Title:
Genre: Angst....quite a bit
Rating: PG-13 for drug use, drinking, lots of death and hinted sexuality. (although it's really not all that bad o.o )
Email: goodnight_teddybear@hotmail.com
Me: Poppy
Sites: http://devoted.to/starlights
http://devoted.to/myprincess
http://destined.to/dreamalice
A few words: Okay. First things first. I'm expermenting with my writing style, so excuse the oddness of this fic. This takes place after Sailor Stars and the only charas noted in the story are the starlights and their princess. I've taken a bit of artistic ability in this one and given a guess to things on Kinmoku-sei and such. Hopefully you will enjoy this one. :
Warning: Yes, this fic does contain drug use, drinking, lots of death and hinted sexuality between two girls. I do not enforce any of these except the sexualtiy between two girls. ^.~ Actually...whatever floats your boat. But I don't want to hear any complaining. :
Disclaimer: Did I make up sailormoon? no. Did I make up the starlights? no. Did I make up Kakyuu? no. Do I own the rights to them? no. Am I making money off of this fic? no. Is my name Naoko or am I Toei, etc.? no. Did I write this ficcie for kicks? yes. 'nuff said.
*~
"It isn't fair. Why this? Why now? .......Why her?"
The last hints of sunlight filtered in through the large bed room window, casting images of withering bright oranges against the pale walls. A bright contrast to the dark clouds that were starting to form, letting the stars even hide in their deep sorrow. One would always like to think that there is a reason for everything. That a soul's existance was vital and all played a part within the circle of reality. Every day of their lives, one step further in the dance of destiny.
Destiny. Who choses our destines? Higher entites. The gods, a goddess perharps. The three sisters of fate, making, pulling and cutting the thin thread of our lives. Or maybe God? Or was there even such thing as a destiny? How can chaos and disorder be part of a mythical plan to over see our lives and the paths we choose. Maybe there is more....more that we don't see. But yet, in the end, none of that really matters.
"Iie...." her delicate, lilly soft lips trembled as she clentched her hands tightly against the covers of the large bed. Cold tears sparkled as they fell down her cheeks, clinging to her pale lips before dying there, their short lives lived for sorrow.
And to those, whose light of hope had been snuffed out, their lives had become lived for sorrow. An ending that seemed to bitter to fathom, to hurtful to understand and to harsh to face. Sometimes....destiny was cruel.
"Please....kami-sama..." Trembling. Her whole heart seemed to be crying out to someone whom she had never really believed in to begin with. To someone whom she had never seen, never felt...never thought about. And if they were real....why were they being this heartless? So selfish....she was hers.
If shadows could see, they would have wept. And if they could talk, they would have said nothing anyway. For what can truely be said to comfort those who are truely aching? Who can find nothing but grief? Loss? And anger? What worth is a dream if it can never happen?
Breathing softly, her short breaths causing her long silvery bangs to stir, brushing up against her pale cheeks and clinging to the damp skin. The tears seeming endless as the pain seems eternal. Endless. Eternal. Dark.
"Why kami-sama?" her soft, femine voice chided almost more angry then questioning, "Please...do not take her from me...."
Protector. Such a funny word. Such a lie. She had been choosen for such a position. Chosen, by someone long before she had even been born. Birthed with the power of a senshi. A warrior of the stars and the power to help protect her kingdom...to protect her princess. And even though she had lost so much, never once had she regreated the hand fate had delt to her....til now.
Guardian. Servent. Lover.
Laughing bitterly, she tilted her head back slightly. Her usual lively emerald green eyes over shadowed with deep pain. Deep longing and hatred. She was never really a protector. No...not really. Sure, she could easily ward off youma, strike a blow feircly to Galaxia or even kill a way ward citizen who saught to enfringe pain upon her loved one. And for the longest time, she had thought to truely be Kakyuu-hime's guaridan. Thinking the princess untouchable. Yet, destiny had found another way. A way in which the young girl was left helpless to fight. Thus, leaving her precious young princess....vunerable.
Choking back a sob, she shut her eyes tightly, frowning as she bowed her head. Her silverish hair, that once was neatly tied back at the nape of her neck, now trailed down her back untammed. Her appreance merely becoming a dark shell of what once was...of what might never be again. Unless.....but even she found that now it was hopeless to even try to think of some kind of miracle. Of hope that would save. For salvation from their misery would never come.
She had found only a mild refuge in her room for the last few days. Curling up on the large bed and crying. Still able to smell the sweet intoxicating aroma of her dear princess around her. Ocassionaly, falling into a rather peaceful dream like state. Memmories of the many nights where the young princess would seek refuge as well in her room. The two young lovers laughing amounst their happiness and falling deeper into their forbidden love. Making sweet, gentle love in the guardian's bed. Watching the stars slowly appear in the night sky. Claiming the first one to boldy appear in the night sky their own. And then, she would wake up....and cry once more until she grew sick and threw up. Several times she faintly noticed a presence in her room. Mostly a few servents who came in to lay food by her bed or try to clean her up. Each time, she would angrily send them away and leave the food untouched. And then a few times, Fighter or Maker would wonder into her room. Their sorrow
almost matching hers and smothering her. Their eyes....lifeless...empty. It was the unspoken words within them that fightened the young guardian. And then, without a word, they would leave again.
But now the time was here. And Healer was still in her bedroom and her princess....
Destiny is a circle. A circle of roses and throns. Of laughter and tears. Of hope and blood. Of life and death.
The simple knock on the door echoed dully in the quiet room. The sun, by now, having set and moved out of view. The darkness ruling over all, deeper than it ever had before. More lasting, more cold then ever. Not even blinking, the young girl slowly turned her head towards the door, her mind....hoping? Vainly hoping....
The wooden crafted door was pused open slightly as a servent bowed deeply, his eyes never leaving the floor. "Healer-sama....I have some...terrible news to report..."
The silence seemed deafening as the silver haired girl found it almost impossible to breathe. Knowing....feeling.... Her eyes glistening with many unshed tears as her breaths came in tiny short gasps.
"I....have come to tell you..." The servent started, slowly. Almost afraid of the words he had to speak. "The princess..."
"Iie..." Healer muttered, cutting him off quickly. Almost violently raising her hands to cover her ears as she shook her head. Silver tresses fluttering around her face as she squized her eyes shut tightly. "I wish not to hear!! Leave me!"
"D...demo"
"Leave me!!" she screamed angrily. The current of emotions raging through her. A perfect circle. A circle of sorrow and of rage.....just like destiny. "Shimatta!"
Destiny. Unmei. Destino. Bestemming. Destinée. Fatum.
And when she looked back up, heartful tears kissing her cheeks, the servent had left. The door shut tightly as well, secluding the senshi off to her misery once more. Now....nothing else truely mattered. It was done. The last sister of fate had touched the string of life, trimming it as it was still young. Not only taking one....but the souls of others as well unknowingly. Thus was destiny....
The imperial princess of Kinmoku-sei was dead.
*~
She could feel her. The feelings were a chorus of bittersweet. Pain accented by an underlying peace. But that peace was frightening...and she was slipping.
The curtains billowed softly in the night wind. Just another open door for destiny to creep in through. And the night was so dark, so cold and beginning to feel lonely. It felt empty.
"Princess...." she whispered, her voice the only sound within the large bed chambers. Trembling, as if it were a flame that had been breathed upon. The hope flicking dangrously. Her deep fathomless blue eyes were defined with sorrow, pain and the beginnings of loss.
It wasn't fair (it never had been).
Why not take her? (not her angel)
She had served her purpose. This one....she was needed to be. To exist. To be remembered. Please (someone)....
Fighter watched the princess' eyelids open slightly, peering over at her painfully with those beautiful crimson red orbs. Those eyes saying so much more than her words ever could. Yet, even now those unspoken words seemed week...weary...ready to give up. And they spoke of love....desire...dreams never before mentioned...and horrible pain.
Leaning over the bed slightly, Fighter hovered over the young princess. Like a dark guardian angel, shillouted bt the dull blue glow of the moon, her misty eyes looked down at Kakyuu. Her angel....always. Reaching out her hand, Fighter brushed her finger tips over Kakyuu's pale cheek. The color long departed and a silent, pale replacing. The skin there silky soft and sweet underneath Fighter's touch.
Fighter's long midnight back hair fell over her shuolder carelessly, brushing against the pale girl below her. Slowly reaching up a hand, kakyuu gently trailed her hands through the baby soft tresses. A faint smile graing her lips and the light momentarlly returning to her hollowed eyes. But hope always seems short lived....
The wind shifted. The billowing curtains growing still as they silently fell back against the open window. The night grew silent....
The guardian's lips started to tremble as she felt the princess' hand slowly move away from her hair. Coming to a rest once again beside her head, the flickering glow within her dark eyes dwindeled...and then vanished. Eyes widening, Fighter let out a soft cry as her heart shattered. "Iie...p...princess!" she whimpered. And the girl who usually was noted for her strength, her ability to over come anything and always be like stone...fell over onto the silent princess, weeping bitterly...painfully.
Had she not taken her own soul and heart with her when she left? And even after everything she had tried to do, destiny had come anyway. Always....
Within the room, time seemed to come to a slow halt. The candles burning brightly, casting sorrowful shadows against the walls and over the many faces of servents, guards and royals that watched silently. A silent crowd of mourners. A silent museum of pain. The hour upon which none would ever be able to forget, no matter how hard they may try. It was done.
