It's hard sometimes, keeping my mind here. Everyone thinks that when I'm doing crazy things that I'm not here, I'm not in charge. But my mind being in my body has nothing to do with what happens, I have no control.
I can't control what I say, what I do. I know I screw up and it is so much easier when my mind just floats away but… I… I try, because that makes Simon happy, when I'm here. He wants me to be better. He wants to fix me. He doesn't understand the clues I give him. I try to tell him but it comes out jarbled, I can't keep it straight.
Sometimes I think it would be best if I just drifted out into the black, and let the blue hands training take over. Sometimes I think it would be best if I just let go. But then I remember, I was a River once. I can be again.
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A/N: Just a short little piece from River's POV. An idea I got based on my own feelings today. I've been having a lot of trouble lately keeping my head where it belongs. Tell me what ya think, dong ma?