Title: The Halloween Grinch
Penname(s): Landiana
Summary: Edward is the Halloween Grinch. He refuses to enjoy the holiday or even acknowledge it. Enjoy as he has to communicate with the Halloween revellers. But what happens when the new girl in town knocks on his door?
Rating: T
Submitted for Haunted Twilight Challenge
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Halloween. What a truly monotonous time of year. Children get dressed up in twee, clichéd and frankly ridiculous costumes, run around strangers houses and ask for candy. Whatever happened to 'don't talk to strangers, they could be bad people', and 'asking for something is rude'? Obviously on Halloween the perverts and the paedophiles just take a break, and just disappear. I think not. And if you don't give the children candy what do they do? Throw things at your house, knock over pumpkins and generally make a nuisance of themselves. And if you give them candy? They become hyper and loud. They run about, ruining the peace and tranquillity of life in the small town I live in. Seriously, does no one have any sense of decorum and decency anymore?
And then there are the high school kids. They are by far worse than the children. Girls dress up, just asking to be abused, in short skirts and tops that their chests burst out of, all in the name of Halloween. They gather in flocks in 'haunted' places and houses where parents have more money than sense and drink themselves in oblivion. Pathetic. And of course they all decide it is a good idea to roam around town in these ludicrously short outfits, skin bared to the air, and 'have a good time'. Since when did knocking on people's doors and running away constitute as fun? What was the appeal of going into public places, drunk as a skunk, and causing trouble, and getting thrown into a jail cell for the night? High school students confused me immensely, and were the true bane of my existence. Every Halloween we would get teenagers in the Emergency Room, who had hurt themselves in some drunken fuelled stunt. Hardly intelligent.
And the worst part of the inane holiday? My brother. Emmett absolutely adored it. Every year he would come to my house with his children to beg for candy. I didn't understand how his wife Rosalie could even put up with his simple glee and idiotic enjoyment of a holiday which for all intents and purposes was manufactured to make money in the lull between Easter and Thanksgiving. I mean, why else would shops fill up with expensive, low quality pieces of clothing, which masqueraded as costumes? The whole industry of Halloween was frankly ridiculous.
I should mention now that my sister could even be worse than Emmett when I consider her devious mind and determination for everyone to be involved in the so called 'holiday'. Alice had decided when we were young children that we would celebrate Halloween every year with a party, which our parents had even foolishly sanctioned. Every year she would work whatever school we were in into a frenzy over the 'Halloween Party of the Century'. Our house would be full of people which I detested, and in the later years, with girls who were all over me. I learnt to lock myself into my room with the music up as high as it would go to drown out their vacuous conversation. How could they even stand to listen to themselves: "like I totes can't believe that she so like even did that, I mean what a cow!" in their high pitched squeals. If I had to listen to that all the time I would certainly try to perform a lobotomy on myself to escape it. But I digress.
Every year my brother, his children and my sister march up to my front door in the morning of the 31st and demand that I put a pumpkin out, and stock up on candy. For the first few years after I returned from college I resisted them. I locked my door, refused their entry, and settled down for a quiet evening with my own company. The first year they egged me. They threw flour and eggs all over the front of my house, and even went as far as painting on my front porch that I was the 'Halloween Grinch'. The name stuck. I thought that would be the extent of their pranks. I could deal with a small cleanup in the morning in exchange for not participating in the insane ritual of gratuitous expense.
But no. It got worse every year after that. The next year I took the whole day off work and locked myself into my house. I stupidly thought that if I was out of sight then I would be out of mind. But no. That year my siblings decided to plaster the whole town with signs proclaiming that my house had the 'Best candy and scariest experience of your life!' They even put instructions on all of the posters. I had no chance. That night I was inundated with whiny children and their pushy parents. Every two minutes my doorbell would ring, and I would be interrupted from whatever activity I was partaking in at that moment. It was one of the most stressful nights of my life.
However, nothing could compare to what they did to me the next year. I decided that I would offer to take one of the other doctor's shift at the hospital on Halloween night, so that I could get away from it all. I assumed that if I was not home then I would not have to take part in the inane ritual. Unfortunately, my sister expected me to leave a bowl of candy on the front porch, or buy some so that she would be able to distribute it to the revellers. I adamantly refused for the whole week prior to the black event. That morning as I got ready for my morning run my siblings and their families snuck into my house through the back door.
