Author Note: This was comissioned by one of my dearest friend. And it tells about Amefurikozô, the boy who plays in the rain (Japanese Myth). It hasn't been beta'ed, so if you find mistakes, let me know! (:
Warnings: Angst, madness, death.
Screaming, screaming – trying to get free.
Fighting these emotions.
Trying to escape this reality that they call home.
Wanting to stop, wanting to run.
Where are you gonna go?
Trying to crasp humanity, wanting to be seen.
Ghosts walking down the streets in their grey world. So lost in despair and pain.
Fresh snow on the ground you continue your journey, trying to reach your destination. And they ask
"Where are you going little boy, what are you gonna do – you keep running in circles. When will you be truly free?"
You keep your head high and never answer. But can you truly remember, the road? Your eyes never telling anything, closed and lost in windowless rooms. You are the no one, nameless in this grey world. Street lamps illuminating, making the shadows of your past dance.
You want everything, but never wanting to loose. Can't you see, how vicious cycle this has come? You are running blindly towards your fate, bittersweet taste in your mouth – closed to world, seeing only illusions, shadows. Oh, how they look at you pity on their face. They know, they see it.
You can't remember yourself, your meaning and the rain keeps pouring, hiding your frustration, tears from the world. All the memories from your past, washed away by rain and when the spring will come, you don't remember anymore. Snow will keep your secrets, your past, your name.
So closes the first day in the snow, trying to find the stars – hope.
Again and again you keep walking this road, never wanting to stop. Trying to find something to hold on, something to fight of – forgetting the past every step you take. You are swallowing your tears, your pain. Trying to be strong, stronger.
Looking the ghosts, you see reflections what will you be, were in the past and the future. You don't understand, keeping walking this road that you know already by heart. You look the living and you look at the ghosts, the memories of past and future – their future.
Walking, walking.
Trying to breath – in and out.
Am I still here, or is this only illusion?
You keep fighting for something that you don't understand,
or remember.
Wanting to dance, to love and to be free.
And you see, they cannot touch you anymore.
But still you are only a little boy, the nameless.
Who walks these roads over and over again – watching and seeing things, dreams
about reality that they cannot grasp in their hands.
Madness lurking behind, whispering so tempting words.
Watch your back, watch closely your shadow.
You don't wanna be caught in their hands.
There is rain and lightning. People running to someplace warm and dry, away from unforgiving rain. But still you, little boy are playing in the rain. Laughing and splashing in the pudles. They are running to you, away from you – they can't see you.
And you are still walking down this street, knowing everyone and their secrets. Playing with those who want to play with you, watching them as they grow up and forget. Stepping in adulthood and forgetting those warm rainy days, when they danced with you in the rain.
As you watch them, you cannot close your eyes anymore. One house in the street, nothing strange about it – nothing to say it's different than other houses on this street. It's normal small home of one family.
They said it was tragic accident. That there were no way to stop it for happening. But you know the truth behind the lies. There was a way, but nobody wanted to take it, wanted to notice that there isn't everything right. Something missing and they close their eyes, wanting to forget. Wanting to stop missing you little boy.
Now as you are walking these streets, coming closer – heart pounding in your ears. You stop and just watch the house as it's getting darker and darker. Memories of your past, slams of the doors, laughs and cries. And you start shiver, you are squeezing your hands into fist, wanting to scream about unfairness of this mess.
Never wanting to watch the truth to eyes, just wanting to hide from the world – from the pain and sorrow.
As you are trying to hide in the rain, trying to escape the reality that has slapped in your face. You see him – never have saw him in these streets. You keep hiding in the old playground, where you used to play and laugh – those days filled with warmth and love, until fear came in the house and made itself home.
All the memories playing in your head, making your heart crack in to million little shards, on the ground they fall, making your feet hurt and bleed as you walk on them, trying to fix your heart.
You keep getting cuts in your hands and feet – pieces of the puzzle still missing. You don't realize that to move on, you have to let it go. Suddenly you are hearing laugh, full of warmth and happiness.
Turning around you see that man dancing in the rain, making it glow and laughing. You are watching mouth open and eyes wide this strange man as he stops and looks at you, smiling and stepping closer to you.
You snapping out of trance, feeling dread and wear, after all you have learned to not to trust anyone – they all want to just hurt others, making themselves feeling better. So you run, run away from that man in to shadows to hide.
You are too lost in sorrow to trust.
And days after that, as you are walking and trying to get away from your memories, you keep seeing that strange man. He keeps dancing in the rain and laughing, and you want to go to him, smile back and dance with that man in the rain. But too scared, too lost as you keep walking.
Never noticing how that man moves in shadows, watching and protecting you from bitterness, keeping ghosts away.
So goes days, weeks and months. You are fighter, but still wanting everything – you have to let it go. And you keep watching that strange man, who has weird clothes and scary eyes as he dances in the rain and keeps laughing, radiating warmth.
So starts your healing, your path lighted with moonlight – keeping you on the road. And you keep watching the stars, wanting to dance with them as the rain plays the music. And you start dreaming about dancing with the rain and rain singing to you, as you sleep.
But still you keep walking these streets, so lost still – trying to find a way out. And trying to stay away from that house on that street, where you used to steal apples from neighbours garden and play in that pond that you know is still on the backyard of that house.
Still you keep remembering – memories haunting you, wanting to be seen. And your heart cracking painfully in your chest, no tears in your face, "boys and men don't cry." And you keep suffocating in your sorrow, and remembering smells and those rooms and their wallpapers that you loved to destroy and draw to them.
As the days are growing shorter and shorter, you find the way. And you had enough strength to smile to that strange man.
And you know deep down as you are laying in your hiding place – where even the ghosts can't find you, that tomorrow is the day.
