HI GUYS
THIS IS SOMETHING I WROTE. ITS NOTHING MUCH ITS ONLY A DRAFT VERSION OF THE OPENING ACT. CAN YOU PLEASE LEAVE FEEDBACK A COMMENT OR EVEN IDEAS PLEASE. MANY THANKS!
Laugh Out Louder:Season Greetings
ACT 1
The scene is set in a modern flat apartment in London were three flat mates live. They are all close friend who go to the local college. There is Dave, who is 22, and a failing actor who has a different job every week. Kate, also 22 has a long term partner, that doesn't know she's cheating on him with everyone in the city (male or female). Last but not least there's Graham, 26, who works for a gay chat line but hides it by saying he is an experienced phone sales man, he is also obsessed with porn and loves to knit.
It is Christmas time and the house is decorated in tacky Christmas decorations for example paper chains spread across the room. In one corner lies a dead Christmas tree with some lights and some tinsel thrown over. A couple of presents lie underneath the remainder of the tree and a handful of cards on top of the mantelpiece.
Graham is asleep on the sofa when the doorbell rings and wakes him up suddenly. He knows who it is and who it's for.
Graham: Dave, door. DAVE! Oh it don't matter I'll get up.
He gets up in his boxers to answer the door to be greeted by a camp postman that eyes Graham up. Graham half asleep and really uncomfortable he stands in the doorway. The postman seems to have a crush on Dave and with Dave not understanding he doesn't seem to notice and just thinks he's being nice.
Postman: Hiya. (Realising it's not Dave he straightens up) A large package here for Dave. Is he in?
Graham: No just give me the parcel Tom and I will make sure he gets it.
Postman: Hard or soft?
Graham snatches the parcel from the postman and slams the door in his face hitting the postman in the nose. Graham turns to the audience and reads the label out loud.
Graham: Dr D Davidson… (he stops to think) … when has he been a 'Dr' he's a failing actor not a bloody professor!
Kate walks in from the master bedroom in a pink dressing gown with a fur collar.
Kate: Morning.
Graham: Who's that?
Kate: Oh that Steve.
Graham: So who's Steve then?
Kate: It's not what you think. Steve he's the DIY man. He helped me build my new flat pack bed. There was a screw missing and it took all night to find.
She looks over at Steve and gives him a gentle wink and a smile.
Graham: Since when have odd job men work night shifts?
Kate: Erm… Anyway who was at the door?
Graham: Oh the postman. Came to deliver Dave's eBay addiction. By the way were is Dave?
Kate: Haven't you heard? He has another job.
Graham: (sounding sarcastic and shocked) Another! Oh my God. If he gets another job he'd be like a walking job centre! (Eager to know who set Dave on he asks eagerly) Where?
Kate: He's a strippogam.
Graham: With a body like his! It be like the marshmallow man in a thong. I bet there's plenty off tips and birthday cake then...
They burst out laughing together and both collapse on the sofa and their legs fly high. Kate stops laughing suddenly but Graham continues to chuckle. When Graham realises that Kate has stopped he coughs and acts normally.
Graham: So is he working now?
Kate: Yes. An 85th birthday party at… erm… I forgot!
Graham: What an 85th birthday party! Who's it for the Queen!
Kate: That's it. It's down at that old people's home on Raythrush Street.
The scene changes to a car where Dave is in the driver's seat with a map on his lap. He is parked outside Care Isle, a rundown elderly home on the outskirts of London. His sat nav falls onto the floor and Dave angrily slaps the sat nav back on the wind screen and murmurs a few swear words. He looks at a scrap of paper and peers out of the window at the nursing home. He gets out dressed in long cape which looks like something from a fancy dress shop, with a large hire sticker on his back. As he got out he slammed the door shut and the sat nav falls once again.
Inside a receptionist is sat leaned back in a chair with her feet on the desk filing her finger nails. She never glances up at Dave and hardly acknowledges him.
Dave: I'm here for the 85th birthday party.
Receptionist: Straight down the corridor second door on the right.
Dave: Thanks
He puts on the mask and enters the room. A huge gasp comes from all the old women and a short woman near the front faints. Suddenly a young woman jumps out of a chair and ushers Dave out the room quickly.
Woman: What the hell are you wearing? You nearly gave half the old grannies, in their, a heart attack. They thought you were here to take them away to a better place.
Dave looks at down at himself and looks back at the woman.
Dave: A grim reaper costume. That's what you booked right?
Woman: No I wanted that at a Halloween party for my kids. I had to cancel last month.
Dave: Oh shit.
Dave turned and ran out the door and jumped into his car. He threw the map out of the window and sped off into the distance.
Back at the flat Dave bursts through the door and both Kate and Graham are sat on the sofa playing the Nintendo WII together. They turn round startled and jump at the sight off Dave in a grim reapers costume.
Kate and Graham: Argh!
Graham: What have we told you about sneaking up on us when we are playing Resident Evil.
Kate: What are you wearing I thought you was at work?
Dave: I was. But I made a tiny mistake and I got the sack.
Graham: What now?
Dave: Well I took two bookings from this woman and one was for last months Halloween party and today's 85th birthday party. So I kind of got the costumes mixed up and went to the old peoples home dressed as this… One woman went to pack her bags and say goodbye.
Kate and Graham found this amusing and chuckle to one another and Dave takes off his mask and throws it at the two on the sofa.
ACT 2 COMING SOON