The heel of my shoes clicked as I walked through the vacant halls of the Blue Mountains. I hated hearing my movements echo. It reminded me of how empty this stronghold was compared with Erebor. The air was not thick with glad tidings. The walls did not vibrate with the smiths digging deeper into the rock and all was cold. People were forever grim with loss, and no matter the length of time we have spent inhabiting this stone refuge, we still did not belong.

We have known home in our hearts, and the Blue Mountains could not replace it.

I fear for my people.

I could not bear for them to remain haunted by the past when I knew they were capable of so much more. If only fate had not been so cruel.

Passing a maid, I smiled fondly as she bowed her head and made way for me. Even after all these years married to Thorin and made a royal, I could not get used to the formalities people had the habit of practicing when encountering those such as I. It was different for Dis who had grown with people treating her this way. She was a true born princess, while I had been the daughter to the humble master of smiths changing from commoner, to royalty the instant Thorin announced our engagement. So I could easily recognise the change in conduct and hated the thought of anyone thinking they must place me on a pedestal because of title and the like.

There were things I did to ease the contrast some, so I wasn't portrayed as a formidable figure of authority and made approachable. For instance, I adored knowing my people and servants on a personal level, like this girl.

"Evening Marissa, I do hope those red cheeks are the result of that admirer of yours, rather than from working too hard, a young thing like you."

Balancing a washing basket on her hip, her smile told me all I needed to know, as she shyly pressed her face into her shoulder.

"Griff is a charmer my lady, there is no disputing that."

"As long as he handles your affection with care then," I warned, lifting a brow.

"Well my lady, he can be as charming as he like, it still takes a lot more than a few words to earn my affection and know about it!"

My laugh left my body before I knew it and I could not stop. Only a dwarf would say anything of the like.

"That's my girl. Your love is an honour, make him work for it!"

"I intend to," she said with a look of determination that would make any woman proud, and then she softened her expression and took a step forward, "Would you like me to prepare your nightgown majesty?"

My smile faltered and I shook my head, "No, that won't be necessary."

Glancing down the hallways looking for other servants and finding none, I turned back to Marissa, "but I would like to be left alone this night, if you would be so kind as to pass the message along"

She inclined her head, conceding to my instruction without question, "Very well, my lady."

I placed my hand gently on her arm and was grateful for her loyalty, wishing her a goodnight before carrying on with my walk.

I was not far from my chambers now and strangely I was longing for its isolating solace, when usually I couldn't bear to be left alone when Thorin was gone traveling, since I found it suffocating. However, I needed the privacy today of all days. Entering and closing the door behind me, I thought to warm my icy fingers, noticing Marissa had lit a fire. They had been cold and pale since I woke and I could not stop shivering. Bathed in the fiery glow, I may as well have been a figure of marble when my body refused to accept the relief, so I didn't dwell on the pointless effort and stood in silence for a moment, to expel all the emotions I had been holding in.

There were only so many times I could fake a smile, and say the words 'I'm fine, thank you', while making a point to represent Thorin also in his absence, as a symbol of strength and leadership when all I wanted was to crawl back into bed and just lay there, till the day was spent. Even with all the practice I have had over the years, the act of being 'fine', hadn't improved.

I can still see the pity and sympathy reflected in my friend's eyes.

Catching a glimpse of the sealed chest hidden beneath the bed, I slowly wandered towards it, and kneeled to drag it out into the light. There was a fine layer of dust coating the top, after its last opening. I wiped it clean with my hand and touched the iron clasp, preparing myself to unlock it. I couldn't say how long it took before I gained the will to do so, but I was ready to face its content and relive painful memories, made so because of how precious they are.

Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes.

Then little by little the lid began to open, ever so slowly.

As the hinges creaked and suddenly halted, I knew all I need do now is look within and brave the anguish I knew was on the verge of claiming me. I am not weak. Time has eased the great sorrow I have known.

I was strong enough now, to not succumb to grief as utterly, as I had done when the loss was a fresh wound. Nevertheless, I touched my wedding ring and drew Thorin's presence from it to encourage me in carrying out the deed and it was more than enough.

And then, there it was.

All I had left of my son, drawn into a spare piece of parchment, so that I did not forget his face.

"My dear Thorne."

The paper was worn some from my handling, the pencil faded to a degree, but still his likeness was there and I was reminded just how much he had looked like his father. My baby was a handsome wee thing, a child with a mass of black hair and vibrant blue eyes, and a cry that would wake the entire kingdom from their sleep, until I lifted him from the cradle and held him in my arms, with the sound of my heart beating, his only lullaby.

