Author's Notes: I was challenged to write a story to give an excuse to have Turks on a beach. It wasn't easy, and I think it could have been much better, but it is rather funny. Poor Tseng indeed.

Aquatic Shortcoming

It started as a joke, well teasing really. Reno had made an offhand comment about how pale Tseng was. Accused the Wutain of not spending enough time at the beach tanning. A comment made in front of Rufus. A comment Tseng had mistakenly responded to by saying that he'd never been to the beach. To which Reno had playfully suggested a day off at the beach and Tseng had instantly refused the idea. Of course the powers that be, namely Rufus, had thought it a wonderful idea. He had never been to a beach either. Turned out that Rude had been the only one to ever actually spend time at one. So the date was set, much to the displeasure of Tseng

For the whole of a month Tseng attempted to dissuade Rufus from his decision. Anyone could have told you that such attempts were rather pointless, for the blonde was nothing if not stubborn. The Wutain tried everything from arranging missions to trying to convince Reno to convince Rufus not to take them for a hefty amount of gil. So there invariably came the day where Tseng broke down and actually commanded Rude to intervene. What follows is an account of just what happened on that fateful day before the beach trip, and the startling revelation of a certain Turk Leader.

"Rude…" came a voice from the shadows behind said bald male. Somewhere inside Rude was vaguely surprised that he'd been shocked by the arrival of the Wutain. It wasn't that the man was excessively sneaky, more so than Tseng could be normally. In fact the Wutain could probably be far sneakier. What shocked Rude was that his boss had felt a need to sneak around him. It had never happened before. Normally the Turks had enough professional courtesy not to do such a thing.

"Sir," Rude responded. Already, and maybe because of the sneaking, he could tell that this would have to be handled carefully.

"Might I speak to you?"

"Of course," he said as he put the book he was reading aside.

"About this thing with the beach tomorrow…"

"Why are you so adamant about not going?" Rude couldn't help but question. It had been on all their minds ever since the first time Tseng had attempted to get Rufus to change his mind.

"I…" Here the dark haired male sighed. "I can't swim."

Now if you knew anything at all about Rude, you would know just how unbelievably hard he was to catch off guard. And yet here he sat, mouth hanging open, eyes wide behind his dark shades, totally speechless but not by his normal choice. He could FIND anything to say.

"But you're Wutain," was the only response Rude could manage.

"Never really needed to learn how to swim and my family lived in the mountain regions…"

"You're Wutain and you can't swim?" Rude asked, really needing to drive that point home in his mind.

This invoked the rolling of eyes. "Yes Rude. I do not know how to swim."

"Can you float?"

"I don't really see why I would be able to float if I cannot swim Rude."

"A Wutain… Who openly worships Leviathan… Who can't swim or float?"

At this point Tseng seemed very highly annoyed. "Yes Rude. A Wutain who can not swim or float. I know, it's funny. Can we move on?"

"Reno is going to freak when he finds out," the bald man pointed out, seeming very amused at the very idea of it. Reno would probably make some joke about it, insisting Tseng get water wings or some other floatation device.

"That has been my point all along Rude. Reno must not find out. He is prone to… Remembering rather unfortunate things I would prefer he didn't. Can't remember when he is due for a physical, but he sure as hell can remember what foods I dislike…"

"You want me to help you hide this from my partner?"

"What else do you think I'd be asking this for?"

"Tseng, no offense, but I don't keep secrets from Reno anymore. Made that mistake once. Remember?"

Now that Rude mentioned it, a time where the two had been missing for three days, presumed kidnapped, did come to mind. As did the result of finding them… Tseng had been quite impressed that Rude had the stamina to last three days of 'rigorous interrogation' from Reno.

"None the less, Reno shall not be finding out about this. Understand?" Tseng said, a threatening edge to his voice.

Rude sighed and glanced over at his discarded book. He'd really wanted to finish it before he got home tonight, but that really had been a foolish desire, hadn't it? "Sir yes sir."

It was definitely going to be a really long day.