'Jean-Luc!' Beverly stormed in after him 'Are you serious? Do you really want even more lives to be lost over this?'

'Beverly. I know what I'm doing.' He reassured her sighing. Of course she wouldn't take this without question. She wouldn't be the woman he loved if she did.

'Do you? Do you really Jean-Luc? Everyone on that bridge thinks this is suicide. Even Lily who barely even knows the Borg thinks that.'

'I've made my decision. We fight hand to hand.' He said steadfastly, turning his back on the Doctor.

'Jean-Luc. Please. I care about you too much not to tell you the truth. You are too emotionally involved with the Borg to be able to look at this rationally. The Borg hurt you and you want to hurt them back. You want to see them suffer. And whilst it disturbs me that you feel that way I understand. If it were I I'd probably behave exactly the same. But it's not me, as much as it hurts me it's you? Capt. Jean-Luc Picard, you have to make the decisions. In your heart you know I'm right. They out there believe you are becoming ruled by your memories and feelings. Rise above it Jean. Show them how strong you are. Show them the man I know you are; show them this isn't a personal vendetta of yours. For me. We are not going to fight hand to hand. If I have to declare you unfit for duty I will. We both know I don't want to have to do that. Jean you've got to self-destruct the ship. Don't let them win; don't let any more lives be lost. You know what being Borg is like. Would you really force us all to suffer that? Do you really want to see me half machine with no soul. So cold, crippled by them and know it's your fault. Do you really want my blood on your hands?' Jean-Luc gathered her into his arms.

'Thank you. What would I do without you?' He asked touching his forehead to hers.

'Have a very boring life. So are you going to listen to me for once?'

'I always listen to every word that comes for your delightful mouth. But yes, anything to keep them from touching you. They can't disrupt a single iota of your breath-taking self.' She kissed him.

'I knew you'd see sense.' They strode back onto the bridge hand in hand.

'Begin auto-destruct sequence. Authorization Picard 47AT.'

'Computer Commander Beverly Crusher. Confirm auto-destruct sequence. Authorisation Crusher 22-BC.'

'Computer Lt. Commander Worf. Confirm auto-destruct sequence. Authorization Worf 37-GE.'

'Command Authorization accepted. Awaiting final code to begin auto-destruct sequence.'

'This is Capt. Jean-Luc Picard. Destruct sequence A-1.15mins silent countdown. Enable.'

'Self-destruct in 15 minutes. There will be no further audio warnings.'

'So much 4 the Enterprise-E.'

'We barely knew her.'

'Think they'll build another one?'

'Plenty of letters left in the alphabet. Come on Beverly.'

They walked to the pods.

'Beverly as you're the highest ranked besides me I give you these orders. Find a quiet corner of earth and stay out of histories way.'

'You're not coming with us?' Beverly and Lily asked together.

'Data is still on board Beverly. I have to save him. You all risked so much to rescue me from the Borg, now it's my turn to save him.'

'Let me go with you then.' Beverly said.

'No.' Jean-Luc cried 'I don't want to risk losing you to those monsters. I don't want even the slightest chance of you being caught. Besides people down there need the best medical help they can get-and that's you.'

'But if you die-. At least this way we can die together. I can't live in a world you don't.' She admitted.

'Please go, for me.' Jean-Luc said stroking her face 'the greatest gift you can give me is you staying alive.'

'Ok .But if you don't make it.' She threw her arms around him and kissed him passionately. 'I love you Jean.'

'I love you Bev. See you later ma chérie.'

'See you on the other side. I don't intend to lose you when I've only just found you truly,' she grinned kissing him again 'and make sure you have that brilliant man with you.'

'Yes Ma'am.'

'And remember, don't go getting yourself killed. You're all I have left. Now go.' Jean-Luc ran off. Beverly turned to Lily 'let's go.'

'Ok. Man what a couple of days. You deal with this every day?'

'No. It's not usually this extreme.' Beverly said as they set off.

'So, I never actually found out who you are.'

'Sorry. My name is Beverly Crusher. I'm the CMO on the Enterprise.'

'CMO?'

