this story is not to be taken seriously at all. it was completely written as a joke
this originated back in june of 2015 i think, when my friend and i were playing mario kart ds together at her house, and we somehow ended up roleplaying an angsty wario x waluigi fanfiction while we were racing in wario stadium. she was wario and i was waluigi. it was a wild time
and then as soon as i got home that day, i wrote down this story, based on the things we said during that race. i sent it to her a few weeks later. she liked it, and wario x waluigi has been a running joke with us ever since
of course the one time i actually upload anything to this account, it's an ironic angsty gay fanfiction between mario characters
...well. enjoy, i guess. remember, i'm absolutely terrible at writing and i just did this for fun
Wario and Waluigi raced through Wario Stadium, eager to reach the end of the track, seeing as it was the final lap. All was going well – the two of them were having a good time – when...
It happened.
Waluigi was struck by a red shell. As he was sent spiraling to the side of the track, his head spinning, Wario passed by him, sticking his tongue out teasingly as he passed.
Waluigi felt a stinging pain in his heart as he found himself crying, "Wario, why?!" Tears were beginning to stream down his face. "I thought we had something!"
As he was driving away, Wario turned his head around to meet the sobbing, lanky man in a car that looked like a vacuum cleaner. He yelled, "We never had anything, Waluigi! I never loved you, idiot!" His voice faded away as he continued on the dirt track, disappearing from Waluigi's sight.
Waluigi was left on the side of the road, sitting in his vacuum cleaner kart, heartbroken. He felt as if his entire world had some crashing down upon him from hearing those words come out of his former lover's mouth. However, despite his extreme anguish, he started up his engine and continued driving, because he was still in a race, after all! Besides that, he needed to catch up to Wario. He needed to talk to him. But he wasn't sure if Wario would be willing to respond...
Waluigi made a sharp turn before racing across an area covered in mud. He drove into an item box. 'Please be something I can hit Wario with, please be something I can hit Wario with...' And lo and behold, a blue shell appeared in Waluigi's hand. Not skipping a beat, he threw the blue shell into the air, watching as it zoomed ahead, momentarily leaving a blue trail behind it. A few seconds later, a distressed "WAAAA" could be heard in the distance. Waluigi smiled. He slammed his foot on the accelerator of his car, wanting to take full advantage of the situation, until he saw Wario in his swanky-looking car, recovering from the blue shell hit.
Wario glared at Waluigi as he drove past. "What was that for?!" he shouted through gritted teeth.
Waluigi completely ignored his question. "Wario... Is that how you really feel about me?" he asked in a surprisingly emotional-sounding tone.
"...What?" Wario responded. He was confused. What were they even talking about again?
The two were now driving side-by-side through the twists and turns of Wario Stadium.
Waluigi frowned. "When you said that you don't love me," he reminded his opponent as both of them drove through an item box, "Did you... I mean..." He found it hard to find the right words. "After all these years... Is that just... it?"
Wario finally realised what Waluigi was talking about. He answered quickly and bluntly, "Well, yeah."
Waluigi responded just as quickly, tears welling up in his eyes and his sorrow evident in the cracking of his voice, "But – But we've done so much together! Wh– What about all those times we made fun of Mario and Luigi? Or when we hung around Toad Town tripping random Toads? Or when we – Or when we sat on the shores of Cheep Cheep Beach, eating garlic together as we watched the sunset fall over the ocean? Did all of that mean nothing to you?!"
Waluigi slammed his car against Wario's, sending the yellow-clad man colliding into the wall.
Wario frowned. He was now a bit behind Waluigi, but luckily he had grabbed Triple Mushrooms from the last item box, so he used one of the Mushrooms to catch up to the lanky purple-clad man. "Well," he retorted as he came face-to-face with Waluigi, "You stood me up at that dance that one time! You went with–" He paused for dramatic effect. "–You went with Peach!"
Wario slammed his car back against Waluigi's, almost sending him into the pool of mud nearby. Waluigi quickly turned back onto the track, next to Wario, eager to respond to his accusation.
"That was just a phase, Wario!" Waluigi shouted as he returned to Wario's side. Wario looked away, an annoyed look plastered on his face. He didn't look convinced, so Waluigi continued with the first thing that came to his head, "A-And she was always eyeing that Mario! She didn't treat me right, man. You're the only one who could ever treat me right!"
Wario used another of his Triple Mushrooms to boost ahead of Waluigi, leaving him in his dust. Waluigi coughed from the dust going into his lungs.
"WARIO!" Waluigi shouted between coughing fits. "PLEASE – DON'T LEAVE ME!"
Wario turned his head around to once again face the sobbing lanky man. "No, Waluigi," he said calmly, "This is it." He then used the final of his Triple Mushrooms to boost himself across the finish line, finishing the race.
Victorious music began to play from the speakers around the stadium, as Wario continued to drive through the course, making a pose that he viewed as "cool", but really wasn't cool at all.
Meanwhile, Waluigi was left just centimetres before the finish line, his head in his hands, tears flowing down his face as he internally debated exactly where he had gone wrong.
oh, the drama. incredible. ALSO as a little bonus, i also wrote down a few lines of dialogue for a kind of second chapter to this, also based on our little roleplay/fanfiction, where wario and waluigi go to baby park and ~reminisce~. here you go
"Do you remember... when we came here on our first date? Back when we were babies? We somehow had the ability to comprehend the concept of romance as babies – that's just how mentally advanced we were!"
"Waluigi, why are we here?" Wario asked in a deadpan tone.
Waluigi ignored him, as he continued, "You don't remember?! How about when Mario pushed you into the sandbox, and then I kicked him in revenge?!"
Wario chuckled. "Yeah, that was pretty great."
"And Luigi was just kind of crying on his own, but I kicked him anyway!" Waluigi scowled a little bit as he continued, "Mario and Luigi always made fun of us... They just didn't understand our love."
Wario snorted, as he does regularly. "Yeah. They're losers."
The two of them proceeded to laugh loudly and in a synchronised fashion.
thank you for reading this horrible trash and goodbye