*~
It had been expected. For weeks now. But she thought that maybe she had just ignored the facts. Facing the situiation with naive hope. Ignorance. Something she despised....detested. Because ignorance always brought upon heart ache...pain. Yet, she had not cared earlier. It did not matter....maybe she had thought that with her willing alone, it would cause a miracle. Ah-ha! Miracle indeed!
She watched silently as the others did. Casting her cold gaze over towards the bed where Fighter was weeping. So easily able to show her emotion. Her deep loss for their reason. Their soul. Their purpose. And now she was gone...so what else was there?
"Maker-sama..." a voice whispered softly from behind her, trembling. Almost as if they were in tears as well.
Without turning around, the tall senshi addressed the person. Her deep lavender eyes narrowing as she spoke, "What do you seek?"
"Does Maker-sama not think that Healer-sama....should be summoned?"
Summoned. What an intresting thought. Summoned...as a demon from her chambers?
Maker shook her head, the long brown ponytail that trailed down her back shifted slightly, "Iie...leave her be. Demo...go tell her, ne?"
"As you speak." The voice whispered back and Maker could feel them moving away, towards the door.
It had become an all to reality. Emotions. If only she were able to be so free with her emotions as Fighter was being. Or to even just be as passionate at Healer was. Yet, her tears remained unshed. Her face a reflection of calm, cool, and pratical mind set. But her eyes betrayed her horribly, telling of all the pain she was really feeling in that moment. For she too had felt the princess. She had felt her pain these past few weeks...the horrible pain. And just now, she had felt the worse feeling that she knew would haunt her forever. The pain of Kakyuu leaving them...for good.
*~
"Shimatta!" Fighter lifted her pained head up off the bed, her eyes overflowing with tears as she hissed, "Where is Healer at?"
The room remained silent to the question. Fighter's gaze resting back upon her princess. The young girl looking more peaceful than she had the past month or so. Her face had somehow managed to grow even more pale then before. The loss of life also washing away all traces of color from her skin. Only her lips remaing their ever so beautiful soft petal pink. Those lips...that once upon a time...she had the honor of kissing. "Princess..." Fighter mummbled, leaning over the girl, feeling her princess' body starting to lose it's heat, death taking everything from her.
"Oh kami-sama....princess..." her pained whispers were full of regreat...of horror of knowing to late. Of a love that never was...because of herself.
Tenderly, Fighter pressed her lips up against Kakyuu's still ones. Stealing away the last bit of warmth from her body, the tears shed from the guardian falling softly upon the princess' cheeks. Pulling away, Fighter smiled sadly....her love...
"Well?!" Fighter demanded, rising from the bed and glaring at the silent crowd of watchers, "Will no one answer to me?!"
When once more the answer was not there, Maker ventured forth and spoke up, "Fighter....she is still in her room."
"In...her room..." Fighter's voice sounded calm, but was edged with an icy chill as she clentched her fists on either side of her. The gloves of her fuku making a soft noise as the material was wrinkled and streched. "And why was she not here?! Why was Healer not here while our princess..was...was...dying!?"
Her eyes burned deep with anger, with confusion and even deeper with jealously. Turning on her heel towards the door, she waited for no one to answer her and shoved the door open. Leaving behind the tearful mourners as she made her way down the hall.
It wasn't fair. (nothing is, ne?)
I hate her! Why wasn't she there when kakyuu-hime....slipped away? She has no heart!!
The thoughts circled around through Fighter's mind. Each revolution causing her anger to flare slightly more and by the time she had reached Healer's door, she dared not to even knock, but instead flug the door open and stormed into the room.
Grabbing the startled silver haired girl by the arm, she jerked her off of the bed and narrowed her tear filled eyes as she yelled, "Where were you?! Do you not understand what just happened!!"
Healer's eyes widen and fighter noticed that they too were glistening with tears. Swollen slightly, telling her that she had been crying for a long time now. Maybe...this was wrong...
Glancing away, Healer mummbled softly within her misery, "I know..."
"You know?" Fighter shook her head, her anger still residing heavily upon her, "And why were you not with her Healer?! Why were you not by her side when she took her last breath? When she slipped away from us? Instead, you were locked in your room, hiding in your own selfish pity! While the woman...our princess...who loved you died Healer!" her voice trembling, Fighter cried out painfully, letting her grip loosen on healer. Wondering if her battle was with Healer...or with the horrible loss she now felt inside, "....why...."
The mintues ticked by...accoumpied only by the dire silence of pain. The soft breathing of the two senshi as they avoided eye contact, their hearts and minds no longer there. Yet...the pain always remained.
"I...was always with her...as she is with me..." Healer's voice cracked softly, the shorter girl's shoulders trembling as she tried to keep herself under control, "and I felt her...slip away...." Her words no longer were spoken for fighter...but for someone else, "Princess....iie...I love you....I need you...please...come back..."
Her legs gave out underneath her and the impish starlight fell onto her kness on the floor, tears washing over her cheeks as she cried into her hands. Looking down, Fighter felt her heart tighten as she mummbled, "Iie...princess...you would not want me to treat her as such...." and she knelt down in front of Healer, wrapping her arms comfortingly around the smaller girl.
It was over with, ne? Everything was done. It didn't matter. And the two cried together the rest of the night.
*~
They looked dead themselves.
Droplets of fresh rain covered the short grass and beaded across the pale head stones of many royals before. The sun, to wise to interuprt such a sorrowful parade, hid behind the dark lumnious clouds that hung low....forebiddingly in the sky. Casting those far below, who mourned, into a shadow of their own sorrow and pain. Yet...that was comforting.
The deep voice of the preacher was a steady back drop to the otherwise still air of the morning. The royals, courtyards, legals, pesants, and guardians all looked alike that day. Donning a deep shade of black, their faces either emotionless of broken with tears and hurt. Their beloved princess had been taken from them....again. Yet this time, they knew that there was no coming back. And what was to become of their great kingdom now? For the princess had still be young and free...her only love that of a forbidden one between a guardian and her princess. She had never married, nor bore any children to hail the throne after her departure. Yet....did any of that matter? Their light...their butterfly of hope had been set free.
Maker glanced down at the casket momentarlly, harldy even now finding things to be real. The past few days had seemed only a mere dream to her. Mindless actions that oddly felt so familuar. Keeping herself busy, unwilling to allow time for her to actually stop and think. To let reality whipser to her things she wished not to know. For she was afraid if she did slow down and realize just exactly the extent of her loss and pain...she would go insain.
She shifted uncomfortably in her senshi fuku, the royal attire to give honor and tribute at one's funeral. The fuku that she had served her princess so well in and she was sure that when someday she passed away as well..they would bury her in it. Not like she cared...
Fighter had come to her late the night before. And it had been frightening to gaze into those once twinking eyes. Remembing all to well when the senshi would speak to her of some miscious thing she was up to...or some small surprise she wished to do to cheer their princess up. Yet....last night...her eyes looked lost. The eyes are the windows to the soul...to Fighter's lost soul. Although, they all felt lost now without their princess' strength behind them.
And she had asked for some sleeping pills, seems she has been having...nightmares and can not sleep at all. But Maker knew that Fighter was only dreaming of Kakyuu and waking up to the harsh reality. Which truely was the nightmare now...
Yet Healer. She seemed the most lost of all at the moment. Standing so silently, almost like a statue as her trembling green eyes gazed at the coffin of her beloved. It must feel like going through your own personal hell losing the other half of your soul...yet it must also feel almost worse losing the other half of your soul that you could never have.
Dark rings layed heavily underneath Healer's overshadowed eyes. Maybe from lack of sleep....but more than likely from crying. Maker had went into the silver haired senshi's room many times in the past few days. All of her visits had went unnoticed though to the mourning starlight. And several times Maker had found Healer passed out on the bed, exhausted with grief and crying....yet the girl still refused to eat anything. Her food always left untouched and it was really starting to show. Her skin had always been pale, but it had carried a healty luster to it. But now that lusted had dulled greatly and the senshi looked almost as if death himself.
Death...was a guy? (might as well be)
Thunder rolled slowly across the dark sky. A few mourners lifting their eyes upwards and wondered faintly what the gods had against them. Had they not already stolen their own angel from them? Why had they a reason to mourn? Except to pour out more misery upon them.
The preacher's voice droned on, his words lost to all but only a harsh reminder of what was now. How could anyone ever be able to forget? Destiny was their constant reminder, the cycle of hope and fears. Yet their spin chose to land upon hear break. A deep heart break which plauged all three, touching their very souls and leaving them cold inside. A deep unsettling cold that seemed to follow them. And now they had come to bid their last farewells to their beloved.
A few wayward drops of rain splattered against the wind blown grass as they started to carefully lower the orntae casket into the grave. A few watchers, clinging to themselves as they watched the reality of their princess' absence start to set it. Fighter's eyes were a little blood shot from her lack of sleep, her body alternating between cold one moment and warm the next. Her body standing rigid in her fuku, unheaded tears spilling over her eyes and down her face painfully. Goodbye to a lover that never was.
Healer's eyes strayed from the casket, the reality to painful for her to grasp. The thoughts smothering her and driving her crazy. Letting out a soft sob, the girl swayed slightly. Her body seeming to want to give out completely and her knees buckled. Giving way as she feel to her knees on the cold ground, hands resting in her lap as she looked down. The wind picked up the stray strands of her hair and they trembled freely against her flushed cheeks, tears bluring her vision as she watched the grave being covered up. Goodbye to the other part of her soul.