'Chief Medical Officer.'

'Do all CMOs have the ability to set the auto destruct?'

'No. I'm a certified bridge officer. I'm a Commander as well. I'm 4th in line for the big chair.'

'Wow, impressive. Have you been in command?'

'Occasionally. Once during a skirmish involving the Borg.'

'Defiantly wow.' Lily said impressed.

'So how long have you known Jean-Luc?'

'27yrs now.'

'How did you meet?'

'I married his best friend.' Beverly smiled nostalgically.

'Oh? But back there-?

'Jack is dead now.' Beverly explained 'just now was the first time I told Jean-Luc that I loved him. Something that should have told him years ago. Over 10yrs I've been in love with him. I just hope he lives so I can tell him again and again.'

'Don't worry. I'm sure he'll be fine-he seems pretty special.'

'That he is. He's my soul mate- god that sounded cheesy.' she winced.

'You're in love-you're allowed.' Lily smiled.

'How about you? Anyone special down there for you?'

'Zefram is the closest I have to family. And that's not saying a lot. Most of my family has been killed in the attacks.'

'I'm sorry. How old were you when they died? You don't have to answer.'

'12. It was hard.' Lily admitted.

'I know how you feel. My family was murdered in front of my eyes when I was 7.'

'That's horrible.'

'Yes, it was. But I've had ova 40yrs to get over it.' Beverly smiled.

'I don't really remember my family.' Lily admitted 'so much has happened since then.'

'I remember snatches. I cling to them, next time you have a spare moment just relax and try to remember. You might be surprised what you find.'

'I'll do that. Thanks.' the younger woman said as Beverly squeezed her hand.

'Beverly!' Will said coming over 'where is the Captain? And Data?'

'Data was taken. The captain went to get him-said he owed it to Data as we'd all fought so hard to get him back after Locutus. He said to settle into some quiet corner of earth if he doesn't succeed. Dear god I hope they succeed.' She said her professional demeanour crumbling.

'I'm sure they will.'

'But what if they don't.' Beverly said barely louder than a whisper 'They'll die.' Will gathered her into his arms.

'I love him Will. I only just got the courage to tell him and now I'm going to lose him. Oh why did I wait so long?'

Beverly! Up there are two of the strongest, most stubborn people I know, present company excluded. There is a chance they will make it-they will grasp the chance with both hands and make it. I know it.'

I can't be alone again.' She said crying softly.

You will never ever be alone. You've got me, Deanna, Geordi, Worf, Alyssa, Wesley,' Beverly snorted 'all of us-everybody from the Enterprise loves you. You needn't ever feel alone.' he said brushing the tears from her face.

'Thanks. You and Dee are like a brother and sister to me and the others mean so much to me but I need him.'

'I know you do.'

'Speaking of Dee where is she?

'She is currently passed out over there. She was trying to get info out of Zefram but she could only do that by getting drunk with him. She can't handle tequila it turns out.'

'That could be quite amusing.' SHE SMILED.

Oh it was.' Will grinned.

'Thanks Will. You always know how to support me. I don't tell you enough how grateful I am for everything you do for me.'

'There's no need to thank me. You've saved me thousands of times-as a friend not just as a doctor. Besides, you're like my big sister so I have to look out for you. Now, why did you snort when I said Wesley?'

'It's nothing.' She said tensing in his arms.

'Beverly? What is it?'

'Promise you won't tell, I anyone don't want anyone to feel sorry for me or anything, I don't want anyone's pity. And I don't want Dee to make me 'talk to her about it'. Ok? It's just between me and you?'

'Ok, but Bev you're starting to scare me.'

'Promise?'

'I promise.'

'I haven't seen Wesley since he left. I haven't even had a message or anything. Not once in 3 yrs. I have no idea how he is, where he is, maybe even when he is! For all I know he can travel through time, maybe he can universe jump. I just don't know. My own son has forgotten all about me. So I don't have him anymore.'

