jumped as she turned in her seat to look at the man whose voice had alerted her. Her eyebrows raised in surprise and she smiled as she stood. She rounded the chairs and the two of them rushed into a hug.
"It's so good to see you," Aria said.
"You too," Holden replied back. "I take it you're stuck here too?"
Aria nodded, rolling her eyes in frustration. "They're filming in Chicago, and the snow had already started by the time I got out." She paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. "What're you doing here? I thought you were going to law school at Columbia."
Holden shrugged. "I am. I spent the last few days in Princeton with Spencer before she went home, but my parents decided to holiday in Denver. I got stuck in a stopover in Milwaukee. I managed to convince a cabbie to drive the fifty miles here in hopes of actually making it, but I'm stuck."
Aria chuckled. "Yeah, I know how that feels." She looked down at her computer and watched momentarily. The slideshow screensaver had kicked in, and pictures scattered the screen. A photo of a dark-haired, blue eyed little girl running though the grass giggling popped up.
"That her?" Holden asked.
Aria couldn't help but smile. "Yep. That's Emberlynn."
"Is that recent," Holden asked as he followed her around the chairs and they sat back down.
"About four months ago," Aria said. She chuckled. "You know, when we could still see the grass."
Holden smiled. "They get it so early out here, I've heard."
Aria nodded. "There was snow on the ground before Halloween. "
Holden laughed softly. "Does it make you miss Rosewood."
Aria feigned a scoff. "It makes me miss LA. If my mother hadn't been so insistent about taking Ember home with her last week, we'd be spending Christmas in LA instead of trying to get back to LA. I wouldn't be stuck here," she whined.
Holden laughed again. "I'm sorry I'm such terrible company."
Aria shook her head. "You're not. I just miss her."
Holden nodded, looking back at the screen as another picture 'fell' on top the stack. "Is that Cassidy?"
Aria looked back at her computer screen once more. The picture was from her sophomore year in college. She'd flown home for the holidays with Emberlynn, and Cassidy had joined her. They were standing under the mistletoe in at her father's new place, and Aria had Emberlynn on her hip. She was wearing a black long-sleeved swoop neck shirt and dark blue jeans while Cassidy had on a dark grey sweater and black pants. At six three, he towered over Aria with dark brown hair. It was curly like Ezra's but cut relatively short. He often wore contacts over his brown eyes, but in the pictures he wore glasses.
"So what does your father think of the fact that you're dating a college professor ten years older than you?" Holden asked.
Aria shrugged. "They get along pretty well. When I first introduced them, my dad was all mad at him." She paused, and a smile crossed her face as she began to chuckle. "Until Cass pointed out that he was engaged to a woman fifteen years younger than him with a baby on the way."
"And Cassidy likes Emberlynn?"
Aria nodded, looking back at the picture for a moment longer before another came down over it. It was also from Christmas, but instead it was of she, Spencer, and Hanna. Emily had been in Texas with her mother, visiting her father. Aria was in the same outfit she'd worn in the pictures taken at her fathers, while Spencer was in a long-sleeved green holiday dress, with a chunky black belt around her waist. Hanna was wearing a long-sleeved white shirt and a pleated red skirt.
"What's better, she likes him a lot too," she replied a few moments later.
"And she's got the greatest aunts on the planet."
Aria whipped her head around and a large smile covered her face once more. She jumped out of her seat and walked over to Hanna and Emily hugging them tightly.
"Why in the world are you two here," she asked when she had released her tight hold on the both of them.
Hanna laughed, looping her arm through Aria's as they walked back over to the chairs. She sat in a chair next to Holden while Emily took one a few feet away.
"I was supposed to fly home to spend Christmas with my mom and her husband, but at the last minute, she called and told me they were flying to Florida to spend the holidays." Hanna explained. "All the other redeyes and nonstop flights were booked. I had to take on with a stopover. And then I got stuck."
"What about you?" Aria asked, turning to Emily. "Texas?"
Emily smiled, blushing. "There's this girl. We met last week and we wanted to get in a date before leaving for the holidays. According to the snow, I booked my flight too late."
Aria giggled, shaking her head.
"Where's Emberlynn?" Hanna asked.
Emily's brow furrowed. "Yeah, and where's Cassidy? He's usually attached at your hip when you two are together."
Aria sighed. "I let my mom convince me into letting her take Ember home with her last week. And Cassidy flew to LA to spend a few days with his family and then flew to Rosewood yesterday."
Hanna laughed. "So your boyfriend is in Rosewood with your parents…without you?"
Aria nodded. "So what?"
Hanna quickly shook her head. "Nothing. Nothing at all."
Aria rolled her eyes, but a smirk played on her lips as her eyes drifted back down to her computer screen. Another picture from the previous Christmas popped up of she and Emberlynn standing next to the Christmas tree at her mom's place.
"Oh, this has got to be some kind of joke." Hanna said in a deadpan manner as she looked past Aria and Holden. They both began to turn, and spotted Spencer heading towards them. Both opened their mouths to speak, but Spencer raised her hands quickly.
"Don't speak. I just saw Fitz coming from another gate. I don't know why he's here or where he's headed to, but he was headed this way." Spencer spoke in a rushed manner. She was clearly out of breath.
Before Aria had even turned around, Hanna had pushed the lid down on her laptop.
"Emberlynn isn't here, is she?" Spencer asked.
Aria shook her head. "She's in Rosewood with Cass and my parents. Are you sure it was him?"