Maker debated a moment to help her fellow senshi, but thought against it. She had thought that the horrible pain she felt and the frightening emptiness could not even begin to be comparable to that of Healer's. But it wasn't as if Maker had never loved the princess either. Had never wanted to hold her or comfort her as only that a lover could. It wasn't as if she had never wanted to kiss Kakyuu-hime tenderly and be able to tell her freely that she loved her. Yes...at one time she too had been jealous of the silver haired starlight. But it was not like the tall senshi to hold a grudge...or to harbor jealousy. It was unprofitable. Healer made their princess more than happy...and wasn't that what mattered in the end? Yet...the end was here...and it seemed that love was gone as well. Goodbye to a secert love, a devoted friendship and the light of her life.
And then...it started to rain.
*~
Drip.
Rain splattered up against the dark window, causing the world outside to blur into a figureless chaos. Bright flashes of lightening washed the room with a sudden white light, chasing the shadows away. Leaving them trembling underneath the large bed.
Drip.
It didn't really seems like her. But that didn't matter. What use did pride hold to her anymore? Things weren't the same so it wasn't like she could be judged the same as before. That was pointless....
Drip.
Lightening flashed again, illuminating her pale, white washed face glistening with sorrowful tears. Her eyes seeming almost as dark and dreary as the storm that raged on outside. Why had the heavens a need to mourn? She had been their's after all. Had.
"Princess...." It was the only sane thought left in her mind. The only thing that ever....was gone. It was true that one who carries a star seed could never truely die...well not really. But their star seed would be reborn once more. As would their princess. Someday.
Drip.
But where would she be reborn? When? While they were still alive? Would she be a baby while they were dying of old age?
Her guardians star seeds were forever destined to follow after hers, as hers was always destined to be of royal appointment. Yet, not they still were and she was not. That was something that Healer did not want.
"Princess...I can not lose you anymore than I have...the distance..." she shut her wet eyes, sobbing freely against the pillow and feeling the gentle dripping down her arm. Warm covering her wrists and hands...then cold.
Drip. Drip.
With another twing of pain, she cringed slightly and bit her bottom lip.
Maybe....iie, this had to be right. How could a life without her ever be right? Healer's thoughts were plauged bt her always. Laying down in her bed she would miss the warmth from Kakyuu's body as she used to hold her close. Or the soft padding of footsteps in the night, the princess seeking company for the night. Her soft laughter filling up the room and making it Heaven to Healer. Heaven was her and the senshi had found all she needed and more in the yuong princess. It had never really mattered that their love had been of that of a forbidden one. No, it didn't matter. As long as no one other then Fighter and Maker found out and she could hold her princess and love her freely in the shadows on the night, then it didn't matter. Although many times Healer had wished that they had more political freedom to court. Not only had Healer been the princess' guardian, but she has also been a female. Both of which, the law frowned upon deeply. How Healer would dream of asking her
lovely princess to marry her....but it was just a dream...and now that dream was gone. So it didn't really matter. She wasn't here anymore...
Drip.
"Itai...." she cringed slightly, pressing a little harder and sending another jolt of pain up her arm. "Please....." her voice quivered as her head started to trhob painfully. How could she feel so warm and comfortable...yet also so cold. So...so..cold.
She felt the warm liquid running down her long fingers and dripping off of her fingertips, falling onto the floor beside her bed as her hand hung limply over the bed. "Please...take me to her..." Healer whispered into the pillow, feeling another deep sensation of pain. This one worse than any of the others...but what was this pain compared to the loss?
Drip. Drip.
Her breathing started to falter slightly, letting her eyes drift close gently to shut the blurring world out. Wishing the darkness to accept her in it's embrace. Wanting....to be with her princess once more.
Lightening flahsed again outside, followed momentarlly by the loud rolling of thunder in the sky...almost sounding angry. The sudden flash of white light, illuminating the room once more and glistening off the blade of the knife held in Healer's hand. Her grip starting to loosen as she suddenly starts to feel colder...the warmth leaving her quickly. Moaning miserably, Healer tried her best to not struggle aimlessly...wanting this. Wanting to leave. Wanting to make her own destiny. Since her previous destiny had choosen to be one without Kakyuu, she would forge her own now. Bringing herself to her beloved.
Yet....what if this had been her destiny? ....what....if her forged death had been her destiny all along that had been assinged to her.
"K..kakyuu..." Healer whispered hoarshly, starting to feel as if she was slipping in the darkness of her mind. Finding nothing to hold on to anymore, but also welcoming the nothingness. Wanting to pass on...."Princ...."
Thunder rolled across the heavens outside, the deep rumblings shaking the window of the palace room. The bright flash of lightening lighting up the room once more in a sudden burst of light. Illuminating the figure laying so silently on the bed. Glistening in the dark red puddles of blood that had formed around the slender senshi. Reflecting dully off the empty eyes.
Drip....
*~
Two funerals in one week. It hadn't seemed possible. Everyone had noticed how Healer had been slipping, you would have had to be naive not to. But no one had really given much thought to leaving her alone to grieve. We all have to grieve in our own way and overcome it (if possible to really) in our own time. But yet still....the path she had chosen (or had been chosen by her) was one no one would have guessed.
One of the servents had went to Healer's room, as the usual morning routine to deliver a tray of breakfast that wouldn't be touched. Upon arrival, she was greated with the opressing site of Healer's lifeless body, sprawled out on the blood soaked bed, the pale knife gleaming to happily in the morning sunshine. The elderly lady had quickly sought help...but it had been to late. About seven hours to late. The cold touch of death lingering upon the senshi, stealing all warmth and traces of life from her. Only leaving behind a beautiful, crystalized shell of what once was.
Fighter seemed to take the news nonchalantly, nodding calmly and almost as if she had susspected as such. Yet, the news to Maker had been startling. Had the girl really been that oblivious to the actions of her team mate? Everything had seemed to be horribly out of place since her princess took ill over a month ago. The horrible diease robbing her of all her strength, leaving her at the mercy and care of the starlights would patiently waited on her hand and foot. Praying to some unseen God for answers..but mostly help. Then watching helplessly as the diease spread...growing worse and slowly stealing the life from their beloved. Painfully watching their princess slowly dying from day to day, her eyes quickly losing their shimmer of life...until...destiny had stood up and embraced it's daughter. Cruel...
Were they all lost?
*~
The single candle flickered silently in the middle of the room. The light casting shadows against the wall, making them twist and dance about as the flame flickered. The deep orange reflected dully in the pupils of her dark blue eyes, blinking and frowning at the image. It almost looked....yes it did. Like a butterfly.
Butterflys....they reminded Fighter of her. Gracefull....beautiful...magical....and so hard to catch.
She laughed pointlessly at the thought, tilting her head back and letting her long tangled mane of coal black hair fall down her back. It had only been...what...three days? Yet it had seemed like a life time to her already. A life time without her....and that was good for?
The shadows contuined to dance along the wall, her eyes drawn to the tortured figures. The confused and not so sober mind coming to a sort of quiet peace for the moment. Content with thinking of nothing...least of all of her and what was. Watching...as one of the shadows detacted itself from the wall and started to dance towards her.
It couldn't be....she had lost everything.
In one moment of stupidty she had thrown out the best thing in her entire life. In one moment of sorrow....confusion...she had stupidly confessed her love to another. To another girl whom which hardly ever dared to cross her thoughts anymore. For how could she when all she could think about...all she could breathe...was her own princess...her Kakyuu... "Iie..." fighter breathed, looking down at her hands as they were clentched tightly in her hands. Angry with herself for not being strong enough for the princess. For not being there when she needed her the most. "I failed her...so maybe I did deserve to lose her love. D...demo...."
The shadow danced closer as a figure started to emerge. The dance slowing to a graceful walk, long slender legs forming underneath the gently swaying of a thin night gown. Deep, blood red hair lightly spilling over the figure's shoulders, curling up against her bare shoulders. Her young, yet so gracious figure's outline shadowed through the thin material as she came to a slow stop in front of Fighter. Casting her deep crimsion eyes downwards, she remained silent to the senshi.
Glancing up Fighter frowned a little sadly, her hands starting to tremble, "Princess....gomen ne...I failed you so many times, ne?" her voice quivering with raw pain as she looked back down at her hands, a small bottle clentched tightly within them.
Running her hands over the torn label she sniffled slightly, trying vainly to fight the tears as they welled up in her eyes. "Could you ever fogive me princess....I have always loved you....always..." she whispered, her fingers fiddeling with the lid until she was able to updo it and carelessly let the plastic top fall to the floor.
The firgure stood in front of her silently, almost like a shadow. Beautiful, yet lifeless. Watching. Waiting.
Fighter laughed slightly, starting to feel sick to her stomach. "Will things never get any easier?" she frowned and tilted the bottle to the side, letting two sleeping pills slid out before poping them into her mouth, "I am haunted....yet I want to be." she looked up at the silent figure.
And although the figure remained still and silent, Fighter seemed to hear the unspoken words and answered. "How could I have ever loved another? You had always been everything I wanted...always will be. When I first gave up my life to serve you, I knew I was in love with you. I would have given anything for you...anything."
The light flickered slightly as the night teadeously pressed on. Allowing those who dreamt of hope smile sweetly in their dreams. And allowing those who were haunted by the beautiful shadows of their pasts, be haunted. It was a cycle of sweet dreams and nightmares. Never ending.....
