I don't own anything. Characters, etc, all belong to Showcase's Lost Girl, just playing in their universe.
This is just a break, right?
Lauren didn't answer, but Bo's own heart did. She chose to ignore it, choke it down, and leave before she saw more of Lauren's tears. Each one that fell from her eye hit Bo with a sharp pain.
God, I didn't want to hurt her, Bo thought. I never did. I wanted to hold her, heal her, keep her safe, and love her. But she wasn't happy. I didn't make her happy.
Bo left with a swirling head, and autopilot took her to the Dal.
"BoBo?" questioned Kenzi, putting down her shot glass and spinning on her barstool after hearing Bo's boots clacking against the floor, "Where's the good doctor? Too tired after a few rounds of thank-you-for-saving-me sex? Actually on second thought, don't answer – " she stopped her quip upon seeing Bo's red eyes.
"Bo," she said, seriously, "You texted me and told me everything was alright, that Dyson took him away – did something else happen?"
Bo sat next to her best friend, grabbed the bottle of vodka, ignored the shot glass, and drank straight from the bottle.
"Everything's fine. Well, physically. Lauren's safe. But not from me," Bo said, wincing as the liquor slid down into her empty stomach. She looked at Kenzi's worried eyes and said, "not from me hurting her, apparently. She's not happy. She wants a break."
Kenzi knew this would be a long night. She grabbed a second shot glass and poured two shots. Here we go…
Trick had let them stay well past closing time, not that he ever successfully enforced it even when he wanted to, and Kenzi was looking at a very, very, sad, and very, very, wasted succubus.
"Kenzzzz," Bo slurred, "I love her. I love her so much, why doesn't that make her happy? I love her with all my heart."
"Does she know that?" Kenzi asked this question while simultaneously steadying her friend back against the bar.
"I told her I loved her, Kenz! I did!"
"Well – Bo? How do I put this," she started, uncertain if this was the right move, "Look, maybe she needs some assuring. I know you mean well, Bo, but, you have to admit that you put the poor doc through the ringer. She was science-ing away in her lab trying to help you, and you were off running around, kissing Valkyries, bringing said Valkyrie back to Lauren's apartment and drinking champagne, and then there was the dawning, and the bit where you sucked her chi out to feed your ex lover – "
"I had to!" Bo cut her off, "I had to save him!"
"I know that Bo, and so does she. But damn, the way you looked at him when he woke up…and with your history, and him having his love back, and being this big, strong fae…I – if someone I loved were looking at someone else like that, I wouldn't be feeling much like a honeymoon, either. Then next thing she knows, you're off to sleep away camp, and she's getting her ass kicked and – Bo? What are you doing?"
"I need to go back to her now, talk to her."
"Ok, so, um, maybe tomorrow? I think Vladimir here," she gestured to the empty vodka bottles, "may put a bit of a damper on a talk with Lauren."
"I'm going there Kenz, now. I'm taking a taxi. Don't wait up – hopefully. I need her to know she has my heart."
The look in her friends eyes kept Kenzi from protesting further. She looked back at Trick, threw her hands up, and he simply shrugged. She helped to stabilize the drunken succubus as she teetered towards the cab, and put her in safely. As she waved goodbye, she thought about the doctor. Kenzi hadn't thought much of Lauren at first, thought her frigid and untrustworthy; but now, well she wasn't entirely sure what was in her head, but she had grown to respect her. She knew that Lauren hadn't had the easy life that Kenzi had initially assumed, and knew that she loved Bo. More importantly, Kenzi knew that Bo loved Lauren, and she wanted her best friend to have the love she deserves.
Lauren was still awake. She had tried to use a ladder to get those creepy twig shapes down off her ceiling, and had gotten about half of them before her side hurt too much when she stretched. She sat, aching in her body, and aching in her heart, surrounded by blankets on the couch, wishing she were wrapped up in Bo's arms. She laughed through the tears that were starting to fall again. How ironic. I'm the one who tells her to leave, and I'm the one pining after her, she thought. But how else could this be? She loved Bo, and desperately wanted her. But between Tamsin, the dawning, and god, the pain of seeing her look at Dyson that way – the tears began to fall again.
When had Lauren Lewis become so broken? 5 years of servitude had made her stoic. If she ignored her feelings, they didn't hurt so much. She hid in her work, manically falling into science in an effort to both save Nadia, and save herself. She managed to shut off her emotions – until Bo. Until Bo came into her life and awakened the part of her that had been in a coma, just like Nadia. Nadia… her eyes drifted to the spot on the floor that she couldn't fully bleach away, no matter how hard she scrubbed. Bo had saved her then, too, she knew it. But it still hurt.
A knock on the door startled her. With panic, she looked up at the lingering marks hanging from the ceiling. Could there be another piece to this? She slowly rose from the couch, debating her options, when she heard an unmistakable voice, "Lauren it's me, please open the door."
Lauren could practically hear the booze in her voice, but she sighed and limped over to the door, opening it slowly, to reveal Bo looking incredibly disheveled.
"Can I come in?" Bo was leaning against the door frame for support. Lauren sighed, hating that she wanted to tell her to leave, and melt into her arms, at the same time. She stepped back and ushered Bo in, who stumbled slightly, and righted herself.
"You got – you got some of them down. Do you want me to get the rest?" Bo said after looking up at the ceiling, and toward the ladder.
