A/N: Ok. So this is the start of a new story that I've wanted to write about for a long time. I haven't written anything in a long time, so yeah, I'm probably a little out of practice. Thanks as always to Molly, my beta. Because otherwise my stories would probably be illegible. Also, the random nonsensical words Albus uses are actually Mermish words. yeah, I know, I didn't think it existed either. But actually there are several english/mermish dictionaries and translators out there. If you want to know what they mean you can review and ask me, or just look it up for yourself. But I'm quite sure your all bright enough to understand most of them anyways:) Oh, and I'm not British, as you will be able to tell. So sorry for my Canadian ways and if it really bothers you, review and I'll fix it. Thanks for reading & remember to review! - Sloane.

Rolanda Hooch awoke to find herself lying sprawled on the floor. Which happened more often than one might think, actually.

She looked around groggily and couldn't quite figure out what had caused her tumble until another horrible screech nearly burst her eardrums. After that, she figured that maybe it'd be a good idea to get up and stretch a bit, seeing as the castle was apparently under attack and everything.

Grumbling about how she could've had a nice, comfortable, quiet life living off her former Quidditch glory, she set about finding her elusive wand with the appropriate sense of urgency.

Another shriek made her move quicker. Whoever was screaming sure did have a set of lungs on them; her ears were still ringing from the first two, matching a delightful throbbing that had begun somewhere above her left eye. Finally finding her wand in its favourite hiding spot under the bed, Rolanda took the time to glance at her clock.

Four forty-seven.

Four-bloody-forty-seven. And on a Monday morning, too.

Honestly. She knew Old No-Nose and his merry band of Death Munchers were sadists and everything, but really, this was just cruel.

The throbbing sensation intensifying, Rolanda stumbled forward and picked up the first pair of pants she could find. Because really, who wants to go fight in a to-the-death-protect-the-school-against-the-forces-of-evil-duel in their nightdress?

Rolanda ran through the halls wincing slightly every time another god-awful scream sounded. She briefly wondered just who was making all the racket; it sounded almost animalistic. Lucius Malfoy was her best bet; he seemed the type. And the fact that he'd probably look better than her in a dress didn't do much to defer her suspicions.

She skidded into the Entrance Hall; wand raised, fully prepared for some death-eater-arse-kicking and instead found her colleagues staring at her as if she'd gone completely crazy.

Damn.

"Rolanda, dear?" Pomona Sprout's voice was slow and deliberate, as if she was speaking to a child. She glanced to her left and caught Poppy Pomfrey's eye, "Are you alright?"

Rolanda rolled her eyes. "I'm quite all right, Pomona." She saw Poppy inch forward, "No, honestly, Poppy. I'm fine." She looked around at the others. "Well? Where's that screaming coming from? I thought we were under attack. Is anybody hurt?"

She glared at her co-workers, some of whom were barely concealing grins. "Seriously people, what's happening?"

"Relax Ro, we're all fine. Dumbledore went to see what's going on," assured Septima Vector.

"Thank you." Rolanda replied, looking around pointedly. "That's all I wanted."

Snape sneered at her from his shadowy corner and opened his mouth to say something that would undoubtedly make Rolanda want to break his beaky nose. He had that affect on people.

Luckily, he was interrupted by the arrival of Dumbledore and the old Care of Magical Creatures professor, Kettleburn.

"What was it, Albus?" asked Minerva at once, rather annoyed. The shriek echoed yet again. "And why, for Merlin's sake, haven't you stopped it?"

"Alas, my dear, I fear it will be a while before it stops." He held up his hands to stem the flood of inquiries from his staff. "I have talked with the Merpeople and we have come to a decision."

Rolanda was confused. "Merpeople? What do they have to do with all the noise? Were they singing again?"

Dumbledore shook his head. "No they weren't singing, although underwater they sound quite nice, you know. I remember one time I was vacationing in the Mediterranean and…" he trailed off seeing the look Minerva was giving him. "Yes, well, perhaps another time, then …" He cleared his throat; "The source of all the commotion is what the Merpeople refer to as 'terrible squishy fiend with many limbs and circular sucky cups that eats grindylows.'"

Flitwick raised his eyebrows incredulously. "And they say that every time they refer to the giant squid?"

"No. That's the translation; it's much shorter in Mermish." He scratched his head thoughtfully, "I do believe that in their language the squid's proper title is Paul."

Rolanda snorted. "Paul? That's not exactly fearsome, now is it?"

Augria Sinstra collapsed into giggles beside her. Minerva arched an eyebrow in her direction. "What's so funny, Augria?"

"I-It's j-just—" she paused to catch her breath. "Sorry, it's just I'll never be able to look at that Hufflepuff fifth year, Paul Russell, the same way ever, ever again." And she began to laugh with renewed vigor.

Rolanda edged away from her friend slightly.

Snape stepped from his customary shadowy corner, robes billowing in what would be a rather intimidating gesture if Rolanda had not seen it everyday since she arrived. Honestly, the man tried way too hard.

"If that is all then, I'll be going back to my chambers." He swooped in the direction of the stairs and was almost out of sight before Paul screeched again. Slowly, he turned back around and raised an eyebrow, joining the other teachers who were once again gazing questioningly at Dumbledore.

"Ah, yes, well that's the thing," Said Albus rocked slightly on the balls of his feet. "I'm afraid it's not in my power to stop it."

"And why not?" asked Minerva, fiercely.

