Forgive Me



My life lay round me in shambles.

My mouth, I allowed to ramble.

Now tears rain down in shame.



Gone, he's gone. Why did I say such things to him? I loved him! I still love him! But how can I tell him now?



I was so stupid! Why did I say such things to him? I'd waited for so long to discover the secret. I'd even guessed it a few times, had my suspicions. Oh, yes, I'd suspected something. That flash of his eyes, the set of his jaw when he thought no one could see, how they were never together in one place at the same time. I'd always brushed it aside as nothing though. One was too sweet and - and unobtrusive to be the strong, sure, capable other.



Can I make this wrong a right?

Tell me I can make this all right.

Tell me things can at least be the same.



I've got to apologize to him! But the storm rages too hard, to match the fear in my heart. I clutch my chest; I feel his pain as though it were my own.



Lightning flashes across the sky. It seems to be searing through my brain. Its screaming, "Go to him! Find him! Make it right!"



Thunder crashes and the floorboards beneath me shake, but I don't care. I can't take this any longer. It's been four days and all I've seen of him is the wondering looks of his father and the sorrowful glances of his son. I know they're because of me.



I run out of the kitchen, almost knocking Rosa over in my rush. I tell her to watch the tavern. I see Felipe watching his grandfather play Chess, and losing. I yell to him that I'm borrowing his horse. He looks surprised, as does the rest of the tavern.



"Victoria," yells his grandfather after me. I ignore him. By the time they've caught up to me, I've saddled Felipe's horse and racing past them.



My life will be empty without you.

Please say you still feel the same way too.

Please, let's put an end to this pain?



I ride through the night as fast as I can go. The horse's hooves slip beneath me and I slow, knowing that I will never get there if I kill myself trying. Hopefully, that would only cause him more pain. Hopefully because that would mean he still cares.



This poor horse, I can sense its fear. The lightning is bright and sharp, the thunder loud and approaching a physical force, and the rain is blinding us as it digs itself painfully into our skin. I whisper him encouragements, but it is still a very scary trip for the poor thing.



Soon we are there, although a long time must have passed. I do not know how much time has gone by in my mad rush to my love, I was too rushed to get here to care.



I ride up to the door, jump off the horse and slip in the mud. I fall face first, my front dripping in the wet soil. I struggle to rise, but a hard wind sweeps me off my feet. These winds had started just a little while before, but I am glad they only started then. I would not have made it this far otherwise.



I struggle to my feet, now covered with more mud on my back. My face is washed off by the rain, my eyes still blinded, as I fight the wind and rain to make it to the door. I knock as loudly as I can, hoping he'll hear. Hoping he'll come.



How can I tell you I'm sorry?

How can I prove to you this pain I carry?

How can I make up for this, my shame?



The door opens and my heart races at the sight of his startled face. He looks so wonderful standing there. A little pale with some circles beneath his eyes that weren't there before, but wonderful all the same.



"Victoria," he says in a disbelieving voice. "What-"



"Diego! I'm sorry! I shouldn't have said what I said! Can you forgive me," I plead with him. "Can you ever forgive me?"



"You rode all this way in the rain just to tell me that?! Victoria," he yells, fear, anger and concern warring for dominance in his face and eyes.



I find that I crying, tears are joining the water that has already collected on my damp face. I am amazed to discover that I don't care.



"I had to tell you I'm sorry," I tell him.



"You couldn't have waited until after the storm?"



"No! I had to tell you! I regretted how I reacted to your identity ever since it happened, but you never came back for me to apologize. I know you hate me now, but please forgive me. Please!"



I'm being irrational, I can see the concern and worry in his eyes, even as my words startle him.



"I could never hate you. I love you, Victoria," he tells me, his eyes wide.



"Then you forgive me," I ask him, barely daring to hope.



"You hurt me badly," he begins, but I interrupt him as he pauses for breath.



"I know, and I'm sorry. It was such a shock. And I hated knowing that I had never seen through the disguise before. I should have known. You'd left me so many hints, and I've been in love with both Diego and Zorro forever," I tell him as I try not to sob my heartache out in front of him.



"You love me..." he whispers, shock tinging his voice as his blue eyes open wide.



"Si," I tell him, "More than life itself."



He pulls me to him and kisses me. My heart soars and I hold him tightly.



He hugs me to him in a breath-stealing hug as I ask him once more, "Forgive me?"



I feel him nod into my shoulder, "Of course, my love, of course."



I pull back to kiss him again and find tears falling from his eyes. I smile gently at him, loving this sweet, gentle man of mine, before I kiss away his tears.



"I love you, Diego," I whisper against his lips as I kiss him once more.