Title: You've Always Been Alone
Summary: Bucky's alone and finding himself but every ray of sunshine that falls on him is quickly stolen away. Or, Bucky Barnes lets a homeless girl into his apartment and doesn't hate it
Disclaimer: I am not associated with Marvel and make no profit from any of what I am posting.
You've Always Been Alone
(and maybe you always will be)
i.
There's a girl in the shadows, with wide eyes. If he wasn't an asset - a soldier trained to notice every detail, Bucky doesn't think he'd have seen her. She stares at him unblinkingly, her eyes standing out against her dark skin and the darker alley that lies behind her.
He's seen a thousand d street kids and this one is no different. Bucky tosses his duffel over the wall and climbs up it. When he turns around, she's gone.
ii.
She's outside his apartment when Bucky returns the next evening.
It's not really his apartment, he found it empty but furnished and decided to move in. It's a roof above his head and a safe place to keep his things and that's all that matters. He frowns at the girl, trying to scare her away with a glance. She continues to stare at Bucky with large unblinking eyes, her head cocked to one side.
When he opens the door, she brushes past him and looks around the empty living room. She takes camp under the desk and Bucky can't be bothered to kick her out.
Deep down, he knows he'll regret this.
iii.
They never talk.
Her hair is dark and tangled and comes to her shoulders. Her eyes are darker still and flash with emotion he cannot yet read. When she eats she doesn't waste a grain and she always sleeps lightly- with one eye open.
She's like him, Bucky thinks, and he finds that oddly comforting.
iv.
She's standing above his bed, staring down at him when Bucky wakes up after a particularly terrible nightmare. His blanket is twisted around him and sweat drenches his skin. He hauls himself out of bed, stepping into the tiny balcony and she follows.
He's panting, trying to make sense of the images that flash through his head. He remembers a family, begging for their lives. He remembers a lab and an excruciating pain. He remembers Steve reaching out for him as Bucky fell from a train. It's impossible to piece together an entire lifetime through nightmares and flashbacks but Bucky tries.
He snaps back to the present when a feather-light touch appears on his arm. The girl. She's staring at him, eyes wide as ever and Bucky wonders what he did to earn this (he's not entirely sure what it is).
"What's your name?" he asks hoarsely. It's an attempt at friendship, he thinks.
She blinks once, her lips part as though she's going to say something, then she blinks again and lowers her hand. Without a word, she goes back inside.
Staring at the horizon, Bucky remembers a sister who'd looked up to him and thought he was the world. He wonders what happened to her. He wonders what she'd think of him now.
v.
They find him on a sunny morning.
Hydra.
They break open the door and appear in the balcony and the girl screams when the first bullets are fired. It's the first sound he's heard her make. He throws a kitchen knife at the first man, lifting his gun and shooting at the others. He chokes another who comes to close. When the fight ends, the apartment reeks of death.
Bucky spins around, searching for her small form and messy black hair. She's huddled under her desk, staring at him.
"Hey," Bucky says, reaching out. She whimpers, leaning away from him. Her eyes flash with emotion and, for the first time, Bucky can read it: fear. He gulps suddenly unsure of himself and drops the gun. It's supposed to be a peace offering but the girl flinches.
"I'm sorry," he croaks, knowing without being told that this is goodbye.
He draws away from the desk and packs his things in the duffel bag. She's still there when Bucky leaves, rocking herself back and forth, tears streaming down her face.
Becka, he remembers. His sister's name was Rebecca. If she knew him now, she would have hated him.
This came to me last night when I was trying to fall asleep so, obviously, I had to give up on the trying to sleep part and write it. I'm weirdly happy with how this fic turned out so I hope you guys liked it too!
Find me on Tumblr at WizardingAesthetics (link in bio!)