Forever Hold Your Peace
The doorbell rang as Andromeda Tonks was putting one-year-old Nymphadora down for her afternoon nap. She hurried to the door and opened it, to find her younger sister, Narcissa Black on the doorstep.
"Narcissa, what a surprise." Andromeda's voice faltered at the greeting. After marrying the Muggle-born Ted Tonks the year after she left Hogwarts, she had not seen or spoken to a single member of her family. Her cousin Sirius had sent a gift and a note of congratulations, but other than him Andromeda had been cut off entirely from the Black clan. The six years of silence had not greatly troubled her, though it occasionally pained her that both of her sisters and mother hadn't even bothered to owl her a letter. Even a recrimination would have been welcome, but none had been forthcoming. The letters she sent to her parents' house always came back unopened.
So it was rather a surprise to find her sister on her doorstep. Narcissa had been eleven the last time Andromeda had seen her, and it startled her to see the little girl now a woman. Narcissa had been a pretty child, as had all the Black girls, but now she was inarguably beautiful. The light blond hair of her childhood had darkened into a dark gold color, and was now worn shoulder length and tapered slightly in the front. Her eyes were the same light blue, and her features were as sharp and pretty as they ever were. But now she had a knockout figure, which was definitely something new. Narcissa definitely favored their mother in the looks department, as did Andromeda.
"Andromeda." Narcissa smiled at her. Andromeda thought she detected a waver of uncertainty, but it was gone before she could be sure it was there. "May I come in?"
"Certainly," Andromeda stepped back and let her sister in the house. She started to lead her to the kitchen, but stopped when she remembered the pile of dirty dishes waiting to be cleaned. She changed her mind midroute and took her to the sitting room instead. She didn't know why she cared about what Narcissa thought of her house, she knew that it shouldn't matter. But somehow she couldn't stand the thought of her little sister, barely an adult, looking down on her housekeeping skills.
The two sisters sat across from each other in the sitting room; Narcissa on the sofa, Andromeda in a low armchair. Narcissa opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again, looking awkward. Andromeda, seeing this, decided to be blunt.
"Why are you here, Narcissa?"
"Well..." Narcissa hesitated, then began speaking. "I'm getting married this weekend, Andromeda, and I want you to come to the wedding."
Andromeda was nonplused at her sister's words. She hadn't seen Narcissa for six years, and now here she was with an invitation to her wedding. Plus, as far as Andromeda could remember, Narcissa was just as bad as their parents and older sister Bellatrix about purity of blood. The invitation to her wedding, which would no doubt be to a respectable pureblood man, was totally out of character for her sister.
"Why would you invite me? Haven't I sullied the Black name sufficiently for you?" Andromeda tried to keep the bitterness out of her voice but failed rather desperately.
"Well, I have to admit that I don't agree with your choice of in- laws, but I'm willing to put my feelings aside for one day. It is a special occasion, after all."
Andromeda gazed at her sister intently for a moment, but Narcissa's placid expression gave nothing away. But she didn't believe for a moment that her sister came here just to bury the hatchet. Narcissa had never done anything purely out of benevolence, even as a small child.
"Who are you marrying?" Andromeda asked, unable to think of anything else to say.
"Lucius Malfoy," Narcissa answered, her neutral expression giving away to a soft smile. She obviously loves him, thought Andromeda through her shock. Suddenly the invitation to the wedding made sense. Lucius would want her there to rub it in her face. This whole visit of Narcissa's was probably his doing.
"You knew him at Hogwarts, didn't you?" asked Narcissa, noting her surprise. "He's mentioned you a couple of times." Andromeda was sure that he had. Lucius would have reveled in talking about her with Narcissa. He would have casually brought her up, dropped hints here and there, and delighted in the fact that Narcissa had no idea just how well they knew each other.
"Don't marry him, Cissy," Andromeda said abruptly. Narcissa looked at her in astonishment, probably surprised at the sharp tone of voice and the use of her childhood nickname.
"Why on earth not? He's perfect," Narcissa said in a hurt voice. "I thought you'd be happy for me." Andromeda sighed inwardly, and went to sit by her sister on the sofa. She took one of her sister's hands and squeezed it.
"Narcissa, I don't want to hurt you. But Lucius Malfoy is not what he seems. Don't marry him, I swear to you that he will just hurt you." Andromeda looked imploringly at her sister, hoping she hadn't completely fallen for his lies yet. Maybe something he had done had sewn the seeds of doubt in her mind, as had happened with Andromeda so long ago.
"What are you talking about? Lucius has been nothing but good to me." Narcissa looked at her as though she had lost her mind, but now Andromeda could see suspicion beginning to glint in her eyes.
Andromeda bit her lip and looked at the ground, trying to think of the easiest way to tell her this. No matter how she said it, Narcissa was going to be more hurt and angry.
"Narcissa, did Lucius tell you that him and I had a, er, a relationship when we went to Hogwarts together?" Andromeda watched her sister's face as she told her this. Narcissa looked angry, yes, and betrayed. But Andromeda saw so signs of shock. Narcissa didn't even seem slightly startled. So she figured it out, Andromeda thought, I wonder if Lucius knows that he's already lost her trust. I bet he wasn't planning on that.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Narcissa now said briskly, standing up. "I think I'll leave now."
"Narcissa, don't do this," Andromeda stood as well, and followed her sister as she began walking quickly toward the door. "I just wanted to warn you. He's not honest and he enjoys hurting people... Don't destroy your life by marrying him."
"I can take care of myself," Narcissa snapped as she opened the door. "And Lucius isn't half as dangerous as you think he is. I don't know what he was like when you knew him, but he treats me very well." With that she went out to the sidewalk and slammed the door behind her. Andromeda sighed, then went into the kitchen to make coffee.
Lucius Malfoy. Andromeda still shuddered at hearing the name. She hadn't seen him since Hogwarts, but he was never far from her thoughts. Her relationship with the man had changed her life permanently.
**********
They had gotten together at the end of fifth year, and Andromeda had thought she had found the perfect boyfriend. He was rich, popular, smart, and funny. True, he could be cruel to people who weren't in Slytherin House, or the lower class students in Slytherin, but he had always been wonderful to her. In the early months of their relationship, he was everything she could ever want. He was attentive, and loving, and made her feel like she was the most important person in the world to him. She even thought she was in love with him by the fourth month of their relationship.
Then things between them started to change. They had been going out for about sixth months when Andromeda began to notice that Lucius was, for a lack of a better word, pushy when it came to sex. He became upset when she didn't want to do the things he wanted, and she found herself making herself to go farther than she wanted to please him. But she still believed that he cared for her, and that he would never hurt her. She actually quite enjoyed some of the things they did together. And after all, he made her happy. Why shouldn't she give him what he wanted?
But the small feeling of unease that started with the first time he had touched her where she didn't want to be touched worsened the longer she was with him. He began trying to control other parts of her life as well. He disapproved of most of her friends, and would become so upset when she talked to them that she pretty much stopped speaking to anyone. It was better like that anyway. Now she had more time to spend with him, like he wanted. She ignored the overwhelming feelings of loneliness and jealousy when she saw her former friends laughing and joking in class and the common room. Why would she feel jealous of them? They didn't have a great boyfriend who would do anything for them. They didn't have Lucius.