Spencer nodded. "I mean the hair was a little shorter and-" she cut off quickly, turning towards Holden and smiling. "Hey sweetie." She pecked him on the lips before turning back to Aria. "He might've been a bit thinner, but I swear to God it was him."
Aria sighed, dropping her head into her hands and shaking it. She looked back up at her friends a few moments later. "Where's the nearest bathroom?"
Hanna pointed to a hallway just outside the terminal. Aria shoved up out of her seat and walked over to the bathroom. She shut the door behind her and locked it before walking over to the sinks and turning on all of the faucets. She moved back to the middle of the room with trembling hands, her eyes flitting from one surface to another, but never looking in the mirrors. She couldn't bare to look at own face – into her own eyes – at the moment. She brought her sleeved wrists up to her face and pressed the ends of her palms against her lips as she screamed. Between her own hands and the sound of running water, she was at least able to drown the sound a little bit.
When her throat was raw and scratchy, she walked over to the first faucet and turned it off, and then made her way down the row of sinks until they were all off. When she was standing in front of the last faucet, she finally looked up into the mirror. There were tears in the corners of her eyes, and her face was bright red. She inhaled and then exhaled a rough breath.
She knew that there was always the chance that she might run into Ezra again one day. Hell, she hadn't kept tabs on him, but she'd known that if she ever planned on moving back to Rosewood for any period of time, there was a chance he'd end up living there as well. Still, the last thing she wanted was to spend the night locked inside an airport with him.
Knocking on the door brought her out of her distraction of self-hatred, and she walked over to it. She could hear the muffled sound of 'it's Spencer; open up' before she turned the lock and opened the door just the slightest.
"You can't spend the entire night in here," Spencer told her. "He knows you're here."
"How?" Aria inquired. She cleared her throat as it cracked from screaming.
"You left your things out there, Aria. You may not have seen the man in five years, but you did date for two, and he knows you. And the giant b-26 cover on your laptop kind of gave you away." Spencer said.
Aria sighed and pressed her lips together as she blinked and tears began to fall down her face.
"What about an apartment in the valley?" Aria offered as she stared at her computer screen. She was taking a virtual tour of apartments in Los Angeles.
"How about a place in the hills," Ezra replied with a slight chuckle as he stared at his own computer screen. He was seated at his desk while she was curled up on his couch.
"I'm serious, Ezra," She said insistently. "I want to live somewhere I can afford. Just because your mother is forcing your trust fund back upon you doesn't mean that you should have to pay for everything."
Ezra turned in his chair and raised an eyebrow at her. "And the collection of short stories I'm about to get published won't do anything to help with that cash flow?" He teased.
Aria sighed. Trying to talk to him about where they were going to live was nearly impossible, and they were moving in a matter of months. "We need to be serious about this, Ezra. I don't want to be living in a hotel when we get to LA because you're not serious about where we're going to live."
Ezra pushed up from his seat and walked over to her. He tugged on his left pant leg a bit as he sat down next to her and then draped his arm behind her. "I honestly don't care where we live," he said. "As long as you're happy with it, and I don't have to be worried that you're going to get attacked while walking home."
Aria nodded before turning her attention back to her laptop. Ezra watched the screen for a few moments, looking at what she was, before he returned to his seat at his desk. Aria's voice filled the silence as she hummed softly. "tell myself 'it's time now, gotta let it go'…"
She could see the light smile that played on Ezra's face as she sang softly to herself. She watched the lines fill across his screen for a few moments as he typed before her brow furrowed in curiosity. "What're you naming it?"
"What, babe?" His voice was low, unfocussed on her words.
"What're you naming the book?" She asked.
She watched as a smirk tugged across the side of his face. He dared a glance back at her and then looked back at his computer screen.
"B-26." He sneezed a moment later and retrieved a tissue to wipe his mouth off.
Aria giggled. She moved her laptop off her lap and onto the coffee table before she stood and walked over to him. Ezra moved his chair back and she dropped into his lap before wrapping her arm around his neck. "Just so you know, the actual number was B-69."
Ezra wiggled his eyebrows at her. "Hot."
She was terrified to even go out into the terminal again, but slowly Spencer managed to coax her out of the bathroom, and they walked back over to the group. Hanna and Holden were in a heated discussion about something to do with soft drinks, and Emily was reading a textbook that Aria assumed was for one of her college courses.
Spencer walked over to Holden and sat down on his lap while Aria took her previous seat. Nervously, her eyes drifted towards the windows where Ezra was standing, just a few feet away from where she had stood when she'd watched the plane pull away from the runway.
She knew she couldn't open her laptop with him around, given the fact that Emberlynn was her screensaver and she looked far too much like her father, so instead she reached into her carryon and retrieved her iPad. She flipped open the case it was housed in and curled a leg under her as the screen lit up. She quickly typed in her passcode before the screen came to light. Her background was a picture of a quote from Burning Red that a fan had turned into a picture.
She tapped on her writing app and opened a fresh document before staring at the blank screen, just as she had with her laptop for the past few weeks. She laid her palms against the edge of the frame and her index fingers lingered over the F and J keys for a few moments before she quickly typed in Chilling Blue and hit the return button several times. She looked back up at Ezra. He was no longer looking straight up, but instead his head was tilted down, pensive.
She looked back at her iPad once more and began to type.
He was supposed to be number one and I was supposed to the best thing that had ever come along in his life. At least, that's what my mother told me when I was young. But my mother-
She huffed as she quickly hit the backspace button on the screen, and the words disappeared. Her bottom lip was trapped between her teeth as she stared at the screen once again. She dared another glance up at Ezra. His eyes flitted back just once, not necessarily catching hers, but looking far enough back that she could see the cerulean shade in them. The words began to flood over her.