Laughing again, fighter fell back on the bed. Tilting her head to the side and trying to hold down her sudden nausia....maybe she hadn't of drunk so much after all...it was starting to get to her. Looking over at the silent mockery of the one she loved so much, she poped another few sleeping pills into her mouth, swallowing them and praying for sleep to steal her away. It was a sweet torture to look at the figure. Just as the real thing had been. So close and so angelic...yet out of her reach and never hers. In a way she hated Healer for being able to love Kakyuu as she had....and so much more. The other senshi had had the ability to only love their princess and never once broke her heart.
The figure watched silently, taking another step to the bed and standing like a pale angel of death beside it. Leaning over slightly and looking down at fighter as she layed sprawled out on the bed. Her beautiful eyes beginning to become blood shot, her hands still shaking as she placed the bottle to her lips and swallowed the rest of the pills.
"P...princess..." she sighed softly...feeling a sort of odd peace overtaking her...sleep...."Please....sleep with me tonight...ne?" her voice cracked and she gently closed her eyes.
The figure still did not speak, but merely leaned down. Placing her non existant lips up against Fighter's, before not being once again, taking a part of Fighter with her as she went.
The candle burned out.
*~
Three funerals in two weeks.
The kingdom had come to a sort of hopeless ruin. The thoughts never verberally spoken, but were clearly shown in the people's eyes. The throne was left bare...the people unruled and confused. Two of the guardians to the princess had killed themselves, spawning copy cats of their death as many people lost their hope. Their faith in a world without light...or happiness. It had seemed that everything was dying and taking a worse tow on their kingdom then Choas had. No one knew exaclty what to do about the governs of the land. Were they to leave their kingdom unruled? Were they to vote in a new queen? And if so, would the people accept her as they lovingly had Kakyuu? Never before had something so horrid happened to Kinmoku-sei. Never had their hope so litterly been ripped from them in an instant.
Maker had tried to help....but she found her thoughts muddled, slow and clouded with other thoughts. Thoughts mainly of her princess. Oh kami-sama how she missed her more as each passing day went by. It was just like losing her over and over again each morning she woke up and the first valid thought within her mind was that she was no longer there. It was a raw nerve inside of her that seemed to grow deeper everyday. A pain that she thought might never go away.
And then there had been the death of her friends....her two best friends with whom she had loved as well. Not nearly as dear as she had loved her princess...but loved just the same. Had they not been through so much together? Yet...even then they still had their princess. And it was so true that without their princess they didn't have a meaning to live. She had never been more serious when she had uttered those words to the senshi of earth. For...now it had become pointless.
Days of muddeled nonsense rose from the blandness of each day that seemed to slowly pass onto the next. Life had always been full of unfair decisions that had been made by one person or the other. The unfair ruin of their planet by the cold hand of chaos. The ruiling body who goverened that a princess' love could only go to that of a soul of equal or higher position. Giving Healer and Kakyuu's secert love no chance to really blossom. And the decision, that when needed the most, their princess had been taken from them. If ever Maker was to find herself angry, she found it in the lonliness of the night. Everyone....was gone and she was left without.
"Princess..."
Maker inhaled the sweet arouma of the sea spread out far below her. Whifs of the salty fragrance drifted up to her from the gentle night's breeze. The double moons hung low in the dark clouded sky. Stars whispering gently in the shadows of the over hanging clouds, drifting in and out of view teasingly, giving signs that the week's array of storms was slowly starting to break up. But it seemed as if the horrible storm within Maker would never cease. Always before she had been able to count upon her dear princess' strength to guide her life, to give her hope to move on.
Yet that strength was no longer there.
The soft fabric of her skirt billowed slighty in the wind. The gentle sway of the grass around her feet tickled the bare skin as she walked closer towards the edge of the rocky cliff. The sea churning far below them....seeming to call to her. Whispering out her name and begging to hold her in it's cold embrace. Reaching up a hand mindlessly, Maker allowed her long fingers to trail through her tangled hair, hooking underneath the band that bound her hair together and pulled it free. The wind picking up the strands and gently running it's invisible fingers through her hair, kissing her cheek and causing her to blush softly.
Closing her pale eyes, she thought back a moment. Yet...all things had been considered. Yes. It was now.
Opening her eyes once more, a peaceful smile graced her soft lips as she whispered, "Princess..." and took the last step she would ever take in this life time, the cliff left bare and silent as she welcomed the cold embrace from the sea below.
*~Eighteen years later*~
And behind the palace, nestled in the shadows of the garden, stood four faded tombstones. Three bodies resting side by side...even though their souls had long since passed on to their next lives. Birthing a peaceful hope that maybe...maybe this time...things would be better. And if not...there was always the next life....right?
The silence of the graves telling a story that no one wants to hear anymore. Now that their light has been returned to them once more. Yet it remains never the less. Unwaving....foretelling maybe. Yet it is a new cycle and maybe the sistes of fate will not be so cruel this time. Maybe destiny will allow for love, for life. The hope whispering gently through each night....
"Lets start all over....shall we?"
*~
The large room was bright. To bright it seemed. Tall, ornate columns seemed to loom around the room and just as equally tall stained glass windows were placed inbetween them. The colored glass giving a sort of unreal feeling to the room. Deep red and lavender tapestries hung elegentlly from column to column, adding a little contrast to the room brightness and feel.
The queen stood as the two large doors placed in the back of the room opened slowly and allowed two guards to quickly enter. The pair bowing before her and glancing up at the tall lady in deep purple. The sash from her gown trailing low behind her, the bead attatched to her hair gently trembling as she nodded her consent. Standing up, the guard on the left spoke up, "They are here your highness."
"Then please bring them in." she spoke softly, her voice a gentle kiss of gentleness.
Bowing once more in respect, the two then got up and left the room to do her bidding.
"Mama..." a tiny voice piped up from behind her and the queen's face blossomed into a gentle, yet deeply loving smile as a small girl slid off the throne next to hers. "Who's coming?"
"Visitors." was the short answer, "And I want you to be nice to them, ne?" the queen smiled and placed her hand on top of her daughter's dark red head. "I'm sure you will like you."
And before anymore words could be exchanged, the guards returned through the large doors, the soft padding of extra feet echoing through the room. Bowing once more, the same guard spoke up, "My queen. Here they are." And with a nod from their queen's head, the two got up and left once more, closing the large doors behind them.
Peeking out from behind her mother curiously, the small girl blinked as she layed her eyes on the three guests. Children. Who had to be no older then her....yet they felt familuar...in an odd way. Almost like a secert she had been told before...but had forgotten what it was.
The queen smiled, amused at her daughter's sudden shyness and stepped aside slightly, "Darling...do not be so shy. I would like to introduce them to you."
Nodding slowly, but not moving from her hiding place behind her mother, the young princess watched the three carefully.
"This young girl is Nibanboshi Tokeiza, " The queen started. The girl in question stepping forward and smiling at the young princess. Her deep lavender eyes sparkling as she bowed in respect. "Now known as Sailor Star Maker."
Standing back up, Tokeiza stepped back in the comfort group of her two companions. Both of whom she had grown up with at the outskirts of the kingdom, her only two real friends she had in the world. Yet...she felt something for the strangely silent princess as she gazed at her curiously.
"Ichibanboshi Seito." The queen contuined on, a girl with long coal black hair and intresting blue eyes stepping forward and smiling boldly at the young princess. Bowing as well, she waited as the queen spoke up once more, "Now known as Sailor Star Fighter."
Seito strightened up and looked at the young princess with intrest. Unable to shake the warm tremble that curiously started to tickle the back of her spine as she looked at the girl. Feeling a bit uneast with the new feelings...yet aslo pleased. She was indeed very beautiful. Maybe someday...they could even hold hands.
Smiling to herself, Seito stepped back to stand next to Tokeiza as the last little girl took her turn and came forth.
The young princess blushed softly as the gentle lime green eyes looked into her own. A gentle familuar ache starting to make it's way into her young heart. But so young and unable to understand. Watching, she blushed as the silver haired new senshi bowed. " Hoshimawari Heikou." The queen introduced her, smiling happily at her daughter, "Now known at Sailor Star Healer."
As Heikou lifted her eyes to glance at the princess again, she felt the warmth of her wonderful shine touching her soul. And even though she was so young....maybe even to young to really understand. She fell in love with the young girl...just by their first meeting.
"Darling," The queen smiled and looked sideways over at her hiding daughter, "These are your personal guardians. The Sailor
Starlights."
Blinking a few times, the princess knew that it was only proper for her to formally introduce herself as well. Taking a small breath, she came out from behind her mother and stood in front of the three smiling girls and curtseyed, glancing up at them with deep crimsion eyes. Her long dark red hair spilling over her shoulders as she almost whispered, "I'm Hinotama Kidai, imperial princess to Kinmoku-sei."
The circle had started once more....