Emmett and Jasper, Alice's husband held me down. Jasper felt it necessary to inform me that this had not been his plan of action, but that Alice had threatened his life if he did not take part in this humiliation. Emmett just guffawed and encouraged Alice and Rosalie. They painted my whole face with clown makeup, with what Alice dutifully informed me would only be removed by makeup remover, which she would give to me in the morning. Then, they painted onto my back the words 'I am the Halloween Grinch' with the same stuff. While all this was going on my treacherous niece and nephew went through my whole house and gathered up all of the scrubs, lab coats and anything which could possibly be used for work in a hospital. Then to add insult to injury Alice and Rosalie set about writing the same slogan onto every piece as was on my back.
I had to turn up to work that night with a clown face and a lab coat which had red paint vibrantly across the back, on both sides. I had tried to get it out, but Alice cheerfully told me that only a certain kind of detergent would get it out – one which she was holding ransom, and could only be brought online. I managed to sweet talk one of the nurses into getting me some makeup remover so I could rid my face of the sticky gloop. However, my father had given all the staff instructions that they could, under any circumstances, give me a fresh lab coat. Evidently he agreed with my siblings.
Have you ever walked around ER with 'I am the Halloween Grinch' printed on your back on the 31st of October? It was a truly harrowing experience. I had drunks swear at me and tell me that I was a self absorbed killjoy. Children who had come in threw candy at me. I even had one angry mother tip her cold coffee over my shirt. And of course I had nothing to change into, thanks to my siblings and interfering father. The worst night of my life, ever.
Last year I gave up. I allowed my sister to create a pumpkin and put it on my porch. I dutifully bought candy and distributed it to all the children who came to my door. I did it with a grimace on my face, but I did it. Alice could not complain.
"Edward! How is the Halloween Grinch today?" a voice squealed, piercing my ear, breaking me from my contemplation of what brought me to this moment. I turned around and saw my small pixie sister standing across the room, hands on her diminutive hips and a pile of bags surrounding her feet. That did not bode well for me.
"Alice, how did you get it? Both the front door and the back door were locked," I sighed as I walked over to her and hugged her close to my body. I purposefully ignored her comment about the Halloween Grinch. I was used to it. I did love my sister, even if she could be a tad irritating.
"Silly Edward," she giggled as she hugged me back. "As if a locked door could keep me out. I could probably fit through a cat flap. And besides, you keep your spare key in the same place as mom and dad do. Under a plant pot in the garden." Darn. I would have to move that. Maybe I could put it in the garden shed someplace... "And don't even think about the garden shed. Please, Edward what do you take me for?"
"Alice, I thought that you were psychic, not a mind reader," I joked as I picked up the bags for her and carried them to the table. Alice waved a hand in dismissive way.
"Details, details, Edward. Does it matter how I know these things?" she asked as she sat down and began rifling through the bags and pulling out pieces of clothing. I felt a wave of foreboding sweep over me.
"Alice," I choked as she began to lay the clothes out on the table. "Are those.... costumes?"
"Yep!" she said cheerily. I didn't understand her. Her job was to design costumes for a film company in New York, and she and Jasper lived there most of the year. It baffled me that she would choose to make costumes in her spare time. Every year Lily and Daniel were treated to custom made, one of a kind costumes, which were the envy of all of their friends. Apparently this year Alice had decided that I would wear a costume. No way in hell. I told her that exact fact.
"Edward, you and I both know that you will end up in a costume, and you will like it, otherwise I will call Jasper and Emmett. I still have some of that paint, only this time I will paint it on your face! Halloween Grinch or not, you will wear a costume!" she said fiercely as she waved one finger in my face. I shrank back. My sister could be intimidating at times, regardless of her diminutive size and cute pixie hair cut. I had memories of her at six years old, scaring the hell out of myself and Emmett, who I might add were both two and six years older than her respectively, because we ate her cake. We never did it again, that was certain.
"But Alice!" I whined, perfectly aware that I sounded like a petulant child. We all have to have our weak moments. "I don't want to!"
"To be honest Edward, I couldn't care less!"