Forgetting him was like trying to know someone you've never met. But loving him was burning red. And yet in the seemingly infinite silence that laid ahead as hours stretched into days that burning red faded to a blue so chilling that it hit me in my bones. I'd never felt ice co cold as that which formed around me, and the baby I wished for.
For the first time in weeks, she found herself typing like mad, and Spencer read lazily over her shoulder, muttering a comment here or there when she had a typo, or something didn't quite sound right.
When Ezra finally returned to where they were seated, the clock was ticking near 11:30. Aria had written nearly ten pages and finally felt like she had a flow going, or at least a place to start. She gulped when she looked up at sat Ezra dropping into the seat adjacent to Holden's.
"I'm going to find snacks," Hanna said suddenly. "Come with me, Em."
Aria's gaze flitted over towards Emily, and she could see the surprise in her face. She still held her textbook in her hands, which told Aria that she was probably still studying.
"We'll come with," Spencer said as she moved off of Holden's lap and grabbed his hand. Aria watched nervously as they headed back in the direction they'd all come into the terminal and then turned the corner, out of sight.
She was terrified to actually look up at Ezra, but after a long minute, she gathered the courage to look up at him and take in his appearance. Like Spencer had said, his hair was cut shorter. He no longer had his fringe, and his hair was slightly less curly, which seemed odd to her.
He wasn't gaunt by any means, but she could also see that he'd lost weight. The curiosity in her wondered why, but she was too afraid to actually say anything.
She wasn't sure why, but she got the feeling as her eyes finally fell upon his, that he was surveying her – regardless of how wearily. "Headed to Rosewood-"
"Why are you here?" She asked suddenly. The steely glare that had been in her eyes the day they had argued in the music room at Rosewood Day was clear in her eyes. Many things had changed about her in five years, but her feisty nature wasn't one of them.
"I didn't know it was a crime to get stuck in an airport during a snowstorm," he replied in a slightly defensive manner. "Besides, I figured you were in Rosewood."
"What's that supposed to mean," Aria asked angrily, shoving up out of her seat. Ezra opened his mouth to speak, but her eyes drifted up towards the hallway he friends had disappeared down, and she could see their four shadows backing towards the lounge. She huffed and walked over to the window, crossing her arms tightly over her chest as she watched the never-ending snow.
She was surprised when Ezra came to stand beside her, and she gulped at his proximity to her. Irrespective of how long they had been apart, her heart still began to hammer in her chest as he stepped closer. She took a generous step to the side to widen the gap between them. Ezra took another – smaller – step towards her and spoke.
"I flew to LA looking for you." His voice was soft, sounding as exhausted as he looked.
Aria whipped her head back looking at him. Her anger was still ever as present. "One, I haven't been in LA in months. If you knew anything about what's been going on in my life in the last few years, you'd know I've been here because they're-"
"Turning Burning Red into a movie," Ezra finished for her. "I know. I didn't know you were brought in to help. Aria, I came looking for you to fix things. I…" He reached for her hand, but she quickly tugged it back. It was then that he saw the ring on her finger. It was a large emerald surrounded by smaller diamonds.
"You're getting married," he murmured.
Aria nodded curtly. "Yeah. To someone who actually loves me enough that he'd do anything for me," she growled.
She turned to walk away from him, but only made it about five feet before he spoke again.
"Say what you mean, but more than that, say anything because it's better than saying nothing at all." He said.
Aria turned her head and looked back at him. Before she could speak, he spoke once more.
"That's the line, isn't it? I once said nothing and it was the worst mistake I ever made." His tone was still soft, honest.
Aria nodded as tears threatened to fall from her eyes once more. "Yeah, well that character was as young and naïve as I was when I wrote her. Sometimes it's better when you say nothing at all."
"Y-"
"Nothing hurts more than your mouth," She said, quoting her own writing back to him before she finally turned on her heel and walked back across the room to the chairs. She grabbed her laptop and her iPad and stuffed them back into her bag before she stood and slung the bag across her shoulder.
"Where are you going?" Spencer asked as she looked up at Aria.
"Somewhere away from here," Aria replied simply. She took one last glance up at Ezra before she walked out of the terminal and made her way down the hall.
She walked for more than half an hour through the entire floor of the building. She wasn't necessarily aiming to find somewhere specific to settle as much as she just didn't want to stop moving. She didn't want to be near Ezra, knowing how he could make her feel. More than that, she didn't understand why he suddenly wanted to care after five years, and have a place in her life. He'd refused to go to LA with her five years ago. He couldn't just waltz back into her life expecting her to accept him with open arms.
She eventually found herself in another lounge on the other side of the airport. It was dimly lit and quiet, but she'd seen a few more people as she'd walked around, on the main floor of the building. She assumed they were more grounded customers, but she didn't bother to actually go down to the first floor to find out.
She sunk down onto the floor and pulled her cell phone from her pocket. Her eyes widened as she saw that she one bar of service. She briefly wondered if she could get better service if she tried walking around again, and then shrugged the thought off as she realized she wouldn't have a clue what to say if she actually managed to get through to Cassidy. What could she really say? That her daughter's father was back in her life? That she'd run into him in an airport?
And what about how every time she looked at Ezra, she felt a spark of electricity shoot through her body? What about how when he'd stepped closer to her, it was as if there was a little monkey inside of her with sticks, pounding on her heart like a drum? How was she supposed to explain that? Or worse, how was she supposed to keep that to herself? She'd always sworn to herself that she wouldn't be like her father. She wouldn't cheat.