Andromeda had been going out with Lucius for almost a year when she began fear him.
It was after their last exam of the day, History of Magic, and they were in his dormitory. He had kicked his dorm mates out for a couple of hours so they could have a little privacy. They were lying on his bed on their sides, snogging and fooling around a little. She was enjoying herself fully until he tried to remove her robes.
"Lucius, don't," Andromeda said, sitting up. "I don't want to do that yet."
"If not now, then when?" Lucius sat up as well, and Andromeda winced at the anger in his voice. "Listen, Andie, it's going to happen eventually, why not now?"
"It's too soon, that's why," Andromeda answered him, feeling upset. He knew that she was nervous about going all the way, why was he being a git about it? "I need to study for the Potions final, I'll see you later."
Andromeda tried to stand up to leave, but Lucius grabbed her arm, and pulled her to him.
"Don't leave yet, honey," he muttered, then kissed her hard. She tried to pull away, which just made him hold her even tighter. She looked at him in fear, and he smiled at her.
"Please? It'll make me happy." Andromeda hesitated, not knowing what to do. He kissed her again and put a hand on her breast, caressing her softly. She sighed softly and leaned against his chest.
"You'll stop if it hurts?"
"Of course I will. I wouldn't want to hurt you." He kissed her one more time.
Andromeda let Lucius remove her clothing, feeling excited but scared. She wasn't sure if she wanted to do this, but she wanted to make him happy. And some part of her was really looking forward to it. But as they lay on the bed, her mother's voice came to mind. Save it for the man who matters was what her mother had told her since an early age. Save it for your husband, because once you do it you can't go back, and no man wants a tart for a wife.
But it was too late now. When he pushed inside of her she forgot about her mother's words. She wrapped her arms around him and closed her eyes. It didn't hurt as much as she had feared, but neither was it pleasant. It was uncomfortable, and she didn't like his weight on top of her. After a couple moments she wanted it to end, but she didn't dare ask him to stop. She knew in the back of her mind that he wouldn't.
When it was over he collapsed on top of her, breathing heavily. She tolerated his weight for a moment, but then began to struggle. Displeased, he got off of her, and sat glaring as she put her clothing on.
"What's the rush, darling?" he snarled. Andromeda's hands shook slightly as she snapped on her bra. She didn't know why, but she didn't want to look at him.
"I need to study for Potions, remember?" She pulled her shirt on, then risked a glance at Lucius. He had pulled his shorts on, and was leaning against the headboard looking utterly relaxed. The anger had gone as quickly as it had come. He held one arm out to her and beckoned.
"Come here, Andie," he said softly. She hesitated, then crawled over the bed and leaned against him. He stroked her hair, and kissed the top of her head softly. "Are you okay?" he asked gently. She nodded her head, not feeling safe to tell him what was really bothering her. She didn't even truly want to know the answer to her question. What would he have done if she hadn't agreed to have sex with him? If she had kept struggling, refused to do what he wanted, would he have forced her? The feeling of unease that had plagued her for months had turned into real fear. She didn't feel safe with him anymore. The fact that she couldn't trust him made her want to weep.
A few weeks later, Andromeda was talking to Benjamin Nott about their respective plans for vacation. It was the last day of the term, and she was feeling melancholy, as she always did at the end of term. She felt worse this year than she had ever before, and she wasn't sure why. Maybe it was because she could no longer depend on invitations to visit from friends during the vacation. Maybe it was the fact that she didn't really have friends anymore. Benjamin was the only person who would talk to her now, and the only reason he could get away with it was because he was Lucius's friend. Lucius didn't particularly like her talking to him, but he hadn't forbidden it yet, so Andromeda thought it would be okay. Then she saw Lucius striding across the grounds toward them both, fury in his eyes. Apparently her assumption had been very faulty. Benjamin saw Lucius a split second after she did, and went instantly pale.
"What did I tell you, Nott?" Lucius snapped at Benjamin. The other boy opened his mouth, then closed it again, seemingly speechless. "Get out of my sight!" Lucius spat, and Benjamin immediately complied. Then Lucius turned to Andromeda. Inwardly she trembled at the cold anger in his eyes, but she kept an appearance of calm, not wanting to upset him further.
"We were just talking, Lucius, there's nothing for you to be angry abou-" Andromeda's words were cut off by the hard slap to her cheek. She staggered, putting a hand to her face in amazement. Lucius, who had promised never to hurt her, had actually struck her. Dumbfounded, she stood staring at him stupidly.
"Look what you made me do!" Lucius moved toward her again, but she backed up automatically, cringing. "That was your fault for being a slut! I don't like it when you lead on guys like that!"
"Darling, I wasn't leading him on, we were just talking." Andromeda tried not to cry, but she couldn't stop the couple tears that escaped to run down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." She couldn't help herself then; she began to cry hard. Doubling over with sobs, she turned to leave, hoping he wouldn't try to follow. But she felt his hand on her shoulder, and she flinched away. He then grabbed her roughly and pulled her into an embrace. They stood there for a couple moments, her sobbing and him holding her, until Lucius began to speak.
"I'm sorry Andie, that was way out of line." Andromeda said nothing, and Lucius continued. "It's just that I love you so, and I can't stand the thought of anybody taking you away from me." Andromeda still remained silent, but her mind was reeling. It was the first time he had ever told her that he loved her. If he meant it, maybe what he had done could be forgiven. Maybe it wasn't his fault, it was hers. She really shouldn't have been talking to another guy, and her body language could have been misleading...Benjamin could have gotten the wrong idea. In that case, maybe Lucius was justified in doing what he did.
"I shouldn't have been talking to him, darling, you're right," Andromeda pulled away slightly and looked up at Lucius's contrite face. "It wasn't your fault." He nodded and kissed her on the nose.
"My fault or not, I won't be doing that again." He said this with such authority that Andromeda couldn't help but believe him.
The fear wasn't dispelled completely, though. Andromeda visited Lucius several times over the summer, but she could never feel the same toward him as she did before. She witnessed the utter lack of respect that his father treated his mother, and trembled at the thought of what that said about Lucius. If he had grown up with that, it was no wonder he was treating her poorly. He probably didn't know that he was doing was wrong.
The next year at Hogwarts was the unhappiest Andromeda had ever faced. Lucius was more suspicious than ever, and the abuse was slowly escalating. She was afraid to talk to anyone, male or female, because of Lucius's jealousy. If she talked to a male, he assumed she was interested in him; if she spoke to a female, he claimed she was spreading lies about him. The only person she was allowed to talk to was her sister Bellatrix, who was in second year, and even those conversations were usually closely watched.
Andromeda simply didn't know what to do. She couldn't go to a teacher for, because she was sure they would do nothing to help her. The Malfoys were a very powerful family, and an accusation of abuse against the heir to their fortune would have been scoffed at. It probably wouldn't even merit an investigation by Magical Law Enforcement.