It is samehada, halloween, but you have forgotten that. Forgotten that tomorrow is the day, when all the sorrow and pain will slap on the living. After all, the ghosts are unforgiving and cruel creatures. They will tear you apart little boy, but you have already in sleep, not hearing the rains warnings.
And the rain will pray, will try and protect you. And he comes, silently watching you. Making plans in his head – he knows he can't take you away before you have let go of your sorrow.
He knows and feels scared, first time in centuries.
Today you are ready. You want to continue your journey, without being broken. In these empty streets your wornout sneakers are the only noise – street lamps flickering on and off, making these streets feel more scarier, unknown than it is.
As you keep walking towards that house, towards your memories, so lost in your thoughts and fears, you have forgotten. You don't see how the mist is moving closer and closer, surrounding you.
Your step keeps faltering and your breath is shaky, still you are determinent to get to the house and look the truth in the eyes. You are so scared, what ifs circling in your mind, but you know that this has to happen, or you will be like they are, and you want to be free.
You don't want to be like they are, in the grey world – full of bitterness and hate. So much hate that it will swallow you, shredding you into pieces, grey isn't the color of rain.
As you are standing before the house, you realize how quiet it is, air full of despair and hate. And you see them coming closer as your memories start to play their music before your eyes. And you look, not blinking or hiding from the truth that displays before your eyes. And those tears that you hided, that pain and sorrow finally getting free – and you are letting go.
You follow your memories, follow them to that pond. And before your eyes lay the naked truth, and you are crying, remembering and letting go of your bitterness that you had.
As you are leaving, you start hearing them, those grey nobodies and they want you. You are realizing how dark and misty it is, remembering what day it is. Panic, fear and dread are playing violing in your heart as you start running, your heart pounding in your ears as they follow you.
And those nobodies are whispering, dark shadows dancing all around you, trying to rip you shreads. You keep running to your hiding place, to park where you used to feel save and happiness. Hairs in your neck starting to stand as you hear that laugh, full of madness and hate.
Oh how you wish there was someone, anyone to save you from this – you have fought so hard and you are so close to be free, and they are coming closer as they can smell your hope and love.
After all, it's more enjoyable to destroy that little piece of hope and love that you carry in your small body than to just tear you apart. You are almost there, you can see the park and that old playground, and you hope that you will get there before they get you.
And you are tripping and falling on the ground before you get to playground and rain starts to pour as they are circing around you, whispers full of madness, making you shiver and almost losting all hope. Their long nails getting closer, making little cuts, laughing and trying to make you too lost as they are.
They want to hurt you, destroy you. Make you feel the madness and hate that they feel. As they are few steps away from you, closer and closer smiling like madmens and you know, you know that you will not be getting away. You are only little boy, you aren't match for grey nobodies, as the madness lurks behind their eyes.
You close your eyes, heart full of fear, tears in your face waiting the end. And suddenly there is screams, madness screaming in agony as the strange man is standing little bit away from you.
And he comes closer, smiling and you don't know should you run away or take his hand and accept. Something in his eyes makes you uncertain. You back away little bit, heart racing you look this suspicious man with weird clothes and weird eyes.
He chuckles little bit and suddenly he is behind you, catching you and you are off from the ground. You turn your head to look this this strange man, your eyes big as plates mouth hanging wide open.
He is laughing now, keeping you in his arms and you just look at him silently pleading, in awe.
You don't know what to think about this man, but you want the security, the warmness he is offering. You are only a child, child trying to make his way in this world – where nobodies are walking in the streets, thinking themself, never seeing the beauty of the rain.
Even though you are still feeling little bit uneasy, even if this man isn't what he looks like, he sees. He sees the beauty of rain and all the little hidden beautiful little things that people used to grayness, don't find. Or rather not bothering to find, because world revols around them, there isn't any other truth in their eyes.
The man starts dancing in the rain, never getting wet – you see that he is just like you. Rain dancer, the bringer of hope and the keeper of secrets and pain. You are only twelve, saw too much and forgetting too much. The rain washes pain away.
As you see the ghost coming closer, never wanting to let go of you who can see – you nod the man and he smiles widely. And suddenly the water is glowing in all different blues, the ghosts screaming in agony – after all pure water keeps evil away.
The light blinding, stars dancing in your eyes. Opening them you see, you aren't in the park anymore. The man explains that this mountain that you are staring in wide eyes, is the home of gods and spirits. He says that your name no longer exist in the world of people – you are free and the servant of him.
He begins to tell you all from the beginning and his name – the name of rain god "Ushi". You are unbelieving, after all everyone has always told you how nothing spiritual never exists. And you have believed them, after all you are only a child – you don't know about the world or how it goes around.
As you muse aloud, Ushi smiles and shows you the mountain and that will be your home now. All the suspicions are awakening, hand in hand with fear. He shows you the rooms that were you will be staying with him. As you pass trough corridors and rooms, you see beautiful men and women, all different kind dressed and somehow eternal.
Ushi tells you about them, explaining that there are hundreds of thousands different kind spirit and god. But people are starting loose their believe in them, so they stay here and trying to "get their job done" even though there isn't any believing. As you are wondering this, the god of rain explains that "What have been created by believe, can't be destroyed, after all the land will remember."
He gives you food and tells you to sleep, tomorrow will be hard day, as the days after that.
Weeks and months going by, you start believing. Starting new life, never again watching back. And when you remember, after all you dance in the rain. Ushi shows you how to listen the rains whispering – and the rain tells you the secrets, wishes and the pain that it hides.
And when you get back to the world of living, all has changed – you are no longer nameless wanderer without heart. You are Amefurikozô, the boy who plays in the rain. Helping those who can see you – your heart beating time with the rain.
Everyone who says sunshine brings happiness, has never danced in rain.
Fin.