If she was tired, she wasn't aware of it, but she must have been, because after a while, all of her thoughts seemed to become muddled, and then the next thing she knew, someone was pushing on her shoulder and saying her name in a commanding tone.
She opened her eyes and looked up to see Spencer sitting in front of her. "What time is it?"
Spencer looked down at her watch. "Almost one. Are you okay?"
Aria shrugged, picking her phone up out of her lap. The screen came up and quickly flashed 'NO SERVICE' across the top of it. "I had a bar earlier. I was gonna call Cass, but then I realized…what would I say?"
Spencer settled on her butt and leaned back against the wall next to Aria. "You'd tell him that you ran into Ezra, and you have a lot to talk about when you get to Rosewood."
"Why?" Aria asked, looking straight at Spencer. Fresh tears filled her eyes. "Ezra bailed when we needed him most. I was on my own in a city where I knew no one after he'd promised he was coming with. He backed out at the last minute and then left on me."
Aria chewed hard on her bottom lip as she stared at the open boxes on Ezra's floor. Most of them were empty, but a few of them had a few belongings inside of them.
"What do you mean you're not coming to LA?" She asked.
Ezra looked up at her from the pair of jeans he was currently folding. "I mean I'm not going. I can't."
Aria gaped at him. "We planned for this Ezra! The only reason I applied to other schools was so that if I didn't get into UCLA, I'd have somewhere to be attending school in the fall. LA was always the plan!"
"Aria, I can't go," he said insistently. "I'm not telling you to stay, but I'm asking you to choose somewhere else; at least for now."
She shook her head. "I can't believe you're doing this to me. This was supposed to be ours, Ezra. I can't believe you're letting our parents hijack this too."
"So you two argued and then what?" Spencer asked after Aria had explained the entirety of how their relationship had ended.
"I left his apartment," Aria said. "I was leaving the next day on a flight, and my parents paid for my stuff to be driven across the country when Ezra suddenly backed out. I went back to his apartment the next day to try and talk to him, and his stuff was gone. He wasn't there, and his key had been left on the counter."
Spencer nodded slowly. Aria looked up at her after a minute when she realized Spencer wasn't going to suddenly say something in response, and saw the same pensive look in her eyes that she'd seen in Ezra's earlier.
"Why are you acting like he's not the jerk in this situation?" Aria asked her best friend.
Spencer looked up at her. "I'm not. I just… I think you should talk to him. I think you need to talk to him. You need to tell him about Emberlynn. He deserves to know about her."
"Spencer-"
"If it was you, Aria," Spencer replied. "What if there was something he didn't tell you?"
Aria huffed and then turned her head to stare straight ahead once more. "I hate this."
Spencer patted her knee comfortingly a few times before she pressed her palm more firmly against Aria's knee and pushed to her feet. Once she had, she looked down at Aria. "Are you coming?"
Aria looked up at Spencer. "I'll be along in a bit."
Spencer nodded and then turned and walked back in the direction of their terminal. Aria sighed as she sat there and continued to watch the snow from the windows. A part of her was still wondering what had been going on with Spencer and the look that had been on her face when Aria had finished telling her about her fight with Ezra when they had broken up.
She was painstakingly bored within a matter of minutes and began to hum to herself as she sat there, recalling the same question she'd gotten so many times from Cassidy, and then from others as she'd gone through the process of getting her book published.
Many times in the book, she had referenced to Taylor humming a song, but whenever Eli asked her what she was singing, she'd repeat the particular line in her head instead of the actual title of the song, never willing to admit it something she'd written on her own. When the movie had been picked up, she'd been asked initially if there was a specific song she'd had in mind while writing, and she'd explained about the song. Afterwards, they'd commissioned some big-name superstar to record it, but there was still a rough demo that Aria had recorded in college that the filmmakers had posted when the movie had gone into production as a teaser.
"touching him was like realizing all you ever wanted
was right there in front of you
memorizing him was as easy
knowing all the words to all your old favourite tunes
fighting with him trying to solve a crossword
and realizing there's no right answer
regretting him was like wishing we never found
that love could be that strong…."
"I remember when you used to sing that to me."
Aria looked up at Ezra as he towered over her. His hands were tucked in her pockets and he looked even more tired than he had an hour earlier.
"Mind if I sit?" he asked before taking a seat next to her, though he left a few inches of space between them.
"I had that song stuck in my head from the day I met you," Aria murmured as she settled her phone on her thigh and picked at her fingernails. "I had no idea why, but I couldn't get it out of my head until I started singing it."
"I'm so sorry, Aria," he spoke softly. She could hear the genuine remorse in his words, and it made her ache, though she wasn't sure if it was for him specifically, because he seemed honestly hurt over hurting her, or because of the secret that was Emberlynn.
They sat in silence for a few moments before she felt his gaze on her. From her peripheral vision, she could see the pained expression on his face.
"Can I tell you something," he asked.
She kept her eyes on the floor as she nodded. Ezra was still quiet for a few moments before he actually began to speak.
"When I asked you to stay, it wasn't because I wanted you to give up your dream. I did want to go with you, but I couldn't."
Aria whipped her head up, ready to spew out half a dozen different questions, but Ezra continued, and all the color drained from her face.
"When I got strep a few weeks before you left, they ran a battery of tests when they were trying to figure out why I was sick. I didn't want to say anything when the first did it because I knew there was a chance that the tests would come back negative, but some of them didn't. The day before we were supposed to leave, I had that meeting…"
Aria nodded, signaling that she understood what event he was referring to.