'Oh Bev. I'm not feeling sorry for you or pitying you;' He said wrapping his arm around her 'Wes has not forgotten. You my dear are unforgettable. For all we know where he is has no time. He might not be able to disrupt his studies I don't know. What I do know is that he would not intentionally do this to you. The minute you meet up he'll feel absolutely terrible, he'll make it up to do by not leaving your side the entire time he's there and you'll have to scrape him off with a laser.'

'I hope you're not implying I'd attack my own child.' Beverly smiled.

'I would never insinuate such a thing.' He grinned. She hugged him hard.

'Thanks. I've told myself most of that a thousand times but it really helps to hear it from you.'

'You've raised an exceptional young man Beverly. You should be proud-he loves you very much.'

'He's had good role models. I never did truly thank you for that year I was at medical. He changed a lot for the better that year. Wes told me you were amazing to him. Thank you.' She kissed his cheek.

'It's been an honour watching him growing up and help him. And hey-if you're my sister then he's my nephew. I have to look out for him.'

'No, you didn't. But you did anyway. You're a good man William Riker, top 3 in my life defiantly. When Deanna finally snaps you up she'll be a lucky woman, and you'll be a good father when it happens. And it will I know it. You two are destined to be together. Just like Jean and me.'

'You're a good woman yourself. Top two defiantly.'

'Ta. Uh hasn't it been15 minutes yet.'

'Yes.' Will reluctantly admitted.

'Oh god.' Will caught her as her knees gave out.

'That isn't necessarily a bad thing. For all we know they've destroyed the Borg and so stopped the countdown

'Or, the Borg stopped it and have assimilated them,' Beverly countered shaking with fear 'I can't lose another man I love! Everybody I love leaves me-my parents, my brother, Nana, Jack, Ellen, Dalen, Patricia are dead, for all I know Wesley's dead, Odan and John left and now Jean-Luc! I'm like a bad luck charm.' She cried.

'No you're not, unlucky occasionally but not a bad luck charm. Otherwise there would me so many casualties, you have such a big heart. How about we go dehangover Deanna and we see what she can sense.'

'Ok.'

They found the others also by Deanna trying to see if she could sense anything

'I'm sorry; the alcohol inhibits my empathic abilities.' The empath explained.

'Here.' Beverly pressed a hypo spray to her neck; she instantly felt her head clear.

'I still can't hear anything from there. The Borg must have put up some sort of dampening field.' Beverly groaned painfully in frustration.

'Come on Jean-Luc? Give us a sign. Anything!'

'Picard to Riker.'

'Yes.' Beverly cried hugging will.

'Riker here. Are you alright sir?'

'Data and I are fine. The Borg threat is neutralized.'

'Thank god.' Will sigh as the others, sighed with relief. Even Worf showed visible relief.

'The Enterprise isn't faring so well though, it may be a while before we can even attempt going back home.'

'Acknowledged. I'll get the repair teams up there ASAP. We've done a preliminary casualty count. We reckon we've lost 90 crew and we have 15 injured. We came out very lucky considering.'

'Indeed, just not lucky enough for those 90.'

'Agreed.'

'Picard out.'

'I'd better see how my staff is doing.' Beverly smiled walking off.

'Is she alright?' Deanna asked will.

'She was convinced the Borg had got to him and cancelled the countdown. She practically collapsed in my arms. She took it very hard, I never knew how much she depended on his presence in her life, I have no doubt the Beverly Crusher we know and love would die if he did. She said many things to me in confidence but I will say I'm worried about her.

20 minutes later.

'Picard to Crusher.'

'Crusher here.' she answered moving to a secluded area 'Are you sure you're alright Jean-Luc?'

'Yes, Data may need some work done but that's it. I wanted to contact you first but I had to report to Will. You understand?'

'Of course.'

'How about you? Did you get down ok? How are you?'

'I was so scared Jean. I thought I'd lost you forever. I collapsed into Will; he now knows about us, I owe him. I probably would have cracked without him. I truly thought this was it, that you'd finally succumbed to death. I'm so sorry,' she said starting to cry 'this is all my fault.'

'What?' Jean-Luc cried confused 'How the hell is it your fault?'

