So yes, I mentioned in the author's notes of the first chapter of 'RttDW II' that I would be putting all my smaller ficlets on hold, but by then I'd had all but the last three paragraphs of this done, so I finished it up in, like, ten minutes. A lot of my personal headcanon for Ian's past is vaguely mentioned here and there in this fic; whether I get a fic out that will tell the whole story is still up for debate. And even if I do, it will take years to get posted, unfortunately.

This is just a little look into Ian's head from the aftermath of Shirō's death to the end of Brave 4.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Kyoryuger or any of its characters. I do own Jacob Yorkland, who is briefly mentioned here.

WORD COUNT: 2195

It boggled the mind, how much faith they put in him. They knew of his past failure, the one that still haunted him every time their lives were in his hands and every time he closed his eyes, yet they still trusted him every time to keep them safe.

"If you die before me, I'll kill you." His words hadn't just been directed at King, they had been for all of them. He'd opened himself up and allowed himself to consider them his friends, something he'd never thought he'd do after losing Shirō. He couldn't be left behind again, couldn't see someone else important to him fall because he was too slow to act or made the wrong move. Again. So even if it meant he had to die in their place, hell yeah, he would do it. He'd do his damn best to make sure it didn't come to that, of course, but he was prepared as a last resort.

After Shirō had died, Ian had only been focused on revenge. Saving the world hadn't even been a factor at first, if he could hurt those responsible for hurting him. It had even been fun, in the beginning, to shoot down the monsters threatening those innocent people.

That had changed, of course, after he'd gotten a chance to sit down and think about what he was going to do with himself. He knew the world was full of hurt – he had the scars to prove it. There was nothing he could do to make all of it go away, but there was no way in hell he was going to stand by and let it all happen. His eldest brother Jacob had once told him that every little bit counted, whether it was donations to some charity or other or helping to lift something heavy or whatever. So Ian was just going to have to settle for the little bit that he could contribute, hitting those Deboss freaks where it hurt, and hopefully getting his revenge in the process. The knowledge that each monster he destroyed whittled down their numbers until he found Shirō's killer was a good motivator, as well.

Coming back to Japan, Ian didn't exactly lie when his and Shirō's other friends, colleagues, and acquaintances asked him why he'd come back alone. It was common knowledge that the monsters had attacked there, as well, so he just said that his best friend had been killed in the chaos, and that no, he didn't know what happened to the body. Frankly, he didn't want to know what was left after the explosion – the visual of him getting stabbed was bad enough, but the idea of finding bits and pieces…

It haunted his nightmares already; he didn't want to dwell on it in his waking hours as well.

He soon isolated himself from everyone. He didn't need to lose anybody else, and if that meant he didn't have anyone to lose, then so be it. It was easier that he'd thought, as his brother lived out of the country, and he wasn't really on speaking terms with any of his other relatives besides his aunt. He moved out of her house in Kumamoto and into a flat of his own in Tokyo, calling her every so often to keep her happy, but not much more than that. He'd also called his old history professor and told him he'd need time off from the tutoring job that'd kept him busy last semester (the man had known Shirō as well, and told him to take as much time as he needed).

As for his dating life, Ian just went on as if nothing had happened. He'd been notorious for being a playboy in both London and here, anyway, and he needed some semblance of normalcy in the insanity that would be his new evil-fighting life.

The presence of other three Kyoryugers complicated things a bit. Pink had wanted them all to be friends, though Blue disagreed, somewhat hesitantly, for personal reasons (which he wasn't revealing), and Green didn't seem to care either way. He'd fight, they wouldn't get in his way, and he wouldn't get in theirs. Ian respected that.

So KyoryuBlack insisted that it would be better if they kept their identities to themselves and just didn't get in each other's way. Pink had agreed after some convincing, and so that was the way it went for the next month or so.

Then KyoryuRed showed up. The idiot hadn't even listened to them and de-transformed right in front of them and boldly introduced himself. Ian sure hadn't expected him to be the weirdo from the Tiger Boy, and it had honestly gotten him wondering if he'd met the others outside their Kyoryuger identities, since they seemed to recognise him as well, despite trying to hide it. But he decided to not even bother; he wasn't about to poke into their business, if only to keep them from poking into his.

He shouldn't have been surprised when Blue and Pink followed Kiryū's lead and revealed their identities. Ian vaguely remembered the handyman who got knocked off his ladder at the Tiger Boy. Pink turning out to be that cute waitress threw him for a loop, though it explained how she was able to kick the fork out of his hand like that. He made a mental note to stay out of arm's reach – or leg's reach – in the future.

Even when Green revealed his identity to the rest of them, Ian still wasn't tempted to do the same. Despite the others' recent successes with their teamwork, he was still content to go it alone.

