A Matter of Height
what Isane and Toshiro think about each other
Disclaimer – I bet you thought that I owned Bleach, but I don't.
Word came in to the Fourth Division that a team from the Tenth had been attacked by a Menos Grande. Five shinigami were injured, among them the division's captain, Toshiro Hitsugaya. They were being rushed through the gate and would need immediate medical attention. Lieutenant Isane Kotetsu, who was running the facility this evening, readied five beds for the injured: four in the common area, and a single room for the captain. This was standard protocol.
The first four arrivals were immediately assessed. Two of them suffered only minor injuries; the other two required serious, immediate care. Isane stabilized one of them, directing a lower-ranked officer to work on the other. She couldn't get too involved with this patient, though, because her highest priority would be the captain once he arrived.
A minute later, a couple of unseated officers of the Fourth Division helped the young white-haired captain into the headquarters building. He was cut badly across the chest and abdomen and had lost a lot of blood. As they led him to a separate treatment room, he threw off their support and made his way to an empty bed next to his troops. "You think the Menos cared that I was a captain when he did this?" he snapped as he got into the bed.
Isane quickly came over and assessed his injuries. He was hurt badly: anyone but a captain would be dead from this, but given his spiritual energy, he could be up and walking in hours. She stabilized him, then decided the other two patients needed more attention.
Before she left his side, she half-whispered to him, "what you just did was very brave".
He scoffed. "I hate the way captains get special treatment, that's all."
"No, not that", she said, and quicky departed.
/
Had she spoken too boldly? She hoped not. She had intended to express her admiration. If anyone understood what he was feeling as he climbed into that bed, it was her.
It's hard to be tall. Isane always figured that it was a lot harder than being short. After all, everyone starts out small. And shorter people generally don't stand out in the crowd the way a tall person does. But a very small captain lying on a full-sized bed next to his subordinates couldn't help but stand out. And that look of humiliation in his eyes as he climbed into bed proved that in his own way he understood what she went through every day.
She had always admired Captain Hitsugaya. He never let his height become an issue. He led without hesitation. Isane had to admit that her height always made her hold something back. Even though she was a lieutenant, the second-ranked healer in all of Soul Society, she felt like she needed to keep herself hidden. She felt safe in Captain Unohana's metaphorical shadow. The idea of ever being a captain herself, being the person that everyone turned to, terrified her.
She continued to mend one of the fighters from the Hollow attack. His hand and arm were badly fractured. For a fighter, this injury could be career-ending. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed that Hitsugaya was watching her – and it was a man's look in his eye, not a boy's. That was flattering, she had to admit. She usually thought of herself as unattractive. If she were her sister's size, she'd be cuter. Or if she had beautiful hair and features like Matsumoto. Or – well, she could go on all day listing women who were prettier than her.
So, did that look mean anything? He's a boy, but he's also an adult. But he's also a boy. Life was like that in Soul Society. Age had two different meanings. And she was under no illusions about his development; she'd examined his body a few minutes ago. If he were interested in her in that way, given his physical youth and rate of aging, she did some quick calculations and estimated it'd be 40 years before it'd be appropriate to do – stuff – with him.
He is cute. Adorable, really. He'll grow up to be a handsome man. And she did admire him. Maybe it wouldn't be so weird, if he ever expressed interest…no, that was silly. She'd gotten carried away in her thoughts by just one look. And who's to say that, even if they did have some chemistry, that they'd last 40 or 50 years together? Being a shinigami was maddening. Being human was so much easier; time had meaning. When you live hundreds of years, or indefinitely, you had no reasonable constraints.
Would 50 years matter, in the long run? It wasn't like there was a line of guys waiting for – stuff – from her. She would probably go 50 years without – stuff – anyway, at the rate her social life was going. And really, as busy as she was at work, it might be nice to have a slow-moving relationship in the off-hours.
She went back and forth in her mind. In the end, though, she realized that she was lying to herself. Even if, for some reason, he was attracted to her, there was no way she'd be able to get involved with him. The difference in height would just kill her. She was too self-conscious. She admired his courage so much, but she knew she didn't share it. And she hated herself for that.
/
How had she known? She was so tall, how could she have understood what an embarrassment it was for him to climb into this bed in front of his men?
She was lucky. She was tall. Tall people commanded respect without even trying to. He admired the way she took command of the healing center. She was a natural leader.
She was also quite a looker. He couldn't help but notice that. The truth was, he thought about women all the time. He didn't used to be like this. It probably didn't help that he shared an office with a woman who wore her breasts outside her robes, but on the other hand really he preferred the long, lean look of someone like Isane. Not too lean, though, he thought to himself as she bent over one of her patients. Very nice.
Oops. She saw him looking at her.
According to his research, he was going through something called "puberty". He had studied up on it while on missions to the World of the Living. (If Matsumoto ever found out about this particular research topic, he'd never hear the end of it.) He was growing up so slowly that he figured it might take him thirty years to get through it. It troubled him to think he'd be so preoccupied with women for so long. Then again, Kyoraku was more or less able to function as a captain, and if that guy ever thought about anything other than women, it was by accident.
He continued to watch Isane work. He couldn't help but respect her ability in this field about which he knew nothing. It was easy to overlook the Fourth Division. But he couldn't overlook her. And that wasn't just the hormones talking. (Although he did know that they could talk. They sometimes screamed. He could barely admit to himself how often Matsumoto's wiles had gotten her out of some task, all because of those hormones.)
Yes, all in all, Isane was quite impressive.
So? Did he have the guts to do anything about it? That was tough. The idea of being seen with her in public, of people scoffing at how small he looked next to her, was nightmarish. The ridicule would undermine his authority. No one would dare to say anything to his face – well, except the monkeys in the Eleventh. Oh, the things they'd shout at the two of them! And he knew that the people who didn't say anything would be thinking it anyway. Imagine Kurotsuchi looking at them like a breeding experiment! He didn't think he could take it, and if she were the least bit self-conscious about her height (he'd heard that sometimes tall women were), he couldn't put her through it either.
No, this was a bad idea. Another thirty years or so, and he'd be enough of an adult that he could start dating. He watched her walk by, her body shifting under those robes. Maybe twenty-five years. But until then, it was out of the question.
/
Isane was satisfied that all of her patients were going to heal just fine. She came back to check on Captain Hitsugaya. She stood over him. Captains do heal quickly; he'd already begun to recover from his injury without much more than a field treatment. She said, "this doesn't look so bad; you should be out of here by the morning."
He surprised himself: he said, "so, then we could have dinner tomorrow night?"
She surprised herself. "Yes", she said.
They both looked at each other, stunned. Then they smiled at each other like they'd just won the lottery.