Now that I look back to it, our story was never going to be a happy one.
I was born into a wealthy family, with all the love my parents could possibly give. I could've had everything I ever asked for, but I never did ask that much. I felt the love I got to be enough.
I did well at school. Got good grades, behaved like a goody-two-shoe. Never got into a trouble only for the purpose of doing so. I said 'thank you' and 'please', smiled ever as brightly and treated people like I wanted to be treated.
My life was great.
And then there was him.
My best friend and a shoulder to lean on. Kassim.
Unlike me, he didn't enjoy the luxurious life of being born into a wealth and riches. He lived in a small flat with his alcoholic father, struggling to pay the bills in time and getting enough food. He despised those who had money enough to spend on unnecessary things, often showing true hate and bitterness towards them.
He didn't do well at school. He was the troublemaker, the bad boy with cigarettes in his pockets and the will to get into a fight flaming in his eyes. His grades dropped year by year, and so did his motivation.
He was the one always sitting in detention. I was the one who patiently waited for him to get out like a loyal dog.
Kassim was my best friend. My brother.
My first love.
One particular day we were sitting by the river, throwing rocks in the water. I found hanging out like this to be extremely relaxing. He found it to be extremely boring.
But he was willing to do it with me anyway on time to time. I guess it was because we were best friends and he really cared about me. So he sat there with me, throwing rocks into the water and talking about all the things surrounding our minds.
"Hakuryuu asked me if I was okay with him asking Morgiana on date with him," I blabbered indifferently. "It's not like we have something going on, so I told him it's okay. He was apparently worried because Morgiana likes me. Can you believe that!" I laughed. "Of course she doesn't!"
Kassim had stopped throwing the rocks, now laying on his back trying to light a cigarette. "You really are an idiot."
"Huh?"
He gave me a smug look, starting to tease me. "How can you be so blind and not notice her feelings for you? Jeez, Alibaba. You are probably the most oblivious person I have ever known."
"Shut up," I muttered, turning away from him.
There were times when I couldn't look straight at him, times like this. When Kassim looked peaceful, like he didn't have a worry in the world. When he lied on his back in the sunset like that. When he smoked his cigarette like that. When his golden eyes sparkled with laughter like that.
I love him, I thought quietly in my mind, only now realizing that I did. I love him. And maybe.
Maybe he might like me too.
Maybe.
My train of thought was cut off when I noticed Kassim's phone vibrating in his pocket. I watched him as he answered and just like that, all the laughter and easiness was gone and replaced with seriousness and coldness.
"Yeah," he spoke to the person in the other end, standing up and starting to gather up his belongings. "I'll be there in a minute."
I scowled. I knew for a fact that I was Kassim's best friend, but he still had other friends too and I did not like it. Not because I was jealous, but because his 'other friends' didn't seem like a good people. I had heard things about them, dark things, like them beating up people and stealing and doing drugs.
"Do you have to go?" I asked with a serious expression. "We could go to my place and watch movies or do whatever you want."
Kassim sighed. "Alibaba..."
"I mean it. I don't want you to go."
"You don't own me. Just let me be!"
"It's my birthday! You were supposed to spend it with me!"
He gave me a middle finger and with that he stumbled away, leaving me behind with the scent of his cigarette lingering around me.
I was disappointed and pissed that he just ditched me like that and went out with his so called other friends. But in the other hand I was aware that Kassim was a hotheaded guy and also got angry easily. It had always been this way and I knew he wouldn't stay mad at me for too long. And, I knew, tomorrow he would show up at school, brush it off like he always did and we would be okay again.
Turned out that I was wrong.
The next day Kassim didn't show up. I didn't see him in anywhere in the school area, nor did I find him at any places he used to hang out when he'd ditch school. He didn't answer his phone and I even went so far to go to his house that day. His father told me Kassim hadn't showed up since yesterday.
Naturally I became worried. There was nothing I could do at the moment. I didn't have any idea where he could be, and I didn't know anyone I could ask for help. I didn't hang out with the people he called 'his other friends' and for that matter I didn't posses any contacts for the people who might know about Kassim's whereabouts.
I could only wait, hopelessly and desperately for him to contact me.
A day passed. And another.
And then finally, Kassim showed up on my doorstep.
When I opened the door, all the worries and bad thoughts stepped aside making room to the relief of seeing my friend.
"KASSIM!" I exclaimed throwing myself into his arms. He closed his arms around me casually and let out a little chuckle.
"Hi, Alibaba. Missed me?"
"Of course I missed you! I've been dead worried! Where were you? You didn't answer your phone!"
His expression turned somewhat dark still remaining gentle, which was not like him. "Can I come in?"
"Make yourself at home," I told him as I let him in, and walked to the kitchen to pour us something to drink. A million questions raced through my head while we silently walked to my room.
He sat on the bed and instantly laid his eyes on me. The look was so intense it made me a bit nervous and I sat next to him, offering him the soda I poured up.
"So," he said.
"So?" I asked.
"I guess you became a big baby about me ditching you birthday party" he stated with a laughter.
I scowled. "No? I became worried because you disappeared. Who cares about some stupid birthday."
Kassim laughted. It was the kind of laughter that was pure and openly happy. "You became worried? Aren't you just a caring little mother hen."
"Stop" I told him. "It's not a joke. You didn't even answer your phone."
He gave me gentle slap to the the back of my head. "Well, I'm here now so you can stop worrying."
