It has been forty-eight days since the Battle of Hogwarts.
Forty-eight days since I fought alongside every single person I love and care about.
Forty-eight days since I killed another human being.
But most importantly, it has been forty-eight days since I last held the man I love.
Forty-eight days since Fred Weasley died.
I glanced at the clock. 5:30am. Figures. Every morning it seemed I was doomed to wake up at 5:30am. Doomed to wake up and repeat the words that had become my mantra after Fred's death.
I groaned and rolled over in bed. I could already tell that today was going to be a bad day. Not that there had been many good days since he died. Well now that I think of it, there hasn't been a single one.
I lay there in bed for another hour trying to fall back asleep, but as usual sleep wasn't coming. I waited until 6:30 and then finally managed to drag my butt out of bed. I walked down to the kitchen and started to make a pot of coffee. I never used to like coffee before; that had always been a Fred thing. The more caffeine the better he always said. I myself never liked the feeling it gave me, but now I seemed to drink it all the time.
As the pot heated up, I went back to my bedroom and began to get ready for my run. I grabbed one of Fred's old shirts that he had left over at my place and a pair of running shorts and stepped into the bathroom to get changed. I pulled my dead straight dirty blonde hair up into a ponytail and studied my face in the mirror. I knew I wasn't ugly, but I was never the prettiest girl in the world (no matter how much Fred may have been convinced about this). Since his death, it always seemed to surprise me how devoid of emotion my face appeared. Before, even when the war was at its most uncertain, there had always been a crinkle of laughter in the corners of my eyes. Now however, they always just looked strained.
After splashing water on my face, I returned to the kitchen. Still rubbing water out of my eyes, my heart stopped when I saw a tall and gangly redhead pouring himself a cup of coffee by the counter.
"Fred?" I whispered.
The man turned around and to my disappointment I saw that it wasn't Fred at all - and of course it wasn't how could I have been so dumb? He's dead Katie - dead!
"Oh, hi Ron. I suppose it's your turn to check on me this week is it?"
Ron handed me the cup in his hand and went to pour himself another one.
"Hi Katie. Been well?" He asked, and then cringed at the look on my face. "Of course not, sorry."
I didn't say anything but took a sip from the cup of coffee. I winced as the hot, bitter liquid burnt my tongue.
"Needs some milk." I said, getting up to grab some from the fridge. I poured some into my cup and returned to sit across from Ron at the table.
I glanced at Ron and saw in his expression the same face that Fred would give me every time I insisted on joining him on his missions for the Order during the war. I looked down quickly as a stone seemed to settle at the back of my throat. Couldn't I just make it through one day without seeing Fred everywhere I turned?
"Katie…" Ron began. I cut him off quickly.
"Don't say it Ron. I know the drill. 'Katie, everyone's worried about you. You haven't gone to visit anyone. You haven't seen anyone since Fred's funeral. You haven't even seen George. Don't you think he's hurting as much as you are? You need to get out of this house Katie, you need to get out and see people. Trust me it will do you good.' Well you know what? I know all this. But I can't get out Ron. I can't go and see Molly and Arthur. And I especially can't go see George. It's bad enough that I mistake you for him. But to see George? You don't understand what its like." I explained exasperated.
"Katie you think I don't understand? You think I don't know a little bit of what you are going through? Fred was my brother!" He shouted. I grasped my coffee cup until my knuckles turned white. I looked down into the cup and winced at my reflection. I think Ron must have seen my expression because he sighed and moved to sit closer to me.
"Katie, look at me." I could hear a bit of desperation in his voice so I looked up and stared at his mouth as I wasn't able to meet his eyes.
"You're right Katie. I don't know what you're going through. I've lost a brother, but you've lost the man you love. I can't even imagine what I'd be like right now if Hermione had - if I had lost Hermione."
I glanced at his eyes.
"And Katie, you need to get out of this house. Running like you do doesn't count." He drew in a deep breath. "But that's not why I'm here today."
I looked at him in confusion. Almost every other day since Fred's funeral, Molly had sent someone to come in and check on her. Every day delivering the same speech, telling me to get out and to continue living my life. That he wouldn't have wanted me to live this way. That Fred would have wanted me to keep living my life. It didn't matter that I knew they were right. I couldn't seem to leave the house that we had bought together just before the Battle. I couldn't leave the house that we had lived in together for only nine days before the Battle that had taken his life.