And so that was how I found myself standing at my front door, just waiting for the first trick or treaters to arrive, dressed as a pirate. That's right. She forced me into a pirate costume. Her justification was that 'Em and Jazz are going as pirates as well, so you can all match!" her enthusiasm which would normally be seen as endearing was draining. I tugged at my bandana restlessly and sighed yet again. Damn my sister and her insatiable desire for the perfect Halloween, which apparently included me.
A knock at the door distracted me from my musings. I took a deep breath, smiled unconvincingly and opened the door.
On the porch Lily and Daniel stood, smiling up at me. Six year old Lily was dressed as a little fairy, complete with glittering wings, and a dress which was layered with gossamer and blue lace. Eight year old Daniel was dressed in a long black gown with a hood and a belt with skulls along it. His face was painted deathly white, with black lines running from his eyebrows to his cheek on each eye. Lily flung herself into my arms and squealed.
"Uncle Edward! I knew that you would get dressed up this year!" she squealed, filled with childish exuberance. I put her down and smiled good naturedly. My niece always could put a smile on my face.
"Of course he did!" my brother boomed. I looked past Lily to see my brother swaggering up the walkway in a costume which was undoubtedly a perfect replica of Captain Jack Sparrow's costume, even down to the beard. It looked hilarious on my brother who was six foot five with the build of a football player. He looked like Johnny Depp had been stretched outwards and upwards. He fingered his beard dramatically as he looked me up and down. "Ahoy there matey!"
"Hello Em," I said, indulgence filling my voice.
"It's good to see that you finally got into the spirit of the holiday!" he boomed as he pulled me into bone crushing hug. He let go of me after a minute and looked towards his grinning children. "Now, let's take Uncle Edward's candy and get going. We have many more places to go to my children!" he actually cackled. I started laughing at his absurdity as I pulled out the orange bowl and offered it to the two of them. They pulled a few pieces of candy out each, and thanked me profusely. It was nice to see that someone had taught them manners. Obviously not Emmett, who grabbed a handful and tucked it into his pocket, laughing as he did so. They waved goodbye and I walked back into the house.
I looked at the clock on the wall. 7:30. It had only just begun.
"I just love the decoration you have up Edward!" Tanya screeched as I opened the door. I winced and raised one eyebrow.
"You mean the pumpkin?" I asked sceptically. Tanya had been in my class in high school, and had been obsessed with me. Even now, as a divorcee with twins, an ex husband in jail and working as a waitress at the local fast food joint, she still had the strong fixation on me. She was dressed as scandalously as possible, in a Princess Leia slave girl outfit. Seriously. Who takes their children trick or treating in that?
"I love your costume Edward!" she enthused, avoiding her gaffe about the decorations. I nodded absentmindedly as I offered the bowl to her children. They took great big handfuls. Greedy little buggers. I looked at my watch slyly. 8:46. Several more hours of this left. Tanya took advantage of my distraction and rested a hand on my muscled arm. "You know Edward, Irina is watching the kids tonight while I go to a party. You should come with me!"
I repressed my revulsion and managed to give her a civil answer, barely.
"I'm afraid not Tanya," I shuddered internally at the thought of spending more time with her. She pouted, in an expression which I assumed was meant to be alluring. It looked pathetic and immature. She hurried her children away, and I took the opportunity to sit down in the doorway. There was no point in going inside, not at this point in the evening.
I saw Alice walk up the pathway, along with a small boy and a woman of her age. I was stunned when I saw the woman's face. She had beautiful long chocolate hair, which had been curled and hung loosely around her pale face. Her beauty was unequivocal. She had deep russet brown eyes which were bottomless and flawless alabaster skin which glowed. She held the hand of the small boy, with the authority only a mother could hold. I felt irrationally disappointed by that. But of course a beauty like that would have been snapped up as quickly as possible. She was probably married.
I took note in passing of their costumes. The boy was dressed in a cowboy outfit, which distinctly looked like an Alice Whitlock Original. She must have thought much of this woman and her son if she made him a costume. Every parent in Forks was desperate for Alice to design their child's costume. She was that big in the world of costume design. Alice was dressed in a long sweeping gown, which was slit generously up the side, and fit snugly to her body. She had a pair of good quality prosthetic fangs in her mouth which she had clearly stolen from the vampire film she had just finished shooting. They were hard to distinguish from her real teeth. And the beauty was wearing a gorgeous gown of deep blue silk. It had a corset at the top and off the shoulder sleeves which extended from her wrists with a generous swathe of fabric. The dress flowed out from her hips, giving the impression of a medieval princess. Another Alice Whitlock Original. What had this girl done to attract so much good will from my sister?
