TITLE: Getting What You Hope For
AUTHOR: Heather Sinclair
E-MAIL: Heather@buffysboudoir.com
FEEDBACK: "Doctor, just tap into that vein and let her rip" Life's
Blood Yanno
PAIRING: B/F
RATING: R for violence, language, and sexual situations.
SPOILERS: Through Season 5
SUMMARY: Kneeling in front of the gravestone.
DISCLAIMER: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all of it's characters
belong to Joss W., Mutant Enemy, 20th Cen. Fox, Yadda...
DISTRIBUTION: As always anyone is welcome to it, just tell me where
it goes.
Notes: Just a dark little piece to get me through a block.
I knelt there in front of her gravestone. I visit every night. She is the only one I can talk to. Death is kinda funny that way... you get stuck listening to other peoples problems.
"They still haven't forgiven me, B."
It had been five years since she died. The State of California decided to release me for some freakin' reason soon after she died. My guess... the watchers council had something to do with it. With no new Slayer called I guess they thought that they were screwed.
"What am I supposed to do?"
I got my old hotel room back. When I tried to confront the old gang, I got nothing but lip. Not that I blame them. If not for me, she would still be alive. My shrink says that I shouldn't blame myself, but who the hell else am I supposed to blame.
They were right.
"I'm sorry, B"
I also said I'm sorry to her for five straight years, every single night. I think I do it more for myself than anything else. Hell, I think I visit this pile of dirt every night for my own peace of mind. Don't think that I am trying to atone for what I did. There is no way I could do that; it just isn't in the cards.
"I got five vamps tonight."
I always gave her the head count... don't know why.
I got up off of my knees and touched the top of the headstone.
"Bye, B." I love you.
I could never say that out loud. She deserved better than me. They all deserved better.
I was so caught up in my thoughts that I never saw the bloodsucker until it was too late. Until I felt his fangs in my throat. I started to pull away, but lost the energy, lost the will. I was too tired. I've been fighting too long. I just want it to end.
I kinda blacked out until my knees hit the dirt, again, in front of her headstone. I felt the life drain from me onto her grave. The life of a Slayer wasn't too bad. You fight hard, you do some good, and you hope to go home at the end of the day. But, sometimes you don't get what you hope for. Or maybe you do.
I love you, B.