*~
FYI- Do you really except them to have the same names every time they are reborn? :
Nibanboshi- second star of the evening
Tokeiza- the Clock star
ichibanboshi- the first star to appear in the evening
Seito- star
Hoshimawari- one's star; one's fortune or destiny
Heikou- parallel (parallel destiny : )
Hinotama- falling star; fireball
Kidai- rare; uncommon (uncommon falling star; fireball)
Comments on the story or my writing style? Suggestions of new storys or how to improve mine? Please no flames, their pointless...bring it up as a suggestion. : Then please do feel free to email me all you want. Email your little heart out ^.~
Genre: Angst....quite a bit
Rating: PG-13 for drug use, drinking, lots of death and hinted sexuality. (although it's really not all that bad o.o )
Email: goodnight_teddybear@hotmail.com
Me: Poppy
Sites: http://devoted.to/starlights
http://devoted.to/myprincess
http://destined.to/dreamalice
A few words: Okay. First things first. I'm expermenting with my writing style, so excuse the oddness of this fic. This takes place after Sailor Stars and the only charas noted in the story are the starlights and their princess. I've taken a bit of artistic ability in this one and given a guess to things on Kinmoku-sei and such. Hopefully you will enjoy this one. :
Warning: Yes, this fic does contain drug use, drinking, lots of death and hinted sexuality between two girls. I do not enforce any of these except the sexualtiy between two girls. ^.~ Actually...whatever floats your boat. But I don't want to hear any complaining. :
Disclaimer: Did I make up sailormoon? no. Did I make up the starlights? no. Did I make up Kakyuu? no. Do I own the rights to them? no. Am I making money off of this fic? no. Is my name Naoko or am I Toei, etc.? no. Did I write this ficcie for kicks? yes. 'nuff said.
*~
"It isn't fair. Why this? Why now? .......Why her?"
The last hints of sunlight filtered in through the large bed room window, casting images of withering bright oranges against the pale walls. A bright contrast to the dark clouds that were starting to form, letting the stars even hide in their deep sorrow. One would always like to think that there is a reason for everything. That a soul's existance was vital and all played a part within the circle of reality. Every day of their lives, one step further in the dance of destiny.
Destiny. Who choses our destines? Higher entites. The gods, a goddess perharps. The three sisters of fate, making, pulling and cutting the thin thread of our lives. Or maybe God? Or was there even such thing as a destiny? How can chaos and disorder be part of a mythical plan to over see our lives and the paths we choose. Maybe there is more....more that we don't see. But yet, in the end, none of that really matters.
"Iie...." her delicate, lilly soft lips trembled as she clentched her hands tightly against the covers of the large bed. Cold tears sparkled as they fell down her cheeks, clinging to her pale lips before dying there, their short lives lived for sorrow.
And to those, whose light of hope had been snuffed out, their lives had become lived for sorrow. An ending that seemed to bitter to fathom, to hurtful to understand and to harsh to face. Sometimes....destiny was cruel.
"Please....kami-sama..." Trembling. Her whole heart seemed to be crying out to someone whom she had never really believed in to begin with. To someone whom she had never seen, never felt...never thought about. And if they were real....why were they being this heartless? So selfish....she was hers.
If shadows could see, they would have wept. And if they could talk, they would have said nothing anyway. For what can truely be said to comfort those who are truely aching? Who can find nothing but grief? Loss? And anger? What worth is a dream if it can never happen?
Breathing softly, her short breaths causing her long silvery bangs to stir, brushing up against her pale cheeks and clinging to the damp skin. The tears seeming endless as the pain seems eternal. Endless. Eternal. Dark.
"Why kami-sama?" her soft, femine voice chided almost more angry then questioning, "Please...do not take her from me...."
Protector. Such a funny word. Such a lie. She had been choosen for such a position. Chosen, by someone long before she had even been born. Birthed with the power of a senshi. A warrior of the stars and the power to help protect her kingdom...to protect her princess. And even though she had lost so much, never once had she regreated the hand fate had delt to her....til now.
Guardian. Servent. Lover.
Laughing bitterly, she tilted her head back slightly. Her usual lively emerald green eyes over shadowed with deep pain. Deep longing and hatred. She was never really a protector. No...not really. Sure, she could easily ward off youma, strike a blow feircly to Galaxia or even kill a way ward citizen who saught to enfringe pain upon her loved one. And for the longest time, she had thought to truely be Kakyuu-hime's guaridan. Thinking the princess untouchable. Yet, destiny had found another way. A way in which the young girl was left helpless to fight. Thus, leaving her precious young princess....vunerable.
Choking back a sob, she shut her eyes tightly, frowning as she bowed her head. Her silverish hair, that once was neatly tied back at the nape of her neck, now trailed down her back untammed. Her appreance merely becoming a dark shell of what once was...of what might never be again. Unless.....but even she found that now it was hopeless to even try to think of some kind of miracle. Of hope that would save. For salvation from their misery would never come.
She had found only a mild refuge in her room for the last few days. Curling up on the large bed and crying. Still able to smell the sweet intoxicating aroma of her dear princess around her. Ocassionaly, falling into a rather peaceful dream like state. Memmories of the many nights where the young princess would seek refuge as well in her room. The two young lovers laughing amounst their happiness and falling deeper into their forbidden love. Making sweet, gentle love in the guardian's bed. Watching the stars slowly appear in the night sky. Claiming the first one to boldy appear in the night sky their own. And then, she would wake up....and cry once more until she grew sick and threw up. Several times she faintly noticed a presence in her room. Mostly a few servents who came in to lay food by her bed or try to clean her up. Each time, she would angrily send them away and leave the food untouched. And then a few times, Fighter or Maker would wonder into her room. Their sorrow
almost matching hers and smothering her. Their eyes....lifeless...empty. It was the unspoken words within them that fightened the young guardian. And then, without a word, they would leave again.
But now the time was here. And Healer was still in her bedroom and her princess....
Destiny is a circle. A circle of roses and throns. Of laughter and tears. Of hope and blood. Of life and death.
The simple knock on the door echoed dully in the quiet room. The sun, by now, having set and moved out of view. The darkness ruling over all, deeper than it ever had before. More lasting, more cold then ever. Not even blinking, the young girl slowly turned her head towards the door, her mind....hoping? Vainly hoping....
The wooden crafted door was pused open slightly as a servent bowed deeply, his eyes never leaving the floor. "Healer-sama....I have some...terrible news to report..."
The silence seemed deafening as the silver haired girl found it almost impossible to breathe. Knowing....feeling.... Her eyes glistening with many unshed tears as her breaths came in tiny short gasps.
"I....have come to tell you..." The servent started, slowly. Almost afraid of the words he had to speak. "The princess..."
"Iie..." Healer muttered, cutting him off quickly. Almost violently raising her hands to cover her ears as she shook her head. Silver tresses fluttering around her face as she squized her eyes shut tightly. "I wish not to hear!! Leave me!"
"D...demo"
"Leave me!!" she screamed angrily. The current of emotions raging through her. A perfect circle. A circle of sorrow and of rage.....just like destiny. "Shimatta!"
Destiny. Unmei. Destino. Bestemming. Destinée. Fatum.
And when she looked back up, heartful tears kissing her cheeks, the servent had left. The door shut tightly as well, secluding the senshi off to her misery once more. Now....nothing else truely mattered. It was done. The last sister of fate had touched the string of life, trimming it as it was still young. Not only taking one....but the souls of others as well unknowingly. Thus was destiny....
The imperial princess of Kinmoku-sei was dead.
*~
She could feel her. The feelings were a chorus of bittersweet. Pain accented by an underlying peace. But that peace was frightening...and she was slipping.
The curtains billowed softly in the night wind. Just another open door for destiny to creep in through. And the night was so dark, so cold and beginning to feel lonely. It felt empty.
"Princess...." she whispered, her voice the only sound within the large bed chambers. Trembling, as if it were a flame that had been breathed upon. The hope flicking dangrously. Her deep fathomless blue eyes were defined with sorrow, pain and the beginnings of loss.
It wasn't fair (it never had been).
Why not take her? (not her angel)
She had served her purpose. This one....she was needed to be. To exist. To be remembered. Please (someone)....
Fighter watched the princess' eyelids open slightly, peering over at her painfully with those beautiful crimson red orbs. Those eyes saying so much more than her words ever could. Yet, even now those unspoken words seemed week...weary...ready to give up. And they spoke of love....desire...dreams never before mentioned...and horrible pain.
Leaning over the bed slightly, Fighter hovered over the young princess. Like a dark guardian angel, shillouted bt the dull blue glow of the moon, her misty eyes looked down at Kakyuu. Her angel....always. Reaching out her hand, Fighter brushed her finger tips over Kakyuu's pale cheek. The color long departed and a silent, pale replacing. The skin there silky soft and sweet underneath Fighter's touch.
Fighter's long midnight back hair fell over her shuolder carelessly, brushing against the pale girl below her. Slowly reaching up a hand, kakyuu gently trailed her hands through the baby soft tresses. A faint smile graing her lips and the light momentarlly returning to her hollowed eyes. But hope always seems short lived....
The wind shifted. The billowing curtains growing still as they silently fell back against the open window. The night grew silent....
The guardian's lips started to tremble as she felt the princess' hand slowly move away from her hair. Coming to a rest once again beside her head, the flickering glow within her dark eyes dwindeled...and then vanished. Eyes widening, Fighter let out a soft cry as her heart shattered. "Iie...p...princess!" she whimpered. And the girl who usually was noted for her strength, her ability to over come anything and always be like stone...fell over onto the silent princess, weeping bitterly...painfully.
Had she not taken her own soul and heart with her when she left? And even after everything she had tried to do, destiny had come anyway. Always....
Within the room, time seemed to come to a slow halt. The candles burning brightly, casting sorrowful shadows against the walls and over the many faces of servents, guards and royals that watched silently. A silent crowd of mourners. A silent museum of pain. The hour upon which none would ever be able to forget, no matter how hard they may try. It was done.
