Summary: Draco has no one to trust with his thoughts. In his dilemma he begins a diary. H/D eventually. After HBP. SPOILERS!

Author: Kindali Sidera

Rating: T, for language and some not-so-innocent scenes… if you know what I mean wink wink

Chapter One: How it Begins

August 25

I can't believe I am actually doing this. Am I really so pathetic as to need this muggle piece of crap? Well, I've already spent some of MY money on it, so I might as well get started and use the thing.

I'm Draco Malfoy, Prince of Slytherin, Heir to the Malfoy riches, and apparently so pathetic that I have to resort to writing in a diary.

The diary writing thing started because of some stupid portrait of a dead guy. That guy is Albus Dumbledore, late Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and also the man I was ordered to kill. But didn't. It was my Professor of Potions and Godfather who finished the deed that was assigned by Lord Voldemort for me: Severus Snape. But I'm getting off subject.

After The Battle of Hogwarts, as they are now calling it, I went into hiding from Voldemort. Even though the old coot Dumbledore was dead, it was not by my hand, and I either would have been killed on the spot of I went back to him, or slowly tortured to his and his Death Eaters pleasure. Not liking either idea, I ran.

Just a few days ago I was captured by the bloody Order of the Phoenix and taken to their musty old headquarters. I then had Veritaserum lodged down my throat and was forced to tell the truth all about what had happened. With the whole interrogation thing, it came out that I did not want to join, or stay, with Voldemort… for obvious reasons. McGonagall then had the nerve to ask me if I wanted to join the Order of the Phoenix and help out in their fight against the Dark Lord. Of course I didn't want to join, but McGonagall had continued with some tasty tidbits all for me: I would be kept safe, and when Voldemort was defeated I could live without the constant fear of torture by sadist Death Eaters. Those were some nice pluses, but I was still going to say no. Apparently the Veritaserum was muddling with my mouth though, because what I had intended to say was a nice 'Why don't you shove your Order up your arse,' but it came out as a 'Yes, who the hell wouldn't with Voldemort on their fucking arse?' At least the 'arse' came out right…

I was then inaugurated right then and there, much to my surprise, and shipped off to Hogwarts to wait until school started. It seems that they thought Hogwarts would be a safer place for me than their stupid secret headquarters even though it had just been attacked. Go figure.

Well, in my wanderings of the school halls yesterday, I happened upon the Headmaster's, now Headmistress' I suppose, office. Deciding that since I had the password in case of any emergency meetings of the Order (which I probably won't go to anyway) I would explore the place and see what the old cat had in it.

After giving the password (remembrance) and walking up the stairs, the first thing I hear is, "Ah, Draco Malfoy!" said portrait Dumbledore. "How wonderful to see you! I'm afraid that if you're looking for the Headmistress that she isn't here at the moment. She said something about preparing the new teacher." I was shocked to say the least. I had forgotten that the Headmasters and mistresses that croaked were now hanging on portraits on the wall.

After recovering and putting back on my mask of indifference, I ignored the blabbering and did what I was there to do. I looked through all McGonagall's drawers and cabinets until that annoyingly cheerful voice grated on my nerves and I couldn't take it anymore. I turned around and looked straight into the portrait's eyes and said, "Will you shut up! I don't care how the Fat Lady's doing or how Peeves got stuck in a cupboard!"

Being Dumbledore, even if it is a dead one, his eyes twinkled. "That's okay. Why don't we talk about you then? You seem a bit frustrated."

I was frustrated, really frustrated. So after a moment of struggling not to yell everything out, I screamed about everything that had gone wrong in my life. Dumbledore, having nothing better to do than sit around and listen to me rant, listened attentively and only seemed mildly surprised when I told him about the night he died. After I was done, all he said was, "You need a diary."

I had only a vague notion of what a diary was. After all, if most rich wizards (which I am, or was) wanted to analyze what had happened to them, they would just put their thoughts in a pensieve, not write in a stupid book.

At my blank look, Dumbledore continued, "It's what muggles, and even some wizards, use to look at their thoughts. They write in a book called a diary, or journal, whichever you prefer. It's a way of keeping track of things."

I scoffed. "I am not using anything created my muggles. And I don't need to put my thoughts down anywhere."

"Then you should talk to people about your feelings," he said "It's not good to keep them bottled up."

"I don't need to talk to anyone about my 'feelings'. I'm perfectly fine," I sneered at him before sauntering out of the office, my raid of it completely forgotten.

Now, I really wasn't going to get a stupid diary, but Dumbledore's words kept coming back to me. 'It's not good to keep them bottled up.' I really did have a need for something because I was really stressed before I went off in my rant at the dead coot, but afterwards I felt better. It's horrible to think that I actually took the advice when McGonagall came to me for what I needed from Diagon Alley.

She was getting my needed school books and parchment and all that junk, but she wanted to know if I needed or wanted anything else. When I told her to get me a diary she had looked at me a little odd, but just added it to her list. And when I got it this morning, I put as many protection spells as possible on it, and now I'm writing.

I still can't believe I'm doing this. If someone found out about this, I would be the laughing stock of the school and all of Scotland, but with all the spells and protection I put on this thing, hopefully that won't happen.

Draco Malfoy

A/N: Hopefully that was good. Remember, there will be slash in later chapters! So if you don't like slash, you don't have to continue reading. Please review! No flames please, only constructive criticism! Thank you for reading!

Kindali Sidera