"Edward!" she trilled as she walked up the steps and pulled me into a hug. "I'd like you to meet my good friend Bella."
"Hello Bella," I said as I held out my hand and shook hers. She smiled and gestured down to the little boy holding her hand. I was immediately enchanted by her, and could not take my eyes away from her exposed shoulders and neck.
"Hi Edward, Alice has told me a lot about you," she said, her voice smooth and pure elegance. A perfect voice. "This little monster is Oliver."
"Hello Oliver," I smiled down at him as I offered him the candy bowl.
"Hello Edward Alice told us that you were really nasty and hated Halloween, she even called you the Halloween Grinch, but I don't think you are because you have candy and I like candy and isn't Halloween fun!" the boy said in one breath as he grinned up at me and took some pieces of candy. I had to laugh when he immediately unwrapped one piece and stuck it unceremoniously into his mouth. Bella tutted and sighed.
"Olie, you know that mom said that you couldn't eat too much while we are out otherwise you are going to be hyper for when I get you home," she told him off as she held out a hand for the other pieces of candy and slid it into a bag over her arm. He grinned innocently up at her.
"But Bella, mom isn't here!" he whined. Interesting. Apparently this boy was her younger sibling. I suddenly felt an irrational hope bloom in my heart. Perhaps I would have a chance with this beautiful creature.
"So, Bella what brings you to Forks? I asked to try and make conversation I desperately wanted to know if she would be staying in town.
"Well, my dad used to be the police chief here, until he hurt his back and so I said I would move down here to help him out. My job is very mobile, so it was no problem. My mom and my step dad came down with me to help me set up," she said, blushing prettily at my interest. Wait a minute. The old police chief was Charlie Swan. She was Isabella Swan, the celebrated author? Well hell!
"Bella and I went to Dartmouth together. Of course you would already know that Edward, if you didn't avoid like hell my home visits. Bells came with me quite a lot," Alice said, an accusatory tone. I internally cursed myself and my busy schedule of work.
"To be fair Alice I was doing my residency when I finished at Stanford. I had a lot of work," I reminded her. She harrumphed, and made a dismissive gesture, as if to tell me that.
"Anyway, Bella we should get going. There's a lot of houses left in Forks," commanded Alice. She turned to me. "If you would grace us with your presence there is a party at Emmett's which starts at half nine. Me and Bells will be there."
"Maybe Alice," I said distractedly as slipped another piece of candy to Oliver. He smiled up at me as a co-conspirator. I found myself in a mildly ethical dilemma. If I went to the party I would be subjected to Halloween decorations and the people who celebrated the inane holiday. On the other hand I would see Bella again. Decisions, decisions.
I found myself just over an hour later walking up the path to Emmett's house. Already I was regretting my decision. They had gone completely overboard on decorations, even going as far as digging a hole in the front garden and placing a grave stone at its head. As I looked closer I saw a skeletal hand creep over the edge, and I admit that I found myself a bit surprised, at least until I realised that it was motorised. How very typical Emmett. I wondered how he had convinced Rose to dig a hole in her perfectly manicured lawn.
I approached the front door with trepidation when I noticed that someone had painted a whole wall with what looked like blood. I, of course, could tell the difference, but I marvelled at the lengths that my brother would go. Clearly I had been sheltered from his true insanity all these years. I knocked on the door and was immediately greeted by Tanya's more agreeable sister, Kate. She and her husband were closest to the door it seemed. I greeted them and became unwillingly immersed in the party.