*~
It had been expected. For weeks now. But she thought that maybe she had just ignored the facts. Facing the situiation with naive hope. Ignorance. Something she despised....detested. Because ignorance always brought upon heart ache...pain. Yet, she had not cared earlier. It did not matter....maybe she had thought that with her willing alone, it would cause a miracle. Ah-ha! Miracle indeed!
She watched silently as the others did. Casting her cold gaze over towards the bed where Fighter was weeping. So easily able to show her emotion. Her deep loss for their reason. Their soul. Their purpose. And now she was gone...so what else was there?
"Maker-sama..." a voice whispered softly from behind her, trembling. Almost as if they were in tears as well.
Without turning around, the tall senshi addressed the person. Her deep lavender eyes narrowing as she spoke, "What do you seek?"
"Does Maker-sama not think that Healer-sama....should be summoned?"
Summoned. What an intresting thought. Summoned...as a demon from her chambers?
Maker shook her head, the long brown ponytail that trailed down her back shifted slightly, "Iie...leave her be. Demo...go tell her, ne?"
"As you speak." The voice whispered back and Maker could feel them moving away, towards the door.
It had become an all to reality. Emotions. If only she were able to be so free with her emotions as Fighter was being. Or to even just be as passionate at Healer was. Yet, her tears remained unshed. Her face a reflection of calm, cool, and pratical mind set. But her eyes betrayed her horribly, telling of all the pain she was really feeling in that moment. For she too had felt the princess. She had felt her pain these past few weeks...the horrible pain. And just now, she had felt the worse feeling that she knew would haunt her forever. The pain of Kakyuu leaving them...for good.
*~
"Shimatta!" Fighter lifted her pained head up off the bed, her eyes overflowing with tears as she hissed, "Where is Healer at?"
The room remained silent to the question. Fighter's gaze resting back upon her princess. The young girl looking more peaceful than she had the past month or so. Her face had somehow managed to grow even more pale then before. The loss of life also washing away all traces of color from her skin. Only her lips remaing their ever so beautiful soft petal pink. Those lips...that once upon a time...she had the honor of kissing. "Princess..." Fighter mummbled, leaning over the girl, feeling her princess' body starting to lose it's heat, death taking everything from her.
"Oh kami-sama....princess..." her pained whispers were full of regreat...of horror of knowing to late. Of a love that never was...because of herself.
Tenderly, Fighter pressed her lips up against Kakyuu's still ones. Stealing away the last bit of warmth from her body, the tears shed from the guardian falling softly upon the princess' cheeks. Pulling away, Fighter smiled sadly....her love...
"Well?!" Fighter demanded, rising from the bed and glaring at the silent crowd of watchers, "Will no one answer to me?!"
When once more the answer was not there, Maker ventured forth and spoke up, "Fighter....she is still in her room."
"In...her room..." Fighter's voice sounded calm, but was edged with an icy chill as she clentched her fists on either side of her. The gloves of her fuku making a soft noise as the material was wrinkled and streched. "And why was she not here?! Why was Healer not here while our princess..was...was...dying!?"
Her eyes burned deep with anger, with confusion and even deeper with jealously. Turning on her heel towards the door, she waited for no one to answer her and shoved the door open. Leaving behind the tearful mourners as she made her way down the hall.
It wasn't fair. (nothing is, ne?)
I hate her! Why wasn't she there when kakyuu-hime....slipped away? She has no heart!!
The thoughts circled around through Fighter's mind. Each revolution causing her anger to flare slightly more and by the time she had reached Healer's door, she dared not to even knock, but instead flug the door open and stormed into the room.
Grabbing the startled silver haired girl by the arm, she jerked her off of the bed and narrowed her tear filled eyes as she yelled, "Where were you?! Do you not understand what just happened!!"
Healer's eyes widen and fighter noticed that they too were glistening with tears. Swollen slightly, telling her that she had been crying for a long time now. Maybe...this was wrong...
Glancing away, Healer mummbled softly within her misery, "I know..."
"You know?" Fighter shook her head, her anger still residing heavily upon her, "And why were you not with her Healer?! Why were you not by her side when she took her last breath? When she slipped away from us? Instead, you were locked in your room, hiding in your own selfish pity! While the woman...our princess...who loved you died Healer!" her voice trembling, Fighter cried out painfully, letting her grip loosen on healer. Wondering if her battle was with Healer...or with the horrible loss she now felt inside, "....why...."
The mintues ticked by...accoumpied only by the dire silence of pain. The soft breathing of the two senshi as they avoided eye contact, their hearts and minds no longer there. Yet...the pain always remained.
"I...was always with her...as she is with me..." Healer's voice cracked softly, the shorter girl's shoulders trembling as she tried to keep herself under control, "and I felt her...slip away...." Her words no longer were spoken for fighter...but for someone else, "Princess....iie...I love you....I need you...please...come back..."
Her legs gave out underneath her and the impish starlight fell onto her kness on the floor, tears washing over her cheeks as she cried into her hands. Looking down, Fighter felt her heart tighten as she mummbled, "Iie...princess...you would not want me to treat her as such...." and she knelt down in front of Healer, wrapping her arms comfortingly around the smaller girl.
It was over with, ne? Everything was done. It didn't matter. And the two cried together the rest of the night.
*~
They looked dead themselves.
Droplets of fresh rain covered the short grass and beaded across the pale head stones of many royals before. The sun, to wise to interuprt such a sorrowful parade, hid behind the dark lumnious clouds that hung low....forebiddingly in the sky. Casting those far below, who mourned, into a shadow of their own sorrow and pain. Yet...that was comforting.
The deep voice of the preacher was a steady back drop to the otherwise still air of the morning. The royals, courtyards, legals, pesants, and guardians all looked alike that day. Donning a deep shade of black, their faces either emotionless of broken with tears and hurt. Their beloved princess had been taken from them....again. Yet this time, they knew that there was no coming back. And what was to become of their great kingdom now? For the princess had still be young and free...her only love that of a forbidden one between a guardian and her princess. She had never married, nor bore any children to hail the throne after her departure. Yet....did any of that matter? Their light...their butterfly of hope had been set free.
Maker glanced down at the casket momentarlly, harldy even now finding things to be real. The past few days had seemed only a mere dream to her. Mindless actions that oddly felt so familuar. Keeping herself busy, unwilling to allow time for her to actually stop and think. To let reality whipser to her things she wished not to know. For she was afraid if she did slow down and realize just exactly the extent of her loss and pain...she would go insain.
She shifted uncomfortably in her senshi fuku, the royal attire to give honor and tribute at one's funeral. The fuku that she had served her princess so well in and she was sure that when someday she passed away as well..they would bury her in it. Not like she cared...
Fighter had come to her late the night before. And it had been frightening to gaze into those once twinking eyes. Remembing all to well when the senshi would speak to her of some miscious thing she was up to...or some small surprise she wished to do to cheer their princess up. Yet....last night...her eyes looked lost. The eyes are the windows to the soul...to Fighter's lost soul. Although, they all felt lost now without their princess' strength behind them.
And she had asked for some sleeping pills, seems she has been having...nightmares and can not sleep at all. But Maker knew that Fighter was only dreaming of Kakyuu and waking up to the harsh reality. Which truely was the nightmare now...
Yet Healer. She seemed the most lost of all at the moment. Standing so silently, almost like a statue as her trembling green eyes gazed at the coffin of her beloved. It must feel like going through your own personal hell losing the other half of your soul...yet it must also feel almost worse losing the other half of your soul that you could never have.
Dark rings layed heavily underneath Healer's overshadowed eyes. Maybe from lack of sleep....but more than likely from crying. Maker had went into the silver haired senshi's room many times in the past few days. All of her visits had went unnoticed though to the mourning starlight. And several times Maker had found Healer passed out on the bed, exhausted with grief and crying....yet the girl still refused to eat anything. Her food always left untouched and it was really starting to show. Her skin had always been pale, but it had carried a healty luster to it. But now that lusted had dulled greatly and the senshi looked almost as if death himself.
Death...was a guy? (might as well be)
Thunder rolled slowly across the dark sky. A few mourners lifting their eyes upwards and wondered faintly what the gods had against them. Had they not already stolen their own angel from them? Why had they a reason to mourn? Except to pour out more misery upon them.
The preacher's voice droned on, his words lost to all but only a harsh reminder of what was now. How could anyone ever be able to forget? Destiny was their constant reminder, the cycle of hope and fears. Yet their spin chose to land upon hear break. A deep heart break which plauged all three, touching their very souls and leaving them cold inside. A deep unsettling cold that seemed to follow them. And now they had come to bid their last farewells to their beloved.
A few wayward drops of rain splattered against the wind blown grass as they started to carefully lower the orntae casket into the grave. A few watchers, clinging to themselves as they watched the reality of their princess' absence start to set it. Fighter's eyes were a little blood shot from her lack of sleep, her body alternating between cold one moment and warm the next. Her body standing rigid in her fuku, unheaded tears spilling over her eyes and down her face painfully. Goodbye to a lover that never was.
Healer's eyes strayed from the casket, the reality to painful for her to grasp. The thoughts smothering her and driving her crazy. Letting out a soft sob, the girl swayed slightly. Her body seeming to want to give out completely and her knees buckled. Giving way as she feel to her knees on the cold ground, hands resting in her lap as she looked down. The wind picked up the stray strands of her hair and they trembled freely against her flushed cheeks, tears bluring her vision as she watched the grave being covered up. Goodbye to the other part of her soul.
