The Adventures of Chibi Prozen! ^_^
Episode 1:
Chibi Prozen, Chibi Hardin, the black organoid, and the kid
^_^ Authors note and disclaimer: First of all this is a caffiene and chocolate inspired idea so expect much spazzness and hyperactivity. Second everyone is chibi so if some characters seem like they've gone completely fricken nuts that's the reason. ^_~ These people aren't used to being chibi, you know, especially not Prozen. Third I did this to entertain myself because my eyes were crossing while I was trying to write a very serious story and I felt that I might go to sleep and so I needed something silly. Some of the scenes in this fanfiction may be taken from actual episodes and distorted to suit my amusement (like the first chapter) or they may be completely original mini-stories. (They may even drag in characters from completely different series or from video games so don't seem surprised.) Not to mention I may occasionally make appearances as a chibi at random so don't be surprised then either. Ah... Now for the disclaimer: I do not own Zoids Chaotic Century or any Zoids show for that matter! Neither do I own Prozen (Though I wish I did! *Glomps Prozen until he's unconsious*. )
Thank you for listening to my long explanation/note/disclaimer/rant and please enjoy the fanfic! **Santana takes a bow and flies off stage to allow the fic to take place.**
It all starts on a warm summer day in the desert several miles away from Wind Colony on the Republican territory. Chibi Prozen sat in the white jeep next to Chibi Hardin who was driving toward the colony.
"Haaaaardiiiin!!!! How much longer is it going to take you to get us there! I wanna get that Organoid!!!! I'm bored and I'm ready for destruction and all those soldiers following us are noisy and stupid and need to be put to work before they do something stupid and betray me or something of the like!" Chibi Prozen complained, crossing his arms and looking over at Chibi Hardin.
"Sorrrrrry!!! I'm not the one with the map. If we've been going in circles out here it's his fault!" Chibi Hardin shot back, pointing a finger at a random nameless soldier sitting in the back seat of the jeep with a map.
"Damn you, nameless stupid soldier! Gimme that map!" Chibi Prozen yelled, taking off his seatbelt and standing up to glare at the Chibi soldier in the back grasping the map.
"Speed Bump!" Chibi Hardin yelled, speeding up and running over a large speedbump sending Chibi Prozen toppling head over heels into the back seat.
"Damn it Hardin!!!! What the hell did you do that for?! Who the hell puts speed bumps in the desert!!!??? And stop touching me there, random useless soldier in the back seat with the map!!!!!" Chibi Prozen yelled, smacking the random chibi soldier across the head with his fist, knocking them unconsious.
"Sorry Prozen, sir! I won't let it happen again sir!" Chibi Hardin called over her shoulder.
"Okay then, time to get rid of this idiot and use the map myself!" Chibi Prozen proclaimed and picked up the random soldier over his head and tossed him out of the jeep onto the dirt, taking out his gun and shooting at the unconsious soldier several times as Chibi Hardin continued to drive, watching the random soldier's unmoving form on the sand where he was promptly crushed into an unidentifiable puddle of blood by one of the zoid troops following them.
"Ewwww.... Gross!" Chibi Prozen yelled, gagging and turning around, picking up the map.
"What did you expect to happen, sir?" Chibi Hardin asked, earning a glare from Chibi Prozen.
"I don't know! Something less disgusting, like for him to wake up and run away screaming." Chibi Prozen said, and Chibi Hardin raised an eyebrow.
"Umm... Prozen, sir... You shot him first. It's not like he could get up. He was already dead." Chibi Hardin said.
"Point taken, Hardin.... But still! He could've had the decency to die a cleaner death, or at least warn me to look away!" Chibi Prozen complained and Chibi Hardin rolled her eyes. She might love Chibi Prozen but sometimes he was a little clueless....
"Okay, let's see... The map says... Umm... I can't read this Hardin! And how am I supposed to know where were going if I don't know where we are?" Chibi Prozen said, looking at Chibi Hardin.
"I guess you shouldn't have killed the map guy... I think he knew how to read it." Chibi Hardin replied.
"Well it's a little late to tell me that, Hardin! Besides I don't believe he could read it, he's been having us drive around out here in the hot sun for days." Chibi Prozen said, starting to climb back over into the front seat.
"Speed bump!!!!!" Chibi Hardin yelled again, speeding up like last time and running over a large speed bump sending Chibi Prozen flying face first into the front seat with a scream.
"HARDIN!!!!" he yelled, suddenly popping up holding a long knife.
"Sir, do you really wanna dirty your favorite chefs knife on me?" Chibi Hardin asked, and Chibi Prozen looked at the knife lovingly before chucking it into the back seat for safe keeping.