Rolanda regarded Dumbledore sympathetically. An angry Minerva McGonagall is not something you'd to meet in a dark alley on the best of days, but an angry, sleep-deprived Minerva McGonagall was far, far worse. As Rolanda knew from experience, the deputy head tended to hex first and asks questions later. And they were nasty hexes, too.

Albus swallowed slightly. "I'm sorry to say that it really has nothing to do with us."

Minerva cocked an eyebrow.

"You see, ever since Godric Gryffindor added the first Giant squid to the lake, the Merpeople have had to uphold certain…obligations."

"Like what?"

"Apparently, every eight years the squid experiences a phenomenon known as Lli Oowii. During this time it begins a rampage through the Mer villages, destroying everything unless they give it what it wants."

"Which is?"

Albus sighed, rubbing his face tiredly. "A young Lla. A mermaid no older than twelve is selected to live with the squid for a year until Lli Oowii has passed and she is returned."

Rolanda registered the shock and disgust present on her colleagues' faces and knew she probably looked the same. Minerva's fist was clenched so tightly on her wand that Rolanda was worried it would snap.

Poppy was the first to speak up. "Albus?" her voice was so quiet Rolanda had to lean forward to hear. "What happens when to them after?"

Dumbledore sighed again, looking more tired than ever. "The ones who survive are placed in care of their parents who find a nice Lli for them to marry, and everyone forgets it ever happened until the next time."

"We have to stop it." Minerva shook with fury and spoke through tightly clenched teeth, "How could they?! It's an outrage! I know their society is different than ours, but this is unacceptable! Someone should have put a stop to it years ago! Albus, I demand we find a solution!"

"I assure you, my dear, that measures will be taken. As for someone putting a stop to it before, there's no way we could have done so. There is no record of Lli Oowii at the castle because we've never known until now. The new clan leader, Murcus, is the first female chief since before the founders and also a Lli Oowii survivor. She, in an act that has greatly disturbed the elders, has decreed that no Lla is to be given to Paul under any circumstances. Hence, the shrieking you all hear. The noise is one of Paul's ways of showing his displeasure."

Another shriek.

"I'm all for— what was it? —Lla rights," Snape sneered, "but really, can we not just silencio the beast and be done with it?" He glowered at Rolanda, "Some of us actually have classes to teach in four hours."

"You can't perform magic on the squid Snape, it has a protective element in its skin," Rolanda smirked, "I thought everyone knew that."

He practically snarled when he saw the look on her face, but Minerva silenced them with a reproving glare.

"Albus, there has to be something we can do to help. The chieftainess isn't going to get much support if everything is being destroyed because of her decision."

"Exactly, Minerva." Dumbledore smiled, clearly pleased with himself. "That's why I've found a solution." He paused and looked around the group.

"Really, Albus," grumbled Filius, "There's no need for the dramatics. Just tell us already."

Albus chuckled. "On our way back from the lake, professor Kettleburn and I discussed several avenues of action. The simplest by far was to find a mate for Paul."

"What!?"

"You're joking, right?"

"You want that monster to procreate!?"

"You can't be serious!"

"Where do you even get a giant squid? They're not exactly common, now are they?"

"Are you mad? Look at all the trouble this one's caused!"

Dumbledore nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, yes, all good points. And I assure you, that whilst I might be mad," Augria had the grace to blush, "This is the best course of action for Hogwarts, and more importantly, for the Merpeople."

"Yes, but that still leaves what Septima said," Rolanda pointed out, "Where does one purchase a giant squid? And how do you know if it's a match for our squid?"

"A match?" Severus snorted. "Gods, Hooch, the thing is destroying villages, killing actual beings, and you're worried about whether or not he'll be pleased with whichever lady friend we pick for him?"

"Ok, first of all," she started angrily, "if this is what he does when he's horny, then how do you think he's going to deal with marital problems, hmm? Secondly, lady friend? Really, Snape. You sound like my grandfather."

Dumbledore cleared his throat, delicately stopping yet another argument. "I'm glad you asked. I have a few acquaintances I intend to ask. As for now, there really is not much we can do. I suggest you all go back to bed before breakfast and I shall report my findings this afternoon."

The teachers murmured their assent and began to disperse. Rolanda glared at the back of Snape's head as he stalked towards the dungeon before starting the long trek to her rooms.

McGonagall turned to Dumbledore as the others moved away. "Albus?"

"Yes, Minerva?"

"Isn't there anything else we can do to help them?"

"I'm afraid not. The merpeople are notoriously proud, and if Murcus is seen relying on us for help then things will become even more strained. Like you pointed out, their society is much different from ours, and as I said before, she is their first female leader in about a thousand years."

"And you don't want to do anything to jeopardize that progress." Minerva sighed deeply. "I understand."

"As I knew you would. This has to be of the highest priority for everyone. We'll have to make sure we put our best people on it."

Minerva shook her head, grinning. "Only you would send highly trained professors on a squid match-making mission."

"Ah, and only you would see the brilliance behind it." He chuckled and then winced as Paul shrieked again. "You know, something tells me I won't be able to sleep until this situation is rectified."

Minerva laughed, "A game of chess then?"

Albus smiled. "My thoughts exactly."

A/N: I know the end part doesn't really fit, but i love Albus and Minerva. You'll all just have to deal. So yeah, if you liked it and think i should continue it, let me know. If you think it's a complete waste of energy and resources, let me know, and tell me what I can do to fix it. What I'm really getting at here people is REVIEW. I'll love you all forever. -Sloane