Title: Becoming
Author: Kerfect (JustJackAngels@aol.com)
Rating: PG-13
Couple: Seph/Zack barely hinted at. (I'm probably implying it more by telling you, then is actually in the story.)
Disclaimer: Not mine, don't sue.
Summery: Was Sephiroth really the psychopath that he was portrait, or did something happen to make him act this way?
A/N: I'm usually very critical of my work, most writers are, but this one is definitely one of favorites. I tried to show Sephiroth as the victim, not the aggressor. The title for this comes from one of the songs on NIN's 17th halo. More notes at the bottom.
Becoming
I knew something was wrong from the moment I realized Hojo was giving me different injections. What tipped me off was the color. The usual mako injections that I have been receiving since making SOLDER were bluish green. The latest batch that Hojo mixed up had an ugly, purple color. I struggled against it, not wanting it in my body, sensing the ultimate destruction in that vial, but the guards held me down as he pricked my arm, assuring me that it will do me good. After the first few month or so, they didn't have to hold me down any more.
At first I was naïve enough to search for the answer of what exactly the purplish mix was. I hacked into Shin-Ra mainframe computer and hunted for hours. I wish I could say I found what I was looking for. Later, I raided Hojo's office for information. I flipped through hundreds of files and notes. In the process, I learned everything there was to know about mako, but I never came across the answer.
After a while, Hojo stopped giving me the unusual injections just as suddenly as he began. He went back to the standard mako ones that I learned to crave. All the times I asked him about it, I was ignored. I threatened him, threw him against the wall and swore I was going to take him apart if he didn't tell me. He didn't, and I felt weak and powerless.
*~*
Dreams came unbidden, unwanted. I tossed from side to side, never knowing what's it was going to be. I didn't mention these dreams to anyone, not even Zack, though he said that I seemed distracted. Oh if only he knew. It seems as though I'm stuck in this dream…an ongoing and never ending. As if I'm in a train, that is rushing with no one onboard. Except for me. Locked by myself. Again. Memories surge thought my tired mind. Rips and pieces from the time when the world wasn't all about swords and guns and monsters. Back when there was happiness on the faces of people who I would encounter. But that was so long ago. Much too long.
The first dreams were a muddle of colors. A patchwork of fragment and pictures, never telling a full story. I started sleeping more, but despite that, I never felt refreshed. Zack told me I lost my usual grace in practice. That worried me. I wasn't sure what was going on with me, yet I knew it was not good. In hind sight, perhaps I should have told someone, if only Hojo, but perhaps it wouldn't have made a difference.
As time progressed, so did the dreams. They became more and more coherent. I felt and experienced them rather than saw them. The nausea, the bruising pain, and the constant uncertainty were my nightly companions. At that time, I became increasingly paranoid. I pulled away from the few friends I had, not wanting to deal with human contact.
*~*
It started innocently enough. I stumbled. It was during one of my sword practices with Zack. I stumbled, didn't duck his sword fast enough and got cut for my troubles. We both froze with sock. The blood dripping from my arm. I never realized how red it was. It never happened before. Not once. Not during practice. The wound wasn't too serious and closed up within minutes, the astonishment, however, remained. I canceled all of my appointments that day. I wasn't able to deal with the feeling of dread tightening in the pit of my stomach.
The dreams that night were quite vivid. I felt myself changing. I knew I was becoming. So slowly. Oh so slowly, but surely. It was that night that I became aware of the monster growing in me. By the time I realized the danger I was in, it wormed it's talons deep into my mind, sucking out all of my essence, controlling me from the inside. I felt its will in me, dominating me, but I fought back. I fought with everything I had. Every last reserve of strength I had wasn't enough and I lost a bit more each day.
Soon, it was a struggle to use my limbs as I pleased. At one time, I contemplated suicide. I even got a razor. But when I brought it to my arm, the thing inside didn't let me do it. It pushed, and the razor dropped to the floor. I didn't try to repeat the process. I knew it to be useless.
