Kaneki x Touka, AU, cannibalism, gore, blood, violence, angst, fluff, romance.
[Explained further at the very bottom of this page.] AU in which, no matter who or what kind of ghoul, can obtain a Kakuja by eating ghouls, but this information only very few people know about. Pretty stupid AU base, I know, but who cares, at least my writing is... well, bearable. XD
The first time she had seen him doing it, she didn't know what to think anymore. Watching him eat her own kind so maliciously and nastily made her want to vomit as much as eating human food did, but after following him more, she got used to it. She never knew what he was up to until recently, and now, she was going to confront him.
His speed was blindingly fast when he hunted ghouls, and when he hate them, she could clearly make out the salty shine of tears running down his cheeks, screaming for forgiveness. It was visible that he had a difficult time keeping the ghoul meat down, but he made it work, all for his ultimate goal. Anything to become stronger, he thought. Even if it costed more than what he thought it would, he would throw away most of himself for the protection of his loved ones, no matter how many are left.
After Yoshimura had been killed, Kaneki felt the emptiness grow bigger, and found himself waiting for the cliff at the end of the river at this point.
Then he remembered. Touka-chan still existed, so did Kaya and Enji, Hinami and Yomo, Hide and... Touka-chan.
With this information, he found a new drive to get stronger, and to do that, he must obtain a complete Kakuja form. In order to do that, he must obtain more RC-cells within his body. Humans have RC cells, but that amount pales in comparison to... ghouls.
Yes, that's right. Kaneki chose to eat ghouls to get stronger, pushing the fear of what Touka-chan would think of him if she found out. So far, so good, though. She hasn't found out yet, he thought, I just need around twenty more ghouls' worth of RC-cells, and I'll probably... 'mutate' even further.
Touka watched as he ate the female ghoul he had slaughtered. She was, at least, thankful for the quick fashion that the murder was committed. The snapping of a neck sounded so terrible, she couldn't bear it. But she had to follow him more, she must know his intentions.
"Kaneki." She said, stepping out of her corner. His heart dropped into his stomach as he froze, a piece of swamp-water smelling ghoul flesh inches away from his tongue. Not caring to turn around, he continued eating.
Fuck, the thought, there goes that. "Kaneki..." Touka called out to him, her voice a but louder, probably because she kept walking towards him. The tantalizing sound of her feet hitting the floor was giving him this itch he wanted to scratch, it was somewhat annoying.
"What do you think of me, Touka-chan?" He asked as he bit into the heart of the female ghoul, head still unmoved. He couldn't let her see the tears streaming down his face, not this moment.
"I've known for a... long time." She said, stopping a mere two meters away from him.
"I'm not as disgusted as I first was. I've gotten used to it, but I don't know if I should have. Me getting used to this sort of thing... is on par of a human getting used to watching humans kill other humans." Acting out of character, she spoke a long sentence, and Kaneki stopped eating momentarily, only to continue.
"I need to get stronger." Was all he said for the next agonizingly long two minutes of his meal. She watched as, from what she could tell, he continued shredding the ghoul meat with his teeth, only to be consumed for whatever reason.
Touka tried to take that sentence and string it together with his past goals, past self, anything, but found herself at a loss. He had this insatiable hunger to keep everyone and everything he knew and loved at Antekiu safe, but she wondered if that had changed.
"This marks meal number one-hundred and thirty-seven." Kaneki said as he wiped his face, slowly getting up. Touka stared at his back, a few memories flooding into her mind. When she first saw him in that black suit he obtained from Aogiri Tree, and the mask Uta had made him, his perfect white hair, his gothic nails, his... eyes. When she first saw him like that, she found it actually impossible to believe it was Kaneki. She tried to force herself to believe it was somehow a fake; a clone. Apparently not, as he visited Anteiku three months ago to talk with Yoshimura. 137 ghouls eaten in three months... what a monstrous ratio.
"I hope Hide is still alive and well." He said as he turned around to face her, his face stained with salty liquid, drowning drowned in blood. Touka found herself at a loss of words when she looked into his eyes. They looked broken, shattered, tortured. It was hard to believe he had changed to such a degree in a short amount of time, but she had to accept it. The doctor put him in this position, and she just had to accept that. He chose this path because he wanted to... but she didn't want to believe that, not at all. She doesn't want to believe that he'd hurt himself so much because he wanted to.
"You still look fantastic, Touka-chan." He said, familiarity clouding the atmosphere. His oddly unfitting voice gave her a brief nostalgic shock of how he was when he was first dragged into this world. Recollecting her thoughts, she spoke.