"What are you doing here then?" I asked. Ron grabbed my forearm gingerly.
"George was cleaning out their apartment above the shop, and well, he found a box that was addressed to you."
My eyes flashed.
"He's only just found this now?" I asked accusingly.
"Woah, Katie. George has been as torn up about this as you. He hasn't even been to the shop since Fred di… passed away. He hasn't been anywhere but Angelina's house and the Burrow. But at least he's making an effort to move on." Ron said, glaring at me a bit.
"Sorry," I whispered. "So where is it?"
I looked around to see if he had put a box anywhere. Ron fidgeted a bit.
"Katie, Molly thought, and we all agree, that if you want the box, you have to come to the Burrow to get it." Ron said, shifting his weight away from me. "We promise, no one will open it or touch it until its yours, but if you want it, well, you're going to have to get out of this house."
My throat constricted and my chest clenched. I wasn't ready to go to the Burrow yet. I couldn't face seeing Molly or Arthur. I especially couldn't face seeing George. It felt like I couldn't breathe. All I could think of was run. Run Katie, RUN! I stood up quickly.
"Ron, I've got to go. I need to go for my run. I'll see you later, maybe." I ran to the front door and hastily put on my trainers.
"Katie, you can't run from everything!" I heard Ron yell from behind me.
"I can try!" I yelled, putting my muggle earphones in my ears and turning on my running playlist on my iPod. I quickly slipped out the door and set my pace to the music, easily falling in a steady rhythm.
I had been running ever since I could remember. When I was little, my dad (a muggle-born) signed me up for soccer, always telling me that it would prepare my reflexes for Quidditch once I got to Hogwarts. He was also the one who went out a bought my iPod so that I wouldn't have to use a spell to listen to music when I ran.
As I got older, and the war began, running had always been an escape for me. I always felt that if I could just run fast enough and hard enough, my troubles would all disappear. Of course they never did. They were always there waiting for me at the end of my run. But for that hour that I was running, they were all gone and I was free.
As my feet pounded the pavement, crossing over my now old and familiar route, I found that for once my thoughts couldn't focus solely on running. My mind kept drawing back to the day my world ended…
"Alicia! Oliver!" I yelled as I dodged some falling bricks that had been blasted off the wall by some spell. My eyes frantically searched the courtyard for my best friends and former teammates. All I could see was dust and flashes of light as the battle raged on all around me. I felt my chest constrict at the thought that I might have lost the two of them. We had been fighting together since we had first arrived here and hadn't been separated until now.
As I looked around me, I couldn't think straight. I wished Fred was here with me. He hadn't even wanted me to be here. Didn't know that I was coming until it was too late. I told him I would fight with him. I couldn't bear to lose him from my sight, not now. But I had been separated from him when we were assigned different areas to cover. I had been trying to find him with Alicia and Oliver when the battle had turned to chaos.
"Katie!" I heard from behind me. I spun around and saw Alicia crouching over the still body of Oliver.
"OLIVER!" I shouted, my mind screaming at me to run. I raced as quickly as I could, throwing up a shield spell to block an incoming flash of blue.
"Leesh, he's not dead is he? He can't be dead! Promise me he's not dead!" I yelled, unable to think straight.
"Katie, I'm not dead." Oliver groaned. "I sure feel like it though."
I breathed a sigh of relief. Now that I knew that he was still alive, my mind calmed and I began to assess his situation.
"It looks like you've lost a lot of blood." I quickly did a spell to replenish his blood.
"Katie, we need to get him out of here." Alicia said urgently. I nodded and looked around desperately.
"But where can we bring him?" I asked. Everywhere I looked the battle continued. From where I was, I could barely tell who was on which side. Everywhere I looked lay bodies of those whom had already been slain.
"Alicia," I said panicked. "I don't know what to do."
Suddenly a Death Eater appeared over the rubble. He raised his wand above him and started to shout the words to the most deadly of the unforgivable curses. Without thinking I pulled out my wand and shouted,
"BOMBARDA!" The spell shot from my wand and hit the archway above the Death Eater. Bricks and mortar fell from the arch, pinning the Death Eater and killing him.