Then he ran into Debo Doronboss. The swirling black mist around the cloak had caught his eye as it slipped around the corner. For all his experience of masking what he was feeling, he knew he'd done a poor job of convincing his date that everything was fine as he hurried off to confront Shirō's killer. He'd worked hard to keep his grief under the surface for the past two months, to stop it from overwhelming him. Now all he could picture was his best friend in that… monster's grip, the fear in his eyes, the shock on his face in the last split-second of his life. The images ran through his mind as he transformed and chased the monster down, engaging him in battle. His anger built as the other Kyoryugers barged in on his fight. This was his kill, not theirs.

Kiryū being grabbed by Doronboss made it much, much worse. It was almost identical to before. The same gap was open in the cloak, so KyoryuBlack raised his weapon, ready to fire.

But what if he missed again? Another man's blood on his hands. Another death. His heart started racing, his hands shook so hard his gun dropped onto the warehouse floor with a clatter. Over and over again, the visual of those spikes impaling Shirō's body tore through his mind's eye, guilt and grief assaulting him.

If only his hand had been steadier. If only he hadn't missed. Shirō would still be alive and none of this would have happened. If he couldn't save his best friend, how could he save some stranger?

Kiryū got lucky. His friends managed to free him, though Doronboss got away. Ian brushed Kiryū's concerns away. He hurried out of there, knowing full well that they had all noticed his brief breakdown. Shame tore at him now, for letting his emotions get to him like that, letting them get in his way. He didn't know how long he could do this, could keep all the pain and grief at bay. His thirst for vengeance was eating at him now. He'd been so close, he could almost taste it. It was maddening. He had to end this, and soon.

He still had the Kentrospiker Zyudenchi, the perfect weapon to obliterate that cloak, maybe even the killer hiding behind it. All he had to do was wait just a little bit longer, for Doronboss to strike again, and get there before the other four got in the way, and then…

The second he heard of an attack, he bolted over, though not quite as quickly as the others. He shouted at them to move, firing a few shots at Doronboss. "Blasting through that cape of yours would solve my little problem, wouldn't it?" he taunted, and pulled out the Zyudenchi. Ignoring the startled gasps of Kiryū and the others (they must have noticed its absence – about damn time, considering he took it a week ago), he loaded it in and prepared to fire. This was it. Shirō's spirit would be appeased soon.

Then everything went wrong. His GabuRevolver vibrated in his hands as the power built up, he couldn't aim it, and then there was an explosion that launched him off his feet. He was just barely aware of Red shouting to him, and he knew he'd crashed into someone before they both hit the car behind them. Ian realised it was Kiryū, now de-transformed after taking the brunt of the impact. But the idiot was almost laughing and giving him that big grin as he asked if Ian was alright.

Or maybe not quite so much of an idiot. The other man had correctly guessed at his identity, and called him out on it in front of everyone. To say Ian was upset was an understatement. He rather rudely brushed them all off and left, retreating back into what he had left of normal life until confronted by Kiryū.

He didn't know what on Earth had compelled him to tell the other man his story. Maybe it was because that guy had refused to go away until he got what he wanted, and he didn't come across as bluffing about it, either. Or maybe it was because Ian needed to tell someone the truth of what had happened. Either way, he explained it all. How Doronboss had grabbed Shirō and used him as a shield, how Ian had spotted the one gap where he knew he could do some damage, how his hand had shaken to the point that he couldn't aim properly at all, because not only could his friend get hurt if he screwed it up, but he'd thought at the time that there was a person under that cloak, and Ian wasn't a killer. He'd never fired at a living target before, never even considered it. He told Kiryū how his nerves had sent the bullet spiraling into the wall behind their attacker, and how the freak hadn't even hesitated before killing his hostage and tossing his body away like trash. The explosion that had come out of nowhere and sent Ian flying off the balcony ruins, and the… well, he wouldn't call it hope, more like the anticipation of being able to fight and kill the monster, because Torin had confirmed that the enemy was not human.

When Kiryū confidently told him that he was afraid to take the shot again, and that he'd have to overcome that to move on, Ian stalked away. He wondered how that idiot could also be so perceptive and figure out in an instant what was holding him back. But he was right. Damn him.

So he showed up just in time to see Kiryū being grabbed and held hostage again. He raised his gun and aimed, but the fear coursed through him again as Shirō appeared in Kiryū's place in his mind's eye. But he heard Kiryū shouting at him to take the shot and beat his past. The other man trusted him, even knowing that he'd failed at this very task before. In that moment, he knew he couldn't let Kiryū, or anyone else, die the way Shirō did.

So he took a breath and squeezed the trigger. As if in slow motion, the bullet erupted and flew directly into the gap in Doroboss's cape. The murderer cried out in pain and staggered back, letting go of Kiryū, who stumbled forward. Ian ran up and caught him before he could fall, and the proud look on the other man's face spoke volumes.

Something inside him healed that day, as they finished off Shirō's killer for good. The fear of another loss like that was still there, it would always be there, but it no longer crippled him. King and the others… he would no longer push them away, but do his damdest to keep them close.

He still didn't feel like he deserved the amount of trust they had in him, but if he had it, he would protect it.

THE END

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