Lucius began to become more rough with her as the year progressed. Slaps for saying something he didn't like became common, and every once and awhile he would throw her against the wall or on the ground. He was always remorseful after hurting her, so apologetic that Andromeda couldn't help but forgive him. After all, didn't she always provoke his attacks? He never hit her without cause.
Andromeda vaguely considered leaving him, but the idea was almost ludicrous to her. She loved him, didn't she? And if she could learn how to act like she was supposed to, then he would stop hitting her, she hoped. Still, the possibility of leaving nagged at her brain every time she was with him. When they were kissing or touching, and he was gentle as anything, and she scoffed at the idea. Why would she leave him, when he had the capacity to be so loving and tender? But at other times, when she had to heal a bruised lip, or a black eye, she wondered what she was holding onto. Nothing was worth being hurt like this.
Then there was the incident that terrified her, the one that made her truly realize that she had to leave him. It was a matter or life or death.
It was the day that the Christmas holidays began, and Lucius had decided that she should stay at Hogwarts with him.
"I'll be bored, Andie. No one else is staying," he said as he gently kissed along her collarbone. They were in his dorm room again, lying on his bed. Andromeda ignored the shivers of enjoyment that coursed through her at his kisses, and pushed him away.
"I can't, my parents wanted me to come with them to their holiday home in America. They'll be ever so disappointed if I don't come." Ignoring her words, Lucius pulled her closer to him on the bed and began kissing her neck.
"We'll have the whole dungeon to ourselves," he said in a low throaty voice. Shuddering in pleasure, Andromeda leaned back, allowing his lips to travel down her throat to her chest. "Think of what we can do with a little private time, Andie."
The idea did sound tempting-the sex had greatly improved since the first time-but Andromeda knew she couldn't give up her family obligations for him. She felt a prickle of irritation at his persistence, enjoyable as it was. He knew that she couldn't drop everything for him.
"I really can't, darling." She disengaged from his arms and stood up, buttoning her shirt as she did. "Actually, I should really start packing."
Andromeda began to walk toward he door, but she then sensed Lucius getting off the bed. She turned to placate him, but suddenly found herself pinned against the wall, his hands around her neck.
"Baby-" she began to plead, but he squeezed, and she saw dark spots in the air. He moved closer to her, pressing her to the wall with his body.
"Don't you dare walk away while I'm talking to you, you bloody cunt," he hissed in her ear. He tightened his fingers until Andromeda made a strangled sound of protest. "You are going to spend the holidays with me. Do you understand that?"
Terrified and unable to speak, Andromeda nodded. Lucius grinned and let up the pressure on her throat, but left his hands loosely around her neck. He then leaned in for a kiss, pressing even harder against her. Then she felt his hands leave her neck and wrap around her waist. Andromeda noticed, as he rubbed his body against her that he was very aroused. This distressed her almost as much as the choking had. If he enjoyed hurting her, if he got off on abuse, then what was stopping him from doing it all the time? It terrified her to no end that such incidents might become common.
She slowly pulled away then, hoping not to anger Lucius again.
"I need to tell Bellatrix that I won't be coming back home with her." She tried not to tremble, hoping against hope he wouldn't be suspicious. But apparently he thought she had been scared sufficiently, because he nodded and went to sit on his bed.
"I'll be waiting," he said, then winked at her with a smile. Andromeda forced a smile, repressing the revulsion that made her stomach roll. Why was it that she had never noticed how cruel his smile was? She turned to walk out of the room, forcing herself not to run. As she walked to the second year dorms, her brain was racing with what to do. She knew now that she could never stay with him, it simply wasn't safe. She had known that before, but she hadn't wanted to admit it. Now she was in trouble, and was desperately in need of help from someone stronger than herself.
Andromeda decided on telling Bellatrix, and asking her to tell their parents. There was no way she could leave now, not after what had just happened. There was no telling what Lucius would do if she openly defied him. Her only hope was to let her parents know, and trust that they would protect her. Her parents were rather cold and remote, especially her father, but they were protective. Her father would never deliberately allow harm to come to her. The Black family was almost as influential as the Malfoys, and almost as rich, so she was fairly certain that her father wouldn't be afraid of the repercussions of fingering a Malfoy for violence. At least she hoped he wouldn't be.
Her footsteps became faster and faster the farther from Lucius that she got, so when she reached the second year dorms she was at a full scale run. She found Bellatrix alone, packing her suitcase. Her sister looked up as Andromeda barged into the room, breathing heavily and trembling from head to foot.
"Bella, I really need some help," Andromeda panted, sinking onto the nearest bed. Bellatrix looked at her for a moment, then sat next to her on the bed.
"He really hurt you this time, didn't he?" Andromeda looked at her in shock. She hadn't thought anyone knew. "Oh come on, Andromeda. He's been hitting you this entire school year. I wondered when he would do something drastic like this." Bella pointed at the newly forming bruises on Andromeda's neck. "He could have killed you."
Andromeda shook her head in protest, but in her heart she knew that her sister's words were true. Then Bellatrix spoke again.
"What would you like me to do? I know some good hexes. There's this one that will make him unable to perform for weeks. Knowing Lucius, I'm sure that would break his heart." Andromeda giggled at this, and found that she couldn't stop laughing. She doubled over at the waist, hysterically trying to get her breath back. Bellatrix watched her impassively as her laughs changed to sobs, then put a hand on her shoulder.
"I'm st-staying over Christmas break at Hogwarts. I have to, he said so." Andromeda drew in a shuddering, tearful breath of air, then went on. "I'm so scared, Bella. Will you ask Father to help me? I can't stop him." Bellatrix squeezed her shoulder kindly. This was the most affection that Bellatrix had ever shown anyone in her entire life, as far as Andromeda knew, and it helped calm Andromeda down. She felt safer now. Even though Bellatrix was only twelve, she exhibited an air of authority that made Andromeda feel as though she had everything under control.
"I'll talk to Father about him. But I'll have you know that if it were me, he wouldn't be alive after the first time he tried to hit me." Andromeda totally believed her sister. Bellatrix was strong, and would never let a man rule her like that. For the first time in her life, Andromeda found herself in awe of her sister's strength.
Bellatrix went home then and Andromeda stayed at Hogwarts, going back to Lucius's room and submitting to him one last time. But the next day two letters arrived in the morning mail. One was for Lucius, from his father. Andromeda never saw what was in the letter, but she saw Lucius's expression darken as he read it, and watched him storm out of the Great Hall in a fearful rage.
Andromeda's letter was from her father as well, and it simply told her that she was to come home immediately on the Knight Bus. This she did, and when she arrived home she found her father waiting in the sitting room. Cornelio Black didn't say a word, didn't mention what had happened to her. He simply took his oldest and most loved daughter in his arms, and held her close.
Andromeda marred Ted Tonks the next year. Loving, gentle, but so very boring Ted Tonks. She had her fill of danger and excitement, she now needed a man she could trust to be good to her, who would be a good husband and a loving father. He was Muggle-born, but Andromeda found, as she grew to know him, that Muggle-borns were not subhuman, as her family would have her believe.