"The doctor called me in to tell me that I had cancer. I couldn't go with you to LA because I couldn't leave what little family I had to move across the country and be sick in a place I didn't know. I also couldn't put you through the stress of going through that alone. But I couldn't make you give up UCLA, either."
"You left," Aria said as her voice shook. "The day I left, I went to talk to you-"
"I had treatment starting," he replied. "And my father had someone pack the place up. As soon as he knew I was sick, he jumped in. I wanted to call you so I could see you, but you'd already gone to LA, and I didn't know how to call and tell you over the phone."
"But you had to have gone into remission," Aria said.
Ezra nodded. "Three years ago I did. And I started pulling my life back together. After all I'd been through with treatments, I was exhausted, and it took a few months. After that, I wanted to come to you, but I wanted to make sure I had a job and the stability to stay out in LA while you were in school."
"And then what?" Aria asked.
"I relapsed," Ezra replied. His tone was softer than ever. "My doctor swore that there was nothing to be done; that I was going to die." He paused, staring down at the floor. She could see the glassiness in his eyes from tears threatening to fall as he looked back up at her. "My parents managed to come together and agree on doing whatever it took to save me with more aggressive treatments. There were times when I thought about finding a way to call you because I was sure I was never going to make it out of that hospital bed. Fortunately, they were able to do a bone marrow transplant with Wes."
"So then you were better?" Aria asked.
"I caught something in the hospital right after the transfusion and spent two weeks in a medically-induced coma, but I recovered." He shook his head, realizing he had asked him a question. "Yeah, I'm better now."
"And you went to LA-"
"To find you," he replied. "After I got better, my parents kept trying to convince me to stay in New York, but I wanted to find you. I knew about the movie, and I've read the book at least twenty times-"
"Ezra, slow down," she murmured.
He took a deep breath, and she watched as his eyes fell to her hand, once again seeing her ring. "Who's the guy?"
Aria shook her head, almost laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. She felt as if her life could be a made-for-tv lifetime movie. "You'll never guess," she said sarcastically.
"Another teacher?" Ezra asked with the slightest hint of laughter in his voice.
Aria turned to look at him. "English professor."
Ezra's eyebrows raised, and a smile pulled across his face. "That's hilarious."
Aria nodded, looking down at her ring. Her smile wavered just in the slightest as he turned her ring slightly on her finger. "He pushed me to get the book published, and he helped me through dealing with publishers and all the legal crap. Somehow I guess we fell for each other. Well, and he was…"
Her words trailed off, and she was silent.
"Was what?" Ezra asked after a long moment. "Did he hurt you?"
Aria shook her head, looking up at him. "You know how you had this big confession you just shared?"
Ezra nodded.
"Well I have one of my own," Aria admitted. She looked back and forth between his eyes, feeling that terrified feeling well back up inside of her. "When I got to LA, I didn't know. In fact, the first few months, I was sure that everything that was wrong with me was because I was stressed and heartbroken."
She could literally feel Ezra searching her eyes for whatever she wasn't saying, and as she sucked in a deep breath to explain, she had to curl her hands into fists so that he couldn't see that they were shaking.
"I was pregnant," she said. "I had the baby; a girl."
Ezra was quiet for so long that she was sure he was going to kill her. She couldn't decipher the emotions in his eyes, because she wasn't sure that she'd ever seen such an expression on his face. When he finally did speak, his question floored her.
"Did she beat the cancer?"
Aria gulped and quickly nodded as tears fell down her face. A moment later, tears fell from Ezra's eyes as well, and just for the slightest moment, she could see anger in his eyes before it was gone.
"I didn't know how to find you," she said simply. "And it took so long to feel like my parents weren't furious with me anymore, that by the time I thought to try and find your or your parents…"
Ezra shook his head. "My mother would've been a waste of your time, even though I'm sure you already knew that. And I've spent so much of the last few years sick…"
Aria's brow furrowed. "Y-…you don't hate me?"
Ezra leaned forward just the slightest. "Aria, I literally slept so long most of the time that I spent in the hospital that I would wake up after intending on taking a nap and realize it was 36 hours later. I saw what it did to my family."
She frowned, reaching over to cup his face. He leaned into the touch just the slightest. Words evaded her, even though there was so much she wanted to say to him. A part of her even wanted to apologize for never finding a way to get in touch with him. She could feel the similar emotions from him even as they sat there in the silence.
They chatted politely for a while afterwards, grazing lightly over topics that didn't really mean anything. At some point, Aria started grow tired, but she was hesitant to head back across the terminal, and she fell asleep. Once again, the only reason she knew she had was when someone shook her shoulder.
She slowly lifted her head up off her sweater that she'd taken off earlier in the night and looked up, realizing that her head had been on Ezra's knee. She blinked a few times, yawning as she sat up straight. She glanced up at Ezra and saw that he was just waking up as well.
The stewardess standing in front of her smiled lightly. "The snow has slowed, and your pilot is here. You've been cleared for takeoff."
Aria rubbed her eyes and then looked over at Ezra. "Are you headed back to Rosewood?"
He nodded, still obviously trying to wake up.
Aria pushed herself up to her feet and then offered him a hand. He accepted it as he pushed up from the floor, and they both grabbed their carryon's before they began to head back across the airport towards their terminal. As they did, Aria pulled her phone from her pocket and brought the screen up. It was just after four thirty in the morning.
She briefly considered calling her mother, but then changed her mind, knowing that even though she was an hour ahead of Aria, there was no way she would be up so early.
