Potter á la Cliché.
Summary: This are ALL HP cliché's put into one story, which is supposed to be funny. Evil!everyone. Manipulative!Dumbles. Twin is BWL. Spoilers…. Etc.
Prologue.
Once upon a time the Potters were happy. It was not even that long ago. To be more precise it was a little less than ten years back that they lived all happily.
James and Lily were in the clouds with their twin sons: Harry and Hammish. While Harry was named after Granddad Potter, his brother Hammish was named after Remus Lupins pet-hedgehog. Granddad Evans was pretty annoyed that a hedgehogs name was chosen over his, but when he saw the kids he had to admit that neither of him seemed to be a 'Wilhelmus.'
The boys godfather Sirius Black came to visit them almost daily, alongside with their good friends Peter and Remus. Yes, the Potters where happy.
This happiness came to an abrupt end on the twins second Halloween.
Now Harry Potter was being abused by his Uncle Vernon, while James and Lily were terrorized by their snobbish son Hammish. How have things gotten this far?
That Halloween something happened. A man clad in dark robes and a mask entered the house of the Potters. James and Lily, who had been downstairs, fainted. The man threw in a nice vicious laugh and glided (because evil lords glide, they do not walk) up the stairs.
He thought of how he had gotten the location of the house: He had his loyal Scrubbs impersonate mrs. Pettigrew. This way he had gotten close to the Pettigrew-boy who he put under Imperius. The Pettigrew-boy tricked the Black-boy into convincing the Potter-boy to make the Pettigrew-boy the Secretkeeper. Of course the Pettigrew-boy was then forced to give the information to Lord Voldemort himself. Yes, the man thought, simple plans are the best, or at least the easiest.
Upstairs there were several bedrooms. Voldemort, the powerful evil lord as he was, picked immediately the right room and laughed evilly at the twin.
Hamish laughed back, just as evilly. Harry was asleep.
Voldemort pointed his wand at the boys. Then he spoke out a death curse. The 'ada,' as Lord Voldemort revered lovingly to his adava kadavra's, hit both boys at the same time. Hamish glared and Harry opened his eyes to do the same. The curse rebounded and hit Voldemort square in the face. He died.
The kids stayed alive, but would be scarred for the rest of their lives. Hamish had a scar in the form of a lighting bolt on his forehead. Harry's scar was more hidden; it was placed on his butt and had the form of a star.
Professor Dumbledore arrived before the Potters regained consciousness. Seeing their bodies on the floor made him realize something bad had happened. He rushed upstairs and saw the two boys.
Hamish scar was burning red and sprung to notice. Dumbledore concluded that it was him who stopped the Dark Lord, never realizing that Harry could have a scar as well, even if he didn't see it right away.
The Greatest Wizard in Brittain (for yes, there where far greater wizards outside Brittain) went down to wake up Lily and James.
It took him less than a minute to convince James that they had to give up Harry in order to give Hamish enough attention. "He will be the worlds savior, James," being the key-words. James loved fame.
It was harder to convince Lily, the mother who had gone through six hours of unbearable pains just to get both of the boys. It was only logical that she was not about to give one up.
Albus had to admit that it took all he had to convince her that by giving Harry up, she would only get more.
Later that night, Harry James Potter found himself in front of the door of a house where he would be severely abused.
The next ten years where bad to all parties. Harry's life was probably the hardest, but the rest of the family didn't have it much easier: James Potter had to give in to each and every wine of Hamish, being told by good old Dumbles, that if he didn't things wouldn't work out.
Lily lived with a fulltime feeling of guilt towards Harry and resentment toward the son she had left. She had been promised he would give her so much more, yet she didn't seem to get anything.
Hamish life was far from perfect. His parents would give him anything he wanted, but he lived under pressure. He had to be perfect and he had to save the world, he was not allowed to be just a kid. His mother would always tell him he was not good enough, but at least he had his father to make up for it, always giving him what he wanted.
Yes, in one night the Potter family was torn apart. Every family member was now living his/hers own torn life. But it would all get worse when the family reunited.
And this very thing happened at the first of September.