Disclaimer: I don't own any of The Lord of the Rings' characters, nor do I own Terry Goodkind's magnificent Sword of Truth series; so don't sue me!
Author's note: ...NER-HER! This is a fic...and...I hope you enjoy...and review...yeah...reviewing's good.
The inserted characters are Jennifer, and Elizabeth. No, they aren't Mary-Sues. You know why? Unrequited love. Yes. You'll see if you read, don't wanna spoil anything, but this is all just a very...stalker-oriented fic.
And so it begins:
Jen's POVDisclaimer: Here's the naked truth. I don't own: Lord of the Rings, Sword of Truth series, or...anything else. I think I need to go buy something...
Author's note: ...NER-HER! Buwahahahahaha! A-hem. Let's start over. This is a fic...and...I hope you enjoy...and review...yeah...reviewing's good.
The inserted characters are Jennifer, and Elizabeth. No, they aren't Mary-Sues. You know why? Unrequited love. Yes. You'll see if you read, don't wanna spoil anything, but this is all just a very...stalker-oriented fic.
And so it begins:
Jen's POV
There I was, sitting on my bed, watching as a Chippendale covered himself with whipped cream all the while grinning cheekily.
I wish.
No, I was reading Faith of the Fallen, because I'm such a good little citizen. And I nearly jumped out of my skin as the phone beside me rang. At an enthralling part I was.
Okay, no more Yoda talk. Promise.
I barely answered with a "Hello?" before a very high-pitched voice shrieked into my ear.
"LET'S GO SEE LEGOLAS!"
Wonderful.
I knew precisely what Liz was talking about. Oh, it was all too foreboding.
I took a quick shower and tossed on some khaki cargos, a T-Shirt displaying, "I'm With Stupid," and directing an arrow towards me face.
Oh, that's fresh. Word. No, I'm joking. 'Teen fashion' isn't my cup of tea.
So, after much pleading for the keys to the family car (all I could afford was a gross, busted up car two words: Minimum. Wage. Damn. Okay. Three. No...Six...Damn...Eight. I'll shut up, then. ...Thirteen.), I succeeded, promising no damage to it and signing the damned contract that I would be held responsible should any harm come to it, yadda yadda yadda.
I threw on some sandals, waved my farewell, and drove the accursed movie theater for the, what, 20th time! No, that was an exaggeration. Only the 19th. Somewhere around there...
Didn't even find a parking-space and saw my insane friend's head of black hair bobbing up a down in line, anxious about the movie and her black eyes filled with happiness. Well, not the movie, but a certain character in the movie.
Thank God she wasn't embarrassing herself, me, or anyone else within five feet with her normal attire of Legolas/Orlando Bloom paraphernalia.
Instead, she donned a deep green Mandarin mini-dress with ankle high, nine inch tall, black boots with fishnet stockings that stopped at the knee.
Brief Note To Self: If she is stopped for prostitution, I didn't know her.
We stalked into the movie theater, alert, ready for any surprise. And eerie calm filled the large room. It was quiet. Tooooo quiet.
Okay, so we just waltzed in and took the best seats considering we were the only living souls in the room.
Well, I wasn't so sure about the hot-dog in my lap. I swear, it moved. There it went again...
Okay, so, besides the hot-dog, Liz, and myself, there was no one. No. One.
And can you guess why?
Only every damned person within a 90-mile radius saw this movie at least once. That's right. It was Liz's near-constant presence that kept the move playing in the movie theater, dammit!
Okay, I'm calm.
So, the movie started and I began stating every line in the movie with precision, unbelievably bored and wishing for something more to do besides having a telepathic conversation with my would-be meal.
Don't look at me like I'm insane! Look at me like I'm dying of ennui! There, that's better.
I was close to falling asleep when an ear-shattering scream came from beside me. Liz began screaming and shrieking and I could almost make out "Oh God! He's so cute! Legolas, I love you!" escaping her ramblings.
The seat was at her mercy as she tore at it with those manicured nails of hers.
Yes, it was the first shot of him dismounting his horse. If I had been a rabid fan girl, I would have detected the otherwise invisible rays of hotness. Fan girls have a sixth sense for that sort of thing, I suppose.
Though I knew it will only go downhill from here, since his face popped up everywhere during the council. Damn him, the bane of my and my hot-dog's existence...I was dragged here twenty times just because of HIM!
EVIL! You cost me gasoline!
I must have still been drowsy, because I began to fell a pull. Must have been hallucinating. I thought that soda tasted vaguely like dishwater. ...With..."Dawn, Ultra Power, now with Hallucinogens!"
I screamed, feeling shear panic tearing at me as I began floating. Holy-
I could distantly hear several profanities other than my own beside me. Good. At least I wasn't the only one hallucinating.
Then I closed my eyes and waited for the worst. A massive seizure, perhaps.
The worst happened. I hit the ground. Really, really hard. I got up with difficulty and a groan and looked around.
"What the hell?" No, that wasn't really me. That was Liz, who was staring at the ceiling in wonder, dazed.
A bed was in the corner. A body was in the bed. Not a dead body, mind you. Just...someone...
Whoever it was began screaming in a pitch that may have been even higher than Liz's, if that were possible.
It was someone who liked their privacy.
Guards with some mean looking swords ran into the room. Liz screamed, but not from fright. Oh, no. Not fright.
She had a strange glint in her eye. That glint.
It was...a bit frightening, at such a ferocity never seen before while that elf flash on screen.
She was still screaming as she got up, shoved several guards across the other side of the room with inhuman, perhaps fan girl strength and ran across the room.
Though she only made it half way to her destination, when she collapsed of oxygen deprivation. I then saw her goal. It was none other than Legolas himself.
In a nightgown.
I burst out laughing, couldn't help it, really, though the hilarity was cut short when the other guards poised a sword near my neck.
Eep.
I looked up and saw Elrond rise from the bed and demanded, "Who are you? State your business."
I glanced at Liz who was grinning madly at Legolas, ...drooling...I believe...
Even with her hands behind her back and a sword at her neck, she practically undresses him with her eyes.
What in Heaven's name was going on?
What kind of nightgown Legolas is wearing is up to your own imagination.
It can either be those old fashioned nightgowns that Saruman looks to be wearing all the time (He's chillin' in his jammies! Dat's tight, G! Still looks like a dress cough)
Or it could be one of those Victoria Secret nighties Eww…. It depends on how sick-minded you are. Oo
Please review. I really don't like flames, constructive criticism and words of advice are greatly appreciated.