The happiness and relief from seeing Kassim had moved on and I was starting to feel really irritated now. "Please tell me what you've been up to."
He took a sip from his glass and his face turned serious. "You don't have to worry about it. Not anymore. I'm going to stop hanging out with those people."
"Really?"
"Yeah, they were a bunch of big losers anyway. So.."
"So?" I asked yet again.
Kassim leaned towards me, his golden eyes exploring my face. His lips almost touched mine and I could feel my heart racing like a wild horse.
"Alibaba," he whispered with a smug smiled. "Happy late birthday."
His lips pressed softly against mine and I closed my eyes, sinking to the overwhelming feeling taking over my body. He waited for a moment, seeking for a signal to keep going and when I showed no resistance he brought his hand to my cheek and caressed it slowly, deepening the kiss. I managed to lift my shaking hands to his hips, carefully feeling the rough fabric of his ripped jeans.
And his lips.
They tasted like blood and cigarettes.
He slowly broke from the kiss, leaving me to sat there with my lips trembling, wanting nothing more than to keep kissing Kassim forever. I slowly lifted my gaze to meet his eyes and he looked just as taken back from the kiss as I was.
His hand still rested on my cheek and he offered me a sorrowful smile. "You didn't push me away."
"Of- of course n-not" I managed to stutter, "I... like you. After all."
He laughed. I loved his laughter.
"You like me? Are you sure?"
"Don't play with me like that, Kassim". The embarrassment hit me as soon as I realized he might not have actually felt the same way I did. "I actually like you. And if you don't like me back, then please, I beg you not to give me false hope."
"Who said I don't like you?" he joked. I directed a punch on his arm. "Ow ow okay! Sorry."
I grabbed his sleeve, looking him straight in the eye. "Kassim. Do you like me?"
His smirk was equally as beautiful as any other smile as he proudly raised his chin.
"Maybe," he answered. "I take it that you liked your present?"
"The kiss was my... birthday present?"
He nodded.
"It was okay" I belittled, earning a doubtful look from Kassim. "Could have been better."
"Oh," he chuckled. "Do you want to try again?"
"Maybe" I answered cheekily.
That night I din't get much sleep. Not because I was feeling uneasy, quite the opposite actually. I was happy, comfortable and overjoyed being able to lie there, next to Kassim. In the darkness I let my fingers run on his cold, somewhat muscular body. It was filled with scars. Some from his reckless adventures, some maybe caused by his father. It deeply saddened me to think that someone like him had such a terrible life. He deserved much more.
Kassim moved a little in his sleep, probably because my fingers had tickled him. I laid my head on his chest, letting his heartbeat slowly lull me to sleep.
When I woke up, he was gone.
I was a Sunday morning.
The Sunday morning.
I woke up, made breakfast and sat on the sofa, browsing through the channels looking for something to watch. I did the dishes, went for a walk and decided to drop by Kassim's. I missed him already and taken from how he acted last night, he wouldn't probably mind me showing up uninvited.
I knocked to the door. The noise of my fist hitting the door echoed creepily in the apartment. Nobody answered and I knocked again. A moment passed. Just as I decided it was probably better to go back home since nobody seemed to be home, the door opened.
I spun around, seeing Kassim's father looking at me. He looked more tired that I had ever seen him, and his eyes were strangely reddish.
"Hi" I greeted politely and gave a him a small nod. "Good to see you again, sir. Is Kassim here?"
His father's face turned into a painful scowl and his eyes got teary. "Oh, Alibaba," he sobbed voice trembling.
"Has something happened?" I instantly got worried. "Has he gone missing again?"
He shook his head. "No, my dear boy. Kassim's not missing.."
I was not understanding the situation at all. His father had placed his hand on his face to hide his tears and I just stood there dumbfounded and clueless. My chest started to feel heavy and I couldn't shake off the bad feeling I got.
"Sir?" I tried carefully. "Where's Kassim?"
He shook his head again, then placed his hand on my shoulder. I just stared at him, waiting for something. Anything.
"Please" I pleaded.
"Kassim..." he began and his voice completely broke. "He's... they found him this morning. He was beaten to death."
I didn't hear if said anything after that. My mind went completely blank. Empty. I didn't feel anything, not sadness or anger. I couldn't even cry. I was unable to think anything. It felt like the whole world just stopped spinning. It felt unreal, a dream.
"It's shame, really" I distantly heard his father speak. "That boy of mine... he almost made it. Almost."
He closed the door, leaving me to stand in the cold and dark stairway.
After that, the days were pain to get through.
The image of Kassim tormented me, not leaving me alone for even a second. The pain of the fact he was not with me anymore was unbelievable. Unbearable. I wanted to scream and hurt and break things. I wanted to die, and I wanted to cry. I wanted to go back in time and beg for him not to go, to stay with me. I wish I had dragged him away from those people and made him understand that it was dangerous.
His funeral was modest and pretty. Good things were said about him. I attended, left him a rose, cried my heart out on his grave.
Almost.
Months passed and I got a little better. I was able to speak of him without breaking to tears, I could watch photos of him and think about the happy days with him instead of enduring in my sorrow. The regret of not being able to save him still haunts me.
I dream of him from time to time.
I dream about his golden eyes, his long dreadlocks, his scarred body. I dream about his fingers running through my hair. I dream about all the things he was and all the things he never got to become.
I dream about kissing him. He always tastes like blood and cigarettes.
Now that I look back to it, our story was never going to be a happy one.
Started with 'maybe'.
Ended with 'almost'.