Such love and joy the boy brought with him on his birth, and for someone not yet an hour old, I discovered a new beginning to hope and wonder as I contemplated my baby's future.

What would middle earth have in store for my child as he grew?

Would it bring him happiness, as well its fair share of challenges, to make him stronger and wiser in their overcoming?

Would he be a warrior, proud and devoted towards his people?

These were all questions I asked myself, but for the most part, I enjoyed simply the present hour I spent with him, savouring it to the last detail, and I'm glad I did, while I was still his mother on this earth and he my little Prince of flesh and blood. For fate can be cruel, and I have tasted just how much…

Just then, the door behind creaked to let me know someone had entered, and there was some heavy movement filling the room, a toss of a cloak, the clink of a belt, the removal of boots hitting the ground. When it was silent finally, they came over and enveloped my body, pressing their face into the crook of my neck, with their beard scratching the exposed skin.

"Thorin," I sighed, relaxing into him, "you're back."

Instantly the worry I had building since he left dispersed and was replaced with pure relief. I couldn't stand the distance when he was gone, but would not prevent him from chasing hope, when rumour reached his ear about Thrain. I would be a poor person if I ever discouraged him to believe in his father's survival, and honestly, I too wished for Thrain's safe return, but judging by his silence and solemn attitude, that's all it must have been, rumour…

Gently I lifted my hand and cradled the back of his head, "Are you alright?"

He didn't answer, so I remained still until he had his fill of comfort from being near. Eventually he withdrew from his shell and reached to take the paper from my hand, and I felt his face widen into a sad smile, as his thoughts most likely echoed mine.

In his gruff voice he asked, "How old would he be now, our Thorne?"

I didn't want to think of the exact years he had been cheated of, so I answered "He would be a dwarf grown."

Closing our eyes, I could tell that Thorin was mimicking my visualizing the babe we had known for a brief amount of time, as a man. He would have been strong I am sure of it, towering over me, for I was uncannily short, even for a dwarf. Fragile and delicate as Thorin put it and like Fili and Kili, he would have enjoyed teasing me for it to no end and I would chase after the joker with a swift hand to swat him with. That was until his father would appear with a stern look and he would retreat into acting as a prince should, but his wilful spirit I think, would still shine through.

It was strange, but I could go into extreme detail of what I would imagine Thorne to have been like if he had lived, and it could all be wrong. Still, it was now a pleasant thing to muse over, though I'm not quite sure I would have thought the same when the grief was still raw.

Indeed, it has been many years now since my baby was taken. One of the countless victims devoured by Smaug, and today marked the anniversary…

I began shivering again and Thorin gripped me tighter, "I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner."

I shook my head reassuring him I was not upset and spoke true.

"You're here now, that's all that matters."

For a moment we were silent, and then his muscles stiffened and I knew what that meant. He got off the floor and walked around and I turned to watch him. He looked tired after his travels, worn and beaten. He needed to rest, but he wouldn't by my asking him to. Thorin did what Thorin wanted, and right now, he wanted to go on a rant about the Blue Mountains, I could tell by his critical glare, which was used to something far richer than this refuge.

Dissatisfied by his surroundings, he lifted his arms and flung them back down to his sides, looking at me when he asked, "What would have my son thought of all of this?"

That took me off guard and I spared a moment to consider my answer.

"Thorne would have been far too young for Erebor to have left its mark on him, but he would have understood that his father brought his people from the ashes, so that they had the chance at rebuilding their lives when others weren't so lucky. Thorne would have been proud, my love."

My words made an impression and he looked to the ceiling as if it weren't there, and was instead replaced by the wide open sky, where his son might be watching down on us from above and he heaved a mighty breath.

"I can make him prouder still," he stated, clenching his fists.

With need to be with him, I walked over with Thorne's picture still in hand and cupped my husband's cheek, "Thorin?"

Piercing me with his stunning blue eyes, I resisted blushing from their intensity and graced my lips with an encouraging smile. I didn't want him to hold back with what was on his mind.

He finally gave in and removed my hand to keep in his own rough palm, "While making the journey back, I stopped off at Bree. There, I was approached by a certain wizard."

He raised his brows knowingly and there was only one wizard who had any ties with the family.

"A wizard," my memory brought him to mind, though I had never met him, "you mean Gandalf the Grey?"

"The very same" he confirmed.

I was confused to why this meeting took place. Wizards did nothing by chance, and encountered no one without want or need, "And what did he have to say?"

Thorin led and sat me on the bed, kneeling down so that we were in line of sight with one another.

He was apprehensive, but earnest for my listening and understanding…

"Gaia-" he began, and my heart quickened, "he wants me to take back Erebor."