Chapter 1 : an outsider
kise pov
Im dying and theres so much in my life regret but so much im glad I did. At the age of 22 still young I have been blessed with an illnes only one way to live and thats by a very generous doner but where am I gonna get that ? But I suppose maybe I deserve this , not living , afterall what have I ever done to help the world . Who is there to care about me and dont even get me started on my love life , thats another subject , what I feel for the one I love is so wrong and forbidden . Besides I was never noticed anyway .In this world ive felt so much pain suffered though emotional and physical abuse .from 3 years to 22 now. Maybe its for the best , with no place in this life;no one to love me . Lover . Family . Friends .i guess there were the generation of miracles but was I ever really accepted ? I was never a part of them who had been together for longer than me. Like I was just … disturbing the piece I was probably just a nuisance any way.
Midorima for instance :
I was annoying and whiny , never learning my place , never accepting I didnt belong because they certainly never made me feel like it . Incompetent stupid with skill barley just fitting in the margin of generation of miracles . An outsider
Kuroko:
Annoying to clingy never understanding that I was a dog destined to trail and follow always a step underneath . To over exaggerating and emotional. Just a pretty face . An outsider
Murasakibara
I suppose I cant say much for him , but I could take a good guess and say the only reason he didnt kick me out was because I gave him chocolate and sweets . Always having a bored look on his face but becoming slightly more hyper ware when I was around the others , as if thing I would do something . Never really accepting me . An outsider.
Akashi
a pawn, only meant to follow orders . Nothing compared to the rest , of course weak . The weakest one . Barley deserving of the title . All pretty faced with no skill whatsoever laying underneath . An outsider
And then there is aomine
Aomine my inspiration my everything that keeps me from falling taking that last step into the darkness thats so hard to escape . One that keeps me from self harming and suicide . Just to see that smirk but a glint of happiness in his eyes . The angel for ryouta one that keeps the world spinning.
Even though my unrequited as well as one sided love was painful . what hurt more was …
he probably thought of me as annoying stupid an so weak . Never beng what he wanted as much as h tried a mere morsel not where he belonged . Never being the one to save him , not worthy . Just weak weak , not winning . It was all his fault. He wasnt the one in life or basketball . Never the one
never once recognised or acknowledged . Oh if only people new , im not the happy go lucky person I pretend to be because inside I have more scars than anyone you could imagine. But I like to thnk of myself as strong, when in reality im weak and I cower . Constantly running away from all my problems just like I an from my friends . Oh what happened to my life ...