The next half-hour passed relatively quietly, only met by the soft voices of the airport attendants that helped get she and Ezra processed through the system and her plane was cleared for takeoff. She said her goodbyes to Spencer, Hanna, and Emily as they woke and went about finding out when they could get to their own destinations.
By five AM, she was seated on the plane with her seat belt pulled tightly across her body. She was weary, but her body was too awake to actually fall asleep. Instead, she stared out the window at the midnight blue sky, and the snowflakes that continued to come down onto the tarmac.
She turned her head and looked over at Ezra. He was looking out the window as well, and she could still see the tired look he'd had about him since she'd first seen him six hours earlier. He turned and looked back at her, but before either one of them could say anything, the stewardess came through and asked if either one of them wanted anything. They both asked for a cup of coffee, and then the pilot walked in to alert them that they were taking off.
It wasn't until they had ascended into the air and the stewardess had brought them both their coffees that Ezra finally spoke.
"So where did the money for the plane come from?" He asked.
Aria looked over at him with the slightest bit of a smirk pulling at her lips.
"I'm not saying tha- I mean, I ju-…Planes are expensive," he stammered.
Aria giggled, letting her smile through. "My book stayed at number one on the best sellers list for like six months. Technically it's the director of the movies' backup plane, but he knew he was flying home to Rosewood and thought it might help me beat the snow."
Ezra nodded. "So why no sequel yet? I mean I read the papers, and there's been no news."
Aria shrugged, chewing lightly on her bottom lip. "I've been blocked. Or at least I was."
Ezra nodded. "So you've started writing again?"
Aria grabbed her carryon from beside her and opened it up before gesturing towards the seat next to her. Ezra unbuckled himself and walked over to her before sitting back down and buckling in once more.
She pulled out her iPad and unlocked it before she brought up the document she'd started on and handed it over to Ezra. He glanced at her before he began to read.
"So she's not pregnant," he asked when he had finished reading ten minutes later. He passed the tablet back to her.
Aria shook her head as she scrunched her nose. "It just doesn't feel right for the story."
Ezra nodded. "So what's next?"
Aria bit her bottom lip for a few long moments, looking up at him. "I don't know. Maybe he wins her back. Maybe she chases after him. Maybe they both find other people."
"That's a broad description," he chuckled.
Aria shrugged her shoulders. "It's life. We never know what lies ahead of us, do we?"
Ezra shook his head. He watched as Aria tapped a few buttons on her screen and then brought up the images on the tablet. The first one she brought up was of Emberlynn. The picture was roughly ten days old. She was facing backwards in Aria's director chair with her small hands wrapped around the cloth running across the top of the chair, just above the bold lettering of Burning Red. There was a large smile on her face.
"Aria, what's her name?"
She looked up at Ezra.
"You never told me her name," he explained.
Aria nodded. "It's Emberlynn. Emberlynn Hanna Montgomery."
Ezra gave the slightest smirk. "Why Hanna?"
Aria shrugged. "It flowed better. Besides, I wasn't going to name her Emberlynn Spencer Hanna Emily Montgomery."
Ezra chuckled. "And Emberlynn?"
Aria's face fell slightly, becoming more serious. "Because embers are the remains of a fire."
Ezra nodded slowly, understanding what she was saying. Once again it grew quiet between them, and eventually Aria could hear the soft breaths that she knew was the sound of Ezra sleeping. She began to sing softly to herself as she watched the light outside the small window grow slowly brighter as they made their way across the country.
A rough jostle brought her out of the lazy dozing she was doing a while later, and she looked up to see Ezra working on his computer. She rubbed her eyes as she looked around.
"They said we're landing soon," he said softly to her as she stretched somewhat in her seat.
Aria nodded, reaching for the coffee cup that was sitting next to Ezra's computer. Often like she would have five years earlier, she took a sip from it and replaced it where it sat.
"What're you doing?" Aria asked him as she peered over his shoulder.
Ezra smiled, glancing back at her. "You know, you're not the only one who's a writer. And apparently you're not aware of the difference of when you fall asleep anymore either."
Aria bumped her shoulder against his. "Have a kid around twenty-four seven. You'll lose touch with being awake and asleep too."
Aria looked down at the small clock on the corner of his screen and then retrieved her cellphone from her carryon bag again and opened up the settings to turn on her wifi. Once she had, she went through her messages and pulled up her conversation thread with her mother and quickly sent her a message about the stopover and then added that they would be in Rosewood soon.
"Can I ask you something?" Ezra said when she'd settled her phone back on the small table in front of her.
"You've been asking me that all night. Have I ever told you no?" Aria replied.
Ezra contemplated her words only for a moment before he spoke. "The song…I mean I know you said there's someone else-"
Aria shifted in her seat to face him more fully. "When I met Cassidy, he was nothing more than a teacher. But he pushed me to open myself up. The song, all the words in the book…It was all and homage to what we had. Emberlynn too. I wrote that whole story when I was hurting and scared, and when I came out of it and Cassidy pushed me to do something more with it than let it sit on a hard drive, I only knew parts of that song. I knew in order to let go of the story and let it be out there, I had to be open to feeling more than anger. That is where the song came from. It wasn't writing you off."
Ezra's brow furrowed. "Then what was it?"
Aria chewed her bottom lip for a moment. "It was me being willing to let go, and knowing that if I needed to, I could let myself fall into something else."
"Do you love him?" Ezra asked.
Aria sucked in a deep breath. "Ezra, we ran into each other less than twelve hours ago in an airport terminal. I can't decide what this is or what any of it means based off of the conversations we've had since then. What I can do is let you be a part of Emberlynn's life. And maybe try and fix things along the way."
She could see the discontent in his eyes, but he said nothing as he nodded.
Dawn was just fully breaking as they hit the tarmac in Philadelphia, and the airport was in full swing already, with people going about their day, even though it was Christmas. They both gathered their things and then Aria accepted a ride from Ezra. As they headed down the highway, her phone was pressed tightly to her ear, trying to reach her mother.
"Where are we headed?" Ezra asked as he glanced over at her and then back at the road.
"Main and Grace. She got that big red house with Zack." Aria explained.
Ezra nodded, turning his attention back to the road. It was more barren than the airport had been, but there were still plenty of cars out driving off to different destinations.
"Aria?"
Aria heaved a sigh at the sound of her mother's voice. "Hey. I'm coming in right now. I was grounded from the snow. How is she?"
"She's fine; still sleeping. Are you okay? You made it home safely?"
"Yeah," Aria replied. "I'm uh, I'm bringing someone with me."
"Cassidy's okay too, isn't he?" Ella's voice came back, worried still.
"I think so. I haven't heard from him since yesterday, but he took an earlier flight and had checked into a hotel there. I haven't called him yet." She explained.
"So who then?" Ella asked. "A friend from school?"
"No." Aria said firmly. "Mom…"
"Is it Ezra?" Ella's voice was just as firm, almost with an edge to it, and it reminded Aria of the anger she'd gotten from her parents when she'd first told them that she was pregnant. Ella hadn't been as angry as Byron, but she'd still had her own fair share of anger to work through.
"It's a long story," Aria said, deferring from answering her question directly. "I'll explain when we get there."
The call ended a short bit later, and they soon reached the city limits of Rosewood. A smile pulled at the corners of her mouth as she looked out the window of the sedan at the city. She hadn't spent very much time there in the past few years, but she still loved it. More than that, she missed it.
When they reached the house, Aria could see the tentative nature of Ezra's attitude, but she was too focused on getting inside and seeing her daughter to think of much else. She retrieved her bags from the back seat and then headed up to the house, where Ella had the front door open as soon as she'd seen Aria coming up the walk.
Aria passed off her carryon to Zack's waiting free hand as his other hand grasped around the handle of her suitcase, and then accepted the waiting hug from her mother while Ezra stood several feet behind her.
Aria made brief reintroductions between Zack and Ezra before she removed her gloves and stuffed them into the pockets of her jacket, turning her attention back to her mother as she began to unzip her jacket. "She's still sleeping?"
Ella began to nod, but there was a squealing high-pitched voice that dug into Aria's eardrums as she removed her jacket and passed it off to Zack. Her arms were waiting by the time Emberlynn had charged into the room and she hopped into her mother's waiting arms, wrapping her arms tightly around Aria's neck.
"Hi, baby," she said in a higher pitched voice to her daughter.
"Momma!" Emberlynn squealed back.
Aria kissed her daughter's forehead and rubbed her hand up and down the little girl's back before she looked up at her mother's expectant face. She kissed Emberlynn once more and then knelt down as she settled her back on the floor.
"Why don't you go play for a bit. I'll come get you when I get washed up?" Aria offered.
Emberlynn took off through the house, and Aria's gaze drifted back up to Ezra, who hadn't stopped watching from the minute their daughter had come running into the foyer.
"I'll go pour some coffee," Zack said as he exited the foyer as well. Aria looked up at Ezra once more and then back at Ella.
"So what? Did you two run into each other in Chicago?" Ella asked, her arms crossed.
"We were both grounded," Aria said as she looked at her mother. "All of my friends were, actually; all trying to get to different places, but the snow stopped us all."
"And now what?" Ella asked. "Twelve hours and you two are suddenly friends again?"
"I never said that," Aria spoke honestly. She looked back at Ezra once more as they stood there. "Can we please go get coffee? I barely slept last night."
Ella's expression didn't lend much to the option, but she turned and walked down the hall and into the kitchen anyway. Aria headed in the same direction, making sure Ezra followed after them. When they arrived, Zack had poured four fresh cups of coffee. Aria watched Ezra's gaze fall to Ella's left ring finger when Zack didn't leave the room. She hadn't gotten to the part in the story of the past five years of her life where her mother had also remarried, and Zack had become very close to her.
His gaze was hard on Ezra as he pushed a cup of coffee across the counter, and Ella was also staring at the younger man with a harsh expression.
"Look, I didn't set out to break Aria's heart," he said when he couldn't take the gazes any longer. "I never knew about the baby, and I didn't know how to go about finding her because I didn't want to hurt her with what was affecting me."
"And that was?" Ella asked curtly.
"I had cancer," Ezra said. Immediately, he saw the expressions on Ella and Zack's faces begin to soften. "I always wanted to go after her; to fix things. But it was something that had to be acted upon fast. And when I got better, I wanted to find a place in LA and fix things, but by the time I managed to get back on my face, I found out I'd relapsed. The doctors were super aggressive, and I survived. I always wanted to find Aria, I just wanted to be healthy when I did it."
Ella took a long breath and then exhaled before she finally spoke. "Why didn't you tell one of us? Tell her?"
"I wouldn't let him," Aria replied. "I remember going to him and not giving him the chance to speak when he said he wasn't coming with. I was too angry."
"How do we know you're telling the truth?" Zack asked.
Ezra curled his fingers around the ends of his long-sleeved shirt and pulled it up until it was far enough up over his left hip to expose a long, thin scar. "After I went into remission the first time, my kidneys shut down. It's how they found out I'd relapsed." He was quiet for a few moments as he dropped the hem of his shirt and it fell. "Look, I just didn't want to be all the way across the country with a disease that I knew nothing about, and putting all the weight on Aria's shoulders. I would've hated myself even more if I'd known she was pregnant and we were three thousand miles away from our families. But if I'd known, I never would've let so much time pass."
