TITLE: Fanfictitious: The Best Hits of the Plethora of Ploterrific Failures
Description: Yes.
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When Sasuke awoke, he was a vampire.
It didn't bother him, though. He had the same cold interior as always, and considering that blood has natural sugars in it, he was disinclined to drink it; he hated sweets. Unfortunately, the Kingdom of Narutoverse had always been inhabited by perfect beings, and so therefore there were no diabetics, which would have certainly been the only meal on his menu of preference. So, therefore, he just continued to eat tomatoes. Their juice looked like blood, anyway.
He continued to live his life peacefully and as a loner, the usual pale-skinned vegetarian vampire, until he received a rather late envelope in the mail. It was dated back to when he was only eleven, but he figured due to the changeover of Hokages and government and his defection from his home village, certain notices were bound to get lost in the mail.
His invitation to Hogwarts did not come as a surprise to him. He was an Uchiha, and naturally he had powers that made him the most powerful wizard-to-be ninja of all time. He heard of a guy named Voldemort in passing; there had been a popular book series featuring a villain with the same name, but Sasuke knew his Uchiha bloodline abilities combined with his own superior snake training would make him a far better legend among Slytherin's ranks…
… Which is why Sasuke was all that more pissed off to find out that he had been sorted into Ravenclaw, of all places. According to a talking hat, his dark and solitarian lifestyle made him a perfect fit with all the other artists, musicians, and hipsters who were all posers and sported the same style haircut.
He got fed up with the school the moment he realized he had to actually start from square one and start studying again. The entire system was a giant waste of time for him, so he quit, content with the knowledge that his author would simply upgrade both his magical and ninjutsu abilities when the time came.
And so that's how he found himself on a lonely road through the woods. But then suddenly there was another man on the road, walking the opposite direction. And it was then, in that moment, he looked at the man in the bright sunlight, and all he saw were sparkles. That was until he realized the other man was a vampire, too, starring in his own series. And, at that moment, Sasuke knew he was gay.
Or rather, that's the thought that Sasuke had until he mentally smacked himself for becoming a female as part of one of Kabuto's experiments at Orochimaru's place. So, he continued to walk, and very quickly forgot all about the blonde vampire ninja robot pirate zombie that walked by him.
But as Sasuke walked by, the blonde's blue yellow red eyes followed him, and suddenly the other man heard a voice inside his head from a demon within his belly:
Go after him, kit.
No, I will not! Thought the ninja pirate robot blonde.
But he eventually gave in, for the demon inside him put him into a mad heat. And now it was mating season.
TBC
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Read and review! Will always take trite and cliché requests! The more overused and overdone, the better Sasuke will feel after he straightens his hair in the morning and applies half a bottle of hair gel.