Noting Bo's standing sway, Lauren shook her head. "Bo, I don't think you should be on a ladder." Bo had a small smile, that quickly faded when Lauren continued, "what are you doing here Bo? It's almost 4 in the morning, I – "
Bo stepped toward Lauren gingerly, closing the gap between them, and gently, softly putting her a hand on Lauren's shoulder, and one on her waste. "I'm here, Lauren, because you're hurt. I hurt you."
"You didn't – "
"I did. I didn't realize it, but I did. Lauren, I love you, alright? I love you with all my heart, with all that I am. I'm sorry I've been such a terrible girlfriend, not paying attention to the person who matters the most. I was caught in myself."
Lauren's heart was swelling at Bo's words. She didn't understand where this was coming from. "Bo, this isn't – you're drunk – are you sure this isn't the tequila talking?"
"Vodka," she said, and at Lauren's wide eyes, she added, "It was vodka, but no. This is me talking in spite of the vodka." She took a deep breath, "We never talked about the dawning, when I sucked everyone's chi to save Dyson. I had to Lauren, he's my friend. Our friend. I couldn't let him die for me."
Lauren felt like she was on a roller coaster. Her stomach was churning. "Bo, I didn't want him to die. It's just that…you always…" she trailed off and shrugged.
"What?" Bo said, "talk to me, Lauren, please. Say what you mean, for once, don't keep it inside."
Lauren couldn't help it, she was getting upset. She knew Bo wanted to make things right, but her head was reeling. "I can't compete with him, Bo!" her voice had an edge that startled Bo. "I can't compete with anyone. Don't you see? I'm nothing here. I'm a slave. Chattel. A tool that can be tossed aside. I've lost everything! My freedom, my dignity, and Nadia. But then, Bo, I had you. I fell for you so, so long ago, before you knew it, and before you believed me. You have me hope. But hope is dangerous Bo, to someone like me, because it gives me something to lose."
"You didn't lose me, Lauren, I'm right here," Bo said, pleadingly, grabbing Lauren's hand.
Lauren looked at their intertwined fingers and something inside her just broke. She pulled her hand away and started to cry, "You're here until you go back to him. To Dyson. I'm not enough for you, in any way." She looked up with defeat in her eyes, "I don't want to hold you back."
Bo saw the immense pain her lover was going through. How sad she was, how inadequate she felt. How had she let this happen to Lauren?
"Lauren?" Bo took her thumb and nudged Lauren's chin to look in her eyes, "Listen to me. You are more than enough. I don't love Dyson – not the way I love you. I care for him, but what I feel for you is so different. It's stronger, it's almost desperate. I want you, I need you, and I love you. I know I wasn't great at showing you, but I will dedicate every moment to making you realize it now. I know you're lost right now, I get that. I want you to rediscover who you are – but I want to be there, because I want to discover it with you, and I want to help you however I can. You're all I want, Lauren, you have to know that. If you really want a break, I can try to leave you alone, but it won't be easy. I need to see you, need to be with you, the same way I need to breathe. I've never felt that way about anyone."
Bo leaned down tentatively, and lightly brushed Lauren's lips with her own. Lauren closed her eyes, and Bo waited expectantly. When she opened them again, they were filled with tears, but she smiled. "So, this is what it's like to be on the receiving end of a drunken succubus booty call?"
Bo felt relieved, and wrapped her arms around the beautiful woman in front of her. "Well," she said, kissing Lauren's jawline, then whispering in her ear, "typically, there are less tears, and more moans." She felt Lauren shiver beneath her, and she pulled her head back to look in her big brown eyes. "I love you Lauren Lewis, and tonight, I'm going to start making sure you feel it more than you ever have."
The kiss was gentle at first, but Bo let out a slight growl as she felt Lauren's tongue dancing on her lips, her arms on her chest. "I love you too, Bo. I'm only going to say this once, probably ever, but thank you for not listening to me and coming back here tonight." Bo smiled and started to kiss Lauren's neck, who let out a moan and let her head fall back. The sound sent electricity down through Bo's core, and she tighten her grip on Lauren's waist but stopped when Lauren gasped.
"Ouch." Lauren looked down and lifted up her shirt to reveal that her stomach was starting to bruise. The dark purple marks broke Bo's heart, as did Lauren's voice when she looked up and said, "I'm sorry."
Bo motioned for Lauren to lean back into her arms, and she picked her up and cradled her in her arms as gently as possible. "No apologies. I get to take care of you tonight doctor. Step one is getting you to bed. We'll go from there."
Lauren looked into Bo's eyes with a mischeivious grin, "Where? Where will we go? I'm rather fragile right now. Handle with care."
"Oh, Doctor Lewis. I can do gentle. Better than you can imagine."
Lauren was light, so the strong succubus had no trouble ascending the stairs and walking into the bedroom where she lay the doctor down on her bed. She took off her boots and slid into bed next to Lauren. She unbuttoned Lauren's silky burgundy shirt while bringing her lips down for a tender kiss. With her fingers running along the edge of her pants she told her, "Lay back and close your eyes, babe. In about 5 minutes, I promise, the only thing you'll feel is incredible. You may not be able to heal like I can," she said, tracing circles, and pulling the zipper down, "but you can certainly be distracted."