Just a one shot I had in my head enjoy.-
So people always say you get one true chance at love and if you blow it you will never see it again. However those same people also say let them go and if they truely love you they will return. So that is what I did with my love spencer.
We have been together for over a year and I feel like she is getting lost in us. I'm not sure it is a bad thing but I know she needs to focus on her and her school work. So one day we were fighting like crazy and i told her it was time to break up. That was seven months ago and I feel like I lost my heart.
Spencer was my everything and she still is but I know now I'm nt her anything. So I always have to think about what could have been or the what if's of my life.
Like what if my dad wasn't a rock star? Well that's simple he would still be alive because he would have never got hooked in drugs. However how would I have turned out if he was around all the time? I think I wouldn't be as afriad of commitment or be so self absorbed. My dad actually being a dad would be weird because I was so used to being on my own that I don't know if I could handle someone watching over me 24/7 like my dad would. If my dad wasn't a rock star I wouldnt have a crazy half sister that I have grown very close to.
Another what if that I know is easy to solve is what if spencer never moved here? I would have never found the person who completes me or makes me myself. Spencer wasn't just my girlfriend she was and is my best friend. She is the peron I tell everything to and I want to make sure she knows everything about me. So if she never came here I would have been a high school dropout who either ended up in jail or rehab.
The what if's that keep me thinking are what if spencer never figured out she liked girls? What if I never let her go? And most of all what if I never got on that plane 3 months ago to go on tour for a year?
If spencer never told me she liked girls I'm not sure what that would really change because we would still be friends but I think I would always want more from her. I know I wouldn't have stopped hitting on her or flirting with her because I did that long before I found out she was gay so I know that would not have changed. My fear is I would change I wouldn't be as ope to love if it wasn't for her but I also wouldnt have hole in my heart.
If I never let her go I fear she would have given everything up for me. I think she would have grown to hate me and she would have left me and I would have lost my best friend. I could never lose spencer as my best friend she completes me not only as a lover but as a friend. On the other hand though if inever gave her up maybe I would have had her for just a few more months. I know that sounds selfish but I miss her so much and I reallywant her back but i guess only timecan tell what can happen for us.
Now my last what if has been tearing me apart for months now because I miss seeing her everyday even if it was just as my friend I still miss her. I know we skype one a week and text every day but it is not the same as seeing her or being able to touch her. I know that leaving has done us both some good though it has given her time to figure out if she wants to be with me any more and it is giving me time figure out how to be the best girlfriend I can for her to make sure I never lose her.
All these what if's try to eat at my memories of us but I won't let it because I know what we had was more real than any one will ever know.
"Miss. Davies 10 minutes till show time." My assitant says as he popsin and then pops right back out of the room. Guess I should head out to the world I love. I go to leave and my phone rings and its her.
"What's up spence I'm due on stage?"
"Oh never mind call me later." She hangs up before I can get a word in so I just shrug it off and head to my fans.
As I get done wit my opening song ilook around the crowd and I notice hand writing that I love and as I read the sigh I smile all the way down to my toes. She's here and her sign says you can't live your life on a what if.