Ted fulfilled her need for love and attention, and she began to love him back. After a couple years of marriage, she even stopped flinching when he came up behind her and kissed her neck. She loved his gentleness, the way that she could wholly believe him when he said he could never hurt her.
But every once in a while, when she couldn't sleep, she found herself missing Lucius's touch. She missed the power of him when they made love, and she missed the way he made her feel. Ted, as good a person he was, just couldn't satisfy her like Lucius had. The edge of danger was missing, the excitement. Sex with Ted, while loving, was unoriginal and boring.
Eventually she learned to accept that she would never be free of Lucius, that he would always be what she longed for. She loved Ted, but she couldn't get over her first love. He would be with her forever.
******
That night at dinner Andromeda was quiet, and unable to concentrate on what Ted was saying. He was telling her about some disappearances and killings, how He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was responsible. It was a topic that scared her deeply, being married to a Muggle-born and being the mother of a child with "impure" blood, but for some reason she couldn't summon up the energy to care like she should. Ted noticed her inattention, and eventually quit trying to talk to her. They finished the meal in silence.
After the chores were done, Andromeda decided to turn in early. When she reached the bedroom, however, she saw the Daily Prophet on the bed where Ted had thrown it, lying open on the celebrity section. There was a picture of Narcissa, decked out in beautiful dress robes and jewelry. With her was Lucius.
Andromeda felt as though her heart had stopped. She hadn't laid eyes on Lucius since leaving Hogwarts, and there he was with one arm around her baby sister, smiling that cruel smile. Most of her felt loathing, but a very small part of her heart wanted to be Narcissa. The part that missed his hands at night wanted to be the one in his arms, going to become his wife.
Ted came into the room while she was petrified, staring at the newspaper.
"What's wrong, dear?" he asked, anxiously putting a hand on her shoulder.
"N-nothing, Ted. I'm just fine." She shrugged his hand of her shoulder, and turned toward him, pasting a fake smile on her face. Ted wasn't fooled, however, and she knew it.
"Andromeda, you know you can tell me anything, don't you?" he asked her as he took her in his arms and gave her gentle hug. But as he did, his eyes alighted on the Daily Prophet, and he suddenly understood.
"Lucius Malfoy is marrying your sister. That's why you've been acting odd tonight," he said, not as a question, but a statement. Ted knew that she had dated Lucius, and knew that he had been abusive, but he had no idea how she still felt about him.
"Narcissa came here today and invited me to the wedding," Andromeda whispered, leaning against his shoulder and closing her eyes. She felt him stiffen slightly. Her family was always a sore point with him. Ted hated to be reminded of the fact that a large portion of the wizarding world hated him because of his blood.
"Do you want to go?" he asked this in a would-be careless voice, but Andromeda could hear the tension underneath the fake unconcern. She sighed.
"I do, just to show that I'm not ashamed of how I married. That I'm not ashamed of you." Andromeda kissed Ted on the nose and held him tighter. That was part of the reason she wanted go, but she mostly wanted to show Lucius that he hadn't beaten her. She was stronger than to let him destroy her. And maybe she just wanted to see him.
"You have my blessing to go to the wedding, but I think you know that I won't come with you," Ted now stated. Andromeda had expected that reaction from him, and had no argument with him. The conversation was over then, as they understood each other perfectly.
Their love-making that night seemed desperate to Andromeda on Ted's part, as though he was afraid of losing her to her family. Or maybe it was fear of Lucius's power over her. Sometimes Andromeda felt Ted could read her mind. When Lucius crossed her mind, she would often glance over to see Ted gazing at her with an unreadable expression, as though he knew that she was thinking something she shouldn't.
But Ted needn't have worried about Lucius, because Andromeda knew she was stronger now. Lucius would never have the same hold on her ever again.
*******
The morning of the wedding Andromeda entered the church with her head held high, ignoring the stares and whispers. The wedding of the youngest members of the two most powerful wizarding families had attracted most of the wizarding population, it seemed, so there was plenty of opportunity for Andromeda to be gawked at.
The place was decked out in flowers and decorations as only a Malfoy- Black wedding could be. As she entered the chapel, her eyes immediately gravitated to Lucius, who had already taken his place in the front of the church. He saw her at the same moment, and she suspected that he had been watching for her. He tilted his head slightly in greeting, the same self- assured, evil smile on his lips as ever. She ignored this, and went to the bride's side of the chapel, finding a seat next to Bellatrix. Her strong sister seemed to not be able to see her, and kept staring straight ahead. It was the same for the rest of the family. Except for her mother. She caught her eye for a split second , and saw the depth of her sadness and rage. She looked away immediately, feeling ashamed even though she had told Ted that she wasn't. Her mother had done everything for her in life, and she had repaid her with betrayal. Even though she knew that her family was wrong about the purity of blood, she couldn't help feeling dirty.
As the ceremony started, Andromeda felt strangely removed from reality, This couldn't be happening. Her ex-boyfriend, whom she still loved deep inside, could not be marrying her little sister. It felt like a dream.
Andromeda stood with everyone else as Narcissa entered the chapel, looking lovelier than ever in an incredibly expensive wedding robe. Andromeda surreptitiously glanced at Lucius, and realized with a shock that he wasn't even watching his bride walk up the aisle. He was instead gazing at her, with an amused expression on his face. She felt a hot surge of anger, and abruptly wanted to run to the front of the church and hit him with Avada Kedavra.
Andromeda forced her eyes of Lucius, and watched Narcissa take her place in front of the pastor. Lucius wasn't watching her anymore, but that infuriating smile was still on his lips. It was the same smile he had worn after he had almost strangled her. It was a smile of self-satisfaction at getting his own way yet again.
She managed not to go mad during the ceremony, until the pastor looked out into the audience.
"If anyone here today knows a reason why these two should not be wed, let them speak now or forever hold their peace."
Andromeda felt those words ring in her head, as she imagined jumping up and screaming. They shouldn't be wed because he is just using her. Their marriage would be a sham, for she is just a substitute for me. Lucius always gets what he wants, but he shouldn't get this. He shouldn't be allowed to destroy her life to satisfy his anger at me. I wouldn't be surprised if he called her by my name in bed...
But Andromeda kept her mouth shut, and the marriage progressed. Andromeda saw the absolute joy on Narcissa's face as Lucius slipped the wedding band on her finger, and the rage she had forced away came back in full force. That should be me, the part of her that she tried to keep subdued whined in her ear. That should be me up there with him.
********
That night, Andromeda tucked her baby into bed and smoothed the soft hair back from Nymphadora's forehead. She stood over the crib, just looking at the baby for a moment, and she suddenly realized what she had known all along.
No matter how much I love and miss Lucius, there is no way I would give up my baby and my husband for him, she thought, planting a kiss on her daughter's tiny cheek. This is love, this comfort and joy. What he gave me, what he might be giving Narcissa, will never be worth this.
And as Andromeda snuggled against her husband that night, she knew that those words were the truth.