Maker debated a moment to help her fellow senshi, but thought against it. She had thought that the horrible pain she felt and the frightening emptiness could not even begin to be comparable to that of Healer's. But it wasn't as if Maker had never loved the princess either. Had never wanted to hold her or comfort her as only that a lover could. It wasn't as if she had never wanted to kiss Kakyuu-hime tenderly and be able to tell her freely that she loved her. Yes...at one time she too had been jealous of the silver haired starlight. But it was not like the tall senshi to hold a grudge...or to harbor jealousy. It was unprofitable. Healer made their princess more than happy...and wasn't that what mattered in the end? Yet...the end was here...and it seemed that love was gone as well. Goodbye to a secert love, a devoted friendship and the light of her life.
And then...it started to rain.
*~
Drip.
Rain splattered up against the dark window, causing the world outside to blur into a figureless chaos. Bright flashes of lightening washed the room with a sudden white light, chasing the shadows away. Leaving them trembling underneath the large bed.
Drip.
It didn't really seems like her. But that didn't matter. What use did pride hold to her anymore? Things weren't the same so it wasn't like she could be judged the same as before. That was pointless....
Drip.
Lightening flashed again, illuminating her pale, white washed face glistening with sorrowful tears. Her eyes seeming almost as dark and dreary as the storm that raged on outside. Why had the heavens a need to mourn? She had been their's after all. Had.
"Princess...." It was the only sane thought left in her mind. The only thing that ever....was gone. It was true that one who carries a star seed could never truely die...well not really. But their star seed would be reborn once more. As would their princess. Someday.
Drip.
But where would she be reborn? When? While they were still alive? Would she be a baby while they were dying of old age?
Her guardians star seeds were forever destined to follow after hers, as hers was always destined to be of royal appointment. Yet, not they still were and she was not. That was something that Healer did not want.
"Princess...I can not lose you anymore than I have...the distance..." she shut her wet eyes, sobbing freely against the pillow and feeling the gentle dripping down her arm. Warm covering her wrists and hands...then cold.
Drip. Drip.
With another twing of pain, she cringed slightly and bit her bottom lip.
Maybe....iie, this had to be right. How could a life without her ever be right? Healer's thoughts were plauged bt her always. Laying down in her bed she would miss the warmth from Kakyuu's body as she used to hold her close. Or the soft padding of footsteps in the night, the princess seeking company for the night. Her soft laughter filling up the room and making it Heaven to Healer. Heaven was her and the senshi had found all she needed and more in the yuong princess. It had never really mattered that their love had been of that of a forbidden one. No, it didn't matter. As long as no one other then Fighter and Maker found out and she could hold her princess and love her freely in the shadows on the night, then it didn't matter. Although many times Healer had wished that they had more political freedom to court. Not only had Healer been the princess' guardian, but she has also been a female. Both of which, the law frowned upon deeply. How Healer would dream of asking her
lovely princess to marry her....but it was just a dream...and now that dream was gone. So it didn't really matter. She wasn't here anymore...
Drip.
"Itai...." she cringed slightly, pressing a little harder and sending another jolt of pain up her arm. "Please....." her voice quivered as her head started to trhob painfully. How could she feel so warm and comfortable...yet also so cold. So...so..cold.
She felt the warm liquid running down her long fingers and dripping off of her fingertips, falling onto the floor beside her bed as her hand hung limply over the bed. "Please...take me to her..." Healer whispered into the pillow, feeling another deep sensation of pain. This one worse than any of the others...but what was this pain compared to the loss?
Drip. Drip.
Her breathing started to falter slightly, letting her eyes drift close gently to shut the blurring world out. Wishing the darkness to accept her in it's embrace. Wanting....to be with her princess once more.
Lightening flahsed again outside, followed momentarlly by the loud rolling of thunder in the sky...almost sounding angry. The sudden flash of white light, illuminating the room once more and glistening off the blade of the knife held in Healer's hand. Her grip starting to loosen as she suddenly starts to feel colder...the warmth leaving her quickly. Moaning miserably, Healer tried her best to not struggle aimlessly...wanting this. Wanting to leave. Wanting to make her own destiny. Since her previous destiny had choosen to be one without Kakyuu, she would forge her own now. Bringing herself to her beloved.
Yet....what if this had been her destiny? ....what....if her forged death had been her destiny all along that had been assinged to her.
"K..kakyuu..." Healer whispered hoarshly, starting to feel as if she was slipping in the darkness of her mind. Finding nothing to hold on to anymore, but also welcoming the nothingness. Wanting to pass on...."Princ...."
Thunder rolled across the heavens outside, the deep rumblings shaking the window of the palace room. The bright flash of lightening lighting up the room once more in a sudden burst of light. Illuminating the figure laying so silently on the bed. Glistening in the dark red puddles of blood that had formed around the slender senshi. Reflecting dully off the empty eyes.
Drip....
*~
Two funerals in one week. It hadn't seemed possible. Everyone had noticed how Healer had been slipping, you would have had to be naive not to. But no one had really given much thought to leaving her alone to grieve. We all have to grieve in our own way and overcome it (if possible to really) in our own time. But yet still....the path she had chosen (or had been chosen by her) was one no one would have guessed.
One of the servents had went to Healer's room, as the usual morning routine to deliver a tray of breakfast that wouldn't be touched. Upon arrival, she was greated with the opressing site of Healer's lifeless body, sprawled out on the blood soaked bed, the pale knife gleaming to happily in the morning sunshine. The elderly lady had quickly sought help...but it had been to late. About seven hours to late. The cold touch of death lingering upon the senshi, stealing all warmth and traces of life from her. Only leaving behind a beautiful, crystalized shell of what once was.
Fighter seemed to take the news nonchalantly, nodding calmly and almost as if she had susspected as such. Yet, the news to Maker had been startling. Had the girl really been that oblivious to the actions of her team mate? Everything had seemed to be horribly out of place since her princess took ill over a month ago. The horrible diease robbing her of all her strength, leaving her at the mercy and care of the starlights would patiently waited on her hand and foot. Praying to some unseen God for answers..but mostly help. Then watching helplessly as the diease spread...growing worse and slowly stealing the life from their beloved. Painfully watching their princess slowly dying from day to day, her eyes quickly losing their shimmer of life...until...destiny had stood up and embraced it's daughter. Cruel...
Were they all lost?
*~
The single candle flickered silently in the middle of the room. The light casting shadows against the wall, making them twist and dance about as the flame flickered. The deep orange reflected dully in the pupils of her dark blue eyes, blinking and frowning at the image. It almost looked....yes it did. Like a butterfly.
Butterflys....they reminded Fighter of her. Gracefull....beautiful...magical....and so hard to catch.
She laughed pointlessly at the thought, tilting her head back and letting her long tangled mane of coal black hair fall down her back. It had only been...what...three days? Yet it had seemed like a life time to her already. A life time without her....and that was good for?
The shadows contuined to dance along the wall, her eyes drawn to the tortured figures. The confused and not so sober mind coming to a sort of quiet peace for the moment. Content with thinking of nothing...least of all of her and what was. Watching...as one of the shadows detacted itself from the wall and started to dance towards her.
It couldn't be....she had lost everything.
In one moment of stupidty she had thrown out the best thing in her entire life. In one moment of sorrow....confusion...she had stupidly confessed her love to another. To another girl whom which hardly ever dared to cross her thoughts anymore. For how could she when all she could think about...all she could breathe...was her own princess...her Kakyuu... "Iie..." fighter breathed, looking down at her hands as they were clentched tightly in her hands. Angry with herself for not being strong enough for the princess. For not being there when she needed her the most. "I failed her...so maybe I did deserve to lose her love. D...demo...."
The shadow danced closer as a figure started to emerge. The dance slowing to a graceful walk, long slender legs forming underneath the gently swaying of a thin night gown. Deep, blood red hair lightly spilling over the figure's shoulders, curling up against her bare shoulders. Her young, yet so gracious figure's outline shadowed through the thin material as she came to a slow stop in front of Fighter. Casting her deep crimsion eyes downwards, she remained silent to the senshi.
Glancing up Fighter frowned a little sadly, her hands starting to tremble, "Princess....gomen ne...I failed you so many times, ne?" her voice quivering with raw pain as she looked back down at her hands, a small bottle clentched tightly within them.
Running her hands over the torn label she sniffled slightly, trying vainly to fight the tears as they welled up in her eyes. "Could you ever fogive me princess....I have always loved you....always..." she whispered, her fingers fiddeling with the lid until she was able to updo it and carelessly let the plastic top fall to the floor.
The firgure stood in front of her silently, almost like a shadow. Beautiful, yet lifeless. Watching. Waiting.
Fighter laughed slightly, starting to feel sick to her stomach. "Will things never get any easier?" she frowned and tilted the bottle to the side, letting two sleeping pills slid out before poping them into her mouth, "I am haunted....yet I want to be." she looked up at the silent figure.
And although the figure remained still and silent, Fighter seemed to hear the unspoken words and answered. "How could I have ever loved another? You had always been everything I wanted...always will be. When I first gave up my life to serve you, I knew I was in love with you. I would have given anything for you...anything."
The light flickered slightly as the night teadeously pressed on. Allowing those who dreamt of hope smile sweetly in their dreams. And allowing those who were haunted by the beautiful shadows of their pasts, be haunted. It was a cycle of sweet dreams and nightmares. Never ending.....
