Character(s): Bilbo Baggins, others referenced

Warnings: Middle Earth as a MMORPG, Video Games Mechanics, Gamer!Bilbo

Summary: Instances and World Events definitely weren't his things. He had barely took part in the Fell Winter Quests storyline, having been a too low-level player at the time to truly be useful. But that was fine, Bilbo kept repeating himself. He had decided to play a Hobbit for a reason, damnit, and it wasn't the become Middle Earth's Greatest Warrior!

Or: the fic where Bilbo is a casual-type gamer stuck in Middle Earth, the journey to Erebor is a Quest to try and find a way home, the Elven-King's Halls may have been planned as an Instance, the Ring's description is suspiciously lacking and there is loot to sort through...

Notes: I don't often dabble in the Hobbit fandom, but after reading esama's 'The Great Grocer' ( post/139966233146/the-great-grocer) I had this idea and it wouldn't let go until I wrote it down.
You get to enjoy the results lol.

[Master Loot]

Legs heavy and soreness crawling through his body, Bilbo sat cross-legged on the floor of the small, otherwise empty storage room he had found earlier while prowling and trying to map out the Elven-King's Halls. He briefly wondered if the place had been intended as a true Dungeon at some point or even a Raid, because it certainly felt labyrinthic enough for that. Or he supposed so; Bilbo always avoided doing instances, being little interested in them. Most players connected to Middle Earth for the adventure, the fighting and the exploring, but Bilbo hadn't been one of them. Which made his current situation quite ironic, but nevermind that.

The point was, he wasn't a go-lucky warrior/adventurer. He disliked PvP, cared little for Duels, and found Battlefields a bother altogether. He didn't mind a little combat, like monster-slaying to finish a quest allowing him a reward in coins or interesting drops, but that was it as far as fighting went. He had never ventured past the low-to-mid level areas of the Old Forest in Buckland, the one and only Hobbit-based instance, and he had only do so because he wanted the [Silvery Acorns] and the [Accursed Nuts] that needed a cleansing to become [Yavanna Blessed Nuts] that could allow him to create his own [Guardian Ent] familiar to help him watch over his land plots.

Instances and World Events definitely weren't his things. He had barely took part in the Fell Winter Quests storyline, having been a too low-level player at the time to truly be useful. But that was fine, Bilbo kept repeating himself. He had decided to play a Hobbit for a reason, damnit, and it wasn't the become Middle Earth's Greatest Warrior!

And sure, Hobbits had some fighting skills - like an Accuracy level and boost almost rivalling the Elves if correctly used - but they were bad fighters altogether, especially in melee. The whole race was more geared toward crafting and farming, and it had suited Bilbo just fine. He had always been more of a casual gamer, so playing a Hobbit had seemed a perfect fit.

And it had been… until he had gotten stuck in the game, God only knew how. From there on, being a Hobbit in a MMORPG aimed toward combat had started to be heavily restrictive and dangerous.

Perhaps getting out of the Shire on this Quest wasn't such a good idea after all… but it was one of the only options he had had left. And it wasn't so unpleasant, really - if one didn't mind the Trolls, the vengeful pale Orc with a grudge stalking them, the grumpy Company leader who seemed to hate his guts until recently, the Wargs, the possibly mad Wizard NPC called Radagast, the creepy Gollum creature, the Stone Giants, the Goblins, and the Elves/Dwarves inimity which seemed to have been pushed at its paroxysm between the Company's NPCs and Elves in general. Frankly, the last point was getting ridiculous! Sure, there were tensions between the two races, it was all part of gameplay, but no player characters Bilbo had met had ever been so hostile toward each other outside of role-play!

If he managed to get out, he was going to have words with the developing team.

Right now though, he was too tired to care. Perhaps he should take a potion to boost up his Life Points recuperation?

Letting his back rest against solid stone, he took a few deep breaths before opening his various inventory windows. He whistled as he saw how well-filled several of his virtual bags were - but retrospectively, it wasn't so surprising.

In between getting lost in Mirkwood, which now ranked on Bilbo's list of Least Favored Places just below the Goblins' Caves and Gollum's Lair, getting attacked by the Giant Spiders and entering a short but intense series of Quests to find the Company, free them from the cocoons while avoiding capture by the Spiders, then escaping said Spiders until they encountered unlikely 'saviors' in the Elves who had, once again, promptly captured the Company, Bilbo had been too busy to sort out whatever he had looted from the corpses of the spiders, bats and assorted monsters or animals they had run through.

