Dinner Tale

Author's Note: Pure crack-fic, I wrote it a while ago and decided to type and post it tonight. Read! Review! Enjoy!

A hell of a long time ago…

Hagoromo Ōtsutsuki was in a dilemma which even he was hard pressed to solve. What? You may ask that would stump even the most revered Sage of the Six Paths, Conqueror of the Ten Tailed Beast, Founder of Ninshū and Creator of the Bijū. The answer was a three year old Indra Ōtsutsuki adamantly refusing to eat his vegetables. ' If only his wife was still alive' he lamented.

"Now, now Indra-kun, you have to eat your lettuce to grow bigger like daddy here" pleaded the father to his son.

"No! No! No! It tastes funny and I will never eat it" shot back the three year old while crossing his arms and looking away to demonstrate his finality on the subject.

The Sage of the Six Paths winced as the boy's voice increased dangerously enough to wake ten month old Asura who he had painstakingly put to sleep an hour ago-that boy seemed to never run out of energy. Mind you, he loved his boys with all his heart but they were a real handful to take care of at times.

"What am I going to do with you" the father sighed when suddenly an idea started to take root in his mind and his features lighted up as he prepared to put his devious plan to work.

"Alright Indra-kun" he said assuming a defeated look on his features and slumping his shoulders "you don't have to eat your vegetables if you don't want to."

"Really." a hopeful Indra asked happy to be able to finally leave the table and not have to eat the piece of lettuce on his plate.

"Yes Indra-kun" the sage replied positively and the little Indra was bursting with so much joy that it made his father almost guilty about what he was about to do next, almost. "But" he continued adding a pause to leave a sense of foreboding on the child.

"Should you not eat your lettuce, you may never get the strength to defeat the Black Goop monster that comes in the middle of the night and give you nightmares!" at this point he had used a very minor illusion to add more credence to his entirely made up story which caused young Indra to see two bright yellow eyes behind him.

"The only way to defeat this monster is through the power of the vegetables." The words had scarcely left his mouth when Indra began to wolf down his lettuce till in a minute or two the entire plate was empty.

"That was so hard now was it?" asked the sage feeling immensely proud of himself for having combated the problem of vegetables permanently. Now all he had to do was mention Dark Goop and poof! Veggies gone-he definitely had to remember this trick for Asura.

What neither of them noticed was two things happened that night. One; Indra developed an unnatural fear of black viscous substances and two; he awakened his sharingan that night. The consequences of his actions remained unknown to the sage.

Twenty years later…

Indra was livid as he stormed out the hall ignoring the calls to him. No, he was beyond that. He was furious. Seriously, what kind of father asks a trick question and then shows blatant favoritism making Asura his heir. Really, love is the answer to peace. Who says that! That is so retarded on so many levels he didn't even know where to start. He needed something to do right now to take his mind off things. Blow up a mountain maybe, raze a forest. Kill his younger brother and start world domination using the moon…Wait! What? Where did that come from?

He heard movement and sharply turned around wondering what it could be as he didn't sense anyone around. He then observed a jet black figure with a conical hat and gleaming yellow eyes-shudder-rise from the ground and stare at him for a while before beginning to speak…sort of as the creature's mouth was sewn together. Creepy.

Now if not for a certain story told by his dad on a night two decades ago, he would restrained himself from attacking the creature, listened to and accepted what the creature had to say which would inevitably lead to hundreds of years of reincarnation and pointless war and hatred until a yellow haired, orange wearing, ramen obsessed idiot came along and ended the cycle of hatred along with his egoistical, fratricidal, chicken-butt haired, avenger best friend, the story of which would spawn a franchise with seven hundred manga chapters, over six hundred anime episodes and ten plus movies.

Unfortunately or fortunately depending on who you ask, that story was told and as the Dark Goop monster-where did that come from?-began to outline his crazy plan involving him killing his younger brother and then eating him in order to get his dad's eyes after which he would then stuff his dad's pets in a special doll tin he would get from the moon which would turn the doll statue thingy into a mythical monster of great destruction that he, Indra, would eat and then look at the moon with a third eye which would come from his forehead and put everyone in the world into la-la land leading to…peace? What the! Compared to this, Asura's idea made loads of sense.

So rather than go along with this obviously crack induced plot, he chose to take his frustrations out on the evil being that filled many a nightmare of his.

"Die, foul demon and return to the depths of the underworld from whence you came!" said Indra fiercely as he activated his sharingan to its highest level and with bloody eyes said,

"Amaterasu!" and black flames engulfed the figure in front of him and then for good measure he used his Susano'o to slice, dice, cut, stomp, mash and blow it up to zilch.

Black Zetsu was happy with himself as of this moment, he had presented his plan quite nicely to Indra if he did say so himself and he saw his mother's resurrection not too far off if things go as well as them seem to be going. He picked his time nicely as Indra won't be thinking straight due to his anger and he would fan the flames of his hatred enough to get him onboard with his plan. As he continued his spiel on how Indra's so called family didn't care for him at all he failed to notice the activation of Indra's sharingan, then Mangekyo sharingan. What he did notice were the black flames erupting all over him and then the Susano'o and then nothing.

Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed it, it's my first complete fanfiction and one-shot, second overall fic on this site, Review!

No really please I beg you review! I'm writing for public viewing and I need reassurance. Was it funny enough or not? Constructive criticism, oaths of allegiance and even flames would be appreciated. *eyesmile* "ja ne".