"Oh my god." I whispered. "I just killed someone, I just killed a living human being."
Suddenly a pounding began in my head, and I heard a cold, high voice.
"You have fought valiantly. Lord Voldemort knows how to value bravery," came the voice.
"Voldemort!" I hissed. Quickly I stood up and drew my wand again, on guard.
"Yet you have sustained heavy losses," his voice continued. "If you continue to resist me, you will all die, one by one. I do not wish this to happen. Every drop of magical blood spilled is a loss and a waste. Lord Voldemort is merciful. I command my forces to retreat immediately"
The Death Eaters in the courtyard began to slowly back away and head towards the Forbidden Forest.
"You have one hour. Dispose of your dead with dignity. Treat your injured. I speak now, Harry Potter, Directly to you. You have permitted your friends to die for you rather than face me yourself. I shall wait for one hour in the Forbidden Forest. If, at the end of that hour, you have not come to me, have not given yourself up, then battle recommences. This time, I shall enter the fray myself, Harry Potter, and I shall find you, and I shall punish every man, woman, and child who has tried to conceal you from me. One hour."
I glanced at Alicia. Her face looked how mine felt, drained and anxious.
"Harry won't give himself up will he?" She asked. I glanced at Oliver who was now unconscious.
"No of course not." I said, trying to sound more confident about my answer than I felt. "Come on. We need to get Oliver to the Great Hall. Hopefully someone will be able to help him more than I have."
We levitated his body between the two of us and made our way through the rubble to the Great Hall. Once we got there we found Madame Pomfrey attending to two Hufflepuff boys it looked like, and left him with her.
I looked around the hall for anyone I knew, specifically for a flash of red and that familiar smile I loved. I hadn't seen Fred since Kingsley had given him and George the task of guarding the secret entrances to the castle. When I didn't see him right away I knew something was wrong. He should have found me by now. He always seemed to know where I was, ever since we were just first years starting out at school. Panicked, I grabbed Alicia's arm.
"Leesh, do you see Fred anywhere?" I asked desperately. She shook her head, when all of a sudden I heard a yell. I looked and saw Molly nearby. She had fallen to her knees and was crying. Beside her was George who looked as white as a ghost, his normally smiling face devoid of all emotion.
"Fred! No, Fred no!" Molly was sobbing. My heart felt like it had been shattered. I whipped around and saw Percy walking into the Great Hall carrying a body. I saw the red hair and screamed. No, no, no, no, no, no. He wasn't gone. He couldn't be gone. This was Fred. Fred was my rock. My whole life. He had always been there for me. He promised. He said he would always would be. He couldn't be gone.
I ran. I ran to Percy, praying and begging in my mind that he wasn't dead, couldn't be dead.
Percy was laying him on the ground in front of George and Molly when I arrived. His face was white and cold. I skidded in front of him and flung myself down beside him. I grabbed his face. It was so still it looked as if he could have been sleeping.
"Fred" I whispered. "Fred, it's me Katie. It's Katie my love. Fred, wake up. Wake up Fred, wake up! Stop playing with me. This isn't funny. Please wake up, Fred, please, please, please wake up." My vision was blinded as my eyes filled with tears. I kissed his lips, wanting him to see that it was me.
"Katie" I heard someone say. I felt an arm on my shoulder. I glanced up and saw Percy standing there.
"I'm sorry Katie, he's gone." He said. I jumped up and grabbed his sweater.
"Don't you say that. Don't you lie to me Percy." I said, shaking all over. "He's not dead. He can't be. He promised me forever. He is NOT dead."
I felt someone wrap their arms around me, pull me from Percy and wrapped me in a hug. Sobbing into their chest, I looked up and saw it was Fred.
"Fred, you're alright." I said, hardly believing it.
"Katie, oh Katie. I'm George, not Fred. Fred is dead."
I fell from his arms and onto the floor beside the body of the man that I loved. I wrapped my arms around my legs sobbing.
"No, no, no. Fred you promised. You can't be gone. You just can't."
Tears streaked my eyes as I remembered the day that had plagued me for the past forty-eight days and would for the rest of my life. I slowed to a stop on my run and leaned up against a pole exhausted.