'I'm a bad luck charm, everyone I love dies. If it wasn't for me you wouldn't have nearly cheat death again. Think about it-you had several scrapes with death when we were friends and I was with Jack, then we didn't see other for years, I've checked your records-no NDE, then were together again and you cheat death every other week. I must be the cause.'

'That's ridiculous.' Jean-Luc said from behind her. She spun around and was swept into his embrace began to sob.'

'How? You're on the ship?'

'Will contacted me, said I should come see you. I didn't know why but I now understand. Data's in charge of the ship. Now WTH are you on about. Those NDE have nothing to do with you Beverly. They're completely coincidence with you. The main reason I didn't get injured during our break is that I was hardly ever in space then. I took a break from Starfleet for a few years after the loss of the Stargazer and Jack. Then I was at HQ most of the time. Your presence in my life has nothing to do with my injuries. You have saved me so many times I've lost count.' he said brushing his hand across her cheek.

'That's my job.'

'I don't just mean physically. Every time I've had a brush with death you've been my motivation to stay alive. When I was with Gul Madred the only thing that kept me sane was the thought of you. I had to wait it out till I knew I'd rescued and I could see your breathtakingly beautiful face again.'

'But it was my fault that you were there. I was the one who told Worf to leave you. I'm the reason you returned after he told you you could leave.' she explained.

'1, you were doing your job. 2, I would do that for any member of the crew, admittedly the decision was much easier as it was you. 3, I would happily die, be tortured, beaten etc. for you. It's my decision and I chose to protect you, I know you can look after yourself but that won't stop me.'

'I love you,' she buried her head in his chest 'I do, I just don't know if I can do it again. After Jack I get very scared.'

'I can't promise not to die or get injured but I can promise you that I will always love you and will try my hardest not to hurt you in any way.'

'I'm scared but I'm not going to back away from this again. After Kes-Prytt I regretted leaving you so much but I couldn't summon the emotional courage to return. You know, if you'd kissed me properly I would have stayed that night and every night after that. But here we are-together finally,' she took his hand 'we should probably get back or people will start to speculate about what we've been up to in such a secluded spot.' She grinned.

'Agreed. But first,' he kissed her gently 'I love you too and you are not a bad luck charm, for instance-right now I feel like the luckiest man in the cosmos.' he kissed her again before taking her hand and walking back to where they'd come from. Expecting him to drop it when they reached company she was surprised but not upset when instead he tightened his grinned.

'That really won't help speculation.' she murmured in his ear.

'But whispering in my ear will?' he smiled.

'Yes, I've just decided. I've got patients to treat; I assume you want to speak to Will?' she asked when they reached the temporary triage area.

'I will.'

'Last I saw of him he was just around that corner.'

'Thanks.' he brushed his lips against her knuckles 'As much as it pains me I must depart from your vicinity fair maiden.'

'Alas fine knight; I regretfully dismiss you from my vicinity.'

'I thank thee.' he bowed and walked off laughing Beverly turned to see her staff staring at her amused.

'What?' She laughed

'We're just shocked that the Capt. appears to have a sense of humour.'

'Believe me you do not want to get on the wrong side of that humour.' she shuddered 'I still can't listen to peals of bells without wincing. Goddamn kangaroos.' she frowned. She laughed at the looks on her staffs face 'I may even tell you the tale one day.'

Many hours later Jean-Luc called a staff meeting in the relatively unscathed observation room

'How long do you think repairs will take Geordi?'

'To be able to go back to the 24th century? I'd say another week or two at the very least. The Borg have upgraded since our last encounter, my teams are still trying to figure out how some systems are integrated. However, we're getting there.'

'Acknowledged. Beverly, how are we doing in the triage area?'

'We lost ensigns Teake and Rogers. We have a few broken bones and concussions but other than that, we're doing ok. There's nothing we can't handle down there. Sickbay need not be a priority repair wise to be honest

'Ok .On a lighter note, Will, how's the big build been going?

'Well Zefram Cochrane is one of the most stubborn people I've met, he's even worse than Beverly.' Will grinned, Beverly poked her tongue out at him and hit his arm as he was, conveniently for her, sat next to her

'I make one little joke and you resort to physical violence? I'm disappointed in you Beverly. I feel sorry for Wesley!' she pinched his arm 'Ow!'