"Why do you eat... ghouls?" She asked, lip trembling. He simply smiled. "To protect what I care for." Touka almost took it as an insult and was on the verge of throwing him an insult, but she was a bit more mature, looking at the past events. She'd save that for a better time.
"You think I need protection? I'm not weak."
"I am." He said, looking down, fists clenched. "If I eat enough... I will obtain the power I have been seeking to become strong. I have so many RC-cells it's starting to hurt!" He looked back up, chuckling sheepishly.
"That's why you've been eating ghouls? RC-cells?" Touka asked in confusion.
"You won't understand. Not because you're too young, but... it's complicated." He looked at her eyes, which he saw were filled with conflicting emotions, but most of all, a glint of fear.
"I'll give you a run-down." He said, moving closer to her. He stopped as he walked past her, only about three inches.
"I have an incomplete Kakuja. Please don't make me telling you this the biggest mistake of my life." He said as he vanished, and Touka was left with more questions than she came to ask.
Three days later, the same ghouls could be found in the same alleyway, one watching from afar as the other ghoul attacked and killed another of it's own kind.
"I wish I was there for you when you needed it." She told him as she watched him feast on another ghoul. He gulped the flesh and he looked over his shoulder. "Why would you think that way?" He licked his fingers, easily hiding the reluctant expression he got from doing so.
"When Yamori made you his... plaything..." Touka said, gradually getting quieter. The atmosphere surrounding the two suddenly got heavy, as if gravity had doubled over. Kaneki dropped the meat and a surplus of emotions flooded through his being, and he gripped his forehead, wishing the throbbing in his head would go away.
"Don't... ever speak about that." He choked out, now gripping his head with both of his hands, internally screaming bloody murder. The headaches came back on their usual stroll to fuck Kaneki's day up, and today they were seemingly merciless.
"It hurts... the throbbing won't go away, Touka-chan!" He stood up and stared at her with a horror-ridden expression. She had never seen him so... petrified before. Had Yamori screwed him up so badly that just by the mention of his name he gets reloaded with the same trauma he experienced at that very moment? Touka gulped and silently thanked she wasn't in his position. Ever.
Kaneki picked up the brain stem of the ghoul and ripped it apart, thoroughly chewing before swallowing, purposely making her watch. "It tastes so fucking awful... it's just like my food when I turned into a ghoul." Kaneki said, reluctantly wolfing down more brain. If Touka was fazed by it, she did a damn good job at hiding it.
"It tastes like... stale cigarettes dipped in wasabi." He said, eating the rest of the brain.
"Touka-chan, I'm so powerful now, I can almost control it." He said, his eyes betraying the happiness in his voice. Touka stared into his gaze, and she felt so much pity that it made her feel guilty for everything. She felt so horrible that she felt the weight of his actions that he bears, on her shoulders.
"Kaneki..." She started walking closer to him, but his gaze was aimlessly wandering past her, forgetting her existence.
She placed a hand on his shoulder and gave a terribly fake smile, trying her best not to cry. Her actions were futile as she felt something in her throat waver as she spoke.
"I'm so thankful for the hell you've gone through..." Kaneki suddenly came back to his senses and looked at her at a loss for words. Now it was his turn to be filled with questions, and a lot of them.
"I don't understand..." He said, tearing apart some flesh and eating it in front of her.
"I..." She bit her lip, choosing to say something different. "I'm really glad I met you, Kaneki. You better not tell anybody I acted this way or I'll kick your ass, loser."
Kaneki gave out a half-hearted chuckle, the best positive display of emotion she'd seen him make since the torture, and a massive weight lifted off of her lungs.
"Touka-chan, you're being as cute as always." Kaneki said, placing his hand on top of her head. "I hope I'll see you alive five years from now, you know." Kaneki said, while Touka finds herself mesmerized by his perplexing gaze. She didn't have to try to look in order to find even the slightest bit of truth in his words, and thereafter found herself buried in his chest, the foul stench of ghoul corpse not bothering her in the least.
"Don't leave me behind, then." She mumbled into his suit as she gripped him as if below was an endless void. Before he knew what he was doing, Kaneki wrapped his arms around her and huddled his head onto hers, holding back his need to weep on her.
"I'm so scared..." Kaneki whispered to Touka, and he felt himself finally feeling some sort of emotion that was devoid of negativity. Touka's face tinted a light shade of pink as she felt his rapid heartbeat on the side of her head, his quaking arms that wrapped around her fragile being, the tears that wettened her hair, the shiver in his voice, the weight of his body.
"I don't want to be lonely anymore, Touka-chan..." He told her as he pulled both of them onto the alley wall, Kaneki sliding down, back facing the wall, Touka following suit.