I took several deep breaths and tried to clear my head. My chest ached with longing to see him.
"Oh Fred," I whispered. "Why did you have to die?"
I closed my eyes and tried to remember the scent of him. He always smelt like peppermint and smoke from all the experiments he and George did. I opened my eyes and took in my surroundings. Somehow I had managed to run most of my route and was already very close to our house. I sighed and walked back to the house.
When I arrived, I saw that Ron was still there although no longer alone. Sitting with him on the front porch was Hermione. I waved nervously to the two of them and walked up the steps to where they were sitting.
"I'll come to the Burrow with you." I announced, before heading into the house to change.
A few hours later, I found myself apparating to the one place I had been dreading to go. We arrived shortly after twelve, and already I could smell whatever Molly was making for lunch. Ron and Hermione walked right on in, but I hesitated at the front door. I could hear the friendly chatter of many people talking all at once. It sounded like most of the Weasleys were home today. I looked back longingly at the fence, thinking it wasn't too late to turn back. Taking a deep breath, I pushed the door open and stepped inside.
The whole place went instantly silent. It looked like Bill and Percy had been in the middle of a game of chess while Harry and Ginny watched on (Ginny on Harry's lap of course, I had heard that they finally had gotten back together after the end of the war). Fleur and Angelina were helping Molly in the kitchen, while various other people were sprawled around the living room.
"Hi" I said nervously.
Molly quickly rushed over to me and enveloped me in one of her bone crushing hugs.
"Katie! It's so good to see you out and about! I've missed you so much!"
"Thanks Molly, I've missed you too" I gasped as she released me from her hug.
"Now Katie" She said with a warm smile. "I want you to remember that you always have a home here. I expect to see you more often now. Fre… Fred loved you more than anyone or anything sweetie, and I want you to know that you will always be a daughter to me."
"Thank you," I said, a hint of smile reaching my face. The smile felt strangely stiff and foreign I hadn't smiled in so long. Molly quickly got out of the way so that others could greet me. After everyone had gotten a chance to hug me I noticed that someone was missing.
"Where's George?" I asked looking around for Fred's twin.
"He's upstairs, here I'll take you." Angelina said, offering a hand. I took it and gave it a tight squeeze before letting go. Along with Alicia, Oliver and the twins, Angie had been one of my best friends at Hogwarts. I followed her up the stairs.
"How is he?" I asked.
"Not great, but he's healing I think. Most of the time he acts like he's lost his right arm, and I suppose he has in a way."
We soon reached the landing that the twins' room was on. Angie knocked on the door and then left me upstairs to wait for George.
"Who is it?" I heard a call from inside.
"It's me, Katie." I called. I heard something bang and then some scuffling around until George came and opened the door for me. My heart skipped a beat for a second as I mistook him for Fred, but of course it wasn't. I could always tell them apart, much to the dismay of everyone else that couldn't.
"Hey" he said.
"Hey." He moved aside as I walked inside. A tear came to my eye as a rush of memories flooded my mind. It was here that we planned countless numbers of pranks on various victims. On Fred's bed was where we had our first kiss after finally admitting our feelings for each other in sixth year. And it was here that he promised me he would always be there for me.
George moved and sat on his own bed and gestured me to sit across from him on Fred's. I hesitated for a bit before sitting down.
"How have you been?" George asked, breaking the silence. I looked at him.
"Miserable, you?"
George smiled at me. "Miserable."
I returned the smile. He got up off the bed and gave me a hug.
"But you know we can't be miserable forever Katie. Just imagine what Fred would say. Two sticks in the mud, that's us." He said, wiping the tear from my eye. I smiled.
"Yea I know. I know I should get out there and do something, but it's just so hard now that he's gone. I feel like a hole has been ripped out of my heart. Like I have lost my other half, my soul mate. I don't know how to live without him."
"Katie, I know. I feel the same, and if it weren't for Angie, I'd be where you are now. But you have to drag yourself out of this. You don't ever have to forget him or get over it, but you will get through this." George reached around and pulled a box from under Fred's pillow.
"Here, I found this for you, I know he wanted you to have it." He handed her the box and kissed her on the forehead before leaving.
