One time, someone asked on a forum how they thought Pokémon would end.
This is my theory.
Disclaimer: I don't own stuff.
The End of Pokémon
It is implied that Ash is back at home for a day or two from his adventures in Unova. He'll be moving on to Kalos soon, but there's no place like home. And since the entire world seems to revolve around him, anyone that's anyone in his life is back around Pallet Town for a happy reunion. Or something.
It's just another day in Pallet Town. Nothing really happens in a town with 4 buildings, you know? But anyway, Oak and Delia are sitting downstairs in the Ketchup Bottle—a little name I gave to the Ketchum's house—discussing life as it is and planning Ash's travel arrangements to Kalos. You'd probably think that a "10-year-old" boy that's traveled across 5 regions could figure this out for himself by now, but what do I know. As for Ash, he's up in his room, probably jerking off or something. I dunno, I'm not that omniscient.
At some point, something called plot development barged through the door screaming about something. It took on the form of Tracey Sketchit, that one dumbass that replaced Brock for a little while and then was never heard from again. He somehow managed to survive the Void of Forgotten Characters. Hooray.
Tracey hinted to Oak that Gary was doing something stupid again. (Tracy isn't important enough to have actual dialogue.) Oak shrugged this off as his grandson simply returning to his more youthful days when he was an awesome jackass, but Tracey insisted on the professor rushing to Viridian City to stop the boy. Seeing as it was the only way of getting him to fuck off, the old man reluctantly agreed to go. And since Ash has to be involved with everything, we'll just assume he catches word of this and joins in immediately.
Many filler episodes later, the two—oh whoops, I forgot about Tracey again—three of them arrived in Viridian City. The town was eerily empty of filler pedestrians. (Or NPC's. Whatever Levitates your Gengar.) Tracey directed the pair to the Pokémon Center… the sight inside was utterly horrifying.
A mass of people were circled around a seemingly normal part of the building—except Gary was riding a Bicycle throughout the clearing. He had that "GMFO" grin on his face as he rode his bike in an "8" formation for all to observe. The people watching were dumbfounded. They could do nothing but stare with shock.
"Did Sephiroth… do this?" Cloud said dramatically.
The protagonists pushed their way through the crowd and were equally shocked. How in the world could Gary pull this off? I mean… I know that he's pulled a lot of bullshit in this world, but really? In fact, how do they even carry Bicycles around? I don't even know where to begin the questions!
Professor Oak tried to dissolve the situation. He dropped his look of confusion and closed his eyes as he cleared his throat. Calmly but clearly, he declared:
"Gary! This isn't the time and place to use that!"
Gary didn't make an effort to even respond. He continued riding his bike with that sly grin.
"This is certainly strange," Oak said, a little worried. "Something like this has never, ever happened in the Pokémon world before…"
"What can we do, Professor?" Ash asked so that he could get more screentime.
"I'm not sure…"
"Heheh, sup losers!" Gary finally spoke. The two were surprised but admittedly a bit relieved to hear his voice.
"Gary Oak!" Oak said sternly. "What is the meaning of this!"
"Please, Gramps, I'm Gary Motherfucking Oak!" Gary said happily. "I can do whatever I please! Oh, by the way, I got a copy of X&Y today. Chespin evolves into Buzz Lightyear in Bowser's shell, Fennekin's evolution wears an ugly ass robe, and Froakie's evolution strangles itself with a tongue! You losers spent 10 months of masturbating for nothing! And I purposely deleted half of the new Pokémon so that there'd be 69. You're welcome, bitches."
"You mean there's more than 150 Pokémon?!" Oak said, exasperated. That's such a funny word.
Before Gary could make another statement, the Kanto Champion music from Black/White 2 began playing.
"Oooh, a video call from Misty!" Gary exclaimed as he pulled an Android from his phone. He dismounted the Bicycle and walked toward the two so they could see the video. Elsewhere, the townspeople tried to ride the Bicycle around the Pokemon Center, but couldn't even figure out how to get on.
"Hiiiiiiii, Gary!" Misty said, along with May, Dawn, Iris, and Serena (Gary Oak specifically requested her anime debut to be moved up). They were all in their underwear. Ash got a boner so big that it could be seen through a microscope. I have nothing against Oak, so he just remains neutral.
"Hey ladies, lookin' good," Gary said in his usual asshole-ish nature. "How's it going?"
"Pretty goooood," Misty said like they were lovers. "But we're a little borrred… Maybe you can come over and entertain us?"
"Heh, I thought you'd never ask," he said with a wink. "I'll be at your place pretty soon. Smell ya later."
He hung up the phone and went to collect his bike. He put it in his pocket like Cole McGrath did in Infamous and walked back over to the crowd, pushing Oak and Ash aside.
"'Scuse me, ladies," he said as he split the crowd like Misty's legs. Zing.
"Hey, what do those girls see in YOU?" Ash said angrily as he walked out with Oak and Gary. Gary held a PokéBall in his hand.
"Ashy-boy, I'm Gary Motherfucking Oak. I should be asking you that question instead." Gary tossed the PokéBall—containing none other than Ash's Charizard. He didn't evolve it, though. He doesn't need any Mega Bullshit.
"Wh—Charizard?!"
Charizard, in a manner of disgust, spat a Flamethrower at Ash, setting him (and the entire Pokémon Center) on fire.
Gary laughed a bit. "Yeah, while you've been goofing off in the crappy Unova region, Charizard and I have become best buds. I'm gonna go get laid then ride around some more Pokémon Centers. Smell ya later!"
Charizard flew up and away from the city. Ash, black as coal, looked at Professor Oak angrily.
"Professor! Do you have any flying Pokémon? I only have Pikachu with me, and I NEED to stop him!"
