My Last Breath
By Aleesha Posey
August 4, 2003
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Angsty—kind of. A feeling as Heero goes off for training, having to leave his beloved pilot behind.
Hold on to me love
You know I can't stay long
All I wanted to say was I love you and I'm not afraid
Heero wrapped Duo tighter in his arms, awakening the braided boy. "Duo." He spoke determinedly, cold cobalt blue eyes meeting fiery violet ones in the dark. "You know I leave tomorrow for training..." Heero began but Duo hushed him with a kiss.
"I know you do. And I will be waiting for you when you return." Duo wrapped his arms tightly about the Perfect Soldier's waist, burying his head in his shoulder...
Heero did not have the heart to tell Duo that he would not be coming back...
Can you hear me?
Can you feel me in your arms?
That night, Heero lay there, enveloped in Duo's vice-like grip, and he felt nothing...He was so numb at the thought of having to leave the only thing that made him happy he felt ill. And just how was he going to tell Duo the truth?
Duo sighed and kissed Heero's neck in his sleep. Never, Heero thought; had anything felt so awful and so beautiful at the same time. Heero resolved not to tell him at all, for as sure as he didn't, he would indeed meet up with the God of Death in battle...It had always seemed to work out that way...
Holding my last breath
Safe inside myself
Are all my thoughts of you
Sweet raptured light
It ends here tonight
Heero leaned back against Duo and listened to the sounds the sleeping safe house made. He let out a sigh he didn't know he had been holding and rolled his eyes shut. There would be no sleep for him and he and known that a long time, but he did not know it would feel so bad.
He turned in Duo's arms to face him. Looking up at the Braided Baka, the shattered remnants of his heart disintegrated. Heero closed his eyes tight, fighting back tears that weren't supposed to fall. He retreated into himself and steeled his resolve in Duo's grasp. 'This can't affect me.' He thought. 'Concentrate on your training. Mission accepted.'
In the early hours of the morning, Heero removed himself from Duo's arms, and wrote the American boy a note, intending to leave before the Deathscythe pilot would awaken. The letter was more cryptic than Heero would have willed it to be, but it was the best he could do in telling the truth and saying a prayer for them to meet again...
It read:
"I'll miss the winter
A world of fragile things
Look for me in the white forest
Hiding in a hollow tree come find me"
Heero knew that out of any one, Duo would understand the hidden disclosed location of his training camp, and the message to meet him there at a later date. With a scribble of a signature, Heero folded the note and laid it on the pillow beside Duo.
Heero whispered softly to Duo, "I'm going, love. I may not see you again, but know I love you always."
I know you hear me
I can taste it in your tears
As if in reply to Heero's good-bye, Duo began to weep in his sleep. Heero could not bear this, and he bent down and kissed the tears away. Something shocking was revealed in this most erotic of events. Duo wasn't as asleep as Heero would like to have thought.
Heero winced, but forced himself to his feet.
Holding my last breath
Safe inside myself
Are all my thoughts of you
Sweet raptured light
It ends here tonight
Heero walked stoically to the door, and in the hallway, he paused only a fraction of a second in consideration to turn and run back to Duo. With a heavy sigh (well, heavy for Heero, anyway) He kept going. The Perfect Soldier was not supposed to get attached... He had indeed been told that... And he had defied his doctor and he was going to have to suffer the consequences...
He was at the doorway, when he first heard Shinigami stir in their room...
Closing your eyes to disappear
You pray your dreams will leave you here
But still you wake and know the truth
No one's there
Duo sat up with a start at the sudden stillness in the room... at the sudden coldness in his arms... He looked around the room to notice that Heero wasn't there, and with the previous night's conversation, he knew where he would be going. But he never expected to be left with out a proper good-bye.
He noticed the note on the pillow next to him but before he had a chance to open it up and read it, he heard the front door. He hadn't missed him yet it seemed. Duo bolted to the front door, it was agape and the cool crisp early morning air hit him with a shocking blast. The sun wasn't up yet, but the air was beginning to lighten enough to notice dimly lit objects hidden behind and within a dense fog.
Duo cried out for Heero, and a figure he could barely see by that time stopped in response. "No Duo." He barely heard from the breeze.
"Why?" He replied... begging for one last kiss.
"It is better this way." The figure said and began to walk again. Duo began to go after him, but the weight of what Heero had said stilled his feet and cautioned his heart.
Say goodnight
Don't be afraid
Calling me
Duo let the tears fall freely as he watched the figure retreat.
Heero was crying as well, and many times hesitated in his footing wanting nothing more to run back to his braided pilot. He stopped and turned toward him, but he could barely see him through the fog... "Duo. Don't be afraid to go on without me. I will see you again, that I promise you. This is not the end of us...There will never be an end to us..." Heero called out. The tears fell harder and a sob choked his throat.
Duo nodded, knowing Heero couldn't see it. And he clasped his hands to his mouth both to still their shaking and to silence a cry. He watched as the boy he loved with his entire damned soul walked away into the fog. Duo silently said his good-bye as he watched Heero disappear.
Calling me as you fade to black...
© 2003
Aleesha Posey
August 4, 2003