So before you start reading this, please, DO NOT TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY. This is just my frustrated inner rantings come out on paper/screen.
Ever notice exactly HOW many 'Lisanna comes back and Lucy gets ignored and leaves' fics there are? A LOT. Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy reading them, I really do, but after reading 20 in a row (I'm literally not exaggerating), you start getting a bit tired of it and wish for a new plot. Seriously, guys. Yes, its easy, and it can be fun.
I'm sorry if I offend anyone, it was not my intention when I wrote this, so don't come flaming me, because as stated in the genre section, this is a PARODY. Its not even good writing. Just my thoughts on paper. Like literally everything I thought. Even when I was hungry.
So now that that's out of the way, I do not own Fairy Tail. That belongs to Hiro. And if you're STILL intending to read this, then without further ado, continue
Lucy sighed. She was so very, very depressed. Why you may ask? Oh, it was nothing really. Just that the whole, entire of Fairy Tail had decided to completely act out of character and ignore one of its key members in favour of one that had completely returned from the dead. Oh, and 'key' members? That was totally a pun. I'm surprised no one else got it. I mean really?
"HEY!" Lucy shouted at the author, "I'm depressed here! So tell your ADHD to back off and write about me instead!"
The author sighed and bowed lowly to the ground. "Yes your highness."
Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes. Lucy was depressed because Fairy Tail had been ignoring her.
FOR 10 YEARS.
YEARS I SAY.
Well... when I say years... It was more like months. Well, one month. But to Lucy it felt like years, so we'll go with that.
Anyway, to make matters worse, it was her birthday. No one had wished her a happy birthday yet. To be fair though, she had only just woken up, and hadn't even seen another person yet, so it was understandable. Lucy, deciding that she did, in fact, want someone to say 'happy birthday' to her, and maybe get a couple presents out of the deal, decided to go to the Fairy Tail guild hall, where her uncharacteristically (man, that is such a long word) mean and ignorant friends would be.
When she got to the guild hall, she pushed open the doors to be greeted by a pitch-black room. Suddenly, there was a deafening shout of 'surprise' and the lights switched on to reveal the entire guild decked out in party gear. Lucy was shocked- they actually remembered her birthday! And they even threw her a surprise party! She felt the negative and slightly (read: extremely) murderous thoughts towards her guild vanish completely.
But then, Natsu, the complete idiot spoke up.
"Oh, its only Loony. Get back into positions everyone."
The rest of the guild nodded and got back into the positions they were in before Lucy had entered, the light switching off.
What?
WHAT?
The entire guild was obeying Natsu? Even Master and Erza? I mean, come on! That has got to be the result of-
"AUTHOR!" screamed Lucy.
Right, right.
I mean, What?
WHAT?
The party WASN'T for Lucy? That was just plain mean! She felt tears prick at her eyes and stood next to where Natsu was hiding, stupidly (Lucy: Ahem!), er I mean wistfully thinking that her best friend/crush, because we all know Lucy is secretly in love with Natsu, was hiding.
"Who is the surprise party for?" she asked. Natsu perked up instantly.
"Oh! Its Lisanna's Welcome-Back-for-the-thirty-second-day-in-a-row-party-because-its-totally-not-her-birthday-because-Hiro-Mashima-stated-that-your-birthdays-are-on-different-days-and-having-the-same-birthday-would-have-been-pointed-out-by-me-some-time-in-the-past-so-we-needed-an-excuse-to-throw-her-a-party-anyway Party!" Natsu reeled off, ignoring Lucy's heartbroken expression.
Lucy felt a silent tear streak down her cheek, which Natsu couldn't see because it was too dark, and couldn't smell because that would just totally ruin the rest of the story.
The guild doors opened again and in walked Lisanna, in all of her silver-haired-beauty. Lucy felt jealous- she wasn't beautiful like that! She didn't have silver hair or shining blue eyes! No, all she had was a figure girls would literally kill for, flowing blonde hair, round, expressive brown eyes, intelligence, writing skills, powerful spirits at her command, great skills with a whip (which causes the author to wonder whether Lucy was secretly a dominatrix) and the ability to run in heels. Serious, don't doubt the last one. In the author's opinion, that was one of Lucy's greatest achievements.