He had just done it out of habit, really. He had had Master Loot turned out since the beginning of the Company's journey to the Lonely Mountain, after he had realized that, as NPC, none of the Dwarves ever looted their kills, and it would have been a real waste to let the loot disappear without seeing if there was anything potentially useful inside. Plus, Master Loot was a simple system to use - just give a quick tap on a corpse and you could gather all the lootable items in the immediate area in a second. The downside was, you really gathered ieverything/i, which meant you often ended with trash barely worth anything, but that wasn't much of a problem. Usually. It had been a while since Bilbo had had any time to truly take care of the trash, too busy staying alive, going with the flow and wondering when the damn Quests series were going to end or at least stop being timed.

The latest one 'Free the Company Part II', was thankfully without a limit and he could afford to take his sweet time now. Rubbing his hands to warm them, his eyes caught the glint of the golden ring he had found in Gollum's Lair. Very useful thing, he mused as he started to rub his chin, rechecking the equipment piece's specificities. Simply titled [Magical Ring] with no item level added, just the vague description of 'will turn the wearer invisible at will when equipped' and stats boosters such as +50 in stealth, it looked quite useful and innocent.

Bilbo… wasn't fooled for one moment. There was no way a rare drop like that - and it had to be one, despite the item's description being written in common white - didn't come with a catch. And he'd bet his entire estate, all the farms, vineyards, orchards and forests he had carefully bought and cultivated over time that it was a big, big one. The ring's description was clearly edited and left out several side abilities, like the fact the bearer could actually understand the SPIDERS speaking when he had it equipped!

Shit, that had been creepy when he had first realized the side effect - but very useful as well, since it had guided him to the Spiders' Pantry (the game's description, not his; his Company wasn't anyone lunch!) by following their dialogue boxes and allowed him to outmanoeuvre their eight-legged pursuers during their mad dash to safety.

Still… yeah, Bilbo wasn't going to blindly trust an item which was obviously trapped.

Whatever the ring was, it would bring bad news, he could feel it - and he had played enough games to be genre savvy about such things. Bilbo would need to have a closer look at it and determinate what it was exactly once he had a moment and the actual occasion to examine it in details.

For now, though… rest and sort the loot.

Coins, as usual - though where did the monsters kept them always bugged him. Those were quickly added to his purse, making Bilbo's lips quirk briefly in an amused smirk. He truly was a burglar, wasn't he? Not like the Company imagined, but since Master Loot allowed him to take everything without anyone knowing…

Some old, rusty pieces of armors - that he destroyed without a care; they weren't worth anything, even if he sold them for scrap. [Broken Arrows] were given the same treatment, though he conserved the stray [Arrow Heads], planning to give them to Kili when he'd have time. The lad could always use more to craft his own munitions - and it would have the side bonus of helping raise his friendship level with Bilbo.

What else could be useful? Hmm, he would keep the [Spider Venom] for now, even if he couldn't use it himself. Although he had developed the [Alchemist] craft as part of his Talent Tree, the Hobbit had only collected and developed skills in crafting fertilizers for his farmland. [Spider Venom] had no use to grow crops, but it could come in handy given his current, ah, occupation.

Perhaps he could try and give them to Nori? Or perhaps even Oïn? The two dwarves had [Alchemy] as part of their own Talents Tree last time Bilbo had checked the Company's individual stats, way back in Hobbiton. Oïn was specialized in Health Potions and could probably shape antidotes out of the venom and Bilbo would feel safer if they had some at hand to finish traveling through Mirkwood, but Nori had a speciality in Poisons, even if it was a low-level ones, and Bilbo wasn't against the idea of having a vial of handy, potent liquid to throw at a monster mob or to add a booster effect to the weapons he had. [Sting] was a fine enough weapon by itself - at least for a Hobbit - but the small-sized arrows he had collected to go with the [Hobbit Yew Bow] he had bought from Bree's market at the start of the Quest could use additional effects. They did too little damages by themselves, hence why he never used them outside of hunting rabbits for the 'Help Prepare the Company's Meal' Daily Quest. Plus, he didn't have an illimited stock and he had no way to replenish them - they had met few vendors so far, and none of those outside the borders of the Shire had had the ones Bilbo needed.

Middle Earth at large catered little to Hobbits players - perhaps a subtle way for programmers to push people into choosing to play Dwarves, Elves or Men? Meh.

