Never Never, a harry potter fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anyone else, much as it hurts to remember that. I don't own the song 'On Easy Terms', either, that comes from the Willy Russell play 'Blood Brothers' (did it in my National Diploma performing arts, played Mrs Lyons - we never did this song but it's about the only thing I remember...)

Author's notes: Another very old fic. I don't have an explanation and I don't make any excuses; I only say I wouldn't write anything like this these days. It would probably be harsher now.

NEVER NEVER

Living on the never never

Constant as the changing weather

Never sure

Who's at the door

Or the price I'll have to pay...

I thought I had it all sorted out. Go through school, somehow make father proud, inherit a fortune. My life was mapped out in front of me - but I'd forgotten that life-maps change, hadn't I? People change. Six damn years! Six years, why couldn't there have been one more year without anything happening between us?

I woke up on a perfectly normal morning, feeling fine. And then I saw you at breakfast and it hit me like some kind of spell how beautiful you were. And you snarled at me and asked me was I was staring at, it hurt like a dagger to the heart, so I sent back the worst I could because I wanted you to hurt too. And that Weasel you hang around with reached for his wand and you stopped him. I wondered why.

Gods, I don't know how I got through that day and the next - seven lessons with you, do you know how much that hurt? And I wanted to show you how much it hurt, I wanted to drive a spear slowly through your heart, then kiss you and tell you how much I loved you before you died.

And then...

'What the hell's going on, Malfoy?' Your voice was music to my ears but how you'd found me behind the owlery I have no idea.

'What are you talking about, Potter?' I answered, trying to be as scornful as I could.

'You've been staring at me since yesterday and I want to know why,' you said, and I died inside. You'd noticed. Then I decided what I was going to do. And there was nothing you would be able to do about it. And if it hurt you, well, so much the better. I advanced on you, saying nothing. You took a step back, saying, 'Malfoy - why are you looking at me like that?'

I grabbed you by the wrists. You started to struggle, but there was nothing you could do - I'm bigger than you, Potter, I always will be. I don't know what you expected me to do next - maybe you thought I'd kill you, but I'm pretty sure you didn't think I'd kiss you. I pressed my lips bruisingly hard onto your soft, tender lips - you gasped in shock, letting my tongue invade your mouth and I pulled you close, ignoring your struggles. When I pulled back you were staring at me, half in shock, half in anger.

'Let me go, Malfoy, you-' you began, but I clamped a hand over your mouth.

'You know I have trouble expressing love, Potter,' I said. 'You know what would happen to both of us if my father knew about this. But the thing is, you're far too beautiful for your own good, and I'll go mad if I can't have you just this once. I love you, Harry. That's why I'm going to let things return to normal afterwards and my father won't hear a thing. Will he?' I hated threatening you with my father - I hated threatening you at all, but at least it meant you agreed.

'You're still a bastard, Malfoy,' you said as I removed your robes. That stung. That really, really hurt, which didn't make it any easier on you. I suppose it was rape. But you did whatever I asked and didn't struggle at all, then got up, pulled on your robes and left without so much as a backwards glance.

Only for a time

I must not learn to call you mine

Familiarise, that face, those eyes

Make future plans that cannot be confirmed

On borrowed time

On easy terms

Neither of us said a word to anyone. I still love you, Harry Potter. But what happened behind the owlery satisfied me, and I can rest easy in the knowledge that if I am ever asked to kill you, I can do it without a thought. After all, I am still a Malfoy. My life plan is restored.

When we meet again

I will not recognise your name

You can be sure what's gone before