"Hardin, do you have any idea who keeps putting speed bumps in the desert?" Chibi Prozen asked, righting himself in his seat and putting on his seatbelt.
"No Prozen, sir. I haven't the faintest idea who keeps putting those out here..." Chibi Hardin replied, keeping her eyes ahead of her on the sand.
"Well, if I find out I'm going to have them.... Hmmm... Ah, I know the perfect punishment! I'm going to have them submerged into a vat of kittens!" Chibi Prozen said triumphantly, and then laughed maniacally as lightning momentarily flashed in the background, c/o Squaresoft special effects department.
"Isn't that really a non threatening punishment? Wouldn't you rather crush them under a zoid's foot like map guy or shoot them?" Chibi Hardin suggested, snickering.
"Ewwww!!! No, Hardin!!! That's just gross! But you may be right about the kitten thing, I was re-thinking that myself.... Perhaps lowering them into a pool of green Jello using a mechanical arm to submerge them twenty feet deep in it would be better." Chibi Prozen mused.
"Umm, but sir... About killing people with guns and zoids... You just... Oh nevermind.... But Jello? Then again suffocating to death in green jello would suck...." Chibi Hardin replied earning a grin from Chibi Prozen.
"See! The jello is evil!" Chibi Prozen said and Chibi Hardin began to swoon, having actually locked eyes with him for a moment.
"Oh Prozen....." she sighed and Chibi Prozen sweatdropped.
"Um... Hardin... Why are there little hearts in your eyes and shouldn't you be watching the road?" Chibi Prozen asked, glancing ahead of them to see that they were heading straight toward a large boulder.
"It's all right. I know what I'm doing." Chibi Hardin replied dreamily.
"Oh, okay! But those hearts are really freaking me out..." Chibi Prozen said, staring a moment before poking Chibi Hardin in the eye to see what one of the hearts felt like.
"OW! Dammit Prozen, that hurt!" Chibi Hardin screamed, looking back at the road with her good eye and swerving just in time to avoid the boulder.
"That's just icky! That heart felt just like an eye!" Chibi Prozen said and began wiping his hands on Chibi Hardin's clothes.
"Hey! Don't get it on me!" Chibi Hardin yelled, swerving the car slightly so that Prozen was thrown back against his side of the door.
"But it's your eye slime!!!" Chibi Prozen whined, and then opted to wipe his hands on the underside of the seat. They rode on throughout the day until Chibi Prozen began to complain again.
"Haaaaardiiiiiiin! I'm hot and the sun is in my eyes and I'm hungry!" Chibi Prozen moaned, slumping against the seat and holding the map over his head to try and shade himself.
"I'm sorry, sir! As soon as we find Wind Colony we can comandeer all their Koolaid, sunglasses and an ice pack or two." Chibi Hardin replied and then spotted something in the distance.
"Hey, what's that!" she yelled, pointing her finger at a Gustave transporting a organoid capsule.
"How should I know, Hardin! It's your job to keep on top of these sort of things!!" Chibi Prozen said, smacking her over the head with a paper fan.
"Hey! That hurt damnit! Anyway... I know! Maybe we can ask them directions to the Wind Colony where we're supposed to be stealing an Organoid capsule." Chibi Hardin said and Chibi Prozen frumped.
"Feh, it figures. Only a woman asks for directions! Men don't ask for directions, ever, even if they are lost!" Chibi Prozen said, crossing his arms angrily. Chibi Hardin pulled the jeep to a stop beside the Gustave, signaling all the zoids behind them to stop as well.
"Excuse me! I wanted to know if you can direct Mr. Prozen and I to the Wind Colony? We're supposed to be hi-jacking a Republican transport carrying an organoid!" Chibi Hardin yelled to those standing around the Gustave, taking off her seatbelt and standing up.
"Did you say Prozen? Oh no! It's them that's after our transport!" Chibi Van's father yelled. Chibi Prozen heard this and shoved Hardin back in her seat, standing up himself.
"Sit down wench, let me do the talking! I've found you and your little organoid! It will be mine!" Prozen said, pointing his finger at Chibi Van's father.
"What are you gonna do about it, tattoo boy! It's our organoid!" Chibi Van's father yelled back, sticking his tongue out at Chibi Prozen who glared.
"How dare you! If you do not hand over the organoid then I'll submerge the Wind Colony in kittens!" Chibi Prozen said, and laughed maniacally while giving the victory symbol.