Someone save me. Anyone. Please. Or Kill me now. Put me out of my misery and Remind me why I subjected myself to what amounted to my own personal hell? Oh yes, because I wanted to see Bella again. A person who I hadn't seen even though I had been at the party for an hour. One of the nurses from the hospital, who was shockingly dressed as a slutty nurse (how original), was attached to my one arm, nattering on about how Halloween was the "like totally best holiday ever!" On my other arm was a half dressed 'genie', otherwise known as Mrs Stanley. Honestly, how did she think that that outfit was appropriate dress for a middle aged mother of three who was divorced? I had no clue. Either was she was clutched onto my arm, as if her life depended on her staying there, and was telling me all about her eldest's daughter's accomplishments. I caught a not so subtle hint that I should 'look Jessica up the next time she was in town'. I shuddered at the very idea. She had been in my class at high school, and I had no wish to subject myself to her high pitched whining and pitiful immaturity again.
I caught a flash of deep blue and brown out of the corner of my eye. I turned and there she was, walking through the front door arm in arm with my sister. Beautiful. I extracted myself from the two limpets who clung to me, and told them that I would be back once I had talked to Alice. Not a chance in hell of that happening, but they didn't know that. They simpered as I made my way through the crowd.
Bella was deep in conversation with Jacob Black, who was unoriginally dressed as a Native American tribesman, like the rest of the residents of the Quileute reservation. Bella turned and saw me standing a little behind him. She mouthed a quick 'help!' to me, and I was happy to oblige. I walked up confidently to her side and put one arm confidently around her waist. She relaxed into my arms and took hold of my free hand.
"Hello Jacob," I said gruffly. "I see that you've meet Bella."
"You know Bella?" Jacob asked sceptically as he took in our very natural body language. I couldn't help but notice how naturally our bodies seemed to fit together.
"Oh, yes. I know everything about this woman," I said to him, looking him straight in the eye. He walked off with a snort and began accosting Lauren Mallory. I wished the two of them all the happiness in the world. They deserved each other.
"So, you know everything about me do you?" Bella asked coyly as she looked up at me. Damn, the woman was alluring.
"Well, considering how much Alice talks about you I would say that I know you pretty well," I whispered in her ear, making her shiver in what I hoped was pleasure. I continued. "I know that you have a scar on your shoulder from when you were almost crushed by a van at college. You took ballet lessons as a child to try and remedy you balance problems. And you have a very, very inviting collar bone." With that last sentence I ran my hand across her exposed shoulders and neck, delighting in the way that she trembled. Then the moment was shattered.
"Edward! You came!" Tanya shrieked as she ran up to me. I shrank back from her, something which Bella noted with amusement. "I knew that you wouldn't stay away for long! I love your costume!"
There were so many things I wanted to say to her in that moment: Tanya shut up you saw me earlier, I will never ever in a million years touch you, if I knew that this was the party you were talking about I never would have come, leave now so I can get back to seducing this woman! Instead I restrained myself and politely replied.
"Thank you Tanya, I decided on a whim to come." I hoped that the abrupt end to my sentence would warn her off. But she was as insatiable as a bulldog with a juicy bone. Absolutely impossible. She began to speak, but Bella cut her off.
"Edward, honey we should probably go and talk to Em and Rose, I haven't had a chance to thank them for inviting me," Bella said smoothly. I was struck by her ingenuity. I nodded to Tanya, and we began walking away. Tanya looked awestruck and did not know what to say.
"Honey, eh?" I asked in passing as we walked through the room, arm in arm. She blushed again, drawing me in and looked down.
"Well lets just say that I know you incredibly well as well." We walked out of the room and onto the back decking. We walked aimlessly around the corner of the house into the shadows and I was surprised when Bella pushed me into the wall and leant against me. "Alice told me a lot about you, but not the important things, like how intelligent and incredibly sexy you are. And she didn't tell me how much I would want to find out how you kiss."
Then she leant in even more and captured my lips with hers. I immediately slid my arms around her waist and pulled her full against my body, lifting her slightly so she didn't have to crane her neck to kiss me. Our lips moved in sync and I felt the touch of her moist tongue against my lips. I opened them up to give her access and slid my tongue effortlessly into her small, enthralling mouth. Our mouths and lips moved together for some time, both of us blissfully unaware of our surroundings. When she was gasping for breath I twisted us around and pushed her into the wall, placing feather light kisses along her neck and those collar bones which had been calling to me all night, ever since I caught sight of them across my garden. I heard her moan and pull me into her even more.
"And to think if it weren't Halloween, we might not have met tonight," she said in a breathy voice. That did it for me. I changed my mind. I bloody loved Halloween!