The doorbell rang as Andromeda Tonks was putting one-year-old Nymphadora down for her afternoon nap. She hurried to the door and opened it, to find her younger sister, Narcissa Black on the doorstep.
"Narcissa, what a surprise." Andromeda's voice faltered at the greeting. After marrying the Muggle-born Ted Tonks the year after she left Hogwarts, she had not seen or spoken to a single member of her family. Her cousin Sirius had sent a gift and a note of congratulations, but other than him Andromeda had been cut off entirely from the Black clan. The six years of silence had not greatly troubled her, though it occasionally pained her that both of her sisters and mother hadn't even bothered to owl her a letter. Even a recrimination would have been welcome, but none had been forthcoming. The letters she sent to her parents' house always came back unopened.
So it was rather a surprise to find her sister on her doorstep. Narcissa had been eleven the last time Andromeda had seen her, and it startled her to see the little girl now a woman. Narcissa had been a pretty child, as had all the Black girls, but now she was inarguably beautiful. The light blond hair of her childhood had darkened into a dark gold color, and was now worn shoulder length and tapered slightly in the front. Her eyes were the same light blue, and her features were as sharp and pretty as they ever were. But now she had a knockout figure, which was definitely something new. Narcissa definitely favored their mother in the looks department, as did Andromeda.
"Andromeda." Narcissa smiled at her. Andromeda thought she detected a waver of uncertainty, but it was gone before she could be sure it was there. "May I come in?"
"Certainly," Andromeda stepped back and let her sister in the house. She started to lead her to the kitchen, but stopped when she remembered the pile of dirty dishes waiting to be cleaned. She changed her mind midroute and took her to the sitting room instead. She didn't know why she cared about what Narcissa thought of her house, she knew that it shouldn't matter. But somehow she couldn't stand the thought of her little sister, barely an adult, looking down on her housekeeping skills.
The two sisters sat across from each other in the sitting room; Narcissa on the sofa, Andromeda in a low armchair. Narcissa opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again, looking awkward. Andromeda, seeing this, decided to be blunt.
"Why are you here, Narcissa?"
"Well..." Narcissa hesitated, then began speaking. "I'm getting married this weekend, Andromeda, and I want you to come to the wedding."
Andromeda was nonplused at her sister's words. She hadn't seen Narcissa for six years, and now here she was with an invitation to her wedding. Plus, as far as Andromeda could remember, Narcissa was just as bad as their parents and older sister Bellatrix about purity of blood. The invitation to her wedding, which would no doubt be to a respectable pureblood man, was totally out of character for her sister.
"Why would you invite me? Haven't I sullied the Black name sufficiently for you?" Andromeda tried to keep the bitterness out of her voice but failed rather desperately.
"Well, I have to admit that I don't agree with your choice of in- laws, but I'm willing to put my feelings aside for one day. It is a special occasion, after all."
Andromeda gazed at her sister intently for a moment, but Narcissa's placid expression gave nothing away. But she didn't believe for a moment that her sister came here just to bury the hatchet. Narcissa had never done anything purely out of benevolence, even as a small child.
"Who are you marrying?" Andromeda asked, unable to think of anything else to say.
"Lucius Malfoy," Narcissa answered, her neutral expression giving away to a soft smile. She obviously loves him, thought Andromeda through her shock. Suddenly the invitation to the wedding made sense. Lucius would want her there to rub it in her face. This whole visit of Narcissa's was probably his doing.
"You knew him at Hogwarts, didn't you?" asked Narcissa, noting her surprise. "He's mentioned you a couple of times." Andromeda was sure that he had. Lucius would have reveled in talking about her with Narcissa. He would have casually brought her up, dropped hints here and there, and delighted in the fact that Narcissa had no idea just how well they knew each other.
"Don't marry him, Cissy," Andromeda said abruptly. Narcissa looked at her in astonishment, probably surprised at the sharp tone of voice and the use of her childhood nickname.
"Why on earth not? He's perfect," Narcissa said in a hurt voice. "I thought you'd be happy for me." Andromeda sighed inwardly, and went to sit by her sister on the sofa. She took one of her sister's hands and squeezed it.
"Narcissa, I don't want to hurt you. But Lucius Malfoy is not what he seems. Don't marry him, I swear to you that he will just hurt you." Andromeda looked imploringly at her sister, hoping she hadn't completely fallen for his lies yet. Maybe something he had done had sewn the seeds of doubt in her mind, as had happened with Andromeda so long ago.
"What are you talking about? Lucius has been nothing but good to me." Narcissa looked at her as though she had lost her mind, but now Andromeda could see suspicion beginning to glint in her eyes.
Andromeda bit her lip and looked at the ground, trying to think of the easiest way to tell her this. No matter how she said it, Narcissa was going to be more hurt and angry.
"Narcissa, did Lucius tell you that him and I had a, er, a relationship when we went to Hogwarts together?" Andromeda watched her sister's face as she told her this. Narcissa looked angry, yes, and betrayed. But Andromeda saw so signs of shock. Narcissa didn't even seem slightly startled. So she figured it out, Andromeda thought, I wonder if Lucius knows that he's already lost her trust. I bet he wasn't planning on that.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Narcissa now said briskly, standing up. "I think I'll leave now."
"Narcissa, don't do this," Andromeda stood as well, and followed her sister as she began walking quickly toward the door. "I just wanted to warn you. He's not honest and he enjoys hurting people... Don't destroy your life by marrying him."
"I can take care of myself," Narcissa snapped as she opened the door. "And Lucius isn't half as dangerous as you think he is. I don't know what he was like when you knew him, but he treats me very well." With that she went out to the sidewalk and slammed the door behind her. Andromeda sighed, then went into the kitchen to make coffee.
Lucius Malfoy. Andromeda still shuddered at hearing the name. She hadn't seen him since Hogwarts, but he was never far from her thoughts. Her relationship with the man had changed her life permanently.
**********
They had gotten together at the end of fifth year, and Andromeda had thought she had found the perfect boyfriend. He was rich, popular, smart, and funny. True, he could be cruel to people who weren't in Slytherin House, or the lower class students in Slytherin, but he had always been wonderful to her. In the early months of their relationship, he was everything she could ever want. He was attentive, and loving, and made her feel like she was the most important person in the world to him. She even thought she was in love with him by the fourth month of their relationship.
Then things between them started to change. They had been going out for about sixth months when Andromeda began to notice that Lucius was, for a lack of a better word, pushy when it came to sex. He became upset when she didn't want to do the things he wanted, and she found herself making herself to go farther than she wanted to please him. But she still believed that he cared for her, and that he would never hurt her. She actually quite enjoyed some of the things they did together. And after all, he made her happy. Why shouldn't she give him what he wanted?
But the small feeling of unease that started with the first time he had touched her where she didn't want to be touched worsened the longer she was with him. He began trying to control other parts of her life as well. He disapproved of most of her friends, and would become so upset when she talked to them that she pretty much stopped speaking to anyone. It was better like that anyway. Now she had more time to spend with him, like he wanted. She ignored the overwhelming feelings of loneliness and jealousy when she saw her former friends laughing and joking in class and the common room. Why would she feel jealous of them? They didn't have a great boyfriend who would do anything for them. They didn't have Lucius.