"AHAHAHAHA!!!! That is too funny! Kittens?! That's not scary at all!" Chibi Van's father laughed, pointing at Chibi Prozen who blushed in embarassment.
"Damn you! Don't laugh at me! For that I'll do far worse than submerge the Wind Colony in kittens! First I'll suffocate all of you in green jello! Then, see these zoids behind me? Then these zoids behind me will go to Wind Colony and stomp all over your families and stuff until they're nothing but icky, gooey unidentifiable blood puddles! Then these zoids behind me will set the Wind Colony on fire and burn it to the ground, and then they'll use your families bodies or blood puddles or whatever as kindling to make s'mores and roast marshmallows over! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! So screw you, Mr. Van's Dad!" Chibi Prozen said, and gave Chibi Van's father the finger.
"Oh my god, he's a monster... We've got to let him have the organoid." Chibi Van's father sighed, lowering his eyes.
"No way! If we can't have it no one will!!" Chibi random republican guy yelled, setting the "free the organoid" switch on the capsule to on. The capsule cracked and Chibi Organoid Shadow ruptured the capsule, flying off into the distance.
"AHHH! MY organoid! Hardin, get after it immediately!" Chibi Prozen yelled, sitting down and putting his seatbelt back on as Chibi Hardin turned the jeep around and sped after the organoid. They rode on for a while following the organoid when all of a sudden Chibi Prozen noticed that they were getting farther and farther away from the organoid.
"Haaaaardiiiiiiiiin!! It's getting away! What the hell is wrong with the jeep! Is it broken or do we have a flat tire or what!?" Chibi Prozen yelled, glaring at the speedometer.
"Actually Prozen, sir... It's not the car. I'm just obeying the speed limit like a good little driver!" Chibi Hardin said, grinning and giving a salute.
"The speed limit!? We're in the desert Hardin! There is no speed limit!" Chibi Prozen yelled.
"Oh yeah? What's that?" Chibi Hardin asked, pointing at a "30 MPH" speed limit sign.
"Wellllll...... Screw the speed limit then! We're from the Imperial Army, Hardin! We don't have to obey Republican speeding laws! Floor the damn jeep!!!!!!" Chibi Prozen yelled, flailing his arms.
"Yes sir, Prozen sir!" Chibi Hardin said gleefully, and flooring the pedal, taking off and speeding across the desert.
Chibi Prozen narrowed his eyes, noting that they were actually catching up with the flying organoid.
"Good job, Hardin! We're getting closer! Here Organoid! Come to Gunther!" Chibi Prozen crooned, holding his arms skyward.
"Multiple speed bumps, dip, and potholes!" Chibi Hardin yelled happily, driving at high speeds over the driving safety hazards and shaking Chibi Prozen up considerably.
"Well, at least this time I had my seat belt on!" Chibi Prozen said, grinning.
"Prozen sir! Come in Prozen!" the chibi voice on the jeep microphone called.
"AHHHH! What's that, Hardin! Is it a ghost! Or am I hearing voices! Maybe I'm losing my mind!" Chibi Prozen yelled, holding his head.
"Prozen, it's the radio!" Chibi Hardin said and Chibi Prozen sweat dropped.
"Of course! I knew that! No reason to overreact, Hardin!" Chibi Prozen said, picking up the radio.
"Prozen here, come in chibi voice on the radio!" Chibi Prozen said into the microphone.
"Ah, good to hear from you sir! There's been trouble! All of our zoids have been destroyed by a single command wolf!" the chibi radio voice replied.
"What the hell? How?! Why?! Who!? When!? Oh, and Where!?" Chibi Prozen yelled into the mike.
"Um.... Let's see... I think the rogue command wolf blew everybody up, I don't know why they did it or who's piloting it, it happened just minutes ago back where you had been." the chibi voice replied. Chibi Prozen thought a moment as Chibi Hardin continued to drive.
"Okay... well.... What am I supposed to do about it? I'm after my organoid! In fact, it's not like I care! They were just a bunch of random faceless soldiers. So, stop calling me and leave me to chase my organoid!" Chibi Prozen yelled into the mike and then hung up, turning the radio off so the chibi voice person couldn't call back. Suddenly Chibi kid Raven runs in front of the jeep, pointing a gun at Chibi Prozen. Chibi Hardin slams on the breaks so as not to hit the kid, making Chibi Prozen, who hadn't been paying attention, be strangled by his seatbelt.
"Haaaaardiiiiiiin! Why the hell did we stop?! What the hell did you do that for!? Now my organoid is gonna get away!!!!" Chibi Prozen yelled, turning to Chibi Hardin who pointed to the front of the jeep. Chibi Prozen took off his seatbelt, standing on his seat to see Chibi kid Raven standing at the front of the jeep pointing a gun at him.
