AN: Just to warn you this is my diary so it's going to have opinons that you don't neccesarily agree with. So please don't get mad at me. I am also chaging the names of people in this diary. R&R if you wish.

Monday November 9, 2009 8:20 pm

I have always been jealous of Jennifer Connelly and Kristen Stewart. How can two people with no talent in acting whatsoever be so rich and famous?

I always wanted to be an actress ever since I was little. Why should they get an opportunity of a life when they don't deserve it?

Of course I am jealous of Jennifer Connelly for more than one reason besides her poor acting skills. One being her staring in my favorite movie, another staring in that same movie with my favorite singer David Bowie, and lastly having the most beautiful face, giving her opportunities in modeling, being in foreign commercials and also making it so she doesn't have to have a stitch of make up and still remain beautiful. Not to mention she is skinny.

I would have loved to be able to star in "The Labyrinth," with a famous and fabulous singer like David Bowie, but I wasn't born yet. I would have loved to star in a Japanese soda commercial, being as I am Japanese,( a ¼ to be exact) and I would have loved to have a beautiful body that would make men drool… but I don't.

At 16, I have rather large breasts. I am 38-D. I am also 5'6'', naturally wavy brown hair, and am a size large to extra large in junior clothing. I know, that flattering at all.

I personally don't think I am ugly, just not pretty, if that makes any sense at all. People always tell me I'm pretty, but they are always friends or family. They don't count because family always sees you as beautiful, and friends just say it because they sill want to be your friend and care about your feelings.

Besides Jennifer Connelly's beauty, I am also jealous of Scarlett Johanson's and Bettie Page. They have an old fashion beauty that is sexy but trying to be… just like Jennifer Connelly's.

I myself have a unique look to my face but that's only because my heritage is mostly Japanese and two parts Native American. Not to mention that I have a small rash that appears in the corner of my mouth randomly. I take Benedryl for it but it works slowly.

I started a new school this year for my junior year because I moved in with my mom. At my new high school I accidentally made friends with the "cool" crowd even though only a couple people talk to me, like my friend Jennifer, Samantha, Jewel, Justin, Alyson, Courtney, and Jasmine, and sometimes Darren and Nick.

I think the reason Jennifer wanted to be friends with me was because of my looks. She only seems to hang out with good looking people. Now I know I said earlier that I don't think I am necessarily pretty but that's the only reason I can come up with. Otherwise she seems to be pretty snobby towards the people who aren't her friends.

But as I said I only think she hangs out with good looking people. For example her friend Alicia. She is very tall, model skinny, long dark hair that goes down to her slim waist, and perfect white teeth.

I miss my friends back at my old school, but I left there because I wanted to escape my demons. Ever since I became friends with my former friend Hailey people thought I was into drugs when I wasn't. That caused attraction from guys like one of my good guy friends Joe and another guy Jace, who claimed he was the member of the bloods (I rolled my eyes at that) and also was the number one guy to want to get in my pants. He mostly tried in 9th grade when he was still smoking pot, but he became fore gentlemanly and chivalrous towards me in 10th grade when he stopped. (Thank God)

But now I am surrounded my bitches who all they have in their lives is their drama and their stupid boyfriends whom they are going to forget once they are out of high school. Can I ever win?

I started working on "Someday You'll Marry Me," last night but stopped after a couple paragraphs because I am having writers block. I want so badly to skip right to the weekend where Bella has her date with Edward and Jacob but then the story will be too short. But I am going to do my best. And with the help with my beta I bet we can make the story amazing.

Well I guess I should work on it right now… yeah I think I will.