Laughing again, fighter fell back on the bed. Tilting her head to the side and trying to hold down her sudden nausia....maybe she hadn't of drunk so much after all...it was starting to get to her. Looking over at the silent mockery of the one she loved so much, she poped another few sleeping pills into her mouth, swallowing them and praying for sleep to steal her away. It was a sweet torture to look at the figure. Just as the real thing had been. So close and so angelic...yet out of her reach and never hers. In a way she hated Healer for being able to love Kakyuu as she had....and so much more. The other senshi had had the ability to only love their princess and never once broke her heart.
The figure watched silently, taking another step to the bed and standing like a pale angel of death beside it. Leaning over slightly and looking down at fighter as she layed sprawled out on the bed. Her beautiful eyes beginning to become blood shot, her hands still shaking as she placed the bottle to her lips and swallowed the rest of the pills.
"P...princess..." she sighed softly...feeling a sort of odd peace overtaking her...sleep...."Please....sleep with me tonight...ne?" her voice cracked and she gently closed her eyes.
The figure still did not speak, but merely leaned down. Placing her non existant lips up against Fighter's, before not being once again, taking a part of Fighter with her as she went.
The candle burned out.
*~
Three funerals in two weeks.
The kingdom had come to a sort of hopeless ruin. The thoughts never verberally spoken, but were clearly shown in the people's eyes. The throne was left bare...the people unruled and confused. Two of the guardians to the princess had killed themselves, spawning copy cats of their death as many people lost their hope. Their faith in a world without light...or happiness. It had seemed that everything was dying and taking a worse tow on their kingdom then Choas had. No one knew exaclty what to do about the governs of the land. Were they to leave their kingdom unruled? Were they to vote in a new queen? And if so, would the people accept her as they lovingly had Kakyuu? Never before had something so horrid happened to Kinmoku-sei. Never had their hope so litterly been ripped from them in an instant.
Maker had tried to help....but she found her thoughts muddled, slow and clouded with other thoughts. Thoughts mainly of her princess. Oh kami-sama how she missed her more as each passing day went by. It was just like losing her over and over again each morning she woke up and the first valid thought within her mind was that she was no longer there. It was a raw nerve inside of her that seemed to grow deeper everyday. A pain that she thought might never go away.
And then there had been the death of her friends....her two best friends with whom she had loved as well. Not nearly as dear as she had loved her princess...but loved just the same. Had they not been through so much together? Yet...even then they still had their princess. And it was so true that without their princess they didn't have a meaning to live. She had never been more serious when she had uttered those words to the senshi of earth. For...now it had become pointless.
Days of muddeled nonsense rose from the blandness of each day that seemed to slowly pass onto the next. Life had always been full of unfair decisions that had been made by one person or the other. The unfair ruin of their planet by the cold hand of chaos. The ruiling body who goverened that a princess' love could only go to that of a soul of equal or higher position. Giving Healer and Kakyuu's secert love no chance to really blossom. And the decision, that when needed the most, their princess had been taken from them. If ever Maker was to find herself angry, she found it in the lonliness of the night. Everyone....was gone and she was left without.
"Princess..."
Maker inhaled the sweet arouma of the sea spread out far below her. Whifs of the salty fragrance drifted up to her from the gentle night's breeze. The double moons hung low in the dark clouded sky. Stars whispering gently in the shadows of the over hanging clouds, drifting in and out of view teasingly, giving signs that the week's array of storms was slowly starting to break up. But it seemed as if the horrible storm within Maker would never cease. Always before she had been able to count upon her dear princess' strength to guide her life, to give her hope to move on.
Yet that strength was no longer there.
The soft fabric of her skirt billowed slighty in the wind. The gentle sway of the grass around her feet tickled the bare skin as she walked closer towards the edge of the rocky cliff. The sea churning far below them....seeming to call to her. Whispering out her name and begging to hold her in it's cold embrace. Reaching up a hand mindlessly, Maker allowed her long fingers to trail through her tangled hair, hooking underneath the band that bound her hair together and pulled it free. The wind picking up the strands and gently running it's invisible fingers through her hair, kissing her cheek and causing her to blush softly.
Closing her pale eyes, she thought back a moment. Yet...all things had been considered. Yes. It was now.
Opening her eyes once more, a peaceful smile graced her soft lips as she whispered, "Princess..." and took the last step she would ever take in this life time, the cliff left bare and silent as she welcomed the cold embrace from the sea below.
*~Eighteen years later*~
And behind the palace, nestled in the shadows of the garden, stood four faded tombstones. Three bodies resting side by side...even though their souls had long since passed on to their next lives. Birthing a peaceful hope that maybe...maybe this time...things would be better. And if not...there was always the next life....right?
The silence of the graves telling a story that no one wants to hear anymore. Now that their light has been returned to them once more. Yet it remains never the less. Unwaving....foretelling maybe. Yet it is a new cycle and maybe the sistes of fate will not be so cruel this time. Maybe destiny will allow for love, for life. The hope whispering gently through each night....
"Lets start all over....shall we?"
*~
The large room was bright. To bright it seemed. Tall, ornate columns seemed to loom around the room and just as equally tall stained glass windows were placed inbetween them. The colored glass giving a sort of unreal feeling to the room. Deep red and lavender tapestries hung elegentlly from column to column, adding a little contrast to the room brightness and feel.
The queen stood as the two large doors placed in the back of the room opened slowly and allowed two guards to quickly enter. The pair bowing before her and glancing up at the tall lady in deep purple. The sash from her gown trailing low behind her, the bead attatched to her hair gently trembling as she nodded her consent. Standing up, the guard on the left spoke up, "They are here your highness."
"Then please bring them in." she spoke softly, her voice a gentle kiss of gentleness.
Bowing once more in respect, the two then got up and left the room to do her bidding.
"Mama..." a tiny voice piped up from behind her and the queen's face blossomed into a gentle, yet deeply loving smile as a small girl slid off the throne next to hers. "Who's coming?"
"Visitors." was the short answer, "And I want you to be nice to them, ne?" the queen smiled and placed her hand on top of her daughter's dark red head. "I'm sure you will like you."
And before anymore words could be exchanged, the guards returned through the large doors, the soft padding of extra feet echoing through the room. Bowing once more, the same guard spoke up, "My queen. Here they are." And with a nod from their queen's head, the two got up and left once more, closing the large doors behind them.
Peeking out from behind her mother curiously, the small girl blinked as she layed her eyes on the three guests. Children. Who had to be no older then her....yet they felt familuar...in an odd way. Almost like a secert she had been told before...but had forgotten what it was.
The queen smiled, amused at her daughter's sudden shyness and stepped aside slightly, "Darling...do not be so shy. I would like to introduce them to you."
Nodding slowly, but not moving from her hiding place behind her mother, the young princess watched the three carefully.
"This young girl is Nibanboshi Tokeiza, " The queen started. The girl in question stepping forward and smiling at the young princess. Her deep lavender eyes sparkling as she bowed in respect. "Now known as Sailor Star Maker."
Standing back up, Tokeiza stepped back in the comfort group of her two companions. Both of whom she had grown up with at the outskirts of the kingdom, her only two real friends she had in the world. Yet...she felt something for the strangely silent princess as she gazed at her curiously.
"Ichibanboshi Seito." The queen contuined on, a girl with long coal black hair and intresting blue eyes stepping forward and smiling boldly at the young princess. Bowing as well, she waited as the queen spoke up once more, "Now known as Sailor Star Fighter."
Seito strightened up and looked at the young princess with intrest. Unable to shake the warm tremble that curiously started to tickle the back of her spine as she looked at the girl. Feeling a bit uneast with the new feelings...yet aslo pleased. She was indeed very beautiful. Maybe someday...they could even hold hands.
Smiling to herself, Seito stepped back to stand next to Tokeiza as the last little girl took her turn and came forth.
The young princess blushed softly as the gentle lime green eyes looked into her own. A gentle familuar ache starting to make it's way into her young heart. But so young and unable to understand. Watching, she blushed as the silver haired new senshi bowed. " Hoshimawari Heikou." The queen introduced her, smiling happily at her daughter, "Now known at Sailor Star Healer."
As Heikou lifted her eyes to glance at the princess again, she felt the warmth of her wonderful shine touching her soul. And even though she was so young....maybe even to young to really understand. She fell in love with the young girl...just by their first meeting.
"Darling," The queen smiled and looked sideways over at her hiding daughter, "These are your personal guardians. The Sailor
Starlights."
Blinking a few times, the princess knew that it was only proper for her to formally introduce herself as well. Taking a small breath, she came out from behind her mother and stood in front of the three smiling girls and curtseyed, glancing up at them with deep crimsion eyes. Her long dark red hair spilling over her shoulders as she almost whispered, "I'm Hinotama Kidai, imperial princess to Kinmoku-sei."
The circle had started once more....
*~
FYI- Do you really except them to have the same names every time they are reborn? :
Nibanboshi- second star of the evening
Tokeiza- the Clock star
ichibanboshi- the first star to appear in the evening
Seito- star
Hoshimawari- one's star; one's fortune or destiny
Heikou- parallel (parallel destiny : )
Hinotama- falling star; fireball
Kidai- rare; uncommon (uncommon falling star; fireball)
Comments on the story or my writing style? Suggestions of new storys or how to improve mine? Please no flames, their pointless...bring it up as a suggestion. : Then please do feel free to email me all you want. Email your little heart out ^.~