Andromeda had been going out with Lucius for almost a year when she began fear him.
It was after their last exam of the day, History of Magic, and they were in his dormitory. He had kicked his dorm mates out for a couple of hours so they could have a little privacy. They were lying on his bed on their sides, snogging and fooling around a little. She was enjoying herself fully until he tried to remove her robes.
"Lucius, don't," Andromeda said, sitting up. "I don't want to do that yet."
"If not now, then when?" Lucius sat up as well, and Andromeda winced at the anger in his voice. "Listen, Andie, it's going to happen eventually, why not now?"
"It's too soon, that's why," Andromeda answered him, feeling upset. He knew that she was nervous about going all the way, why was he being a git about it? "I need to study for the Potions final, I'll see you later."
Andromeda tried to stand up to leave, but Lucius grabbed her arm, and pulled her to him.
"Don't leave yet, honey," he muttered, then kissed her hard. She tried to pull away, which just made him hold her even tighter. She looked at him in fear, and he smiled at her.
"Please? It'll make me happy." Andromeda hesitated, not knowing what to do. He kissed her again and put a hand on her breast, caressing her softly. She sighed softly and leaned against his chest.
"You'll stop if it hurts?"
"Of course I will. I wouldn't want to hurt you." He kissed her one more time.
Andromeda let Lucius remove her clothing, feeling excited but scared. She wasn't sure if she wanted to do this, but she wanted to make him happy. And some part of her was really looking forward to it. But as they lay on the bed, her mother's voice came to mind. Save it for the man who matters was what her mother had told her since an early age. Save it for your husband, because once you do it you can't go back, and no man wants a tart for a wife.
But it was too late now. When he pushed inside of her she forgot about her mother's words. She wrapped her arms around him and closed her eyes. It didn't hurt as much as she had feared, but neither was it pleasant. It was uncomfortable, and she didn't like his weight on top of her. After a couple moments she wanted it to end, but she didn't dare ask him to stop. She knew in the back of her mind that he wouldn't.
When it was over he collapsed on top of her, breathing heavily. She tolerated his weight for a moment, but then began to struggle. Displeased, he got off of her, and sat glaring as she put her clothing on.
"What's the rush, darling?" he snarled. Andromeda's hands shook slightly as she snapped on her bra. She didn't know why, but she didn't want to look at him.
"I need to study for Potions, remember?" She pulled her shirt on, then risked a glance at Lucius. He had pulled his shorts on, and was leaning against the headboard looking utterly relaxed. The anger had gone as quickly as it had come. He held one arm out to her and beckoned.
"Come here, Andie," he said softly. She hesitated, then crawled over the bed and leaned against him. He stroked her hair, and kissed the top of her head softly. "Are you okay?" he asked gently. She nodded her head, not feeling safe to tell him what was really bothering her. She didn't even truly want to know the answer to her question. What would he have done if she hadn't agreed to have sex with him? If she had kept struggling, refused to do what he wanted, would he have forced her? The feeling of unease that had plagued her for months had turned into real fear. She didn't feel safe with him anymore. The fact that she couldn't trust him made her want to weep.
A few weeks later, Andromeda was talking to Benjamin Nott about their respective plans for vacation. It was the last day of the term, and she was feeling melancholy, as she always did at the end of term. She felt worse this year than she had ever before, and she wasn't sure why. Maybe it was because she could no longer depend on invitations to visit from friends during the vacation. Maybe it was the fact that she didn't really have friends anymore. Benjamin was the only person who would talk to her now, and the only reason he could get away with it was because he was Lucius's friend. Lucius didn't particularly like her talking to him, but he hadn't forbidden it yet, so Andromeda thought it would be okay. Then she saw Lucius striding across the grounds toward them both, fury in his eyes. Apparently her assumption had been very faulty. Benjamin saw Lucius a split second after she did, and went instantly pale.
"What did I tell you, Nott?" Lucius snapped at Benjamin. The other boy opened his mouth, then closed it again, seemingly speechless. "Get out of my sight!" Lucius spat, and Benjamin immediately complied. Then Lucius turned to Andromeda. Inwardly she trembled at the cold anger in his eyes, but she kept an appearance of calm, not wanting to upset him further.
"We were just talking, Lucius, there's nothing for you to be angry abou-" Andromeda's words were cut off by the hard slap to her cheek. She staggered, putting a hand to her face in amazement. Lucius, who had promised never to hurt her, had actually struck her. Dumbfounded, she stood staring at him stupidly.
"Look what you made me do!" Lucius moved toward her again, but she backed up automatically, cringing. "That was your fault for being a slut! I don't like it when you lead on guys like that!"
"Darling, I wasn't leading him on, we were just talking." Andromeda tried not to cry, but she couldn't stop the couple tears that escaped to run down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." She couldn't help herself then; she began to cry hard. Doubling over with sobs, she turned to leave, hoping he wouldn't try to follow. But she felt his hand on her shoulder, and she flinched away. He then grabbed her roughly and pulled her into an embrace. They stood there for a couple moments, her sobbing and him holding her, until Lucius began to speak.
"I'm sorry Andie, that was way out of line." Andromeda said nothing, and Lucius continued. "It's just that I love you so, and I can't stand the thought of anybody taking you away from me." Andromeda still remained silent, but her mind was reeling. It was the first time he had ever told her that he loved her. If he meant it, maybe what he had done could be forgiven. Maybe it wasn't his fault, it was hers. She really shouldn't have been talking to another guy, and her body language could have been misleading...Benjamin could have gotten the wrong idea. In that case, maybe Lucius was justified in doing what he did.
"I shouldn't have been talking to him, darling, you're right," Andromeda pulled away slightly and looked up at Lucius's contrite face. "It wasn't your fault." He nodded and kissed her on the nose.
"My fault or not, I won't be doing that again." He said this with such authority that Andromeda couldn't help but believe him.
The fear wasn't dispelled completely, though. Andromeda visited Lucius several times over the summer, but she could never feel the same toward him as she did before. She witnessed the utter lack of respect that his father treated his mother, and trembled at the thought of what that said about Lucius. If he had grown up with that, it was no wonder he was treating her poorly. He probably didn't know that he was doing was wrong.
The next year at Hogwarts was the unhappiest Andromeda had ever faced. Lucius was more suspicious than ever, and the abuse was slowly escalating. She was afraid to talk to anyone, male or female, because of Lucius's jealousy. If she talked to a male, he assumed she was interested in him; if she spoke to a female, he claimed she was spreading lies about him. The only person she was allowed to talk to was her sister Bellatrix, who was in second year, and even those conversations were usually closely watched.
Andromeda simply didn't know what to do. She couldn't go to a teacher for, because she was sure they would do nothing to help her. The Malfoys were a very powerful family, and an accusation of abuse against the heir to their fortune would have been scoffed at. It probably wouldn't even merit an investigation by Magical Law Enforcement.
