Disclaimer: Don't own.
You know what's scary? That I managed to pull this off only killing three people. Six if you count the traitors. Of course, a couple went crazy, and one or two I'm being vague with, but out of 25 people that shouldn't be happening. That's 16 people that are completely nuts to begin with, I counted.
Hitsugaya surveyed the town and wondered why he hadn't had a day off since the war with Aizen had ended, approximately fifteen years ago.
Oh, right. That little thing known as responsibility.
Yamamoto had survived the war- not even Aizen could beat the might of Ryujin Jakka- but senility from stress had finally kicked in directly after the war had ended, leaving Sereitei leaderless.
Yamamoto's second would usually take over then, but no one knew his name and none had even heard him utter a sentence, so him as an option was thrown out the window.
Soifon had unfortunately run into an Espada who was a master of hand-to-hand… unfortunately because the Espada in question was better then Soifon. Seeing as her dying words were something along the lines of there being a reason she always beat up her second, his name left the proverbial hat as well.
Ichimaru gin was obviously not an option. And Kira was too unassuming and quiet to be considered for the position.
While Unohana might have been the most peaceful Captain-Commander ever (as well as the second-ever), she had outright refused the position. There were also rumors that she had bullied Kotetsu Isane into refusing as well.
Oh yes, let's give Aizen the position and make the past five years completely redundant! Let me think about it… uh, no. Other then the fact the bastard was dead, if you could call it that… he was currently in suspended animation somewhere in the bowels of Twelfth Division after everybody who wanted to had taken a stab at him. Yes, it was vicious, but it felt really good.
Hinamori Momo… skipping her.
Giving the position to Kuchiki Byakuya actually wouldn't have been that bad of an idea… if only he hadn't died taking a stab by Shinsou meant for Rukia. Unfortunately, his dying words were wasted arguing with Kurosaki Ichigo on who was supposed to take said stab. Giving to Abarai would just be stupid.
As for Komamura, he was currently wandering somewhere in Heuco Mundo, having given entirely into his animal form. It was also rumored that Iba was currently playing the part of Hunter of Menos Forest… with Komamura by his side.
Or, they could have given the position to the local hopeless drunkard… uh, no. And seeing as Ise-fukutaichou was too busy chasing after said hopeless drunk, her name was dropped too.
Tousen was another no-no for obvious reasons. Hisagi was another victim of Shinsou, and had died honorably, taking Ichimaru Gin down with him.
Matsumoto… skipping her too.
Zaraki Kenpachi and Kusajishi Yachiru… was that a trick question?
Fortunately (unfortunately) Kurotsuchi Mayuri's crazy giant-baby bankai had saved him… but if Kurotsuchi Mayuri was in control, Hitsugaya didn't even want to think about what would happen… he knew that he himself had been a continuous target for a while. And Nemu was definitely forbidden by her father to become Captain-Commander.
Unfortunately, not even halfway through the war Ukitake's tuberculosis had overcome him and the man hadn't even gotten to die an honorable death on the battlefield.
Leaving (drumroll)… the reason Hitsugaya hadn't had a day off in fifteen years. Of course, he was in a coma for two of them, which was a long story involving him convincing Inoue Orihime not to deny the existence of Hougyoku during the very last battle because it would cause a time rip and the whole universe would explode. So he woke up to a nice promotion and utter chaos.
Sometimes he wondered why Yamamoto hadn't cracked before.
Review, especially because I want to know if my opinion on Mayuri's bankai is not unique.