Reecey-Boy: Hello! And welcome to Kaiba Corp. myself and the amazing Reecey-Girl will be taking you on a tour of this fine establishment.
Reecey-Girl: This has been entirely co-authored and we're loving it. Enjoy the Anzu bashing because it's funny.
Reecey-Boy: Now, who should do the disclaimer? .:strokes imaginary beard:.
Reecey-Girl: Whoever.
Reecey-Boy: Wow, that's helpful. Ok, I'll do it then. We do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! You can tell, because if we did there would be blatant yaoi and Bakura would have more air time. We love the crazy evil guy!
.:Reecey-Boy and Reecey-Girl glomp Bakura:.
Bakura: Ack!
Another Day at Kaiba Corp.
Chapter One: The R&D Department
"Ok people, we need new ideas on how to play Duel Monsters."
At the bi-monthly meetings the R&D department discuss and design new products. This month was the ever present challenge of revamping the Duel Disc system.
"Jeff, any ideas?" asked the head of department, David 'call me Dave' Smith. (Although why Kaiba employed a man like that in the first place, I'm not entirely sure.)
This inspired a flurry of suggestions…
"Duel Golf!"
"The Duel Boomerang."
"Duel Text Messaging."
"Duel Swivel Chair!"
"Duel Sky Diving!"
"Duel Trampoline!"
"Duel Daggers," stated a low and menacing voice. The head of department raised an eyebrow. "What! You throw them at your opponent and the monster attacks them!" Dave threw a concerned glance at the speaker. Long white hair and an evil smirk betrayed it to be Bakura.
"Hey, you don't work here!" he chided, "The Human Resources department is on the next floor down." (AN: O.O)
Then the best ideas are chosen and prototype models are made. As the entire staff of the R&D department are certified geniuses, this doesn't take very long.
Later that day…
"So you see Sir, we in the R&D department have new, innovative ideas and designs. And we take great pleasure in showing them to you," introduced Dave with a wink.
Kaiba looked unimpressed, "Get on with it then, or do you not value your job?"
"Of c-course Sir," even the most stalwart or cheerful of men falter under that glare.
The games testers proceeded to show the new products. Needless to say, Duel Daggers did not go down well and involved a trip to the company infirmary. They proceeded to move onto the Duel Boomerang.
"So you see, you just throw it and the kinetic energy powers the holograms," explained Dave. The tester threw it.
Three minutes later and it still hadn't come back.
"Aww," said the tester, "my boomerang won't come back!" He sighed and started to demonstrate the Duel Golf system. However, as the universal laws of comedic timing dictate, at that moment it decided to return and promptly knock the unfortunate man out.
Kaiba stood from his chair flanked by Dobermans and walked over to the unconscious games tester. He picked up the boomerang, looked at it and then looked pointedly at Dave.
"A bit of a three o'clock in the morning decision was it?" he asked raising one perfectly groomed eyebrow. Dave shook his head.
"Oh No Sir, you'll see that in a bit. I now introduce our next idea… Duel Swivel Chairs."
Kaiba watched everyone who knew try to innocuously retreat to the edges of the test room as two seemingly innocent high-backed leather office chairs were wheeled into the centre of the room. After five minutes of listening to shouting, screaming and what sounded like a full blown wrestling match, two terrified product testers were thrown out of their dressing room. One attempted to hide in his own shoes, and the other was eyeing the window as if he would rather jump out of it than do the presentation.
The basic idea behind Duel Swivel Chairs was that you had to keep spinning to gain the kinetic energy needed to power the holograms. Not only that, but as your life points were depleted the chairs reclined further and further back. The rules were as thus; as well as the standard 'lose all your life points and you're out' ones, the first one who fell out or threw up lost.
The duel went well, with the one tester leading by a good margin. Kaiba watched with interest as the one who almost jumped out of the window's life points got lower and lower, his chair went further and further back. He seemed to be holding up to the physical torment well. At least until he flew out of the chair, spun around a few times, collapsed at Kaiba's feet and threw up all over his shoes.
Kaiba snapped his fingers and a flurry of people came in and changed not only his shoes, but his entire outfit, literally in the blink of an eye.
"You," stated Kaiba menacingly, "go to Employee Care."
"NOOOO!" two hired goons dragged the unfortunate games tester off to his doom.
: At Employee Care :
The poor man was unceremoniously tossed into an office. He scrambled towards the door and beat on it in vain.
"Please! Let me out! I'll do whatever you want," he pleaded, almost crying. Then, he heard the most terrifying noise.
The sound of somebody getting up from a squeaky chair. He turned around with wide terror filled eyes.
"Hello!" said Anzu, smiling brightly, "I hope we can friends…" the cheerful smile was quickly replaced by one a lot more menacing. "Are you alright? You look a little… unwell."
A blood curdling scream was heard throughout the entire business district of Domino.
: At the meeting… :
"Ok," said Dave, "that didn't go quite as well as planned. But onwards!" Kaiba looked… I would say worried, but Kaiba never looks worried. So he settled for looking incredulous.
"Duel Sky Diving!" exclaimed Dave excitedly, "now, we don't have enough room here. But we do have a video link prepared- "
Kaiba raised a hand to stop him.
"No, I don't even want to know," he said, fighting off an approaching headache. Dave looked a little disappointed, but decided to change the subject.
"Now for our last idea. You'll have to forgive him Sir, he's new," he motioned to Nigel, "go on then."
The new guy cleared his throat and presented his idea.
"I revamped the Duel Disc and added an MP3 player to it." The look on Kaiba's face was priceless. "This will make it more desirable and, therefore, increase our revenue."
Dave shook his head and said to Kaiba, "you know, graduates. With their crazy ideas. I told him there was no point to bringing it to this meeting, but did he listen? No."
Kaiba looked at Nigel in amazement.
"What else did you do to it?"
"Well, I added speakers. So during a duel you can play the epic music of your choice. This means you no longer need your twenty piece marching band."
"Fuck it!" exclaimed the horseback kettle drum player, "we're out of a job boys!"
Wahh-wahh-wah-waaah! Played the trombone player as they left with downcast expressions on their faces.
: End chapter :
Join us next time as we continue our journey through the many and varied facets of Kaiba Corp. and tackle the world of Public Relations!
Reecey-Boy: Wow, that went well. Could barely type for laughing. Although… I do worry about Kaiba's employment policy.
Reecey-Girl: chuckles Now review, or we will set Employee Care on you! Bwahahahahahaha!