Know That I Loved You
by EMPG22HoPe
Know that I loved you. Know that it was not enough.
The worst day of my life started like so: an altercation, some choice abrasive words, all of which lead to detention with the headmaster, Sensei Kaito. But it's not that it was my fault, or anything.
It was his.
Tomoe Otori was a pompous wizard whom I've hated since we were seven. Then he became a wizard who I loved. Then hated again when he decided I was no longer good enough for him. And now, my current fiancé.
Had it not been for his idiotic attempts to ruin my transfiguration homework earlier, I would have never sent him flying across the room with a powerful hex. Then I never would have been caught by sensei, and get stuck in detention… with Tomoe.
When I entered the potions classroom for detention, he was already there. It was late already, far after classes—and everyone was already setting off for home or going back to their dorms. I should have been going with those leaving the palace, was I not stuck for the next three hours making up for my mistake lest I get reported for misconduct on our school's wizard's code.
Tomoe was still clad in his golden robes, indicating much of his status just as much as it did mine. Gold robes meant the greatest honor to a Japanese wizarding student. It meant we were at the top of our class, and for good reason—we are Head Boy and Girl of Mahoutokoro, after all.
At the sound of my footfalls, Tomoe turned to produce a grim and pompous look. He was handsome, and he admittedly always has been. But underneath that shiny pretty boy face was a vain, selfish person who cared about no one but himself.
"I was starting to think you ditched, Kohatsu. Sensei would not be proud." Tomoe spat with enough venom to poison even the most docile creature.
"Like I'd ditch and destroy my wizard's code, Otori." I shot back with an annoyed roll of my eyes. Just before I could open my mouth, Sensei Kaito came in.
I whirled to meet the old man's gaze, his long, white, wizard's beard as prominent as ever.
"I never thought I would have to catch you two in the same detention. And here I thought the both of you were doing so well." Sensei Kaito regarded them behind his moon spectacles. "Onto your cauldron, you two. I have something special for the both of you to brew today."
With much reluctance, I forced my feet to move towards Tomoe. Tomoe glared at me as I took the seat beside him, though I was tempted to take out my wand and hex his face right then and there. Before I had the chance to, our sensei was already standing on the other side of our table, where a brass cauldron lay.
"I have already sent a message to your parents that you'll be coming home late. I believe they are quite… eager for the two of you to be in detention today." The sensei chuckled lowly. "They said it would do well, given how you two are to be married after you graduate."
"An unfortunate circumstance, sensei," I commented venomously.
Tomoe scoffed.
"Less lip, Yuko," Sensei Kaito scolded, though it had a touch of humor to it. "Today, I would like you two to work together on the first part of the Polyjuice potion. I would do it myself, but I find this activity more befitting for the two of you."
I saw Tomoe stand up. "Sensei, it's unnecessary—"
"Two heads are better than one," The sensei went on, completely ignoring Tomoe. I sniggered. "Work together, and if you do so properly, I shall relieve you from detention. If not, we'll have to repeat this daily until you find your rhythm."
Since when did Sensei become matchmaker?
"Two heads, but I fear Tomoe must have lost his." I sneered, tilting my head to look up at Tomoe.
"You'll be lucky if I don't shove you off the bloody storm petrel on the way home." Tomoe fired back, some bit of English slipping between his accent.
"If you can even get home after I hex you all the way up to the hospital wing!" I stood up in vexation.
"That's enough," Sensei Kaito reprimanded softly, but there was a winter to his voice that made Tomoe and I sit back down on our seats obediently. The air filled with tension. The headmaster regarded us towards the cupboards. "You have all the ingredients in there. Instructions as well as the fluxweed picked last night on the full moon are in the cauldron. You may check that cauldron—"
Sensei pointed towards another brass cauldron to our left, but that one was bubbling and emitting smoke. "—for a sample of what the Polyjuice should look like whilst it stews the lacewing flies for 21 days. Well, get to it then."
I opened my mouth to protest, but the headmaster was already ambling out of the classroom. The moment he was gone, I spun to glare at Tomoe. "Well, get to it, then."
