Everything changes in fairytales- the heroine becomes the princess, gets her prince, defeats the evil villain and lives happily ever after in her castle. I often wander why life isn't like a fairytale, it would be much simpler. I imagine myself as Cinderella, because not only does she get her prince, her castle and defeats her evil step-mother, but she also gets a really awesome pair of shoes. I imagine myself dancing at the ball with my prince in all of his six-foot-seven glory, smiling one of his rare smiles as he literally sweeps me off my feet. But I don't plan on befriending any mice in this lifetime- the one downer in this Cinderella story. Although, I do like to think of myself as more of a Pocahontas type- the exotic princess, and when you come to think about it, my situation with Dimitri is more like hers with John Smith- they both battle everything that they grew up believing, everything they were taught, all to be together. Sound familiar?

The difference's between these fairytales and the reality that is my life: these princesses got their prince, lived in their castle and lived happily ever after- something that has not yet happened to me, but I keep hoping my prince will fall and hit his head to get some sort of sense knocked into him.

Everything changes in life.

Yet, everything's exactly the same. You would think that after everything I've fought for: the man I love, my freedom, hell, even my sanity that my efforts would make a difference. But, regardless of what has happened in between, I'm still in the same position I was two years ago: protecting my best friend, in love with the most unsuitable man and resisting the darkness of spirit from driving me into insanity. The list is endless.

Not long after Lissa's coronation and things at court had began to settle, Dimitri admitted that the monsters from his past still haunt him, and he has to battle them on his own.

"I love you, Rose. It'll never fade" were his words to me.

If he had said those words to me two years ago, I would have retorted with the typical Hathaway snark that usually emerges when I'm in a situation that is either uncomfortable for me to be in or when the situation at hand hurts too much. This was the latter.

But unlike two years ago, I understood Dimitri's inner turmoil. Like him, I had my own demon's to fight. Even though I forgave myself for Victor Dashkov's death, I still felt overwhelming guilt when I thought about him. Even though he was my enemy, he was a person and I murdered him out of cold blood, regardless of the role that spirit's darkness played.

It's ironic how dhampir's are taught our whole life to fight monsters, but the toughest monsters to fight are our own.

Despite my understanding and respect towards Dimitri's decision, I was still broken by it. Not only because of the immense hope that filled me that we could finally be together- just like we always had planned- had come crashing down, but also because of the amount of people that I hurt because of that hope. I had risked everything for Dimitri, everything.

And the outcome was nothing.

Nothing but emptiness, loneliness, grief and guilt.

Not only had I broken the law and killed people, but also left someone I love with a broken heart. My biggest regret- my only regret, is cheating on Adrian, because unlike with victor, I was in full control of my actions regarding Adrian. I cheated; I went against everything I morally believed in for my love for Dimitri and cheated on my boyfriend. And in the end I lost everything. Not just the man I love, but also one of my best friends and most importantly: myself.

I was so caught up in the whole 'Dimitri drama' that I lost who I was, the fact that I was accused for murdering the queen didn't exactly contribute to my already unstable sanity.

After my whole stunt of breaking out of jail, things were looking up: Lissa was queen, I was her guardian and I was with Dimitri, and he shattered my whole world. Other than Lissa, Dimitri is the only one that can fill me with so much love. A love so powerful that love itself is all I need to survive, love that is so strong that with it, I could do anything- accomplish anything. It was Dimitri's love that sent me to Russia, not Adrian's money. But he is also the only one that can crush me, and his words did, even though I knew that they were unintentional, and despite Dimitri's reassurances that he loves me, and I know he does.

I was broken.

It was then that I felt the familiar buzz of emotions from Lissa. We have many theories about how the bond reformed, one being that when I 'died', the bond "burned out", similar to what happened when Lissa healed Dimitri back into a dhampir, but since I healed on my own, the bond took longer to reappear. But, like anything spirit related, we took it in our stride and dealt with it in the best way possible.

At any rate, as complicated as things may seem, we've all fallen into a routine. Lissa, Christian, Eddie, Dimitri and I: one big happy family.

Honestly, the fates have a sick sense of humour.

Regardless of Lissa's queenly responsibilities, she attends Lehigh where she studies political law with Eddie and I, being her guardians. How she juggles her classes, homework, and a life and still manages to rule the moroi world is beyond me. I struggle with the classes alone, let alone what Lissa achieves.

I've fallen into life as a guardian with ease: I was meant to be a guardian, I was meant to guard Lissa, despite my attitude and the tendency to speak my mind. I am held with respect at the royal court and other guardians acclaim me with the same respect as someone beyond my years, with decades of experience. And despite my past transgressions, my status at court was influential; I had become second in command, and worked closely with Hans- much to his dismay.

It was a sudden knock at my door that complicated my already complicated life further.