Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran High School Host Club.

Simple Trance
By Forsaken Dreams
Summary: How does it feel to lose everything that you ever had? Kaoru doesn't have anything except for Hikaru. And now he doesn't even seem have that anymore. Just how much does it take to break someone when you're not even trying? Not much.

ooo

Chapter 1

You didn't notice anything about me anymore. We were drifting farther and farther apart and I was the only one who noticed.

Haruhi, she had shattered our world, but you didn't seem to care. How could you when you looked so happy to be with her?

My hands clench themselves tighter together digging into my skin as I didn't even bother to hold back any tears. A small whimper had escaped past my lips and into the chilly night air.

Hikaru you promised me…

What promise?

A promise that held back your fears? Something that made you feel safer? Or maybe it was just to make you keep quiet because you were so bothersome.

It was empty.

The tears kept flowing down my face as I glance up towards the sky. It was so beautiful with the stars just blinking innocently back and me.

Reminds me of the time when –

I cut my thoughts off abruptly. I did not want to go there. Not now.

The night was very quiet, and I welcomed every moment of it. No one would be here at this time anyways. I sniffed a bit as I wrap my arms around my body for warmth. It's not as if I needed to wear a jacket for what I was planning on doing.

A bittersweet smile.

We were actors. Truly wonderful ones in my opinion. But can you, Hikaru, do what I can do? Instead of blocking out emotions I force false ones on my face. With all our practicing I even managed to make them reach to my eyes.

Great isn't it? Well at least it's good enough to fool you.

Everything I do I do it for you.

Without hesitating I move to sit at the edge of the railing on the bridge. I took a deep breath and released it so I can watch it come out in a long puff of air and disappear.

My head turned towards the murky river below me.

The moon and stars had enough light for me to see my own reflection staring right back. I gazed with disinterest as a few tears fell into the water destroying the silence every once in awhile.

Sometimes I wish that when I cry I could hear myself, but there never was any choked sobs coming from my mouth.

Why?

Because I never wanted you to become aware of it anymore.

There isn't any reason to worry about me. I'm perfectly fine.

Really.

I start to laugh uncontrollably while swinging my legs back and forth just for the sake of it. Nothing is wrong. I haven't cracked yet. I swear.

Hikaru, Hikaru, Hikaru, my mind chanted.

I glanced at my hands as I intertwined them together and placed them on my lap. I watched how they fit together so easily, but it wasn't the same as when we did it. Ours were perfect. My hands were pretty numb too. Oh well less pain for me.

Will you save me? Or am I not worth it anymore?

I'm glad you have someone that can stay by your side even if it's not me. I would have never interfered with your happiness so I don't know why you kept your relationship a secret. Especially from me. A sneeze came from my mouth breaking the stillness that was created.

Soon I won't have to feel anymore.

The Host Club changed our lives and I would never regret it because of you. Even though it brought us closer together because of our 'brotherly love' act it also pulled us apart.

A sigh had passed through my lips.

Your happiness is my happiness. How sappy but true.

I'll miss everyone. Of course I would. They were the first friends that we ever had. I let myself smile at that thought.

I began to think of other things, and so I closed my eyes wanting to drown into it.

Earlier today you were about to go on a date with Haruhi. I don't know what came over me, but I walked up to you and hugged you from behind. You looked so startled.

"Kaoru what's wrong?" You asked in a worried voice as you covered my hands with your own that were wrapped around your waist.

I managed to mumble out a 'Nothing' as I held on to you tighter and buried my face into your neck.

Funny I thought that you would have told me to let you go because you were going to be late.

We stayed like that for a couple more seconds before I softly breathed out an "I love you."

You just tilted your head back to look at me in the eye with a confused expression before replying back with an "I love you too."

I knew you would have said that, and I grinned at you before I removed my hands from around you.

Of course you didn't understand that the love I was talking about was anything but friendly brotherly love, and I wasn't planning to tell you anytime soon or at all for that matter.

You merely quirked an eyebrow at me in curiosity and smiled back.

"Now seriously, what's wrong?"

"I told you already! Nothing at all! I just wanted a hug is that too much to ask?" I whined plastering a pout on my face and made my eyes wider. Just an act.

You laughed. I love hearing your voice and even better your laughter because of me. You just turned around and gave me one last smile and a wave before you walked out the door leaving me standing there. Alone again.

I'm glad you still seemed to care.

That was my last memory of you and I'll hold on to it forever.

I relocated my gaze back into the water imagining myself being engulfed into the darkness and never coming back.

It was a relaxing thought.

For once I just wanted to be selfish and do something that would make me happy.

My family and friends would probably cry a bit here and there but they'll get over it.

Eventually.

"Hikaru." I whisper before I pushed myself off the bridge and into the depths of my own death with your image burning thickly into my mind as I fall.