Little by little, the monster gained control of my life. I stopped showing up to practices finding them pointless. How could I train someone to control their body, when I couldn't control my own? Eventually I stopped leaving the room altogether. Zack wouldn't give up on me, though. I knew it was only a matter of time. He would pound on my door daily, screaming for me to let him in. One day he vowed to break it down if I didn't open it. I didn't, and he broke it. I wanted to move, to greet him, or to throw him out, but my body felt paralyzed. He found me like that. Sitting on the floor, defeated. I wanted to talk to him, beg him to help, but my mouth stayed shut, as if my jaws were glued together. I simply looked at him, trying to pour out my desperation though my eyes, the only thing that was still my own. But he didn't get it, and I felt more discouraged than ever. I felt tears of frustration welling up in my eyes, then gently slipping down my cheeks. The great General Sephiroth crying on the floor in his room, but my pride was the last thing on my mind at the time. I saw my last lifeline slip away as Zack turned around and left, taking my tears as a request for privacy.
*~*
There's a voice in my mind. As if a constant presence pressing on me from the inside. I am no longer a master in my own body. Just last week I lost full control of my motor skills. Now I can only watch through what use to be my eyes out into the world and scream silently for help. I know no one will hear me. I don't except them to, yet I am afraid to stop hoping. My hope is my last shred of protection from this thing inside me, this thing that whispers honey covered promises into my deaf ears.
And so it begins, the final battle and the final defeat. It's inside of me. It's a part of me. It can hear my thoughts and foretell my every move. I can feel it killing me, one part at a time. I know my new consciousness will prevail. But I can hear its mind too, and I too, know what it wants. Oh gods, I don't want to listen. If only I could shut it away from me. But I hear it clearly enough. It wants destruction and chaos. It wants to be a god. Blood will pour from the skies if it will get it's wish. Everything that was ever decent in this world will be destroyed. It must be stopped, but I've got no strength to stop it.
I feel my self slipping away, desperately clutching at something inside. I have but a few moments left. Somebody….anybody! Help…me…
__________________
A/N part 2 : Ok, so you guys get it that Hojo infected Sephiroth with the Jenova cells, right? And Jenova is taking over his body and is killing the real Sephiroth, right? Well…I hope so ;)
Author: Kerfect (JustJackAngels@aol.com)
Rating: PG-13
Couple: Seph/Zack barely hinted at. (I'm probably implying it more by telling you, then is actually in the story.)
Disclaimer: Not mine, don't sue.
Summery: Was Sephiroth really the psychopath that he was portrait, or did something happen to make him act this way?
A/N: I'm usually very critical of my work, most writers are, but this one is definitely one of favorites. I tried to show Sephiroth as the victim, not the aggressor. The title for this comes from one of the songs on NIN's 17th halo. More notes at the bottom.
Becoming
I knew something was wrong from the moment I realized Hojo was giving me different injections. What tipped me off was the color. The usual mako injections that I have been receiving since making SOLDER were bluish green. The latest batch that Hojo mixed up had an ugly, purple color. I struggled against it, not wanting it in my body, sensing the ultimate destruction in that vial, but the guards held me down as he pricked my arm, assuring me that it will do me good. After the first few month or so, they didn't have to hold me down any more.
At first I was naïve enough to search for the answer of what exactly the purplish mix was. I hacked into Shin-Ra mainframe computer and hunted for hours. I wish I could say I found what I was looking for. Later, I raided Hojo's office for information. I flipped through hundreds of files and notes. In the process, I learned everything there was to know about mako, but I never came across the answer.
After a while, Hojo stopped giving me the unusual injections just as suddenly as he began. He went back to the standard mako ones that I learned to crave. All the times I asked him about it, I was ignored. I threatened him, threw him against the wall and swore I was going to take him apart if he didn't tell me. He didn't, and I felt weak and powerless.
*~*
Dreams came unbidden, unwanted. I tossed from side to side, never knowing what's it was going to be. I didn't mention these dreams to anyone, not even Zack, though he said that I seemed distracted. Oh if only he knew. It seems as though I'm stuck in this dream…an ongoing and never ending. As if I'm in a train, that is rushing with no one onboard. Except for me. Locked by myself. Again. Memories surge thought my tired mind. Rips and pieces from the time when the world wasn't all about swords and guns and monsters. Back when there was happiness on the faces of people who I would encounter. But that was so long ago. Much too long.