Fairy Tail jumped out of their hiding places when the lights switched on, shouting 'surprise' so loud it almost deafened poor Lucy. Lisanna appeared shocked, and Lucy grumbled underneath her breath, cursing the day the silverette was born. It totally didn't matter if Lisanna was, actually, in fact a very nice person, and many NaLu fans just tend to see the bad in her because she's a threat to their precious 'ship. Most of them even forget that Lisanna herself supported NaLu, as stated in Fairy Tail chapter 242 (though not in so many words).
Lucy huffed, going to sit next to where Gajeel was grumping. Juvia was with him, not taking part in the celebrations as she had never really met the girl. Wendy, Charle and Pantherlily came over to Lucy, to give her comfort like the true friends they were. Of course, none of them thought to check if there was an enchantment over the guild which made the core members adore Lisanna and forget Lucy, because that could totally explain why they were actually listening to what Natsu said and why Erza and Makarov were being completely dense towards Lucy.
All the blonde could be grateful for was the fact that this wasn't one of those stories where Natsu had snuck into her room a month before and they had spontaneous, passionate sex in which Lucy had become pregnant with the dragon slayer's child and then had to leave because for some reason she didn't want him finding out, because that was another way-overused, but sometimes cute, plotline that she was forced to go through. And Mavis forbid that some twisted author actually meshed THAT plot with one like this, causing her to be both pregnant and ignored. That would just kill her.
While the more recent members of Fairy Tail were comforting Lucy, the remaining members of the guild's strongest team (aka, Happy, Natsu, Gray and Erza) casually strolled over to them, ignoring Lucy's depressed demeanor.
"Hey Luce, we've been thinking," started Natsu, not really looking at the blonde, "Well..."
"We want you off the team," Gray stated.
Lucy's eyes went wide. "WHAT?!" she exclaimed, shocked at their sudden revelation. "Do you all feel like this?" The rest of the team members nodded. "Why?"
"Because we want Lisanna on our team, and it makes no sense whatsoever to actually have BOTH of you on our team, because it just doesn't work like that. We're also ignoring the fact that we never had any indication we wanted her on our team before now, anyway, because we were actually a pretty great group, and that Lisanna never actually came with us on missions in the first place, because she was in a team with her siblings which was pretty powerful, so we don't really know what working with her is like, we just want her because she's new and she's shiny," stated Erza.
"O-oh. Ok then," Lucy sighed. "I'm TOTALLY fine with it, no regret or sadness in my voice WHATSOEVER, and these aren't actually tears, just my eyes sweating because looking at you and your new team is so awesome."
Natsu grinned. "Gee! Thanks Lucy! Well, lets go back and party you guys!"
The author is going to pause the story here because she's hungry, and she wants a sausage.
The author is back, and is now in possession of a sausage. She also realises that this whole thing wasn't needed, considering she's writing EVERYTHING she thinks right now, it helps her stay in the mood.
Also, the author would like to point out that Lucy is now glaring very scarily at her, so she will try to keep her commentary to a minimum from now on and just write about Lucy's angst and heartbreak.
Lucy watched as they left her, and ignoring the true friends she was surrounded by, she walked over to where Makarov was having a drinking contest with Cana.
"Master, I want to leave the guild," she stated bravely, all the while she was breaking down into a sobbing mess inside.
Makarov eyed her, making sure she truly wanted this. Perhaps his body-language skills were getting rusty, but he nodded, deeming that she did in fact, want this. "Give me your hand, child." She did, and watched in dismay as he erased the mark on the back of her hand. "Will you be back?"
"I just... don't know. Perhaps, maybe when my broken heart has healed once more!" said Lucy. She looked over to where her former team mates were partying with the silver haired witch. Well, Lucy did't really call her a witch in her head- it was something spelt really similar, but for the sake of innocent ears, the author replaced the word.