If Kaya saw them at this moment, she'd crack a joke about how it looked like a father pup caring for his daughter pup, the way Touka was curled into his arms.
They shared what felt like an eon of mandatory silence to share the warmth that they grew to need that radiated off of each other. Neither wanting to let go, neither wanting to admit what they felt at this moment, they let the time pass, thankful for the other's life still intact. Kaneki felt a wetness soak through the chest of his suit, only to suspect that it's Touka's silent tears. He felt his heart shatter, but slowly mend back together somewhat because of the blazing warmth he felt while hugging her.
Who knew, he thought, a girl so cold on the outside was so warm...
"It's possible that I could die, you know that, right? Don't get too attached..." Kaneki told her in a half-jokingly manner, and Touka just slightly jumped in place, not caring to spare him a glance. That's a heavy bit of information, so the shock would last longer than usual, especially given the weight of his voice and the gravity of the sentence in general.
"If that happens... eat me." Kaneki smiled sadly, pushing her slightly so he could see her face. His right index finger pushed her hair out of the way gently, so he could see the other side of her face. "It may not be what you're after, but... you'll become strong enough to protect everyone you love."
"I can't protect everyone I love if you die.." Touka blurted out without thinking, and Kaneki was taken way aback. Did he hear her right? Touka loves him?
"The other side of your face is so beautiful, Touka-chan. I think you look stunning with long hair, though." Kaneki complimented. Touka blushed in extreme annoyance but silent thankfulness. Of course Kaneki would pull something like that after saying something so idiotic, so fucking stupid... so him.
"Maybe I'll grow it out, then." Touka said, twirling a strand of her hair. Kaneki smiled; she always does this when she's nervous or interested.
"On second thought, being alive might be a good idea after all..." Kaneki's face went from bright and loving to dark and murky.
"Touka-chan... I forgot, um..." Kaneki looked away, a pained expression on his face. "My emotions have been quite bipolar recently, but... I just remembered that, well..."
Kaneki stood up and started to walk towards the street, but stopped around six meters away from Touka, twenty away from the street.
"You may not like this, but bear with me. This anger, guilt and depression has been haunting me for the longest time."
The wind was screeching against their ears as it blew, but as unforgiving and heavy as it was, it was very fitting. It was going to snow, soon, and Kaneki knew that full well. He should stop wasting precious, invaluable time and get to the point, no matter how much the information will hurt Touka. It's for the safety of her.
"Arima Kishou is coming to the 20th ward again to do a full-sweep of all the ghouls, in two days."
Touka dropped to her knees after ten seconds of surprise. "Why?... Why is it so wrong for something other than a human... to want to live?"
"I was human once." He spoke cautiously. "I know how disgusting humans are. I hate most of their ways of thinking, and even if I wasn't a ghoul, I would have been opposing CCG and all anti-ghoul operations and groups."
"My point is, Touka-chan..." He turned back to her and held out his hand.
"Come with me."
A/N: I've been dead on here for a while, but I went on another no-sleep rampage and actually liked the result! So yeah, a bit more in-depth about the whole AU standpoint thingamabob...
Basically, anyone can obtain a Kakuja if they obtain enough RC cells. I don't know if this is necessarily true, which is why I branded it an AU. Also obviously AU because, if you payed attention, I mentioned that the story takes place three months after Yoshimura's death [Goes according to anime. I've read the manga, so don't worry about that].
Nobody really knows about this because why would a ghoul want to eat a ghoul? It's a bit of a stupid notion to base an Alternate Universe off of, but literally any kind of universe is possible, so long as you believe in the Multiverse Theory. =P
Kaya is still alive, along with Yomo, Hinami and Hide. Not saying anything about Enji just yet though [Don't worry, I love Enji :D I'm not keeping it a secret just to make people upset].
Again, it was kinda a no-sleep fic, so it's probably a bit messy and all over the place, but my main pressing issue is that when I try to go back into a chapter I think is not very well written and try to rewrite parts in it, I usually come to dislike it more and more.
It's basically like turning in the first draft of an essay, rather than a final draft, solely because my final drafts are usually the worst. =[
All I have to say, is if you notice any grammatical errors, I apologize. That's the one thing I revise my chapters for I hate making grammatical errors, but mistakes are a part of life and you just have to accept them. =D
Though I hope it was any good for you to read! Thank you, especially if you've read every single word, along with all of this non fan-fiction banter.
Thanks again, and I'd like to see PMs/Reviews of any tips or thoughts about it. I already have a decent plot thought out, but don't expect it to be a hidden gem; digging through rubble to find an emerald, or something along those lines. =3