Disclaimer : I do not own NCIS or its characters blah blah blah

A/N: Rated M for later chapters just trying this out and I hope all enjoy...I also appreciate feedback!

The moments before the car crash played over and over in Tony's head, the way she looked at him, the way their hands intertwined with each others perfectly, and then " Tony..." She was about to tell him something, something personal from the light kindness he detected in her voice, and then it happened...Bodners SUV crashed into them, and they went spinning, in his last waking moments Tony reached for Ziva's hand again but failed, and the last thing he saw before unconsciousness took over was Bodner headed toward the car.

Tony awoke from his nightmare drenched in sweat, the images of that night haunted his dreams every night since it happened, tourturing him, he couldn't protect her from what he knew was happening, and Ziva's "friendship" comment just made it slightly more vivid, he wanted to hold on to the moments before the crash, he wanted to hold on to Berlin, the way they flirted, just a little closer than usual, he should have kissed her on the dance floor... He should have beat the living daylights out of Adam when he had the chance...

He didn't know what was stopping him now, they were no longer technically coworkers, and the was no Gibbs around to head slap him for breaking rule number 12. It was Ziva, her words that day played in his head over and over, "friends" how could they possibly just be friends after all of this, there was something between them, something electric and romantic that Tony just couldn't describe, and was afraid to talk about. Reguardless of the technicality that was them working together, Tony, Ziva, and McGee were all working on a way to clear their names and to bring Gibbs back from whatever it was he was assigned to. Abby, Palmer, Ducky, and even Vance were discreetly working within the agency to solve this problem. The three special agents met at to Tony's place a few days a week to catch up and bring any new evidence to light.

His cell phone brought him out of his trans and he peered down at it...it was McGee he rolled his eyes and picked up the phone.

"What is it Tim?" Tony asked with some annoyance, considering it was 3am

"Ummmm...uhhhh I'm not going to be able to make it over there today" tony heard giggling in the background and Tim shushing someone..then a loud "Tim!" Rang out and Tony then had an idea of what was going on, and it suddenly peeked his interest.

"Could it be because of that lady friend I hear McHeff?" Tony smiled at the name but then suddenly realized who the voice was..." Wait...McGee, are you with Abby?"

"Yes he is!" He heard Abby exclaim " and he is indisposed at the moment he will call you later!" And with that she hung up. Great, even McGee is getting laid. Tony thought as he crashed back down into his bed, debating wether or not he should go back to sleep. He decided to at least take a shower and wash the sweat off from the intensity of his dream. No matter what he did lately he couldn't stop thinking about Ziva, that when they were talking instead of kissing her on the forehead and reassuring her that they were ok, he should have swept her off her feet, told her he loved her, and kissed her with all the passion he had welling up inside for her. But he didn't. He was afraid to love someone again. Afraid to feel what he felt for Wendy, for Jeane, because all that would come out of it was heartbreak, or at the least his car getting totaled. I'm not getting any younger he thought to himself as he washed the last bit of shampoo from his hair. He wanted to talk to her, and thought today would be as good a day as any...

His doorbell interrupted his thoughts he finished washing up his body, hastily wrapped a towel around his waist and ran dripping wet to his front door. When he opened it there was Ziva, scratches all over her arms, a black eye and a bloodied face.

"Ziva! What happened to you?" Tony gasped in horror as he led her to the couch. She didn't say a word she just stared straight ahead, hurt in her eyes as tony grabbed his first aid kit and a bowl of hot water.

"Look at me Ziva" he pleaded as he took a rag and immersed it in the hot water. Not saying a word, Ziva turned to him and a tear ran down her bloody cheek, he gently washed the blood from her face and arms quickly realizing that the blood on her face most likely wasn't hers. He cleaned the scratches on her arms and set the kit on the table.

"Adam was working with Bodnar..." She trailed off but then quickly gained composure. "I couldn't sleep so I went on a run. While I was out I ran into Adam we started talking and decided to walk for a while, I thought it was strange that he was in DC but I figured he had a reason. Once we reached a point where we weren't in public he attacked me. Told me it was for Bodnar and that I was toxic to our homeland. We struggled for a while" she said, indicating her arms and the black eye "he thought he had knocked me out, so he reached over me to get the gun I had kicked out of his hands...and that's when I stabbed him...in his chest..." She looked up at Tony and Tony couldn't help but pull her into him and hold her. She let go and sobbed into Tony's chest. He knew how difficult this must have been for her Adam was a good friend, even if Tony thought maybe too good for his taste, she still was forced to kill someone she cared for. Tony pulled away from her and wiped the tears from her face. He got up went to the closet and grabbed one of his old Ohio state shirts and a pair of boxers

"Go take a shower and put these on, then we can talk, or not talk as much as you would like" he threw the clothes and a towel at her and smiled. She graciously accepted them and walked toward the shower.

"Tony?" She asked as she turned around in the hall

"Hm?"

"Thanks for not rubbing it in, and thanks for opening your door to me at 4 in the morning" she smiled as she entered the bathroom and shut the door.

"What are friends for?" He mumbled to himself as he slumped back into the couch