"As if I'll do your dirty work, Yuko," Tomoe laughed mockingly before fishing out a galleon from his golden robes. "Let's flip on it. Whoever wins gets to do all the stirring, chopping, you know—the dirty work. Whoever loses gets to sit back and enjoy the show."
I felt every nerve in my body go on edge at his audacity. Once upon a time, I used to love him. He had meant the world to me. Until he broke up with me. And then the tables were turned when our pure-blood families decided we were still a perfect match despite the breakup. I could not believe I was going to marry this man one day.
"Heads," I said firmly.
Tomoe smirked. "Tails."
He flipped the galleon. It landed on heads on the palm of his hand.
I didn't think I would have to live the day when I get outsmarted by a freaking galleon. And yet here we are, and Tomoe was already sporting a stupid grin unparalleled by any other pompous look he's ever produced. It made me want to punch him in the face.
With a defeated sigh, I jested towards the cupboards. "The least you could do is get me some ingredients while I boil up the cauldron."
Tomoe raised a delicate brow.
I groaned in frustration. "Please?"
A triumphant smirk graced his lips before he hopped off his seat.
As I filled the cauldron with water with a simple Aguamenti, I began to read the ingredients to making the first part of the Polyjuice Potion. It's said to be the most complicated potion there is, though our local Japanese potions, in my opinion, tend to be more difficult in preparation.
My intent for the whole of detention now was to keep my head down, do the work and not speak a word to Tomoe. Being with him was more trouble than anything's worth, and I'm not about to ruin my perfect record by failing detention, of all things.
I never got detention. Until today, that is.
Tomoe, on the other hand, thrives in countless detentions; it's a wonder why he still sports golden robes.
When he came back with the ingredients, I had already begun to heat up the cauldron. Ember flames licked the bottom of the cauldron, emitting the base water into chaotic bubbles. As I took out measures of fluxweed that Sensei provided earlier, Tomoe did the most insufferable thing of opening his mouth.
"I like seeing you so defeated, Yuko," Tomoe chuckled, sitting down on the other side of the table to face me and placing his hand underneath his chin. He looked up to me with an insulting reverence. I grimaced. "It's unheard of. Uncharacteristic, even."
"Do you want me to shove this boiling cauldron of water in your face?" I asked him snippily, avoiding his gaze after adding measures of fluxweed. "Or would you prefer I hex you like I did earlier?"
Tomoe reeled back in laughter. "Lighten up, Kohatsu. You can't take a joke these days. Where's that charming young girl I fell in love with not too many moons ago?"
I stiffened all of a sudden. How dare he?
But I scoffed instead, taking off my cherry blossom hair tie before I pulled my hair up into a bun. I concentrated better with my hair up this way, but it gave me more view of the annoying person sitting across from me. I unfurled some knotgrass before leaving the table to go see the other cauldron.
As I look down, the mixture was bubbling with a great green color. It's yet to have the thick, goopy texture of a completely brewed Polyjuice. But it was thick enough to nearly get there onto the second part of making the potion.
"She's a lot smarter now than she was before," I answered placidly, going back to our table before I looked up at him. "Charming young Yuko was a stupid little girl who fell for handsome assholes like you. She's long gone."
"Oh, Yuko. Are you flirting with me?" Tomoe raised his brows suggestively, a sickly sweet smile on his lips.
"You wish." I chided coldly, adding two bundles of knotgrass into the cauldron. "Do me a favor and shut up, Tomoe. I want to graduate Mahoutokoro with flying colors and I'm not going let my asshole of a fiancé get in the way of that."
Tomoe held up his chest in mock pain. "Harsh, sweetheart."
"Go kiss a snargaluff, you prat," I seethed vexingly before ignoring him to concentrate on our—scratch that, my—work.
There was a momentary silence as I continued to work on the potion. I can't fail this one simple thing. If I do, I would probably throw myself off the damn mountain. And what would my parents think? They expect so much from me, and I can't do much of it if Tomoe keeps getting in my way.
I hated pure-blood traditions. It was almost impossible to escape it unless one finds a loophole. Unfortunately, the only loophole to arranged marriages is to already have someone you consent to genuinely marrying. And I didn't have that, not after Tomoe and I broke up. As such, my parents took my fate in their own hands, and had been deliberate with the Otoris in setting Tomoe and I for marriage after Mahoutokoro.
The thought alone still devastates me. There is no escaping my past. And there was no escaping my future, either.
"How did it all go so wrong?"
I whipped my head up to stare at Tomoe in confusion. There was something different about his demeanor now. He had none of that proud look that he held on a daily basis. He looked like he was bearing down his walls. I felt the hair on my skin rise. This shouldn't be happening.
"Are you seriously asking me that?" I asked, trying to keep my anger from flourishing any further.
Tomoe met my gaze, and something held me back from looking away. I stared into the pools of his deep brown eyes. It was unnerving, as I can almost feel myself relax at the sight of them. I always did find comfort in the warmth of his eyes, and I hated him for still holding that same regard even after everything we've been through.
"I never meant to hurt you," Tomoe admitted, lowering his head as he stared at the edge of the table, barely meeting my gaze. "I thought that if you were to be with someone else, things would be better for you. Even though my parents insist it, deep down they know there is not much of a future for me. Our engagement… it's just an excuse to continue tradition. It's rubbish."
I wasn't sure if it was the heat that emitted from the cauldron that made it difficult to breathe, or the very fact that Tomoe had just tried to make his excuse for what happened in the past. But it wasn't much of an excuse now, was it? Moreover the real reason why he left in the first place.
A uneasy tension filled the room as I waited for him to say more. When he didn't, I spoke.
"Why did you really leave? I know it's not because I wasn't good enough for you, Tomoe," I said a little firmly, but I can feel the slight quiver in my voice. The potion bubbled, filling the brief silence. "I know you when you lie, and you lied to me when you said why you had to leave me. Tell me the truth."
"Yuko—"
"Tell me the truth, or I swear, I'll steal a whole vial of Veritaserum from the stockroom and make you say it myself!" My voice has completely lost all control. I screeched the words in anger, and surprised myself when I felt tears stream down my cheeks. It wasn't supposed to be like this.
I stared down at him with his head still down. But when he finally looked up, our eyes met, and I found tears in his brown gaze.
"It's like you've completely forgotten," Tomoe shook his head, looking indisposed as he turned away, no longer looking at me. "My blood-bourne curse, Yuko. Can't you see? How can I give you a future when I'm so uncertain of mine?"
It was like being attacked by a raving Kappa. In all my selfish pain, I never sought to think that that could be the reason why Tomoe left. It wasn't because I wasn't good enough or pretty enough like the other witches. In the end, I should have known it was more than that. This was Tomoe. No matter how superficial he seemed on the outside, I knew his heart more than anyone ever did. And I wanted to hit myself for thinking so selfishly, for not thinking through his point of view instead of mine.
Blood-bourne curses were incurable. No Healer in any century has ever found a cure or a way to break the curse. Such curses consume the victim's health slowly, surely, until they're left with nothing but a soulless body. Sometimes, the curse could take its effect at any moment, and destroy what little life is left in the wizard without warning, without any sign that they could be dying.
Death is a gamble for cursed wizards. And yet, I never considered…
"I could die any minute now, and it would have devastated you." Tomoe's voice sent me out of my reverie. "How could I strip away your happiness for my own selfishness?"
I stepped away from the cauldron then rounded my way from the table to sit beside him. He still refused to look at me, and I feel as though my heart might burst from the pain of it.
"I wish you could have told me that." I whispered with such strain. "I wish you had told me that instead of making me believe I wasn't good enough. You know what I said about your curse. I didn't care if you carried all the damn curses in the world, because I would have fought them with you."
"It's not that simple, Yuko." Tomoe shook his head angrily this time, tears pitter-pattering against the table's wood now. "If I marry you and die the next day, what would have been the point of it?"
"The point of it is that we would have been married anyway." I said more strongly, shoving the tears from my eyes angrily with the back of my hand. "I would have kept your name still. I would have let people know that I married you out of love, and not out of pity. But you never dared to give me that opportunity, and now we're stuck in a shit hole we can't escape."
I could hear Tomoe grit his teeth. He was such an impossible man.
Even though my mind says to hold back, my heart did its ridiculous notion of taking his hand in my own.
Finally, finally, he looked up. His brown eyes were red from his tears. I felt as though the world might fall apart.
"Would you let me fix it?" Tomoe asked softly.
"Fix what?"
Tomoe nodded towards our cauldron. The potion was bubbling over.
"Oh, shit—"
But Tomoe was already on his feet, and stirring the contents with a ladle before he lowered the flame underneath the cauldron. He waved his wand over the mixture before the bubbles slowly settled into a simmer. I blew out a sigh of relief.
"That and, I was hoping, perhaps, us," Tomoe spoke again, sitting back down, and this time, he was looking at me with an intent I've never seen before.
Every part of me knew I deserved better than have to settle for second best. But I wasn't second best at all. The whole time Tomoe and I were together, he always put me first, nearly above everything else. And he tried his best to put me first by leaving, knowing he could never live long enough for us to be together.
"I can't forgive you. Not yet, anyway," I answered plainly, shutting down the bit of hope in Tomoe's face. "But… I have loved you. I always have. I wish you had known that was stronger than our uncertain future."
Tomoe sniffed. "Is it stronger?"
"Yes, it is." I affirmed strongly. It always has been. Until he tore it all apart. "I want to believe it still is. I'll need time, of course. You'll need to be a little less of an asshole and more… you know, compelling."
This time, I saw him laugh sadly as he wiped his tears away. "Anything else?"
My heart raced, then I squeezed his hand. "Don't ever make me think I'm not good enough again."
"You are more than enough, Yuko Kohatsu," Tomoe raised my hand to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss against my knuckles. I felt my resolve weaken, even more when he began his mantra of endearment, "You are my temple, you are my priest. You are my prayer—"
"You are my release," I finished for him, smiling sadly as I felt Tomoe's lips curve against my knuckles.
I released a laugh of exhaustion. "You have a long way to go in earning my heart back, Tomoe."
"I would go to hell and back if it means having you in my arms again." Tomoe replied smoothly.
"How about you start by helping me with this potion?" I asked, gesturing towards our cauldron.
Tomoe let out a breathless laugh. It made my heart sing.
There was so much for us to do, so much still ahead of us. I've yet to know if we can survive. We're already engaged, after all. But if there's one thing my mama taught me, is that hope can unfurl and bloom in the most unexpected places.
Indeed, a potions classroom was something unexpected in itself. But it's the hope that blooms within that matter the most.
Prompt(s):
Fanfiction Writing Month: 3,194 words
Dragon Breeding Club: Norwegian Ridgeback - Livia
Fanfiction Resolutions Challenge
8. Write a story in a style you've not used before(first person)
27. Write a story set in a different wizarding school
365 Prompts Challenge
137. First Line - The worst day of my life started like so:
Insane House Challenge
667. Dialogue - "Are you flirting with me?" / "You wish."
Writing Club - June
22. (potion) Polyjuice Potion (Character Appreciation)
Hydra: (dialogue) "Two heads are better than one." (Creature Feature)
Chimera: (word) ember (Creature Feature)
Filled up feelings (Lyric Alley)
[Summer] Seasonal Challenge
June 1 2018 - Flip a Coin Day: Write about the result of flipping a coin (Days of the Year)
(word) Heat (Summer Prompts)
Cherry Blossom (Colour Prompts)
(word) Flame (Fire Element)
27. South Pacific - write a story using only characters that are poc (Shay's Musical Challenge)
Dedicated and written for my best friend and fellow Slytherin, Feliz
AN: This is my first time writing OC's full-on in this fandom, and I hope it's decent enough! I thought it'd be interesting to explore the customs of a different wizarding school. And for those who might say that storm petrels are only for ages seven to eleven in Mahoutokoro, I headcanon that Tomoe and Yuko's families prefer they come home daily instead of having to board in the school. They are from prominent pure-blood families and as Japanese families are family-oriented, having their children far from home feels much of an insult to their values.
Anywho, I hope you all enjoyed reading! Remember to R&R. :')
EMPG22HoPe