Lucy then left the guild, crying the whole way home. This was the worst birthday EVER! And that was including the birthday that was seven days before her mother died of her illness, meaning she was very sick at the time and they were all aware of the fact that she wasn't going to make it... but that's another story for another time.
Returning to her apartment, Lucy packed up all of her things, ignoring the EXTREMELY handsome and EXTREMELY charming spirit known as Leo, who was sitting on her bed. (In case you haven't realised, the author has a HUGE crush on him).
"Where will you go, Luce?" he asked, another one of those true friends that Lucy completely forgot she had. Wooing her was far from his mind at this point in time- he could feel his mistress's pain.
"I'm going to become stronger! And hopefully while I'm gone everyone will realise how idiotic they've been in ignoring me and welcome me back with open arms!"
Leo sincerely doubted this would actually happen in real life, especially if they had ignored her up till now. After all, why would they start missing her after she left? It made no sense to him. But Leo kept his mouth shut, like the good lion he was.
And so Lucy left Magnolia, disregarding the paperwork that comes with moving out and never returning to her apartment. She travelled until she found a dragon that hadn't mysteriously disappeared like the others, and it, seeing her potential willingness to learn and abandon her other, perfectly good magic. And so Lucy Heartfilia became the student of Achnologia, the black dragon, becoming more powerful than the rest of the fairy tail guild combined. But as she did so, she became more and more twisted, barely even a shell of her former self.
Seven years later she returned to Magnolia, and seeing that Natsu and Lisanna were happy together and had several kids, lost her mind and went insane, her chaos dragon roar destroying the whole city and everyone in it, including Fairy Tail.
So to end our story, Lucy goes and joins Sabertooth to hang out with the other dragonslayers, not minding that everyone was scared of the now mass-murdering Lucy. And she lived happily ever after.
"Hey, wait a minute!" cried Lucy, looking at the screen.
"Yes?" the author asked innocently.
"That's not how it should end!" the blonde wailed, "I sound like a crazy psychopath!"
"Because you are. Well, you would be if you spent seven years alone with Achnologia. That, or have to put up with the hundreds of stories on this insane website that have the exact. Same. Plot." the author ground out, insanity clouding her eyes while she gripped the replica Leo key tightly. Lucy backed away from her a little- the prongs on that key were sharp. To get her to calm down a little, Lucy handed her the Happy plushie she bought from game traders a couple of days ago. Seeing that didn't work, she shoved it, and her stuffed Sebastian the Demon.
The author calmed down a little bit after spending a little time hugging her demon plushy. "So how do you think it should end?" the author asked, referring to the story.
"It should end with Natsu and the others realizing what they had done wrong, and then chasing after me. We'd have a big reunion in which Natsu kisses me and I come back to Fairy Tail, though not without a bit of angst, apprehension and trust issues first. I'd be a part of the team again and then we'd live happily ever after!" squealed Lucy, getting lost in her daydream.
The author rolled her eyes. "Seriously? I personally like MY ending better- gives a bit of a twist to the whole overused-plot thing. Besides, I'm currently writing FOUR stories that end with you and Natsu getting your happily ever after. Ish. Maybe. Hear that? Four totally DIFFERENT plots! I dare you to try it."
Lucy waved her off. "Whatever. I'm going to go and write what I think should happen. Ciao!" With that, the blonde walked off.
The author sighed staring at her screen. Suddenly, as if a cloud had been lifted from in front of her eyes, she straightened up and stared some more.
"...Dafuq did I just write?"
*shields self with Sebastian plushie* please, no flames. Just, you know, putting my point out there with my over-the-top sarcasm skills. But seriously, doesn't anyone else see it? Yes, I know this is fanfiction, so we can make the characters do whatever the hell we want. This was just my attempt at this plot, because you can't be a Fairy Tail author without having a crack at it. This wasn't meant to be funny, either, so if you laughed, well good for you. Here's a straight jacket and a map to your nearest mental asylum.
Anyway, that's all for now.
-Greentree Frog