"Why yes," Oak said. He, for one, didn't get burned by the attack because fuck logic. "I have many, but we have to head back to the lab."
They spent a couple in-game minutes (equivalent to 3 filler episodes) to get back to Pallet Town. Oak gave Ash the Swellow that he had in Hoenn (he still has that, right?), and Ash violently shoved a CD down its throat to teach it Fly. Swellow took him to Cerulean City, and Ash quickly raced inside to see Misty's sisters.
Since they're unimportant and because I forgot their names, the sisters don't get any dialogue either. But they, like, casually explained that all the girls are, like, dead, because every one of Gary's sperm, like, made it through. So he, like, got them all pregnant with like 300 million babies. Like, each. They also angrily explained that he ate all the good shit out of their fridge, left the seat up, and deleted the 50 episodes of Glee saved on their DVR. But that's beside the point.
Ash hurriedly asked where Gary was off to next, but the useless characters didn't know. With all hope seeming to be lost, he slowly walked out of the Gym only to be confronted by a pothead with flaming-red hair and a cape. Oh wait, it's just Lance.
"Master Lance?" Ash said. "What are you doing here?"
"Ash, there's no time to waste," Lance said fiercely. "Gary is on a rampage throughout the Pokémon world in an attempt to break every one of its rules. But if that happens, the world itself will be destroyed."
"But… how?"
"It just will. Everything will begin to decay, and people and Pokémon will all die, maybe before this apocalypse even happens. Thousands have already committed suicide because he spoiled the ending of Breaking Bad over a football stadium's PA system. It won't stop there."
"What can I do to help?"
"You must get the strongest of your Pokémon and challenge him to a battle, Ash," Lance said grimly. "Only by beating his Pokémon up with your Pokémon will you be able to put an end to this madness."
"I don't know if I can do it…"
"Ash," Lance said as his eyes lit up. "You are the chosen one. You must do it. If not for me… for our children."
Insert time-wasting sex scene here.
"I'll do it!" Ash said proudly. He got back on Swellow and decided where to go next. I'll take a little blame here—I personally told him that he'd be on Spear Pillar. I mean, it's like the place where the world was made or something. Where else would he go? But Ash is too stupid to figure that out for himself. Sorry for cheating a little bit.
Anyway, Ash eventually made it to the Spear Pillar, where Gary stoically awaited with an army of Cynthia clones spread around in various sexual poses.
"Gary! We need to settle this." Ash shouted to him.
"I agree," he shouted back. "I've had enough fun proving myself better."
Ash took a ball off of his belt and enlarged it like he always does. (If you know what I mean c:) "Whoever wins this battle decides the fate of the Pokémon world. I won't lose!"
"That's nice, Ash," Gary said without giving a single fuck. "But before we begin… Cynthiaaaaa!"
The Cynthia clones each revealed a Thunderstone in their hands. They threw them all at once, right at the Pikachu nesting on Ash's shoulder.
"No… these are…!" Ash gasped.
Pikachu jumped up in front of the storm of stones to protect Ash, just like in the beginning against the Spearow. Pikachu was hit by every stone and later fell to the ground, crushed and broken by the barrage.
Wait, what? Evolution? Why the fuck would he evolve? He just got hit by like a hundred fucking rocks. I don't think this is a time for that.
"Pika…chu…" Ash said as he stared down at his fallen partner. He got on his hands and knees before it with teary eyes. He put a hand on his Pikachu to feel it truly lifeless. Little shit died without even getting dialogue in this, WOW.
Gary laughed at Ash and left him to die in his misery. He turned around at the edge of the mountain, and with a godlike voice, he proclaimed to the world:
"Puny mortals, I am Gary Motherfucking Oak! My Rattata is in the top percentage, and I got 10 badges in Kanto with just a Magikarp! My legacy is infinite, and my girth cannot be ignored!"
A portal opened up from above, and Arceus descended onto the mountain in front of Ash. Gary walked up to the Alpha proudly.
"Well, Ash, I can't say it hasn't been fun," he said sincerely. "I'm gonna let you do you while I create my empire. Soon, this world will see the people of Pacifidlog Town on Bicycles, Max Revives sold in PokéMarts, and a permanent ban to Fire/Fighting starters. Feel free to stick around, it'll be amazing."
Gary mounted the great being and flew off the mountain with it. Sadly, he never understood the consequences of his actions. Logic was broken all over the Pokémon world, so much that the codes to the world themselves were breaking. Trainers threw PokéBalls at their opponents' Pokémon, only to succeed. Pokémon grew to absurd levels, some reaching 999. Red recited entire copypastas. But the destruction of society was only the beginning. Mewtwo, Rayquaza, and other legendaries appeared on Route 1. Giant Missingno. began to trample entire towns one by one, distorting them in masses known as Glitch Cities. The havoc caused due to the shattered codes broke everything in existence, and the world was torn apart.
Gary Oak himself was at his grandpa's lab on one droll morning. Since I'm omniscient, I can tell you that Pallet Town was the last place in existence. All the other people were dead, however, leaving Gary alone in the world. He knew the Missingno. were circling in on the town. They were coming for him…
The soundless shattering of the world was deafening. The grass heading north was cut away. The sea leading south was draining. As the laboratory, one of the last things left standing, was too being erased, Gary closed his eyes and muttered one word as an apology.
"Gramps…"
x[]o
Yeah… I got pretty serious at the end. XD
Anyway, hope you enjoyed. I wanted to do a quick little comedy, and I think now's a nice time to do it. I also wanted to publish something that would use my style of narrating, where the narrator himself is a character (though very limited; the narrator isn't in the actual story and probably won't have that much interaction with the reader and story, but he sort of acts like a character and shows some hints of personality). …Yep.
Thanks for reading. Reviews would make me happy and inspire me as well. c: