Hey this is another Azula oneshot, for some reason I like Azula. It's a lot darker than Mommy I loved you, but I hope you'll like it all the same.
Disclaimer: I don't own A:TLA
Azula sat alone in the dingy cell, and thought about her life, or rather the life she once had. She had had it all, power, strength, admiration, preference over her brother, she had lived in a palace, she had had everything anyone could ever ask for. Well almost everything.
Love...
Despite what people thought, Azula was never loved. Her father valued her, but never loved her. Her mother feared her and could not possibly have loved her. Her brother would have loved her, had she given him half a chance, but she never gave chances. Her uncle never loved her, how could he? He thought she was a monster just her mother did.
As much as she had been devoted to her father and nation, she loved neither. She had tried being warm and engaging with her mother, but her mother had rejected her enough times to instil a deep routed abhorrence for her. Her uncle was a babbling fool and was not worth the kind thought.
Musing on the tumultuous thoughts in her head, Azula breathed deeply and was surprised at the high keening sound ripping through the air along with her exhalation. She was further stunned to find that the sound had come from her own throat and was accompanied by a heaving sob racking through her body.
Her body shook as she cried and her lungs fought for breath as she took rapid, shallow breaths of air. Nothing inside her sparked, nothing glowed, no fire was summoned.
Her inner fire had long since been extinguished by the Avatar; he had made sure that she would remain useless for the rest of her days, and her wretched brother had refused her the kind release of death.
No... Instead he had locked her up like an animal, with nothing but the voices in her head to keep her company and to remind her daily of her failures. He thought of it as being merciful, but she saw it as his revenge against her.
'You're so pathetic you can't even die!' screamed one in a voice that sounded painfully like her father's.
"Shut up!" she yelled, but it didn't stop there... The voices kept on coming and each one sounded more vicious than the next. Scrambling around in her cell, Azula tried to escape the voices until a voice that sounded suspiciously like her mother's joined in the racket. At the sound, she froze in sheer terror and her eyes widened.
The voice was melodious as it chided the other voices in her head, 'Be quiet! Leave her alone!' it said and a hush descended into her mind. Then the voice turned sweet and comforting, 'Oh Azula, my beautiful little princess... you used to be so perfect, the epitome of everything I wasn't, now look at you... Pathetic and alone with nothing but your insanity to guide you to death...'
She wasn't sure when it happened, but suddenly her face was wet with tears and her palms were bloody from her fingernails digging in so savagely.
'Tsk tsk tsk... You're no better than I was, although at least I had the decency to die! Now you see why I always loved Zuko. I knew right from the start that this was how time would find you, I also knew that you would be too weak to change any of it.' Azula's throat was thick as she tried to restrain a body racking sob. "But mother! I was never weak! I was the best! I could make lightning! I was the pride of the Fire Nation!"
The voice was steady, never losing the sweet tone or the rich texture, 'Was dear...was. Now you are nothing. I would have loved you, you know; if you weren't so weak that is...'
"But I'm not weak! I deserved your love! I did nothing to merit your fear! I tried only to be the daughter I was expected to be!" This time she couldn't fight the sob and doubled over into the foetal position.
This time the voice turned cold, cruel and into her own, 'This is all your fault you know, if you had just been stronger and smarter, you would have seen father's flaws and not have followed so blindly. You should have stuck to mother, despite how pathetic she was, she was always right. And who knows, perhaps you would have been loved.'
"Impossible! Even if I had done all those things, she wouldn't have loved me... Nobody would have." The last part came out a defeated whisper of acceptance.
The voice changed again and this time, it was her brother's, 'You know Azula,' it started conversationally, 'I would have loved you if you had let me, I would have been the big brother you deserved. Why did you always push me away? Why did you hate me?' The voice had turned sad near the end, but it just made Azula angrier.
"Because Mother loved you and not me!" she hissed.
She whipped her head around to the direction from which the voice emanated and was stunned to see that the voice belonged to Zuko himself and he was actually there in the flesh.
No doubt then, that he had heard her insane discussion with her inner demons.
She sneered at him as he hung his head and was tempted to spit at him hesitated when he looked up at her with a fire in his eyes.
"That's not true! She loved you and she tried telling you many times but you didn't let her! Just like how you're doing to me now. I don't know how to convince you that she loved you and I'm not even sure if I can, but it's the truth."
Silence hung heavily in the air and Azula refused to look at him. Her head snapped up when she heard her cell door open and footsteps draw near to her.
Zuko had dismissed the guards and had come into the cell, 'No doubt to rub his success in your withering face,' a nasty voice hissed at her.
"Why did you come, to taunt me? Or did you come to watch me wither away? No, perhaps It is to finally end my misery and kill me."
The reply was quick, "You will not die. I will not let you. Despite all that has happened, you are my sister and I refuse to see you harmed."
Her response was like the fire she once wielded, "Why! Why do you speak of mercy yet let me rot in this place?! What possible reason can you have for keeping me alive?!"
Zuko hung his head in shame and whispered a reply, 'Because, aside from Uncle, you're all I have left of this family. And believe it or not, I do love you."
His answer proved too much for her to comprehend so in a fit of rage she flung herself at Zuko and tried to claw his eyes out and throttle him at the same time. Zuko seemed to have anticipated this reaction and had moved to catch her as she launched herself. He grabbed her slender wrists as she beat on his chest, screeching like a banshee.
It killed him to see his little sister like this, and to some degree, he felt responsible for her situation.
She cried and cried but had stopped hitting him; now she just slumped into his embrace and clung desperately to his robes.
He held her like that and told her that it would be ok and that she would get better. She cried and didn't care how she looked, and for the first time in a long time, her mind was silent. Her sobs turned into soft sniffles and her eyes began to ache.
She could have moved, but for some reason, she didn't. She needs this; Zuko reminded himself and just let himself hold his sister as she sniffed.
Azula breathed a shuddering sigh and softly whispered, "Thank you... for loving me Zuz- uh Zuko"
Without letting his shock come through, Zuko said she was welcome...