LENA*

Today, I feel as if my feet are dragging...literally, and no matter how much tea or coffee I've consumed, I feel even worse. Can it possibly be almost ten months now since I lost our baby? We never knew exactly what it was, yet it didn't matter. What mattered is my body had failed me, had failed us, and no matter how hard I have tried to communicate that to Stef, she closes off even more, burying herself in her work.

The department hired two newbies, and I have to train them. I'll be home late again tonight. Or even, We had a major bust right before the end of my shift, and you know what that means: more paperwork. Don't wait up. But what tops it all is this one: The guys and I have had a rough week, and we're going out for drinks. You hate drinking with the guys, honey. I'll make it up to you tomorrow.

Little does Stef realize, but with every excuse comes a list of resentments and anger that is starting to brew towards her. All of this started off as anger towards God, the Universe, my body, yet slowly, it's become about how she just can't "find the time" to be here with me, listen to me, hold me, and better yet, just be present in our marriage.

As I play with the salad on my desk, I look at the picture of us staring right at me, the one we took ok our wedding day. How is it possible that two people who were madly in love are now almost like complete strangers existing in the same house? I never would have dreamed this would me me and Stef. Stef adored me. She would do anything for me and would look at me as if I was the only woman on the planet.

My thoughts are interrupted by a knock on my office door, "Yoo-hoo! You eating lunch alone again?" Monte peaks her head in the doorway, and I look up.

"Oh, hi! C'mon in!" I get up to move my chair around so we can eat together, and she carries in her own lunch bag. "And yes, I am. I have mountains of paperwork to finish, but now that you're here, I'm reminded a small break won't hurt every once in a while."

She smiles widely at me as she opens her Greek salad, "Ah-ha! So, I do keep you somewhat sane!"

Laughing, I lean over my desk to grab my water bottle. "Mmmm? Maybe somewhat!" I hold up my fingers to demonstrate. We are both quiet now as if in our own thoughts again.

Monte and I have become close over the past several months, and to be honest, it's been somewhat of a relief just to come to work and have interaction with her and the other teachers here at Anchor Beach. Lately, I, too, have been burying myself in work, and Monte has noticed. This, why she often comes to break me out of it and get me to relax.

"So, there's a teachers seminar in San Francisco next month. I'd love for you to join us! It's during the week that the kids are on Spring Break. So it makes sense as we won't need one of us here to cover."

I close the lid to my salad before crossing my legs and sipping my water. I sigh softly, "Well, it would be nice to get away for a few days. It's what, three days?"

"No, more like the entire week. We'll fly out on Sunday afternoon and fly back Friday morning. I know it sounds exhausting, but we'll have some down time most days to explore and sight see!" She looks at me excitedly. "So, it's a yes?"

I laugh as I stand to throw my trash away, "It's a yes!" I walk back to move my chair back around my desk.

"You don't need to talk to your wife any?" She also gets ready to head back to her office.

I snort softly as I look at my phone. Again, no text or call during my lunch hour. "Uhhhh, nope! It'll be just fine! Email me the dates, and I'll write it on my calendar."

She smiles widely at me as she heads for the door. "It'll be kinda like a vacation! A girls getaway!"

My heart pounds in my chest as I ignore the feeling in the pit of my stomach. Of course I should discuss this with Stef, but honestly? I need space and time. Away from her, the house, the sadness. And it's not like she's ever home anyways.

STEF*

"Honey, I'm home!" I sigh as I throw down my keys and sit on the bar stool to unlaced my shoes. Today was a horrible day on the beat, and to be honest, I'm kind of glad to be home. I know I've been avoiding Lena for a while now, and it's only because I feel just as lost. How can I comfort her when I need comforting as well? I feel so guilty because it wasn't me that lost this child, yet it was in a way because we are married and were in this together.

"There you are!" She smiles as she enters the room in her yoga pants and tank. Walking up to me, she hugs me awkwardly then pulls back before grabbing the bottle of red on the island.

I sort thru the mail in awkward silence as she pours two glasses, walking over to hand me one. "Thanks, love," I reply absentmindedly as I open a medical bill. The medical bills seem to be piling up on us, and even though it's been ten months, they are still flowing in.

"So, the teachers are going to a seminar next month while the kids are on spring break," she says softly, but I'm so engrossed in studying this one bill, I barely hear her.

"Mhmm," I reply as I sigh and fold it, shoving it back in the envelope before grabbing our water bill.

"And Monte said since the kids are on break, I should go, too. So, I'm going..."

I hear the last part and remove my glasses before looking up at her. "Going where?"

She makes a face as she repeats herself, "I'm going to San Fransisco next month for the teacher's seminar!"

My nose twitches, "When is this?" I stand to grab a few ice cubes for my wine.

"During the school's spring break! Aren't you listening to me, Stef?" She sounds exasperated by now, and this is becoming a regular occurrence between us anymore.

"Ya, I just thought we were going to LA for that week. You know...as a getaway?" I walk over to sit next to her again.

"Ummm, no...we never nailed down those plans. You said maybe.." her tone is sarcastic and clearly annoyed by now, and I reach out to place my hand on hers.

"We talked about this, Lena. I clearly remember saying we'll figure it out!"

She stands now as she slams down her wine glass before shouting, "No, Stef! You're NEVER home! You're NEVER here! We didn't nail it down! You said maybe!"

"Why are you shouting at me?" I answer clearly annoyed.

Running her hand over her curls, she walks over to the wine bottle and pours just about the rest of the bottle. "Just forget it! I'll tell Monte we have plans! Clearly you're all of the sudden interested in what I'm doing in my life..."

Walking over to her, I try to grab her hand, but by now, she's pretty upset. So, she pulls away and storms toward the door. "Wait, Lena! What's for dinner?"

Spinning to look at me, I see a hot anger on her face as she throws up her hand, "Figure it out, Stef! You're never home for me to care about what's for dinner anymore!" With that, she slams the door, and I'm left in stunned silence as to what the fuck is happening right now.

Thanks, guys, for the amazing reviews. This has been a storyline in my head for a while, and although it may not be a fan favorite, I still wanted to try to write it. Please, be patient, as I do have a life and other stories I love writing! Enjoy!️