Oh how complicated things have gotten, you know you love him but yet you know whenever he looks you in the eyes or kisses on the lips he will always see someone else. Sollux will always see Aradia. There is no changing that. You're just her shadow to him. Your long hair is his favorite part about you, probably because it resembles hers. He will never give up on her; no matter how many times she tells him she will never be his matesprit. Plus she already cares about someone else, Eridan. It took her a long time to admit it to herself but he possessed an amazing gift, he could make her smile. Smile that smile that Sollux longed to be directed at him. But never would be. Possibly you are to blame for this whole mess. You were the one who broke Eridan's heart in the first place. Who sent him straight to Aradia. Who made her realize how much she really liked him when he was being his true self. You are to blame for your own sadness, your own heartbreak. This could not be pinned on anyone else, you caused this. You brought Aradia happiness and crushed your own in the process.
Sollux squeezes your hand and jolts you out of your deep thought. He brushes a long strand of hair out of your face and gives you a halfhearted smile. You love his smile. You just wish you could let yourself believe that it's directed at you and not who he imagines you to be. Ahead of you sits Eridan and Aradia, his long scarf draped around her necked and her head rested on his shoulder. She looks sad as usual. So does he. But beyond that you know somewhere deep down inside of them they must be happy. There has to be the slightly spark of joy and thankfulness that they have each other. They may be sad, but at least they're sad together. You think they'll always be that way, together. You truly envy them. Although they put on a fake depressed masquerade, you know the truth behind their shields. That they are so thankful for each other, they can't imagine life without the other. She provides him with a helping hand, he provides her with a well needed smile. You wish you and Sollux could be like that. Your heart hurts now. Does anyone even understand how it glubbing feels? To love someone so much but to know no matter what you do they will never feel the same way! To know you're not good enough for them, so they have to pretend you're some other person! Nobody understands! You yank your hand away from Sollux's as tears begin to stream down your cheeks. Then you run. You don't really know where you're going. Just away from him and them, away from your emotions. You run away from your problems, because that's all there's left to do. No more hope left for you. All you have left to do is flee.