"AHHH! Hardin! What the hell is that!? Why is it in front of the jeep!? Quick! Kill it, kill it! It's scary and looks like it's dirty!" Chibi Prozen yelled, pointing at Chibi kid Raven.
"Um...Sir? That's a child." Chibi Hardin replied. Chibi Prozen sweatdropped and stared a little closer, then glared.
"Of course, I knew that Hardin! There was no reason for you to overreact so badly. Hey kiddo, get out of the way, will ya? I'm trying to catch an organoid." Chibi Prozen said, leaning forward a bit, resting his hands on the windshield. Chibi kid Raven raised his gun a little, pointing it at Chibi Prozen's face.
"Lookie, Hardin! The little guttersnipe actually has the balls to point a gun at ME! Hahahaha!!! Hey kid, nobody points a gun at me!" Chibi Prozen said, climbing out of the jeep and walking toward Chibi kid Raven who cowered slightly, keeping the gun raised.
"Especially not when the safety is on!" Chibi Prozen added, smacking the gun from Chibi kid Raven's hands and then looking the boy over curiously.
"Sir, what are you going to do?" Chibi Hardin asked, looking at him. Chibi Prozen looked at the kid a moment and then grinned.
"So, what's your name kid? What's the matter, cat got your tongue? Okay, if you won't tell me your name I'll give ya one! I'll call you.... Raven! Ooooohhhh.... You're so cute! Hey Hardin! Can I keep him! Huh? Huh? I promise I'll take good care of him and feed him and change his litter! Please can I take him home!" Chibi Prozen begged. Chibi Hardin sweatdropped but was unable to resist Chibi Prozen's puppy eyes he was making at her.
"Okay, but remember! He's your responsibility!" Chibi Hardin said.
"YAY! How cool! I can teach him all kinds of tricks like how to really shoot a gun, and pilot a zoid, and how to sit, and roll over!" Chibi Prozen cheered, snatching up Chibi kid Raven and dumping him in the back seat before climbing back into the jeep.
"Now, homeward!" Chibi Prozen said, pointing at the horizon.
"But sir, home is back the other way toward the empire. Besides, what about the organoid?" Chibi Hardin asked.
"Feh, I'll make Chibi older brother Schubaltz get it for me! I wanna take my new pet home!" Chibi Prozen replied as he put on his seatbelt. Chibi Hardin shrugged, turning the car around and heading back the other way. As they drove Chibi kid Raven found the long knife that Chibi Prozen had chucked into the back, picking it up and standing on the seat, getting ready to stab Chibi Prozen.
"Hey! Look! Raven found my knife! What a good boy you are! I'll have to give you a treat when we get home!" Chibi Prozen said, turning around and taking the knife from Chibi kid Raven who then sat pouting in the back seat.
**FIVE YEARS LATER**
Chibi Prozen skips into Chibi Raven's room with a big grin on his face.
"Raaaaaaven! I brought you a new toy!" Chibi Prozen announced and Chibi Raven glared at him. Chibi Prozen, oblivious to the glare turned to the door where two chibi guards were hauling in the Chibi Shadow organoid.
"Is that organoid for me?" Chibi Raven asked and Chibi Prozen grinned and nodded.
"You can have it if you can make it calm the hell down." Chibi Prozen said. Chibi Raven dived at the organoid and as the two tussled Chibi Prozen sat back with a bag of popcorn and watched, waving a little "Yay for Raven" flag. After a moment the organoid settled down and Chibi Raven got to his feet.
"Okay, I'm done. Oh, but Prozen, I hate zoids." Chibi Raven said, stalking out of the room. Chibi Shadow looked at Chibi Prozen who shrugged.
"Well screw me! See when I give him a new present. Besides, it's like DUH, he says that all the time but he still pilots the frickin zoids. I say he's full of BS if you ask me. Want some popcorn?" Chibi Prozen ranted and then offered popcorn to Chibi Shadow who sweatdropped.
"None then? Fine! More for me!" Chibi Prozen said, skipping out of the room with his popcorn.
^_^ Mmmmm... That was fun! I think that will do for the first installment of The Adventures of
Chibi Prozen. And on a note to all I know I made Prozen look like a fruit cake and it's all in good
fun because in my opinion, being forced to become Chibi has kind of offed Prozen's mind so
he's gone a bit spazz-tastic. The truth is I love Prozen so please don't flame me, fellow Prozen
enthusiasts.