After closer inspection, Bilbo decided he would also keep the [Mirkwood Spider Silk]. There wasn't enough to make a true, sturdy cloth armor out of it and he'd need a [Tailoring Master] for that anyway, but Dori's profile ranked him as a [Tailoring Journeyman], so perhaps he could craft Bilbo a mantle or a shirt with it and the [Common Warg Fur] the Hobbit had also stored. Hmm, yes, a nice fur-trimmed mantle to give him a +5 resistance to the cold would be nice. And if he could get Ori add an Inscription on the mantle, perhaps he could push to a +10.

Or… yeah, perhaps an enchantment against the cold was counterproductive, since there was a big, nasty flaming death waiting for him in Erebor should they manage to reach it. Funny how he had almost forgotten the dragon. Silly him. An enchantment against fire would be much better, assuming of course Ori was a [Scribe] of an high enough level to know one.

[Athelas Leaves], Bilbo was definitely keeping, even if those ones didn't seem in good shape - they were written in gray instead of the usual green flowers in the Shire spotted. At worst, he could dry and grind them in powder to raise their healing capacity. A careful inspection of the [Mysterious Mushrooms] with his [Herbalism skills] - another thing the Hobbits had a boost with, and a skill Bilbo had taken great care in developing to its max to get new Grains unlocked in the Shire's stores - let him know they weren't toxic, though they lacked in quality. Hmm, he could always use them to make [Roasted Mushrooms] by himself or give them to Bombur to increase his Friendship level with the fat, jovial Dwarf.

He was close to rank as a 'Revered Friend' by now, and there were good chances it'd give Bilbo special rewards. Given Bombur was a [Master Cook], it might land him with a rare recipe. No, actually, Bilbo knew it would; from hints in conversation, raising your Friendship with Bombur could lend you the scroll for [Bombur's Famous Stew], a high-level dish which gave you a +100 bonus in health recuperation for 4 hours. Just like growing friendly enough with Bofur would land you the pattern for [Bofur's Lucky Hat], and Bilbo was almost certain raising one's friendship with Bifur would give you patterns for rare dwarvish toys - and perhaps more skills in Language. Befriending anyone in the Company could give you great rewards, but it was time consuming and in some cases, Bilbo wondering if it was worth the effort, especially in Thorin's case. Whatever.

Anyway, he had worked out since long that Bombur's special gift would be culinary related.

Speaking of recipes...

He eyed the last item to sort, a [Mirkwood Spider Kabob] recipe scroll, with a thoughtful look, pondering if he should just destroy it or safely keep it until he could find a vendor - surely there was bound to be one at some point? Of course, he could still learn use the scroll and learn the recipe himself, but his stomach did a flip-flop at the thought of eating a spider of all things!

Funny how he seemed to always attract recipe scrolls as rare drops, though - when it wasn't grains or plants bits or flowers or, well, anything to do with farming and flora. He knew drops weren't always random and your choice of player race and the skills you had highlighted and developed in your Talent Tree made you more susceptible to get some items rather than others, but still...

With a sigh, he decided to just drop it back in his inventory, adding it to the growing list of 'exotic' dishes recipes he had started gathering since the start of this journey.

The scrolls' labels alone always made him want to do a double-check. [Bat Brochettes], [Warg Ribs], [Wolf Steak], [Wolf Liver Pie], [Spiced Warg Meat], [Roasted Rat], [Fried Bat Wings],... oh, and let's not forget the [Troll Stew] which he got way back from the Trolls' hoard and which ingredients were… well, about anything you wanted, so long you added [Troll Snot] to the mix. Ugh. Disgusting. He should have burned the scroll already, make it explodes in a shower of pixels, but… well, Bilbo had somehow gotten attached to it.

MMORPG's culinary items were a thing of wonder and weirdness, and the developers had too much imagination on their hands, he decided. Well, if anything, this journey would allow him to test out a few things once he was back in the Shire. He still had a plot of land unoccupied he hadn't turned into a farm yet. Perhaps he could open a restaurant instead? He had a high enough [Cooking] level to try anyway, and enough gold stored in his account to buy the material and the NPCs needed for construction.

Ah, but all that was far in the future. He first needed to finish the Lonely Mountain Quest - and perhaps, hopefully, find a way to get out of Middle Earth altogether. Shaking his head, he closed his eyes and let his head rest against the blessedly cool stone wall. He needed a rest before he continued the Quest. Then he would try and localize Thorin and work out a plan to get them out of Thranduil's Palace. He just needed to listen to the right NPCs and pick up the right clues.

Time, yes. That was all he needed… And lucky him, he had all the time in the world.

End