Ella turned towards Aria. "What about Cassidy? Does he know about this?"
Aria shook her head. "This doesn't change anything other than the fact that I want Ezra to be a part of Ember's life if he wants to."
Once again, she looked up at him, and she could see the resignation in his eyes, but in the same instance, she stood by what she had said. She couldn't just jump back into anything with Ezra. They had to learn to be friends before anything else. And then, and only then, if she ever became single again, could they ever discuss anything more.
Aria dismissed herself from the group a few minutes later when Ella asked Ezra to explain his illness and all that had happened to keep him out of their lives. She headed into the foyer and grabbed her suitcase before retrieving Emberlynn and going into the room that Ella had set up for the both of them. There was a toddler bed close to the floor against one wall and then a larger queen sized bed on the other side of the room, farthest away from the door. She settled her suitcase on the floor and dug through it for fresh clothes before grabbing clean clothes for her daughter and heading into the bathroom.
She quickly removed both their clothes and turned on the shower and stepped inside to wash herself up quickly while she let Emberlynn play for a bit before washing her up as well.
Once they were both clean, Aria helped her daughter out of the shower and then wrapped the small robe around her that Ella had gotten for her ages ago. It had white and yellow fabric on it, resembling a duck. It never ceased Aria's amazement at how cute Emberlynn looked in it.
She quickly dried herself off while Emberlynn talked to her about the past week. Ella had shared her time with Emberlynn equally with Byron, even letting him join her at one of the parks in the city while Emberlynn played. In the six years since their divorce, they'd become much more amicable.
After Aria was dressed in a pair of dark blue jeans and a dark red sweater, she dressed Emberlynn into a long-sleeved red dress with white tights before combing her hair. Her curls were just as unruly as she remembered Ezra's being, but she managed to get her hair pulled into a hair tie before she finally let her escape from the bathroom.
Finally, Aria took some time for herself to blow-dry and brush her hair before she pulled it back into a bun, leaving a few tendrils around her face. She ruffled her bangs against her forehead for a few moments before she finally settled her hairbrush on the counter and retrieved her toothbrush. She could hear voices coming from the foyer, so she was quick to brush her teeth before heading back out to join her family. As she did, Ezra passed her and headed into the bathroom.
She reached the foyer in time to receive a hug from her father before she knelt down and snatched her two year old baby sister into a hug. The toddler squirmed in her arms and giggled before she hugged Aria back. When Aria stood back up, she felt tiny arms wrap around her legs, and she turned to see Emberlynn standing behind her.
"Where's the fiancé?" Byron asked in a chipper tone.
"I just got a text that he'll be here shortly," Aria said as she lifted Emberlynn up into her arms. She greeted Meredith as friendly as she normally did – or rather, what had become normal since her sister had been born and she'd stopped hating the woman so much. She also couldn't hold as much of a grudge when Emberlynn liked her so much.
When Ezra walked into the foyer, silence seemed to fall over the room once more, and Aria could see the look on Byron's face, but she quickly changed the subject when she heard a car door slam. A large smile crossed her face and she pushed past her father to the doorway. Emberlynn squealed in her arms as she spotted Cassidy coming towards them.
As he reached them, Aria could see the happy smile on his face, and she greeted him with a hug and kiss before they returned inside the house, and the door was finally closed, shutting out the cold. Just that quickly, Aria could see the look on Cassidy's face change from happy to indifferent.
Aria shifted Emberlynn on her hip before she launched into a brief explanation of recent events, promising to explain more later. Like her mother and Zack, Meredith had been quicker to soften, but Aria could feel the tension radiating off her father and Cassidy as they saw Ezra.
It wasn't until after they had all had settled into the family room and were chatting lightly while waiting for Mike to show up with his girlfriend, that Emberlynn finally asked who Ezra was. He'd initially been talking with Meredith about a book, and then conversation had shifted to his heath and he explained everything that he'd told Ella and Zack, to Byron and Meredith.
"That's Ezra," Aria told her daughter as she brushed a strand of hair out of her face. "He was friends with momma and grandma and grandpa a long time ago, but he's coming back around now. Is that okay with you?"
Emberlynn sat in her lap for a long moment silent, seeming to all the world that she was actually considering what Aria was asking her, before she nodded.
A few moments later, she hopped off Aria's lap and charged over to the toys where Farley, Aria's younger sister, was playing. Aria turned her attention towards Cassidy as his hand rubbed back and forth over her shoulder.
"You feel good about it all?" Cassidy asked.
Aria nodded. She knew he was asking about the choice to let Ezra back into her life. "Everything's gonna be great. I have no doubt about it."
A/N: Of this, I have three things to say: One: The reasoning for bringing the entire family together was because I envision that if such a situation were to arise where Aria was stuck pregnant and alone, her family would come together for her, and I could see a bit of a "Reba" situation happening with the holidays.
Secondly: While it doesn't end with Ezria together, it's not supposed to. It's the gateway to what could maybe eventually become something else. Depending on the other songs on the album, I may be able to work in a follow up, or might write one on my own at a later date.
Finally: The choice for the names was all solely my own. Emberlynn is a family name while Cassidy (I checked) is a unisex name, and finally, Farley was a name I saw used about five years ago in a different fandom and fell in love with.
And now, I've worked very hard on this, so click that little button just below here and leave a review!