It was a simple black shoebox of all things, but written on top of it, with what must have been done by some sort of spell were the words For Katie written in Fred's messy scrawl in the exact same shade as the colour of her eyes. I brought the box up my nose and was startled to find that it still smelt like Fred.
Gingerly, I placed the box on my lap and opened the lid. Inside was a smaller box, a few photographs and a letter. Quickly I grabbed the letter, desperate to read one last thing from Fred.
My Dearest Kitty Kat
Well, I'm assuming since you are reading this letter that I am most likely dead… or you've been snooping Kat and if so then shame on you. If you're snooping Kat, you better put this letter down right now! Ah, who am I kidding, I know you too well, you're going to read this anyways. Well Kat, can't say I didn't try.
I know that I'm probably dead though. I resolved to burn this as soon as the war is over so if you're reading it, well I guess I didn't survive. I hope Harry kicked Voldemort's butt. I would have loved to see that. I hope that some day we'll be able to tell our kids and eventually grandkids that we fought alongside the Harry Potter in the war. I can just imagine us now. The two of us, you as beautiful as ever, teaching our kids Quidditch, getting them in trouble, watching them grow up. I sincerely hope I live to see that day.
But since you are reading this letter, I suppose that day will never come. I know I promised you forever Kat and I'm going to try as hard as I possibly can to keep that promise, but I'm afraid I won't be able to keep it. I'm afraid I won't be able to grow old beside you. I'm afraid of this war. Me, Fred Weasley, actually terrified of something. I'm terrified of losing you. Oh Kat, what would I ever do without you?
I love you Kat. I always have. Ever since I first saw you that day on the Hogwarts express. God you looked beautiful. Granted you were covered in dragon dung and yelling at me, possibly louder than even my dear old mom can, but you were still the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I know I never realized how much I loved you until sixth year, but oh how I wish I had realized it sooner.
I love you. I love you. I love you. God I am so happy I can say those words to you. I want to tell you those words every single day, every hour, every minute that I am with you. Kat I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to wake up to your beautiful face every day. I want you to be my wife. I want to pull pranks with you, lie under the stars with you, beat you at chess every once in a while, and I want to go to sleep knowing that I have you to look forward to the next day.
If you look in the box you'll find another smaller box inside. Inside is the ring that I mean to propose to you with as soon as the war is over. I'm only afraid I won't have the chance to give it to you. So if, as I am afraid, I am right, I want you to have it. Just like my heart, this ring has always been yours.
Now I don't want you to go living your life always grieving for me (although a little grieving would be nice of course, I mean, your gorgeous, sexy, and incredibly witty and hilarious boyfriend just died!). But I don't want you to grieve forever. I want you to live your life to the fullest, and as much as it would pain me to see you with someone else, I WANT you to get married, have kids, have a life someday. If you never find someone that's fine, but I don't want you to hold back from someone because of me.
I want you to make sure that you laugh at least once a day and that you don't forget to eat your vegetables (I'm serious Kat, they're good for you and you don't eat enough of them you carnivore!). I want you to look after Ginny for me and make sure that our little Ronniekins ends up with Hermione. Make sure you keep my mom and dad on their toes (even if I'm gone, I know that they'll still see you as their daughter so don't be afraid to pop in once in a while Kat). I'm also fully expecting you to be George's best man at his wedding in my stead and I know he'd agree with me, the three of us always were inseparable after all. And make sure you throw the most epic bachelor party ever for him – I've included a list of suggestions for you to use.
Most of all Kat, I want you to live. Just live. Live your life like we've always wanted to.
I love you Kat. Always have, always will.
And I will always be watching over you.
Forever yours,
Fred
I rubbed the tears from my eyes and grabbed the small box that he mentioned. Inside of it was the most beautiful ring I had ever seen, a white gold band with a simple diamond surrounded by two smaller diamonds on each side. Smiling, I placed it on my left ring finger.
Although I knew I would never fall in love again, I knew that I had to live my life like Fred wanted. As I put the ring on my finger, I vowed that I would do all that he had asked. I would live my life to the fullest just as he would have wanted. I stood up and left to go rejoin the Weasleys on the main floor.
As I left the room, I couldn't help but turn back into the room, and looking right at the spot where we had first kissed, I whispered,
"I promise."