"When did you know?" Rachel asked suddenly as they laid curled into each other on the couch, Real Housewives of Atlanta rerun playing in the background. Rachel was pressed comfortably to Santana's front, legs intertwined with the taller brunette's legs. Rachel wasn't a huge fan of the show but she loved the dramatics of it all and Santana was emotionally invested so they made time to catch up when they could.
"When did I know what?" Santana asked distractedly as she idly rubbed circles across the smooth, bare skin of Rachel's stomach under her shirt. Rachel sighed as she turned her head towards Santana to look at her.
"That you liked me. Was it something you had always known but never said or was it kind of a dawning, spur of the moment realization that lead you to kiss me?" Rachel questioned and Santana let out a smile. She knew this question would come eventually. Because really it's Rachel Berry and if she knew anything about the other girl it was that she always needed to know the why behind someone's actions. And a convincing 'why' not just a 'because I felt like it/wanted to' answer to the why. Santana was honestly surprised it didn't come up sooner. Santana put the episode on pause because she knew Rachel would want her full attention for this conversation.
"Hmm I would say neither. They weren't feelings I'd been harboring since high school. But that's not to say I didn't find you extremely attractive in high school; animal sweaters and all." Santana said with a smirk and that earned her a playful eye roll from the girl as she moved positions on the couch to face her.
"But it wasn't realization that hit me like a few days before I decided to suck it up and go for it either. More like a few weeks. Maybe a month." Santana confessed albeit nervously. She was never one for sharing her feelings unless they were feelings of disapproval or telling someone a truth they didn't want to hear. Rachel's eyes got wide at the admission.
"A month Santana? And you didn't say anything? Why?" Rachel asked and Santana could only shrug. She struggled so hard when she came to terms with the fact she had feelings for Rachel. Her track record with the other girl was far from perfect; horrible if she was being honest.
"Because I was scared. For one, I treated you the fucking worst in high school. That's not exactly forgettable. And two, I mean we all know you have this weird gay tension with Quinn back then but as far as I knew you were into tall, bumbling idiot boys with pastry nipples who jizzed in their pants if you so much as breathed on him. You never stated or showed otherwise. I only take risks if I know I've got at least a small chance of a shot." Santana revealed. Rachel pulled the other girl closer to her, wrapping her leg to rest on Santana's hip.
"That's understandable. And thank you for sharing that with me." Santana sighed into the pause of silence that settled over them. Soon enough Rachel was speaking up.
"So was there like a specific moment? Like you looked at me and it clicked?" Rachel asked with a laugh and Santana joined in.
"God you're such a sap. You know that?" Santana let out before Rachel playfully kissed her nose.
"Yeah I know but tell me anyways!" Rachel declared and Santana rolled her eyes good naturedly.
"As sappy and cliché as it sounds and as you would want it to be, there was a specific moment that I looked at you and I figured it out. I was coming out of my section of the loft, highly annoyed by my intro to law homework and I saw you dancing in the kitchen." Santana stated with a chuckle that had Rachel laughing too.
"You just looked so…good and happy and it made me happy. I remember thinking all I wanted to do was walk over to you and wrap my arms around you. And kiss you. I remember thinking that that's what I wanted. I wanted you. Because you make me really, really happy." Santana finished sincerely and Rachel couldn't help but to lean in and kiss the girl.
"I wish you would have told me sooner." Rachel admitted when they finally came apart for air.
"I know. Me too. I really don't mean it lightly when I said I was scared. Terrified even. Whenever I thought about telling you, suddenly I was back in the hallways of McKinley telling my best friend how I felt about her and having the doom of rejection punch me in the fucking gut. And I didn't want to have to feel that again. Especially not with you." Santana declared and again Rachel was pulling her impossibly close, molding their bodies together to offer the other girl some semblance of comfort.
"So what made you get over your fear?" Rachel continued. Again, Santana was shrugging.
"The fear of a missed opportunity? I don't know. But something in me just said I couldn't not try. Especially when you're leering has been less discrete over the past two weeks. You were practically drooling Rachel." Santana teased and the other brunette blushed hard, hiding her face in the crook of Santana's neck.
"I thought it couldn't hurt. Even if all I got out of it was getting to kiss you." Santana confided. Rachel's face was mere inches from hers now.
"How about you kiss me again?" Rachel whispered against Santana's lips and really the girl didn't need to tell her twice. Santana captured Rachel's lips in an excruciatingly slow kiss. The kind that has want and desire burning deep in your belly. Santana rolled on top of Rachel, settling between her legs, as she nipped at the girl's lip. Rachel's hands were roaming over Santana's back under her shirt; gently scratching as she went. When Rachel's hips bucked up against hers, Santana knew they were skirting into unknown territory. While their make out sessions in the past few days were getting hotter and heavy, this felt different. Dangerous even. And when Rachel let out this guttural moan as Santana rolled her hips against her, she knew she needed to check in with the other girl.
"Is this okay? I know we haven't talked about going further yet…" Santana trailed off, her breathing labored.
"I want to. I think we should." Rachel let out, voice husky and laced with arousal. Santana let out a throaty chuckle.
"You wanna what? I wanna hear you say it Rach." Santana whispered against her lips, rocking into the other girl to get her more riled up. Rachel let out a whimper and Santana couldn't help the shiver that came over her. She had never heard anyone sound so fucking good.
"I want you to…" Rachel trailed off but finished her sentence with a buck of her hips. That was all the permission Santana needed. She really didn't need to hear the girl say it. She was already showing that she wanted to. Santana had Rachel naked in record time.
They took their time exploring each other, tasting each other, getting to know one another's bodies in the best possible way. Nipping, licking, sucking and scratching their way to ecstasy. Santana knew that Rachel giving her this part of herself, a part she felt was important to her, meant everything. Santana was so grateful for it. So she took her time in making the other girl come apart for her. And when Rachel came it was one of the most beautiful things Santana had ever seen. And when Rachel made her come she swore she saw stars exploding behind her eyes; swirling, shimmering and bright. And in this moment, to Santana, everything was good and right in the world. In her world.