Maybe I'm Missing You.
They live their lives, separately, giving away first kisses and losing virginity with anyone but each other. The only thing that persists is the hollowness in their hearts, waiting to be filled. And then, just before he breaks down, he returns to the place that had once been his home.
Inspired by the song "Missing You" by G-Dragon ft. Yuna from Jaurim.
From seventeen to twenty-six
Age seventeen, Haruno Sakura gave her first kiss away not to a raven-haired boy, but to a nice, curly-haired boy whose winsome smile made her heart melt once, and just once. The kiss had not been passionate, as she had imagined would be with her "Sasuke-kun" a few years ago. With that warm smiled boy, their lips had locked together delicately, and as lightly as would an angel landing cautiously on earth for the first time.
As they kissed, Sakura thanked how, finally, she was over that persistent boy who came haunting her mind every night.
That night, he still haunted her mind, but only for a fleeting moment, for the day's warm kiss swept away the dark image.
…
Age eighteen, Uchiha Sasuke lost his virginity to one of the many willing slaves in Sound. When his body pounded into the raw body of a woman, his mind blanked out. This was purely for the fulfillment of his body's desires, not his mind's. The pleased cries of the woman sometimes turned into agonized ones when, unable to reign control of his body, he thrust deeper and quicker.
Ever since then, Sasuke let himself succumb to a stranger's seduction and when he fulfilled his impulsive desire, his mind always, always floated to a void.
Later, he would realize that this act was not one to fulfill his sexual frustration, but one to forget. And, every time he lay panting after the rough intercourse, he felt his heart painfully empty and aching more so than ever.
…
Age nineteen, Sakura had already dated four boys, a quite surprising feat for the once shy girl she had been. But she had now grown out of her girlhood – or so she thought.
Whenever news of a stranger visiting Konoha reached her, she would drop everything, stop all action – such as a deepening kiss with her boyfriend – and sprint to the village entrance.
Upon finding, truly, a stranger and not the face of a boy she knew, she just stood there, panting for breath, and cursing herself for her stupid instinct that had carried her thus.
When her breathing came to a regular rhythm, she walked back to her boyfriend and apologized for the sudden leave by a deep, passionate kiss. Sometimes, depending on who her boyfriend was, his hand would slip under her shirt, and though she didn't push it away, she always made sure that was the extent. Nothing else, nothing graver and more passionate, would follow.
Because, somewhere deep within her, she wanted to save herself for a certain boy (who must be a man now). Just in case.
…
Age twenty, Sasuke finally pulled himself together by stopping the senseless actions of thrusting and then indifferently discarding the women away. But then, he wanted to fall, hard, so instead of sex, he sought for drinks.
The first time he drunk beyond what he could take, he felt the world glowing with such carefree lightness, that Sasuke was relieved that perhaps, finally, he had found what he had been looking for.
The relief his sluggish mind was quickly proven wrong when the alcohol swirled in his stomach like a heavy storm. As he threw up violently and endlessly, and felt his whole being hollowed out once again, he realized.
There was no savior for him.
…
Age twenty-one, Sakura's boyfriend of three months asked her to bed. Perhaps it had been the small sips of wine they had at dinner, but her lethargic mind allowed her lips to say "Okay."
Her boyfriend did not take her to an old, run-down motel or his bedroom, but to an expensive hotel with king-sized beds covered with unimaginably soft duvets.
They showered, the lighting was dimmed, and then, only in their bathrobes, they started with a kiss. It deepened, as usual, and then she somehow found herself laid flat on the bed, looking into the eyes of the man who would take her soon.
Carefully, he nipped at her neck, and his hands slowly searched her, and landed decidedly on her breasts. Sakura turned her head and watched the city lights outside, beyond the wide glass windows.
Suddenly, she became very conscious of something sliding in between her thighs, and instinctively, her arms shot out and pushed him away.
"NO!"
"Sakura?" Something wet glistened on his finger.
"I – I… I'm just not ready." She shivered despite the heated room.
He nodded once, and upon dressing himself, he silently slipped away.
Her boyfriend did not break up with her after that – fortunately, he was not that shallow – but after a few more months of courting, he tired and gave up and left in search of a better partner.
…
Age twenty-two, Sasuke wondered how long it had been since he had finally avenged. He must have been eighteen or nineteen, but that could not be so, for that would have only been a few years back.
Sometimes, when Sasuke stopped to really think, he would remember that he had murdered his own brother at age fifteen.
Sometimes, regardless of whether Sasuke stopped or not to think, his mind wandered away from his body, and into the past… the past when he had muttered "thank you" and that had been the end.
And, this raven-haired man now ceased to try to find comfort – or escape, really – by sex or alcohol. Instead, whenever the sky cried, he stood under its tears, completely soaked in its heavy sadness.
Thus was the reason he frequented Amegakure so much.
…
Age twenty-three, Sakura's interest in mature themes heightened. One day, out of impulse and breaking her vow that she would save herself for him, she let her boyfriend of two months take her.
To her utter disappointment, she was left hollow at the end of the intercourse, and her virginity was lost forever. Her first sex, yet she had no memories of it save for bitter regret.
In the morning, when she awoke next to her naked companion, she slipped away wordlessly and ran off to her apartment.
There, she showered. Then, she ate though she had no appetite. After, she showered again.
That had been a day when Sakura had taken so many showers she might as well have been under water the whole day. The bars of soap were reduced to a third, and the shampoo and conditioner bottles were left almost hollow of its fragrant contents.
…
Age twenty-four, Sasuke travelled around the countries, and for years, he had not given to the temptations of one night's pleasure from sex or drink.
If he ever tried to stay in one place, it would be Amegakure, due to its gloomy weather, but that was also the precise reason he couldn't stay. Sasuke had long since realized that the best way to escape was not to hollow his mind but to keep it busy, which he did by travelling as far as his feet would carry him.
…
Age twenty-five, Sakura had already slept with countless boyfriends. Nothing particularly had been eventful enough to bring out her passion, but it didn't matter to her anymore. It was just a routine.
Go out, kiss, make out, sleep, and in time, break up.
Whenever Sakura spotted her two good friends – Naruto and Hinata – still yet to even confess their feelings to each other, at the same time looking nothing like but a couple, a great surge of envy swept in her heart. She was sure that neither of them had their virginity taken never mind their first kiss (except for Naruto when his lips had crashed into Sasuke's thirteen years ago),
They seemed so incredibly innocent, and thus, so bright and beautifully resembling a pair of angels that had descended onto the dirtied earth.
…
Age twenty-six, Uchiha Sasuke could not take it anymore. Both his body and mind were weary from travelling nonstop and peace had been too far from his reach for years.
Now, he craved for it – some kind of home, and the only home he had known was one he had betrayed years ago. But his mind was firm. There would be no way he'd go back.
One blue night, when everything illuminated under a bright, full moon, Sasuke travelled for the final time. When he stopped, he looked up to the gates of Konoha.
His resolve had been firm, but it had only taken the full moon – the reminder of his last day – to break it down so easily. Whatever punishment came his way, he would receive it.
Surely, it would be less torturous than the agonizingly hollowness he had felt for the years ever since he had left.
.