The first dreams were a muddle of colors. A patchwork of fragment and pictures, never telling a full story. I started sleeping more, but despite that, I never felt refreshed. Zack told me I lost my usual grace in practice. That worried me. I wasn't sure what was going on with me, yet I knew it was not good. In hind sight, perhaps I should have told someone, if only Hojo, but perhaps it wouldn't have made a difference.
As time progressed, so did the dreams. They became more and more coherent. I felt and experienced them rather than saw them. The nausea, the bruising pain, and the constant uncertainty were my nightly companions. At that time, I became increasingly paranoid. I pulled away from the few friends I had, not wanting to deal with human contact.
*~*
It started innocently enough. I stumbled. It was during one of my sword practices with Zack. I stumbled, didn't duck his sword fast enough and got cut for my troubles. We both froze with sock. The blood dripping from my arm. I never realized how red it was. It never happened before. Not once. Not during practice. The wound wasn't too serious and closed up within minutes, the astonishment, however, remained. I canceled all of my appointments that day. I wasn't able to deal with the feeling of dread tightening in the pit of my stomach.
The dreams that night were quite vivid. I felt myself changing. I knew I was becoming. So slowly. Oh so slowly, but surely. It was that night that I became aware of the monster growing in me. By the time I realized the danger I was in, it wormed it's talons deep into my mind, sucking out all of my essence, controlling me from the inside. I felt its will in me, dominating me, but I fought back. I fought with everything I had. Every last reserve of strength I had wasn't enough and I lost a bit more each day.
Soon, it was a struggle to use my limbs as I pleased. At one time, I contemplated suicide. I even got a razor. But when I brought it to my arm, the thing inside didn't let me do it. It pushed, and the razor dropped to the floor. I didn't try to repeat the process. I knew it to be useless.
Little by little, the monster gained control of my life. I stopped showing up to practices finding them pointless. How could I train someone to control their body, when I couldn't control my own? Eventually I stopped leaving the room altogether. Zack wouldn't give up on me, though. I knew it was only a matter of time. He would pound on my door daily, screaming for me to let him in. One day he vowed to break it down if I didn't open it. I didn't, and he broke it. I wanted to move, to greet him, or to throw him out, but my body felt paralyzed. He found me like that. Sitting on the floor, defeated. I wanted to talk to him, beg him to help, but my mouth stayed shut, as if my jaws were glued together. I simply looked at him, trying to pour out my desperation though my eyes, the only thing that was still my own. But he didn't get it, and I felt more discouraged than ever. I felt tears of frustration welling up in my eyes, then gently slipping down my cheeks. The great General Sephiroth crying on the floor in his room, but my pride was the last thing on my mind at the time. I saw my last lifeline slip away as Zack turned around and left, taking my tears as a request for privacy.
*~*
There's a voice in my mind. As if a constant presence pressing on me from the inside. I am no longer a master in my own body. Just last week I lost full control of my motor skills. Now I can only watch through what use to be my eyes out into the world and scream silently for help. I know no one will hear me. I don't except them to, yet I am afraid to stop hoping. My hope is my last shred of protection from this thing inside me, this thing that whispers honey covered promises into my deaf ears.
And so it begins, the final battle and the final defeat. It's inside of me. It's a part of me. It can hear my thoughts and foretell my every move. I can feel it killing me, one part at a time. I know my new consciousness will prevail. But I can hear its mind too, and I too, know what it wants. Oh gods, I don't want to listen. If only I could shut it away from me. But I hear it clearly enough. It wants destruction and chaos. It wants to be a god. Blood will pour from the skies if it will get it's wish. Everything that was ever decent in this world will be destroyed. It must be stopped, but I've got no strength to stop it.
I feel my self slipping away, desperately clutching at something inside. I have but a few moments left. Somebody….anybody! Help…me…
__________________
A/N part 2 : Ok, so you guys get it that Hojo infected Sephiroth with the Jenova cells, right? And Jenova is taking over his body and is killing the real Sephiroth, right? Well…I hope so ;)