What if we got the chance to start all over? To let go of all of our actions, addictions, mistakes, thoughts, and regrets? Could we rebuild our old friendships? Or is it all lost?
iUndo
Waking up, I recall nothing. I'm younger now than I used to be. I can still vaguely remember the prayer; "Please let me start over...I've messed up everything. I want to give it all up...do it all differently this time...do it right this time." Then, I spent the whole night crying. Those images are foggy, but they remind me that I had another life. I don't remember names, can't hold onto old faces. This is all new; I know I'm not living a different life, but I know I'm going to make my old life better. No more mistakes to make...I just have to live now; let it all go. I said something wrong; did something wrong. And then...we were different. We lost ourselves because of my mistake. I didn't mean to, I just...couldn't take it. But what came out of it...was much worse than whatever problem I had. I'll let them have it all this time. I won't get in the way or be afraid. I just...I don't know who they are, or really, what happened in the first place. Walking down the sidewalk, letting the dramatic, dreamy scarlet and yellow sunset bathe all over myself and the surrounding world. I'm young; young to this life. I'm still learning; I'm not where I was...not yet. Once I'm there, maybe I'll know. But then again, I wanted to let go of everything. Maybe I won't remember. Maybe it's better that way.
Time went by, I grew up alittle more, met new people, learned a new way to live, settled down on the couch inside my apartment, and fell asleep without pain or regret. My friends, Sam and Freddie, are coming over tomorrow; it'll be great seeing them again. We kind of fell out of contact after graduation. They say they have something to tell me. I don't know what they're going to tell me, but I think I'll be ready. I love them, I know they love me, and every one of us loves one another. Whatever's happened, I'll be there, and I'll keep the friendship I'd never be willing to give up. There's no starting over; this is the life I will stay in: these are the memories I won't give up. They were the cause, I think...when we were all different. That won't happen this time; we're not weighed down, and there's nothing that can hurt our friendship; our sisterhood, our brotherhood.
"We're in love..." Sam declared, holding Freddie's hand tightly. "I'm sorry to spring this on you, but...we wanted you to be the first to know." Freddie, remaining silent, merely gave a smile. Biting her lip, the brunette smiled back, holding back tears, fears, regrets, and all the terror before changes that were to come.
"That's great, guys," Carly choked out. No more starting over...No more giving up...we're gonna stay friends...it's gonna be better. "I'm...not gonna be the third wheel, am I?"
"No way, bud," Sam eagerly replied, putting her arm around her friend's shoulder. Freddie did the same.
"We're permanent," the brunette boy added. Her heart slightly warmed by what had the potential to be empty promises, Carly settled into a new, familiar, horrifying, yet peaceful place. We're permanent...this is my life...I've fallen in love with it...with them, with what we have. I don't want to start over...I don't want to lose what we have...any changes I make...I'm making on top of what we've already made. Our tears, our struggles, our friendship, our fights, our apologies, our tragedies, our miracles, our happy places, our sweet dreams; everything. I'd never trade this...
Sam and Freddie stood alone among the darkness; their lips locked into a loving embrace: a dance of heavenly togetherness and isolation from the world. Watching from a stained window, Carly swallowed her tears. We're friends...not this...they said they'd never kiss again. Then, she had to sit back and watch; watch Sam check herself into a mental asylum without telling anyone; forsaking the fragile relationship with her mother, betraying herself to Freddie, betraying Carly's trust: Watch her best friends struggle to hold onto their fleeting "love", then throw away their friendship with one another...but not before they threw away their friendship with her; not before Carly was forgotten.
"I wish I could take it all back..." Carly cried alone in her room. "Start all over...let it all go...try to live a better life. Start over from the beginning; without any of it." And just like that...it happened.
Now, sharing a group embrace, things seemed permanent; Carly, Sam, and Freddie; friends forever and until the very end. iCarly; never broken, never forgotten, never let go of.