Lucius began to become more rough with her as the year progressed. Slaps for saying something he didn't like became common, and every once and awhile he would throw her against the wall or on the ground. He was always remorseful after hurting her, so apologetic that Andromeda couldn't help but forgive him. After all, didn't she always provoke his attacks? He never hit her without cause.
Andromeda vaguely considered leaving him, but the idea was almost ludicrous to her. She loved him, didn't she? And if she could learn how to act like she was supposed to, then he would stop hitting her, she hoped. Still, the possibility of leaving nagged at her brain every time she was with him. When they were kissing or touching, and he was gentle as anything, and she scoffed at the idea. Why would she leave him, when he had the capacity to be so loving and tender? But at other times, when she had to heal a bruised lip, or a black eye, she wondered what she was holding onto. Nothing was worth being hurt like this.
Then there was the incident that terrified her, the one that made her truly realize that she had to leave him. It was a matter or life or death.
It was the day that the Christmas holidays began, and Lucius had decided that she should stay at Hogwarts with him.
"I'll be bored, Andie. No one else is staying," he said as he gently kissed along her collarbone. They were in his dorm room again, lying on his bed. Andromeda ignored the shivers of enjoyment that coursed through her at his kisses, and pushed him away.
"I can't, my parents wanted me to come with them to their holiday home in America. They'll be ever so disappointed if I don't come." Ignoring her words, Lucius pulled her closer to him on the bed and began kissing her neck.
"We'll have the whole dungeon to ourselves," he said in a low throaty voice. Shuddering in pleasure, Andromeda leaned back, allowing his lips to travel down her throat to her chest. "Think of what we can do with a little private time, Andie."
The idea did sound tempting-the sex had greatly improved since the first time-but Andromeda knew she couldn't give up her family obligations for him. She felt a prickle of irritation at his persistence, enjoyable as it was. He knew that she couldn't drop everything for him.
"I really can't, darling." She disengaged from his arms and stood up, buttoning her shirt as she did. "Actually, I should really start packing."
Andromeda began to walk toward he door, but she then sensed Lucius getting off the bed. She turned to placate him, but suddenly found herself pinned against the wall, his hands around her neck.
"Baby-" she began to plead, but he squeezed, and she saw dark spots in the air. He moved closer to her, pressing her to the wall with his body.
"Don't you dare walk away while I'm talking to you, you bloody cunt," he hissed in her ear. He tightened his fingers until Andromeda made a strangled sound of protest. "You are going to spend the holidays with me. Do you understand that?"
Terrified and unable to speak, Andromeda nodded. Lucius grinned and let up the pressure on her throat, but left his hands loosely around her neck. He then leaned in for a kiss, pressing even harder against her. Then she felt his hands leave her neck and wrap around her waist. Andromeda noticed, as he rubbed his body against her that he was very aroused. This distressed her almost as much as the choking had. If he enjoyed hurting her, if he got off on abuse, then what was stopping him from doing it all the time? It terrified her to no end that such incidents might become common.
She slowly pulled away then, hoping not to anger Lucius again.
"I need to tell Bellatrix that I won't be coming back home with her." She tried not to tremble, hoping against hope he wouldn't be suspicious. But apparently he thought she had been scared sufficiently, because he nodded and went to sit on his bed.
"I'll be waiting," he said, then winked at her with a smile. Andromeda forced a smile, repressing the revulsion that made her stomach roll. Why was it that she had never noticed how cruel his smile was? She turned to walk out of the room, forcing herself not to run. As she walked to the second year dorms, her brain was racing with what to do. She knew now that she could never stay with him, it simply wasn't safe. She had known that before, but she hadn't wanted to admit it. Now she was in trouble, and was desperately in need of help from someone stronger than herself.
Andromeda decided on telling Bellatrix, and asking her to tell their parents. There was no way she could leave now, not after what had just happened. There was no telling what Lucius would do if she openly defied him. Her only hope was to let her parents know, and trust that they would protect her. Her parents were rather cold and remote, especially her father, but they were protective. Her father would never deliberately allow harm to come to her. The Black family was almost as influential as the Malfoys, and almost as rich, so she was fairly certain that her father wouldn't be afraid of the repercussions of fingering a Malfoy for violence. At least she hoped he wouldn't be.
Her footsteps became faster and faster the farther from Lucius that she got, so when she reached the second year dorms she was at a full scale run. She found Bellatrix alone, packing her suitcase. Her sister looked up as Andromeda barged into the room, breathing heavily and trembling from head to foot.
"Bella, I really need some help," Andromeda panted, sinking onto the nearest bed. Bellatrix looked at her for a moment, then sat next to her on the bed.
"He really hurt you this time, didn't he?" Andromeda looked at her in shock. She hadn't thought anyone knew. "Oh come on, Andromeda. He's been hitting you this entire school year. I wondered when he would do something drastic like this." Bella pointed at the newly forming bruises on Andromeda's neck. "He could have killed you."
Andromeda shook her head in protest, but in her heart she knew that her sister's words were true. Then Bellatrix spoke again.
"What would you like me to do? I know some good hexes. There's this one that will make him unable to perform for weeks. Knowing Lucius, I'm sure that would break his heart." Andromeda giggled at this, and found that she couldn't stop laughing. She doubled over at the waist, hysterically trying to get her breath back. Bellatrix watched her impassively as her laughs changed to sobs, then put a hand on her shoulder.
"I'm st-staying over Christmas break at Hogwarts. I have to, he said so." Andromeda drew in a shuddering, tearful breath of air, then went on. "I'm so scared, Bella. Will you ask Father to help me? I can't stop him." Bellatrix squeezed her shoulder kindly. This was the most affection that Bellatrix had ever shown anyone in her entire life, as far as Andromeda knew, and it helped calm Andromeda down. She felt safer now. Even though Bellatrix was only twelve, she exhibited an air of authority that made Andromeda feel as though she had everything under control.
"I'll talk to Father about him. But I'll have you know that if it were me, he wouldn't be alive after the first time he tried to hit me." Andromeda totally believed her sister. Bellatrix was strong, and would never let a man rule her like that. For the first time in her life, Andromeda found herself in awe of her sister's strength.
Bellatrix went home then and Andromeda stayed at Hogwarts, going back to Lucius's room and submitting to him one last time. But the next day two letters arrived in the morning mail. One was for Lucius, from his father. Andromeda never saw what was in the letter, but she saw Lucius's expression darken as he read it, and watched him storm out of the Great Hall in a fearful rage.
Andromeda's letter was from her father as well, and it simply told her that she was to come home immediately on the Knight Bus. This she did, and when she arrived home she found her father waiting in the sitting room. Cornelio Black didn't say a word, didn't mention what had happened to her. He simply took his oldest and most loved daughter in his arms, and held her close.
Andromeda marred Ted Tonks the next year. Loving, gentle, but so very boring Ted Tonks. She had her fill of danger and excitement, she now needed a man she could trust to be good to her, who would be a good husband and a loving father. He was Muggle-born, but Andromeda found, as she grew to know him, that Muggle-borns were not subhuman, as her family would have her believe.
Ted fulfilled her need for love and attention, and she began to love him back. After a couple years of marriage, she even stopped flinching when he came up behind her and kissed her neck. She loved his gentleness, the way that she could wholly believe him when he said he could never hurt her.
But every once in a while, when she couldn't sleep, she found herself missing Lucius's touch. She missed the power of him when they made love, and she missed the way he made her feel. Ted, as good a person he was, just couldn't satisfy her like Lucius had. The edge of danger was missing, the excitement. Sex with Ted, while loving, was unoriginal and boring.
Eventually she learned to accept that she would never be free of Lucius, that he would always be what she longed for. She loved Ted, but she couldn't get over her first love. He would be with her forever.
******
That night at dinner Andromeda was quiet, and unable to concentrate on what Ted was saying. He was telling her about some disappearances and killings, how He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was responsible. It was a topic that scared her deeply, being married to a Muggle-born and being the mother of a child with "impure" blood, but for some reason she couldn't summon up the energy to care like she should. Ted noticed her inattention, and eventually quit trying to talk to her. They finished the meal in silence.
After the chores were done, Andromeda decided to turn in early. When she reached the bedroom, however, she saw the Daily Prophet on the bed where Ted had thrown it, lying open on the celebrity section. There was a picture of Narcissa, decked out in beautiful dress robes and jewelry. With her was Lucius.
Andromeda felt as though her heart had stopped. She hadn't laid eyes on Lucius since leaving Hogwarts, and there he was with one arm around her baby sister, smiling that cruel smile. Most of her felt loathing, but a very small part of her heart wanted to be Narcissa. The part that missed his hands at night wanted to be the one in his arms, going to become his wife.
Ted came into the room while she was petrified, staring at the newspaper.
"What's wrong, dear?" he asked, anxiously putting a hand on her shoulder.
"N-nothing, Ted. I'm just fine." She shrugged his hand of her shoulder, and turned toward him, pasting a fake smile on her face. Ted wasn't fooled, however, and she knew it.
"Andromeda, you know you can tell me anything, don't you?" he asked her as he took her in his arms and gave her gentle hug. But as he did, his eyes alighted on the Daily Prophet, and he suddenly understood.
"Lucius Malfoy is marrying your sister. That's why you've been acting odd tonight," he said, not as a question, but a statement. Ted knew that she had dated Lucius, and knew that he had been abusive, but he had no idea how she still felt about him.
"Narcissa came here today and invited me to the wedding," Andromeda whispered, leaning against his shoulder and closing her eyes. She felt him stiffen slightly. Her family was always a sore point with him. Ted hated to be reminded of the fact that a large portion of the wizarding world hated him because of his blood.
"Do you want to go?" he asked this in a would-be careless voice, but Andromeda could hear the tension underneath the fake unconcern. She sighed.
"I do, just to show that I'm not ashamed of how I married. That I'm not ashamed of you." Andromeda kissed Ted on the nose and held him tighter. That was part of the reason she wanted go, but she mostly wanted to show Lucius that he hadn't beaten her. She was stronger than to let him destroy her. And maybe she just wanted to see him.
"You have my blessing to go to the wedding, but I think you know that I won't come with you," Ted now stated. Andromeda had expected that reaction from him, and had no argument with him. The conversation was over then, as they understood each other perfectly.
Their love-making that night seemed desperate to Andromeda on Ted's part, as though he was afraid of losing her to her family. Or maybe it was fear of Lucius's power over her. Sometimes Andromeda felt Ted could read her mind. When Lucius crossed her mind, she would often glance over to see Ted gazing at her with an unreadable expression, as though he knew that she was thinking something she shouldn't.
But Ted needn't have worried about Lucius, because Andromeda knew she was stronger now. Lucius would never have the same hold on her ever again.
*******
The morning of the wedding Andromeda entered the church with her head held high, ignoring the stares and whispers. The wedding of the youngest members of the two most powerful wizarding families had attracted most of the wizarding population, it seemed, so there was plenty of opportunity for Andromeda to be gawked at.
The place was decked out in flowers and decorations as only a Malfoy- Black wedding could be. As she entered the chapel, her eyes immediately gravitated to Lucius, who had already taken his place in the front of the church. He saw her at the same moment, and she suspected that he had been watching for her. He tilted his head slightly in greeting, the same self- assured, evil smile on his lips as ever. She ignored this, and went to the bride's side of the chapel, finding a seat next to Bellatrix. Her strong sister seemed to not be able to see her, and kept staring straight ahead. It was the same for the rest of the family. Except for her mother. She caught her eye for a split second , and saw the depth of her sadness and rage. She looked away immediately, feeling ashamed even though she had told Ted that she wasn't. Her mother had done everything for her in life, and she had repaid her with betrayal. Even though she knew that her family was wrong about the purity of blood, she couldn't help feeling dirty.
As the ceremony started, Andromeda felt strangely removed from reality, This couldn't be happening. Her ex-boyfriend, whom she still loved deep inside, could not be marrying her little sister. It felt like a dream.
Andromeda stood with everyone else as Narcissa entered the chapel, looking lovelier than ever in an incredibly expensive wedding robe. Andromeda surreptitiously glanced at Lucius, and realized with a shock that he wasn't even watching his bride walk up the aisle. He was instead gazing at her, with an amused expression on his face. She felt a hot surge of anger, and abruptly wanted to run to the front of the church and hit him with Avada Kedavra.
Andromeda forced her eyes of Lucius, and watched Narcissa take her place in front of the pastor. Lucius wasn't watching her anymore, but that infuriating smile was still on his lips. It was the same smile he had worn after he had almost strangled her. It was a smile of self-satisfaction at getting his own way yet again.
She managed not to go mad during the ceremony, until the pastor looked out into the audience.
"If anyone here today knows a reason why these two should not be wed, let them speak now or forever hold their peace."
Andromeda felt those words ring in her head, as she imagined jumping up and screaming. They shouldn't be wed because he is just using her. Their marriage would be a sham, for she is just a substitute for me. Lucius always gets what he wants, but he shouldn't get this. He shouldn't be allowed to destroy her life to satisfy his anger at me. I wouldn't be surprised if he called her by my name in bed...
But Andromeda kept her mouth shut, and the marriage progressed. Andromeda saw the absolute joy on Narcissa's face as Lucius slipped the wedding band on her finger, and the rage she had forced away came back in full force. That should be me, the part of her that she tried to keep subdued whined in her ear. That should be me up there with him.
********
That night, Andromeda tucked her baby into bed and smoothed the soft hair back from Nymphadora's forehead. She stood over the crib, just looking at the baby for a moment, and she suddenly realized what she had known all along.
No matter how much I love and miss Lucius, there is no way I would give up my baby and my husband for him, she thought, planting a kiss on her daughter's tiny cheek. This is love, this comfort and joy. What he gave me, what he might be giving Narcissa, will never be worth this.
And as Andromeda snuggled against her husband that night, she knew that those words were the truth.