'That's the second time today you've suggested I would hurt my son! I'm not sure if I like you anymore will.' she announced pouting.

'Oh, please do forgive me. I cannot live without you liking me! Without it, my life will be worthless!'

'I know, I guess I'm just that amazing.' she shrugged grinning.

'Anyway!' Jean-Luc laughed 'How much longer will the ship build be?'

'Not much longer. A few days if all goes to plan sir.'

'Ok. Does anyone have anything else to contribute?' There were affirmations to the negative 'Dismissed. Dr. Crusher can you stay behind please?'

'Indeed I can.' The others filed out. He drew her to him and kissed her.

'Hi.'

'Hi.' She grinned.

'Are you ok?'

'Yes thank you. I was wondering, you are going to let us watch first contact right?'

'Of course.'

'There's no Starfleet regulation about that?'

'Not unless we change events in any way.'

'Good. Everyone at HQ is going to be so envious,' She grinned 'so will Wes. Then again I have no idea what he's seen.' She sighed.

'Bevy? You ok?'

'I haven't been entirely honest with you. You know I've told you about the letters from Wes saying he was ok?'

'Yes .Is he not ok? Is he hurt?' Jean-Luc frowned worried.

'I don't know. I really don't know. I lied Jean-Luc; I haven't been getting letters from him. I genuinely have not heard anything from him since he left, not a sausage to quote Nana.'

'But-it's been 3yrs since he left!' Jean-Luc said shocked.

'I know. And I know there's every chance that Wes is somewhere where there is no time or he can't disrupt his learning. I just worry about him.'

'You're his mother; it's your job to worry about him. If it's any consolation I worry about him as well.' He admitted.

'Really?' She smiled

'Yes. He's like a son to me, the closest I've got I never told him though if that's what you're worrying about.'

'Oh Jean. Wesley sees you as a father too, he has done for years.'

'Really?' He asked touched.

'Yes. He told me so after the nova squadron incident.'

'Oh. Why did you tell me about the letters?' He asked.

'If I told you about them then I could believe in them, I could fool myself that I knew he was ok. I couldn't tell you the truth because I, well I was embarrassed.'

'Embarrassed? About what?'

'About the fact that my son may well have forgotten about me. I know it's not true but it doesn't stop me thinking it.'

'Who else knows?'

'Will, I told him during my meltdown earlier. I made him promise not to tell anyone.'

'Don't worry; I won't either if that's what you want.'

'Ta.' She kissed his cheek.

'But why tell me now?'

'I don't want us to have any secrets. We've entered a new, delicate phase of our relationship. I want to be going in completely clean, I want this to work more than anything I ever have done before.'

'Me too. I can't think of anything to get off my chest right now but if I think of anything you'll be the first person to know.'

'Ok. There are probably many things to admit but they can wait until we have the time to address them. Now isn't exactly the best time is it.' She laughed.

'True. One last thing though. You know what we were talking about in the wooded area?'

'About me being a bad luck charm?'

'Yes, do you still think that?' He asked gently.

'I've lived with it for ages. It's not going to disappear in a matter of hours.'

'Just as I thought. I was thinking earlier, I'd like you to consider talking to Deanna about it.'

'I'll give it serious thought.' She smiled.

'That's my line. I'm surprised you accepted it so easily, you usually argue with me.'

'Only when you're wrong.' SHE GRINED 'I want this, us, to work. If it means seeing Dee then so be it.'

'You never cease to amaze me ma chèrie.'

'Get used to it love. It's going to happen a lot.' She laughed.

'Great! Lucky me.' He rolled his eyes.

'Don't be cheek.' She hit his arm.

'Sorry,' He kissed her briefly 'let's go back to the camp.' He said wrapping his arm around her WAIST 'I love you. Always remember that.'

'I love you too Jean. Always and forever.' Though they knew they'd face problems in the future the two of them felt safe in the knowledge that they'd get through it as long as they were together.